What To Do With A Post-Divorce Engagement Ring?

It was December of 2002. The time was right. High atop a mountain peak in Vermont, I surprised her as I dropped to one knee (snowboard still attached to my left foot), pulled a small box from my pocket, and presented her with a ring and a proposal.

She said yes.

I had spent the better part of the day searching for the perfect spot... a somewhat secluded part of the mountain with good lighting and a fantastic backdrop view of the valley. My accomplice was a good friend with a professional camera, and he noticed the spot before I did. He gave me a covert signal... I agreed... I proposed... he took photos.

Weeks before, I had selected the perfect ring for her. I spent more on a quality diamond (near-perfect color, an ideal cut, perfect clarity) rather than simply on a large diamond (though 1.1 carats is not necesarilly small). The band was a perfect compliment to her gentle fingers, with graceful curves accented with contrasting surfaces of polished and matte platinum, the round-diamond setting flamked on either side with 5 small diamonds totaling a half of a carat. She would later tell me, her friends, and her family that I could not have designed a more perfect engagement ring for her.

She had worn that ring for more than a year until the day of our wedding. From that point on, it was complimented on her finger by a wedding band of platinum inset with several small diamonds. Like she and I, the two rings were a perfect pairing... well, for about a year, anyway.

Then, she ruined everything.

I got the ring back. That was more than 2 years ago. I still have that ring in my safe and just do not know what to do with it. There is a lot of money tied up in this little trinket of platinum and carbon. Tossing it into the sea just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

Should I sell it? A jewelery store is sure to give me far less than the appraised value. A private party may pay more, but any wise buyer would be weary of buying from someone they do not know, simply for fear of being ripped-off.

Should I take the large stone out of the setting and have it set into something for myself?

I am told that it is bad luck to "reuse" an engagement ring, or even just the diamond. On the other hand, I have in my posession a very high quality diamond... selling it for a low-ball amount, just to turn around and pay a premium price on a different diamond (someday... maybe), is bad business.

Suggestions? Ideas? Readers, tell me what you think!

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Veronica says:
2 years ago

I think if the two of you had children, the right thing to do is to put it away for them. It represents a moment in time when their parents were together happily, and that moment though long gone for the parents, should always belong to the children. I have a friend who's pinky ring is made from the diamonds of his mother and grandmother's engagement rings. It's stunning, and when he tells the story you can see the love and admiration in his eyes. It's beautiful.

Ren, I think in your case with not having had children, you need to let the ring go. I like the idea of turning energy positive by giving things like that to places where they can actually do the most good. Something like, donating it as an auction item fundraiser to a battered women's shelter, would be an incredible gesture (and a tax deduction.)

It is bad "luck" to re-use the ring - you've been told correctly. However it is not bad luck to reuse the diamond. All stones can be cleansed. If you want to reuse that beautiful stone, then repurpose it. Instead of using it as another engagement piece, make a pendant for your mother or sister, or neice, or someone whom you care about deeply, but in a completely different way.

You could make it into something for yourself, but I think it would be a constant reminder of what failed. I wouldn't go that route. I'd either gift it, donate it, or sell it. You're right, you will not get what you paid for it but you will get something.

Don't apply this ring to another engagement ring, in act or thought. If you ever get engaged again, start everything fresh and new. Dont equate the diamond exchange to it, don't reuse the ring or the stone for that purpose. Don't think about the monetary loss between selling this diamond and buying a new one for a new engagement ring. That line of thinking just isn't going to get resolved or make anyone feel any better. Let it go.