What not to do while on a call with a customer service agent

As a customer service agent for a major phone company in the Inland North West, I spend a great deal of time speaking with some angry customers. Some of them are justifiably angry, others ... not so much.

Example Number 1:

I use this first because it happened today and is fresh in my memory. A very angry woman called in to my department because she was left on hold for a very long time. Now I realize in some departments in MOST companies leaving a customer on hold for insane amounts of time is standard, but not in mine. You generally get right through to a REAL person. And 99% of the time, if YOU are on hold for more than a couple of minutes, SO ARE WE. And in the majority of cases in my department, those long hold times come from our partnered satellite company. They are not part of our company -- we just work with them to bundle your services and get you discounts.

With this particular woman, I am not sure if she understood or was even listening as I tried to explain that to her. She was yelling at me, asking me questions then refusing to let me answer them. She had moved on to the technician that she was positive was supposed to be coming to her home to set up her internet and modem. However, there was no tech on the order, nor had there ever been one. For some reason, she seemed to be under the impression that screaming at me more, and saying "NO NO NO!!" like a 3 year old was going to change that. She also asked me the same question repeatedly because she refused to listen what I had to say. She eventually hung up on me.

My point: no matter how much you scream or disagree with me, in many cases, it isn't going to help. Now if it is regarding the services you are getting then yes, we can make changes. However, if your order is done already and you THINK it was supposed to have a personal installation on it, then screaming at me isn't going to get y ou anywhere. I can't turn back time (which has actually been asked of me!)

Example Number 2:

Youre calls really are recorded, and sometimes monitored live. We really can go back to a certain call and listen to it. I don' t know how long these calls are kept on file, but I think I might try and find out. Don't try to tell us that you were told you were getting 6 months of free service, a free $100 modem, no shipping and handling charges, and no installation fee, or something lese equally as unrealistic. We will pull the call to check, mostly because of the agent offered you that without being able to back it up they will get in trouble. But also because we can.

Example Number 3:

Please don't call in drunk, high, with medicine head, or any other form of being under the influence of any sort of mind altering substance. It makes it hard on the agent to get through the call. Mostly because we are trying REALLY HARD not to laugh at you. We WILL get in trouble if we do. However, we do have a mute button, so chances are if you can't hear us or the back ground noise, we are muted and laughing. If we are busy laughing at you, we aren't able to get through your problem. If there even is one. Sometimes people DUI (dialing under the influence) call us just because the number is front of them. Which is fine. We will still laugh at you. And since the calls really are recorded and monitored, there is a pretty significant chance we will tell our supervisors about the call. There is a great chance they WILL pull the call and listen to it, and laugh at you as well. And there is also a great chance your call, withouth the name or any other personally identifyable information, will be played for training classes for years to come. And they will all be laughing at you too!

Example Number 4:

I know this is not the case in all call centers, but in mine, it's the luck of the draw. When we tell you we are not allowed to transfer you to another agent, we aren't lying. We aren't trying to make your problem worse. We are trying to keep from getting in trouble and/or getting fired. Stop asking for another agent when you call in. And PLEASE stop calling, hanging up and trying again over and over again in attempt to get the agent you want. It pisses us off and messes up our call logs.

Example Number 5:

Please mind your manners. Don't curse at us, yell at us, burp in our ears,call us names or anyother crass thing you might this is acceptable or funny. We are within our rights to tell you that we are offended and warn you that if you don't stop, we will terminate the call. Not with the burping, but if you are being vulgar, we don't have to listen to it.

Example Number 6:

If you aren't bright enough to figure out that you must have electricity in your home to power your electronics, and that said electronics must actually be plugged in, please, just don't call. If you just had your services turned on with in the last week, don't call and ask us why you haven't gotten a bill yet. If you didn't order the internet from our company, don't call and ask us why it isn't working. If you don't have services with our company at all, don't call and ask us why what you DO have isn't working.

When we say "How can I help you?" please don't give us stupid answers like "a large monetary deposite in my bank account" (which I heard today as well), a million dollars, or anything else that you know is silly and we can't do. We may laugh, but it isn't funny. We kind of have to laugh. We'd get in trouble if we intentionally made you feel uncomfortable.

Example Number 7:

Don't ask us out. It is just plain creepy.

Example Number 8:

Please don't call a company if they don't cover what you are looking for. Don't call and A/C company and ask if they work on toilets (one of my friends gave this one to me). If they told you up front that payment is due when the services are complete, don't ask if you can pay them later. "I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" doesn't work. And it isn't funny.

Example Number 9:

Don't threaten us. It is just never a good idea. An agent in another department had a customer that had already hung up on another agent but was able to figure out what city our call center is located in, and when he called back said something along the lines of "I know where you are, don't make me come up there or else." I am pretty sure if you are as explicit at this guy was, we can take legal action.

Please keep in mind that the voice on the other end of the line can actually be a real person. We don't respond to bully tactics. Even though I will personally do everything I can for you despite your behavior, it doesn't help me through my day. Many agents will be on th phones for as long as 10 hours a day. I can't tell you the number of angry people you can talk to in 10 hours. Even in the 6 hours a day I work, some days are dubbed "angry customer day" because it seems every call I have is angry, whether is it because of my compant or not. That makes me think of

Example Number 9:

Don't yell at Company A because Company B screwed you over, or because you are moving and the movers aren't there yet, or because you are just having a crappy day. In all honesty, if it isn't our fault, we don't want to hear about it. If it IS our fault, I am usually pretty willing to let you vent, provided it doesn't get offensice.

and

Example Number 10:

Screaming at me because another agent, in another department, in another state, and possibly another coutry gave you bad information isn't going to help, either. Being mad is one thing, flat out blaming me for someone elses mistake isn't cool. Saying "I realize this isn't your fault, and I don't mean to yell at you personally, I'm just really mad" goes a LONG way with us. Refering to example number 1, I really did have a man tell me repeatedly that he wanted me to go back in time and change the information he was given when he placed his order. I would explain to him that I couldn't change the information he was given in the prvious call and that I really couldn't even tell him what was said in the call because I wasn't there, and ask again what he would like me to do, and he would repeat his request of time travel. And apparently, that was the only thing that was going to make him feel better.

We are real people (at least in my department). We have feelings. If you stab me, I bleed. If you hurt my feelings, I will cry. Maybe not right then, but eventually. If you offend me, I will terminate the call. I did say that yoyu probably shouldn't call if y ou are drunk or otherwise inebriated, but scratch that. Sometimes those can be the brightening calls for the day. You are funny. You make us laugh. So keep on drunk dialing!