What's Your Deal, Fortune Cookie?
82Fortune Cookie
Fortune Cookie
I used to love fortune cookies -- cracking open that crunchy little morsel to reveal a tiny slip of paper upon which is written a somewhat vague portent that's probably statistically calculated to happen to about 85% of whoever happens to read it. In the past, it was always fun seeing the goofy stuff the fortune cookies would tell you about the future happenings of life. The fortune cookie used to be something I greatly looked forward to.
But somewhere along the way, fortune cookies stopped telling fortunes. In more recent days, cracking open that sugary mix of hard pressed flour has begun to reveal some alarming messages -- things like: "You are a very kind and generous person." What in the world is this? An observation cookie? Is that a joke?
The Types of Fortune Cookies
The first time I cracked open a fortune cookie and was hit with such a randomly mediocre depiction of
my personality, I was convinced that something had definitely gone desperately wrong with the
printing, that the lines of communication had somewhere gotten crossed, and a mixed up message had been inserted instead.
And so, I proceeded with special interest into the study of the fortune
cookie, and found in despair, that what had begun as a fluke would soon
become the standard for all the messages to come.
From my semi-professional study into the world of fortune cookies, it seems that within the last decade, fortune cookies have branched out into four distinct categories. The four types of cookies are basically this: The Observation Cookie, The Advice Cookie, The General Wisdom Cookie, and if you're really lucky, you'll still get the genuine old-fashioned Fortune Cookie.
Advice cookies are always interesting. Things like: "You should go into business with a friend." Thanks fortune cookie, that's great advice! I have one for you:
"Advice from tiny, random slips of paper is usually pretty terrible. I really probably SHOULDN'T go into business with a friend. I, he, or we could both be terrible businessmen and could very easily ruin our friendship. Or better yet, through our shockingly awful business endeavor, our lives could become so completely disentangled that we'll inevitably end up on the weekend news with the headline 'Bad Business Leads to Murder/Suicide Pact.'"
Try fitting all that inside a cookie!
Hmmm, I bet it's possible. We could call em Manuscript Cookies and
they could each come with a plastic magnifying glass. Hey, that's not a
bad idea. Maybe I could find a friend to go into business and help
me market it. Just kidding.
But of all the newer types of cookies to hit the market, I've got to say that the General Wisdom Cookie is probably my favorite. If I'm going to be forced to stomach a classic one-lined cliche, I'll take it while sitting at a fine restaurant munching a sugary morsel and not from the bumper of some schmo that just cut me off, thank you very much! The first time I stumbled upon one of these wayward cliches, I was so shocked that I saved it and put it in my wallet. It's still there to this day, waiting for its chance to once more whisper to me that "Words should be weighed, not counted."
Hey, that just gave me another brilliant business idea. We could introduce a Word Weigher into Microsoft Word. They already have a word counter, after all, and the cookie clearly says that words ought to be weighed, not counted. The word weigher could be that cold slap of realism that so much of us in the writing world need -- that stern, unrelenting critic unafraid to give us the hard truth that all our "supposed" snappy whiticisms are really just chaff borne on the wind.
I think we might be on to something here. Send me an email if you're interested in going into business and marketing the idea :)
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Comments
Haha, thanks bevy! I'll draw up the business plan and get back to you. Thanks for reading!
This is awesome! My older son and I cannot leave a chinese restaurant without eating our fortune cookies and reading the fortunes. That is our favorite part of the meal I think :) You added a lot of knowledge to this fun. Thank you:)
Thanks. I've gotta admit, ever since I got over the shock of not getting fortunes anymore, it's been kind of fun trying to predict what kind of cookie I'm going to get. Thanks for reading!
A realism cookie. I think it could catch on. What about a kiss-ass cookie that tells you how great you are?
Haha, a realism cookie, that would be great! Or what about a Drill Seargent cookie. Drop And Give Me Twenty! Haha, thanks for reading man!
There is also a fortune cookie tradition which some non-G rated people do with the fortune of cookies. When we read the fortune you follow up with the words: "... in bed". It’s quite probably that the bakery's of the fortune cookies know of this practice and have tailored the prophetic announcements for such conventions, i.e. your alarming message -- "You are a very kind and generous person,,, in bed" finishes the subject matter. Of course if you’re innocent in nature and are not dwelling in things of suggestively sexual nature then this would be missed. But for those of us who are not, we just chuckle (especially with your comment about the Drill Seargent cookie). Muahaha
I have been to the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory in San Francisco a few times; definitely a great place to go to get fresh hot fortune cookies. You could eat a whole bag by yourself they're so good. Every time I go there I'm always curious about some of their fortune cookies they sell, one labeled "ADULT'S ONLY" . I'm not sure what is written in those, I can only guess, but I find it funny that someone would create fortune cookies with certain intentions in mind.
Hmm, that's interesting Reece. I didn't know about that practice, which is probably a good thing :) Thanks for the info and for checking out the hub!
Lauren, you don't have to pretend. I know you bought one of the adult cookie bags :) Haha. That's awesome that there's a fortune cookie factory. Is it cool like Willy Wonka's factory?
I keep waiting to read the "I'll tell you anything you want to hear cookie" that says I look like I am still 20 :)
Hahaha, awesome.
Wow there are some really interesting concepts here.Great hub..
Thanks blondepoet!
Hey Benji!
I would get a buzzkill cookie, I'm sure. It would say "Yes, that dress does make you look fat." It's my kind of luck. I did actually get one once that was blank on both sides... I tried not to step in front of any buses that day!
Haha, blank on both sides! That's just wrong. I would definitely feel bad for the cookie that ever dares insult you. I'm sure you'd take it right home and unleash your arsenal on it in the backyard :) Thanks for reading!
I avoid fortune cookies - the prophetic ones - like I avoid fortune tellers. I'm naturally predisposed to paranoia and vulnerable to what if's. So instead of having that little quirk of concern like some painless throbbing I just go the other way.
But nice trivia about dem cookies though! Thanks for sharing :D
You gotta face those fears man :) But if you've managed avoiding them this long, I guess you'll be alright, haha. Thanks for reading!
LOL i have no fears - I just hate being dictated to or led on :D
LOLOL such an awesome hub, these are my sentiments exactly! I love the way you write--very descriptive and precise, unlike those damn cookies.
Haha, that's awesome Cris.
Thanks Direxmd! Haha, yeah those cookies are just ridiculous. Thanks for the compliments man.
Very funny! You had me laughing all the way through, thanks! The most obscure fortune I ever got from a cookie was "It tastes sweet". I still have it, and still can't figure out what it means!
Haha, that's hillarious :) Thanks for reading and enjoying!
they even make them for weddings as favors with the dates and names of the bride and groom....now what do you do with it? save it? !!! G-Ma :O) Hugs & Peace
Wow, that's pretty cool. Do they leave them on the tables at the reception?
Hi Benjimester!
I love fortune cookies they are interesting, inspirational. It use to be only good fortunes but now they look more realistic. Here is a quote about fortune cookies.
~ All the wisdom, prophecy and fortune telling of real fortune cookies, without any of the calories! Come back and get more for FREE - whenever you feel hungry for a non-fat, sugar-free, zero-calorie glimpse of the future. Select the type of fortune cookie you need (love, life or laughs) ... ~
I still love the cookies too, even though they seem less interesting than they once were. Oh well, with time comes change I guess. Thanks for reading!
Cute hub Benji!
I remember getting a fortune from a cookie once... It read:
"Never accompany yourself with bad influences..."
I'll never forget that great advice... For obviously, I never listened...lol ;)
Thanks! Haha, that's a pretty good advice cookie. Isn't it kind of funny though that when you get advice from a fortune cookie you almost want to disobey it just out of spite, at the sheer audacity of someone giving you advice through a cookie? haha, I'm glad you didn't listen.
If I would have listened to that advice, I wouldn't be here now! Hahaha
this makes so much sense Nice work Benjimester! I never would have been this clever or creative! I like this one a lot! Nicely Done!
~Sasha
Thanks Sasha :) You seem plenty creative yourself, as evidenced by your photography, if nothing else. Thanks for reading!
I liked this Hub! I, too, have noticed this recent phenomena. Amy G., I thought I was the only person on record whose fortune was blank on both sides! LMAO! It happened to me while at lunch with some friends. None of them wanted to walk next to me for the rest of the day.
Benji, well-put. You wrote about something I have pondered at least 3-4 times per month (or as many times as I am too lazy to cook, and thus pick up take out) :-)
Nice!
Haha, right on :) I think most of us have wondered why fortune cookies seemed to have gone downhill in recent years. That's so funny that people are getting ones blank on both sides. Haha, that's awesome.
I had just written a letter, and took it to my vehicle to mail later, when I found an old fortune cookie. It said, "You have a charming way with words. You should write a letter this week." It was the first letter I had written 'just because,' in ages!
Haha, that's awesome. I haven't written a letter 'just because' in a long time either. It's not a bad idea. Thanks for the comment!
Fortune cookie says: I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.
Haha, awesome. I've never come across a fortune cookie with a Psalm in it :)
Hey Benji, we should go into business with each other.
This was a really fun read!
My fortune cookie says i should sign in and be your fan. Tell me what kind of cookie that is. Awesome hubs.
Haha, that's awesome :) Thanks. I'd call that a Brilliance Cookie :)
LOL I really enjoyed reading this! You definitely put a lot of thought into this...probably much more than anyone I know! It is soooo funnie to me because it's soooo true! And thanks for giving us the different types of fortune cookies there are out there. Lol this is sooo funnie I couldn't stop laughing! You made my day! I will never look at a fortune cookie the same ever again! Lol I don't even like eating it, I just read the fortune with no deep connection to it whatsoever and throw it away. Now I am going to categorize all my fortune cookies!
Thanks! I'm very glad you enjoyed it :) I love fortune cookies now, not knowing what kind you're going to get. It's great fun!
I got a cookie that said, "You are not illiterate." Lol XD
Haha, that's classic. I've never heard of an insult cookie before.
bevy400 says:
9 months ago
I love your Hub......my fortune cookie would definately be an observation cookie telling me I am far too soft with my 16yrold....lol.... so when are we going in to business,i have a cookie here that is telling me we would make a bomb.xx