I was sitting on the porch enjoying some medicine from Kush county trying real hard to invent the perfect Hub. I stepped inside the house for five seconds ; in search of a Pepsi refreshment. I opened up the refrigerator and grabbed my addiction in the can and was about to down the entire 16 ozs , when I heard rustling outside.  I ran back to the porch only to discover that my Dell Studio Laptop had vanished.  I froze in deep dread.  My mind refuse to accept the fact that my favorite pastime had somehow been taken from me.  I ran to the street, looking desperately in hopes of catching the culprit running down the street.  Nothing! The street was empty.  I walked back to the porch and kept staring at the empty table which had served as the home for my darling black laptop. I sat down in my Lazy boy and tried to figure out who was the "Houdini Thief."  I started to formulate a list of usual suspects. Top of the list was "Burger" who liked to drink beer and smoke crack mixed with marijuana and coke. Then there was my step daughter Melissa who was mad at me for exposing her wannabe pimp boyfriend.  I sunk deep into the cushion of the chair.  A Omen of darkness flashed across my eyes when I thought about what life would be without my Laptop.  I stared at the hp speakers dangling over the table.  I closed my eyes : hoping that I was dreaming.  No such luck; this was bitter reality in real time.  I watched the people running in and out of the weed spot which was right across the street.  Images of someone coming out of the weed spot started to haunt the far corners of my mind. "That's It!" The guilty party must have come out of the weed spot and spotted my beautiful laptop and could not resist the temptation to take the Laptop which was sitting solo in all her splendour. I spotted one of the young workers who was standing outside flirting with big booty Bertha who happened to be displaying a brand new pair of jeans which hugged deeply at her basketball buttocks. I walked over towards the young man who was wearing a black bandanna and red tennis shoes. "One of your customers just snatched my laptop?" , I said to the young gang-member. He looked at me and smiled revealing a set of perfect teeth aligned with white diamonds. "Old man If you don't get the fuck out my face... there is going to be a problem! " I took the hint and walked back to the empty porch and sunk back into the Lazy-Boy and sunk into a state of deep depression. I tried to take an optimistic look at this most painful loss. It was hard to come to grips with the fact that I would not be able to look at all that Beautiful Booty on You Tube . My girlfriend came out on the porch expressing her regrets at the loss of the Laptop. I toyed with the idea that maybe she orchestrated the whole theft! No, She enjoys playing Mahjong's on my baby Dell. I told my girlfriend that this was not the time for clever conversation and she quickly made the inference that I was having an affair with my laptop. I went inside and jumped in the shower. The water began to remind me of the flowing Internet on my built in Wifi catcher which was available with the Studio Dell. I dried off quickly and spread extra amounts of Johnson&Johnson's Baby powder on my body as I started to have withdrawals of Sanford&Son and Deputy Dawg!. I moved through the house with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Dinner was extremely lacking without any type of Appetizer or dessert. I rolled a Marley and drifted off into a mad melancholy which forced me to put on my old Army jacket which provided me with enough motivation to muster myself right across the street straight to the weed spot!  I opened the pale door and entered the corridor of the weed spot. I slowly walked up the flights of the dingy stairs . I looked towards the top of the stairs ; pausing to look at the large keyhole which was stuffed with a ball of paper towel.  I finally reached the top of the stairs and I knocked on the door and watched the paper ball disappear as the person on the other side of door awaited the sliding of the money through the keyhole. I explained to the voice in the keyhole that I was the neighbor across the street and how someone had just snatched my black shiny dell Laptop. The door swung open and the manager of the weed spot appeared wearing a bulletproof vest aiming a saw off shotgun at my head. He quietly explained to me that He did not know about any laptop nor did He give a fuck about any laptop. I looked into his youthful eyes and watched closely his partner who was in the living room bagging up bags of Sour Diesel. I quietly left the weed spot and sat back down on the cold Lazy-Boy. The tears began to flow down my cheeks in small puddles. I jumped up and started to walk down the street. I entered the yellow building which was known as the crack spot. I opened the door as I avoided the young White girl who was sitting on the stairs twitching and fiending. I walked into the crack den as the security team swarmed all over me. I attempted to explain to the crack dealers that someone had just snatched my Laptop. Not a word was uttered and I was quietly shown the door and requests were made that I do not return. I continued to walk Down the street and I noticed that the Arab grocery store was still open. I entered the store and bought a cold can of Pepsi. Something came over me and I walked up to Sammy the Arab grocer and I told him that If I find out that He bought my Laptop then I will be forced to have Jihad with him in his store. Sammy started to laugh and this made me real angry. I went behind the counter and He had my Laptop hidden under the counter. ...

To be continued upon request.