I am 36. My father has been absent for most of my life. I've always known where he was, and have had his phone number. However... we had both been remiss.

My two brothers live in the same town that Dad lives in. Recently, I've had a yearning to see my family-- some 12 hours away. Some background is that there are 5 of us siblings. A sister in Texas, 2 brothers in Utah, and one sister who up until last month had been lost. Yes, seriously lost. We were filing missing person reports. She has been found, but is "on drugs, mentally ill, and wants nothing to do with any of her family" according to the police. That makes all of our hearts hurt.

So... hence the yearning. My father is 67 years old, but a life-long coal miner. He is dying. From black lung disease, COPD, osteoporosis, etc. He recently had two visits to the hospital with severe pneumonia within 2 weeks. His first visit frightened me. Here I am planning a visit in July, and I risk losing him. So... I made a commitment. To him, to myself, my children, etc. And now I call him at least every other day. He always ends our calls with a joke, usually very off color. And, we both end with 'I love you'.

So... what my father means to me. He means absolutely everything. He symbolizes growing up. Finally I've grown up enough to put all behind me and embrace the present. I am definitely sad that it has taken me so long, but joyful at the same time that we have now reconnected.

He means a connection to family that I had not appreciated before. I've always been very independent, not needing anyone. I've now discovered that none of that brave act was real.

He means open arms, loving embrace, and complete acceptance. In fact, perhaps it is a blessing in disguise. When I was younger, I was way more stubborn, angry, bitter, independent... and perhaps my wise father knew that. So he let me come to him. And I did. It all worked out.

My father means love. Enough to let me be. Let me have my growing pains. Enough love to wait for me.

And for the first time in my life, I will be calling him this Sunday... to say "Happy father's day, dad... thank you for all you mean to me"