I cannot tolerate dishonest car repair operations. In my town, several honest mechanics have quit such bunko shops and are providing good repairs at fair prices. There is even one mobile mechanic that comes right to you. The bad repair shops are charging 400% markup -- and even more than that -- on parts, just like pizzas!

I recently needed a fuel pump and maybe a fuel filter and I received a quote for $350. I thought that was not too bad since the pump is inside the gas tank. When they fixed it they called and told me it would be $444.31 plus $150.00 for two new straps around the gas tank and "special bolts that have to be made." So now it was $594.31. I said I couldn't pay it. They said the new straps and bolts were non-negotiable but they'd try to do without them. How can they be first non-negotiable and then they don't need them??

I told them I couldn't pay for it, regardless. They finally said $555.00 and that would include a diagnostic test (which should have been free, not $99.95; it was always free before). I said I could not pay anything else. They said they would run the computer diagnostic and call me. THEY DID NOT CALL ME. They put on another $500.00 worth of parts and labor first - unauthorized -- then called me with the much-too-high bill and I said I'd call them back. I never called back. They can keep the car and I'm getting a bike or a motor scooter.

One particular lie they told was that a small sensor (mounted right next to the battery) cost over $300 in parts and labor to replace. The part actually cost less than $30 and took 15 minutes. They actually caused this sensor to malfunction themselves last time I was in, perhaps purposely.

So, they can keep it.

What do you think?

Now, some people think that because I am a martial arts grandmaster, that nothing bothers me or that things don't bother me and I only pretend that they don't. These same few have made up their minds that they are going to try to provoke me to anger to show that they can do it and/or to make a fool out of me "when I explode." It's like kids on the elementary school playground and it continues for a lifetime. It happens to many folks who are showing success and improvement in their lives.

Provokers plan on saying to me and other people they want to heckle, "Ha, ha, ha, you don't have any control after all. You look stupid." They need to control themselves and not provoke and point out non-control in others. Sure, some things don't set well with me, but I ignore the little ones and make an action plan and solve the big ones. I've learned to let anger and pain process in my mind and pass through me for the most part. When they don't, I still keep a good attitude and remain calm through it, but I admit that I am unhappy about bad things and will press on to change them until they change. Positive attitude does not always mean "upbeat" - sometimes it means determined to change things for the better.

So, provocation doesn't work with me, because I am well aware of what the prodders are trying to do - elicit a reaction from me. I do some advice giving and receiving on a website bulletin board for survivors of all kinds of abuse, and we know that abusers, and sometimes even non-abusers, try to get you to react in some clear way so that they can feel good about themselves and/or feel all "in control" of themselves, of their lives, and of you. The first link below is a Christian advice and support group, but there are others listed as well. Feel free to visit them all. Abuse can affect anyone. You may know someone who is being abused and not realize it! You could save someone's life.

What my provokers have discovered (I don't have any right now) is that I lost the capacity to explode when I survived 10 years as a fast food and casual dining manager. Food service is NOT life and death, but my supervisors try to convince me it was. They took all the fun out of serving the people. Supervisors standing around with stopwatches while you do the work of three people and then tell you could go faster need to get a hobby. It is impossible to wait on every customer from their ordering to us handing them their food and beverage in a Drive Thru in only 15 seconds, especially when you have only 1 or 2 people working in the Drive Thru! It would take 4 people and then the 15- second goal would still be largely impossible to meet.

The first Drive Thru of one major chain here in my town had an honest-to-goodness, authentic KLAXON alarm (from a submarine) on it and it went off every 15 seconds to let the whole block know that someone waited too long for their food. It lasted 2 weeks before it was removed. We lost several crew people because they could not stand it and just about everyone refused to work in the DT window.

The method to combat provocation and verbal abuse to not engage with the provoker, or to disengage from him/her/them. See the anti-abuse links some great articles on this!

The last thing that ticks me off is the lack of respect in parts of American society. I'll never forget the family that came into my martial arts studio a few years back -- a nice-looking couple with their 4- and 5-year-old sons that were wearing the old WWF wrestling T-shirts. I greeted the adults first and I then greeted the sons, the little boys, pre-schoolers, looked up at me with big smiles and said, "F _ _ _ you!" The parents thought it was cute, because the children had learned it from TV wrestling. I asked them to leave my school and explained to them that it was not appropriate behavior and no cursing, swearing, or disrespectful language was permitted in my business. The parents, in their 30s, did not see what was wrong with the foul language.

What is happening to good manners and etiquette? What is happening to positive interactions? They are more and more frequently being replaced by disrespect and an attitude of destruction and negativity.

Anyway, bad manners and disrespect tick me off. I explain why it is inappropriate when I ask people to leave my classes (I must do this about once a month) and in social settings, I walk away from this type of behavior as I would any other form of abuse.

What do you think?