What Stirs My Soul?
65Neon Rain by Rotty M
I was mulling this question over in my mind as I was bent over vacuuming about four days ago. My mind, as usual, veered northerly towards a clandestine star peering through a thick layer of stratus cloud. A star so dim and deep in the recesses of my mind, that it's hard to grasp-like my hands are formed with a tangle of web or are spread so far apart that the stars fall right though them. When I try to grasp them as I fumble through radio stations or as I scour through rows of tapes from the 80s, as I put on my old glass slippers; or in this case, old pointe shoes that somehow shrunk or my feet have grown and there's no way I could force the heal of the shoes around the heal of my feet, or as I discover my jeans jacket to be not much better (I can easily needle my arms through the sleeves but it is stubborn and refuses to go around my waist...tug as I may) it slips through my fingers along with memories which flutter into the distance until they become so faint they threaten to perish, forever, into the black hole of forgotten memories unless I hold on to them with each raw finger.
If you're wondering which constellation I'm navigating, which focal point in the universe has that star written in my name, it's not Hollywood or Las Vegas. It's not the present or what I hope to be. It's what was, what I was, when the world was passionate, young, innocent, meaningful, round. Before I discovered some people cherish so little that they would throw someone under the bus in order to get that coveted position or stay alive in a pool of sharks. That some people are willing to adulterate what they want with what they don't want to be. Those heals clicking as they scramble to forge some constellation with their name written in all the stars. The universe knows better and rations its stars in moderation...fight as they unscrupulously may for them. We say bad guys succeed while the good guys fail-I think fate writes a different story, we just fail to read between the lines. But that is the present and this is a blog about what stirs me, this is a blog about the past...the 80s. For if I were to have the entire universe in the cup of my hands tomorrow, I wouldn't appreciate it. At least not now, not when I'm at passions funeral wake. Right now I only appreciate the past, when I felt alive, when I wasn't dragging my feet towards the sky but sprinting as fast as I could towards it- its hoary touch warming my soul, at times quivering up my spine. At times. I prefer to remember the sunshine rather than the rain. It's liberating. It stirs my soul.
(artistic license taken)
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Comments
I really like the imagery, you present.
Thanks so much AEvans. It's wonderful to receive encouragement.
Thanks Goldentoad, glad you like my voice.
Anyway I hope none of the people who know me are offended. My history with sharks extends well into the mid-90s.
For me it was the 60's WR. I know how you feel.
But the past made the present and the present is creating the future. Right now, the future doesn't look good, for anyone. I hope we can apply our creative thinking to ways to restore what was good in the past and combine it with what is good in the present. Maybe that will give us a chance to provide our grandchildren a brighter future.
Hello, ColdWarBaby. You have a very pessimistic view about the future of the human race. What brings you to this conclusion? I guess when we're young life is passionate then as we grow old, well, life fizzles. However, if you think about it, the 80s was the most unique period in a forty year time spand. It' s hard to go from the from the passionate excesses of the 80s to the calm 90s then silent millenium (vibe wise). I do hope the positive aspects of the 80s returns along with personal responsibility of this period.
We need more sane, pure and kind voices like you in the world. Nice description and hope the world becomes like the way you, me and many others hope to be able to live in it peacefully. Great hub.
Thanks for your kind compliment, countrywomen. It can, I believe in us as far as species go. The world will never be perfect but we can learn to navigate it well.
Myself as a human is certainly flawed but you as a writer is certainly gifted.
Thank you, though I wish I was more mathematically inclined because careers in mathematics are more financially rewarding and stable.
I do a lot of logical thinking which believe me is more taxing than spending time in creative pursuits. Yes they are financially rewarding and stable for now but not sure for how long. I guess gifted writers make good money (hopefully a No.1 best seller very soon from you)..hehe
I'm not a pessimist WR. I'm a realist. Observations of phenomena in real time and throughout history have dictated my point of view. Believe me when I tell you, there is no one more passionate than I when it comes to life. What one sees as passion another may recognize as excess and self indulgence. Rose colored glasses often cause blindness.
Actually, I consider my comment above very positive.
Thanks CW, I hope so. In fact, I hope I do before any potential doomsday scenerio kicks in so I can enjoy the fruits of my labor.
CW-I don't think you're a pessimist it's just that one doomsday scenerio which seems pessimistic. What I mean is the feeling of being alive-it doesn't neccessarily need to couple excess does it?
Not neccessarily WR.
I don't know where this doomsday label is coming from. I don't see it that way at all. It's the end of one chapter of human history and the beginning of a new and, hopefully, brighter one.
CWB- I don't know how to say it but you manage to say things just the opposite of what you actually intend to mean. When you say "It's the end of one chapter of human history and the beginning of a new and, hopefully, brighter one."
It suggests the end of present human existence (which is frightening) even if the eventual brighter new beginning sounds "good" but for which neither me or present family would exist anymore.
The human race is all one family countrywomen. Not recognizing and respecting that fact is one of the things that’s contributed to the mess we’re in.
I'm sorry to say it but, if you are young and just starting a family, the future may indeed be a very harsh one for your children or grandchildren. My wife and I have our five year old grandson in our care. I am terribly concerned for his future. He or his children may be condemned to a barely habitable planet thanks to the blind greed of my and previous generations.
Nevertheless, this is what we have sown. No matter what we do, we are still a part of the natural world and everything we do has its cost. For every action...the butterfly effect?
If our species is unable to adapt to the environment it has created then it will not survive. It's just a matter of natural selection from which we are not exempt regardless of our apparent belief to the contrary.
There are some very hopeful things going on. I think you may have seen Amanda Severn’s Hub about transition towns.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Transition-Towns--Peak-Oil
Things may get very bad. I guess that’s just how it goes. But I believe that nature, Gaia, is not vindictive. She is completely neutral. Doesn’t judge, doesn’t punish and doesn’t reward. So, if we’ll just stop being so destructive and learn to live in balance with Earth then I think we’ll come out better in the long term.
I apologize if that's not a vision of the future you find acceptable. I guess we can just hope I'm wrong.
One thing I can say with great conviction. If we continue on our present course, if we insist on prolonging our unrestrained addiction to mindless consumption and profligate waste; things are gonna get really ugly.
I felt your words. One of the lines, in particular, jumped out at me - "adulterate what they want with what they don't want to be" - that hit a personal cord with me and now I feel obliged to look at that within my own life.
Thank-you for sharing a piece of your soul with us.
Glad you like it Shirley. I was hesistant to publish it because it was an intimate portrary into my world plus I was worried that I might insult someone or people who know me. I'm glad it was relatively well received. Thanks.
Beautiful words writer rider - great analogies - your last three sentences give such clarity to emotions that I imagine most people would feel ....cheers
Thanks Ajcor, it's nice to have commentary from such a talented poet.
Finally had time to read this, when I get the nostalgia bug, I go To RT's Longboard in PB when the 80's AllStars are playing. Nothing beats a little blast to the past to refit how one thinks on the present.
TMG
I didn't know you were from San Diego. It's been a while since I've been to PB. Love the 80s AllStars, they're everywhere I go in San Diego. All have to do is see the lead singer's purple wig to know it's them (though his hair doesn't resemble an 80s coif). You have to admit, these times are boring but they may be a symptom of an over politicized environment. Or it could be a sign of growing old and not being that spring chicken you once were.
Oh no I do not accept the growing old thing!!! LOL. Things are just getting boring. I have a lot of theories on why, but to much for here maybe I will get around to writing a hub on it.
I was in Honolulu and saw them once, I was at a club and they came out, and I was like I know I have been drinking, but I am pretty sure I got on a plane and came to Hawaii. It was funny, I talked to them later and they laughed.
I lived in PB for about 10 years, then moved to City Heights and finally saved up enough money to buy a house in Murrieta. So that is where I call home, even though in my job I am only there about 2 weeks a month.
TMG
PB is a fun place to live unless you're an alcoholic. I'm saving up money for,well, actually I'm not saving any money. But I would love to (and will once I start saving) own a house somewhere beautiful, chic, and flame retardant. Those are some really tenacious guys, the 80s Allstars. I don't know when they formed but it must have been in the 90s because they've been around forever. Kuddos to them for making it to Honolulu!
I believe you will live some place Beautiful and chic, but flame retardant is no fun. Fire is as much apart of nature as anything else only we humans insist on exerting our will on it as much as the rest of nature. In Mexico they just let it be, and you know what they don't have the problem we have in San Diego. Year before last in the big fire you could see the border on satellite because the fires stopped and died at the line. We waste tons of money and people fighting something that should be left alone. The sooner man gets over controlling nature and on with living with her the better the world will be. Enough of my sermon have a great day. I am up in Modesto and it is cold today. :-)
TMG
I don't want to lose thousands or millions of dollars worth of property I worked hard for. Of course there is foam people can spray on their houses to protect it from the fire. I wish the government made it readily available so we didn't have to worry about losing our homes. Granted, it's expensive.
you are not dragging your feet as a writer. Very well felt.
Thanks EH. I love writing so that's not doing the dragging. But thanks for the compliment, I appreciate your encouragement and the fact that you like my style.
very nice hub
Thank Lgali
Just wondering why the government should provide the foam? Why can't those who won the home protect themselves? If you can afford a home shouldn't you have the desire to find the means to protect it?
Not trying to be contrary, just tired of paying taxes to pay for other peoples lack of planning. ie living in a flood plain, living on the coastal plain, living on a hillside, etc.
LC, Oops, I didn't see this there. Because the banks raised their rates which is illogical if you consider the fact that they lost money on the property because noone was buying them. If the people help out the banks-the banks should help out the people. It's also the morally just thing to do. In the end, people can't be replaced and dollar bills can be burnt.
AEvans says:
13 months ago
You can feel your soul and you still have so much more in life, stay away from the sharks and look to the brigh horizon as you have a gift , you have to use it. :)