When I leave this earth, how do I want to be remembered?
74
Here’s an interesting question
Because the answer poses other, more interesting questions:
How do you want to live today?
What do you want to achieve?
By whom do you want to be remembered and why?
Why would it be of concern to you how others remember you? Why would it be important how you are remembered?
Perception
So, why would it be of concern to me how others remember me?
Basically, it isn’t. I will not have to live with this memory. I will not suffer nor gain from this memory of what and who I once was.
Besides, everything is perception. These memories of people of me will also be perception. So what will their memories say about me? When you think it through, there simply will not be one single memory of me, will there? The girls I broke up with will remember me quite differently than the guys I hang out with. Who will have a different memory than my parents. Whose view definitely will differ from that of my love. Who in turn will remember me for different things and in different ways than my daughter.
Will all of these memories together be the memory of Ananta? Am I the aggregated view of others? What defines us? Are we defined by what others think of us or do we define our self? Tough question, isn’t it?
If I am what others think of me, then I should constantly be aware of how my actions and statements come across. What others think of me would determine what I do and say. I’d never be myself, would I? Everything I do and say would be ‘inspired’ (for lack of a better word) by what others think of me. Or rather, even worse, by what I think that others might think. I’d never react to things spontaneously, I’d never be myself. I’d be what I think others want me to be.
So that’s not the road to go. Not for me. I prefer to be myself. Whoever that is. Because my perception of me is also a perception. Just like your perception of me. But my perception is the one I can trust most. Because it’s the one that’s best informed. Unlike you I perceive everything of me. My thoughts, my emotions. There’s a lot of me that others won’t perceive at all. So I go with what I know. Or think I know...
Back to the request
How do I want to be remembered? I don’t care. There are simply too many factors that color other people’s memories. Second, I don’t want to consider what may happen in some future. I live now. I am considerate now. It doesn’t matter what people will think then, it matters how I affect them now.
I try to stick to the noble eightfold path now.
Right view. And who’s to tell that I have that? I think it can only be me. And I try to keep that view as realistic, open, compassionate and unprejudiced as I can.
Right intention. I try to do well. It may not always work out that way and others may not always appreciate what I say or do, but that’s a risk I can never completely avoid.
Right speech. I try not to lie. I stay away from gossip. I don’t talk behind people’s backs. And I try not to be offensive.
Right action. I don’t steal; I don’t fight unless there’s no other way.
Right livelihood. I do an honest job to make a living without hurting others.
Right effort. I’m not a saint, but I try to do and be good.
Right mindfulness. I keep in mind to stay in health. I am alert to things that may affect my body and mind and try to be conscious.
Right concentration. A lot can be improved on this one, but one has to have goals, right?
It won’t guarantee anything for the future, but I think that this attitude is my best chance at being remembered well later on. And if not, I will at least have the certainty that I live well now. For my own sake, not for my memory. If people remember me, then may they remember me for what I have brought them. Since we’re talking about their memories, this is not about me. It’s about them. And since it’s their memory of me, I can only hope that I have added some sort of value. That for them meeting me was a good thing from which they gained something. Be it a feeling of well being or a flint of wisdom, knowledge or joy.
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Comments
Excellent hub, excellent ideas for how to quietly live a life doing the best one can. I applaud you! Do no harm, do good, live a life of quiet service.
Cheers!
Chef Jeff
I like your plan of living. Well articulated! Find it very telling, however, that the first category of people remembering you will be the "girls I broke up with." Ananta, you old dog you:-). MM
P.S. Love the headstone, also!
Great hub. It seems whenever we try to pin down who exactly we are, we discover we aren't really anybody, or at least not anybody permanent. I think this life is kind of like a dream something bigger than me is having,and I'm just in it, just part of that dream--so when I start to puzzle over the question of 'me' I make no headway, because something about 'me' is fundamentally unreal. I suppose that sounds crazy.
I like your perspective. I studied Tibetan Buddhism for several years but decided not to be in a formal religion. Also, they required a mentor/student sort of relationship, one on one, and that wasn't for me. But meditation is great and Buddhism is pretty cool too. Thanks Ananta.
That’s the way of the Tao, quicksand :) I guess we all have our own Right Track to find.
Indeed, Chef Jeff. Live and let live. Respect others. Thank you for commenting.
I couldn’t think of other people who’d look at me with negative feeling, Mighty Mom :) *innocent look* Just google for “tombstone generator” and you can create your own ;)
You’re right, Pam. We grow and change (hopefully). It doesn’t sound crazy, although I do get flashbacks if the Matrix :) I don’t see it as my formal religion. I rather see it as cherry picking. I take from it what I find valuable and useful. I stay away from dogma. Thank you too (all) for your comments.
Great hub , but I hope you have a good insurance when I see that Tombstone. or do I have to save money from this day on? :D But first lets' make some more memories to be remembered by :)
I'm insured :) Insurance should pay enough for a simple grave and leave some money to celebrate my memory with beer (no light!) and whisky. Until then, let's live ;)
I hope to be remembered as a person who made a difference to their lives in some small way. If I did anything wrong by way of hurting them I would like to be forgiven for that. If my kids really care for me then I would want them to immerse my ashes in Ganges. Then even if a few people remember me after I die then I hope I would still live on as a beautiful memory for them.
I’d say that’s a noble intention, countrywomen. Thank you for the comment
Great hub, Ananta65--it makes me think of two books I read (or partially read). In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey suggests an exercise that involves writing down what you hope people would say about you at your funeral. I think there's value to this, because it can help us identify main values and desired character traits, but I agree with what you said about living in the moment and not worrying too much about other people's opinions and perceptions of us, which brings me to the other book: What You Think of Me Is None of My Business. When it all comes down to it, the only person whose opinion of us really matters is our own, and as long as you live a life that you can be proud of, I think you can rest easy when the ride comes to an end.
I fully agree that it’s good to contemplate on our values. The question in the request is a really good question as it forces us to think about ourselves. For me, what you think of me IS of my business. Not that I will change dramatically, but I do want to take other people’s feelings into consideration. So it’s all about balance, but at the end of the day indeed I am the one I have to face. Thank you for commenting, Melissa
I couldn't agree more and I hope that when I am gone they will as well remember me for what I brought them. Thank so much for this article as I can feel your passion ,spirit and heart.
Hi Ananta65, I should have explained a bit more about that--the main premise of the 2nd book isn't that we should thrash about carelessly with no regard for other people and their feelings, but rather that pleasing others should not be our main concern, because oftentimes, the way others regard us is more a reflection on them than it is on us--there's a similar concept in the Fourth Agreement, one of the agreements is "Don't take anything personally," which is described as follows: "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." I think "immune to" is a bit of a stretch, but I think there's some truth to this idea. And I agree that we should strive for balance in all things.
Why, thank you for your comment, AEvans. We all create our own memories. We can only do our best and hope people will appreciate that.
I know, Melissa. You can’t please ‘m all. I didn’t want to imply that you suggested to be inconsiderate. I can relate to the idea of being immune. One can be immune without being egoistic.
I agree and disagree at the same time. Thanks for answering my request BTW, great hub. While I do agree that one cannot live their life solely to gain the approval of others, I think playing it safe and opting to just "be myself" (what if i'm a jerk?), is a bit of a cop out. Besides, everyone has blind spots.
Perhaps I should have asked "What do you want to be remembered for?" Personally, I want to be remembered for changing and growing into a true servant leader. Someone who made a positive impact and difference in the lives of others by constantly learning and growing, and encouraging others to do the same by being the example for everyone I came in contact with.
If I can learn to be that person, then there would be nothing wrong with simply "being myself." I hope to pass this on to my children as well. There are too many indifferent people standing idly by, living quiet, comfortable lives, while others suffer, struggling and striving just to exist.
When I die, I hope people will say, "He was a good man who truly cared about people, and making a difference."
In the end, I hope that we can do things everyday, even just little things, to make our kids proud, our spouses proud, our country proud, and our God proud.
"To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest" - Mahatma Gandhi
If you already knew what your answer to the request would be, why not publish a hub, instead of putting out the request? *smile*
I try al those things in my own way too, Paradigmshift. But not to create a memory of myself. I try to live in such a way that people say today: “he’s a good man who cares about people and makes a difference”. What’s more, I myself want to be able to look at myself that way. Now. Not when I’m dead. Thank you for reading an commenting *smile*
Choosing the right path can be a hard thing to do. Apart from those few truly amoral people, we all have some concept of right and wrong, and I'm aware that I don't always make the right choices, although I do try. Life is full of compromise. Perhaps I will be remembered as the person who always compromised! LOL
Ananta- I guess you have another hub in the making based on ParadigmShift's request "What do you want to be remembered for?" Btw good job for writing this hub and I esp liked the "Final Meditation" quote (On a serious note in India the deepest meditative state is called samadhi by which the saints leave the soul from their body)
ParadigmShift- I agree the same words can be interpreted differently. Its good to have all perspectives and now we can have another hub based on your perspective and the present hub based on Ananta's perspective. Btw the Gandhi quote was excellent in the end(I also admire him a lot and have even compiled a hub of some of his quotes).
Such a thought provoking hub ananta65! I realise I've never actually thought about how I want people to remember me...perhaps a more pertinent question would be to ask if people will in fact even remember me! I think it's too much of a responsibility to try to live up to people's expectatons, either now or after one has passed on. It's a better idea to just do your best according to your own benchmarks. :)
Is there one right path, Amanda? I’d say those that are unwilling to compromise are the pigheaded zealots. Although they too try to find the right path for themselves, I guess. I bet you’ll be remembered as the kind woman one can always share a Guiness or a gin with in good company ;)
There currently are no other hubs in the making on my part, countrywomen :) And who’s to say that dying is not the ultimate form of Samadhi?
Thank you, Feline Prophet. I think the request (thanks to Paradigm Shift) is a thought provoking one. Unless everyone you meet in your life gets to suffer from amnesia, you’ll be remembered *smile* How you will be remembered is a different question, that only those people can answer :)
Thanks for that Ananta.
Hehe...thanks Ananta...that's heartening news! :)
You're most welcome, Amanda and Feline :)
GREAT IDEAS.THANKS.GREETINGS FROM GREECE.
I share your thoughts, Ananta, about other' memories being perceptions of reality rather than reflections of it. I also believe, paraphrasing your last paragraph, that each of us lives on in those we know, once we've gone.
When I remember my father's mother, I can feel her hands comforting me as a child, smell the fragrance of her kitchen, see her reading and working puzzles, and hear her purposeful steps marching through the house tending to one chore after another. In this way, she lives on in me, encouraging me to comfort others, cook well, exercise my mind, and work hard.
When it's time to go, I will live on in others, and my hope is that I will live on in them to a purpose that serves them well.
My grandmother would be happy to know that reading your words this morning exercised my mind the right way!
Thank you, Meteoboy. Greetings to you from the Netherlands :)
I think those are the most valuable memories, Sally. You don’t remember her for the difference she has made in your life. You don’t remember that change, you remember her. And the feelings you experienced, impressions. And that’s good, as far as I’m concerned. I bet your grandmother – like me – has a warm smile on her face. Thank you for sharing *smile*
Ananta- Maybe Iam digressing from the topic but yes if one is that realized soul than dying is a form of Samadhi. By the way I have seen on TV and Movies that when a person dies everybody comes to express their views/thoughts about the departed soul. Although I don't deny that the spirit maybe still existing around but wouldn't it be better if we said all those beautiful words to all those who matter to us when they are still alive. Why are we generally shy of saying those wonderful things to people when they are alive which would mean so much more to them. (P.S: I lost my grandpa and would have liked to tell him so many kind words but never came to telling him only after he passed I ended up telling to my grandma)
Reading all these comments, I get shivers down my spine. I guess I just wanted to encourage people to think about these kinds of things. I thank you Ananta for writing a very well written, thought provoking hub.
I wasn't sure if I could write an entire hub on the subject, but reading yours inspired me to write at least a passionate comment. I guess that's what I needed. Because now that I wrote it, I must live up to it. Every person who read my comment and also wrote their own will expect it from me, and I will be a better person for it. I think the same goes for you. We all gained just a little perspective from this I think.
Good hub! I want to be remembered as not being afraid of being me and for accepting others as who they.
I really enjoyed your hub Ananta.
When we are gone, the thing that will probably really outlast us are our online contributions. Many generations from now our hubs will probably still be floating around! So perhaps we should also consider what do all your hubs, blogs, etc. say about us ...
Nice job, Ananta. I agree. if you live your life by the tenants you have listed (which is pretty much the same as mine) then you are halfway there. That is what MY God requires of everybody, to try to do good things, to be considerate of others, to help others when you are able, and to do no harm. That is, to me, true spirituality. Many people claim these attributes but don't really have them (they truly believe they do though.) If you can die knowing that you have tried to live in this way, have truly done your best, then you can go with a smile and the knowledge that you have lived a good life. Other peoples memories will follow.
Sorry about the adsense thing. I hope you get it straightened out.
Well An65 for a change I cannot find anything to debate you on in this hub, everything you say makes good sense. All we have to do is live to that standard!
btw did tolerance get a mention there somewhere?
Lovely hub with great sentiments. I honestly never want to think about when I die, and I am not in the mood to plan my own funeral. One of my mom's former co-worker's has already planned out her funeral, but to me I just do not want to think that far ahead. I like your eight fold plan of living kindly and fairly in the present.
I fully agree with you, countrywomen. We often forget to say these kind things until it’s too late.
Why thank you for putting out the request. I think you succeeded in your attempt to encourage people to think about these things. It did get me thinking. And be it a hub or a comment, does it really matter?
That sounds not too difficult, but may prove to be harder than one might think, RGraf. Living up to that can well be enough to be remembered as a good person.
I’m glad you did, Aya Hajime :) And you’re right. In the Netherlands we’ve got this saying: he who writes, stays. (It rhymes in Dutch). Our published words outlive us.
We’re pretty much on the same page, Christoph. I’m not sure if I see it as something spiritual, I do believe trying to help, be considerate and kind is a worthy purpose. And rest assured, if I don’t get it straightened out, the issue with AdSense will not cause that smile to disappear if it’s my time to go ;)
Not with so many words, but I think respect and consideration are the main ingredients for tolerance, agvulpes. We’ll just debate on beer then. And I’m quite sure we can find plenty of other topics to disagree on ;)
I’m not planning mine either, SweetiePie. And I think it’s better to think about life and what to do with that than it is to think about one’s death. But it doesn’t hurt to realize that each of us will leave some kind of legacy. And we ourselves are the only ones to determine what we want that legacy to be.
Thank you for reading and commenting all.
Thought provoking excellent Hub Ananta. I hope people will remember me as being kind and thoughtful and making them laugh, but like you say, each person will remember you differently for different reasons, and much like you, I suspect my ex's may not have such nice memories of me, or me them!
I for one will remember you as being kind, thoughtful and funny, Misty :) Let's make sure we don't become each other's ex ;)
LOL, I reckon we are pretty safe with all those miles between us :) I would always remember you as funny, warm and kind Ananta (Hugs).
hi!! i answered the same question and dont see a single comment? what do u think?
Yes, I guess we're quite safe, Misty *hug*
I think I didn't know how to comment on your hub, but I'll have another look, maverickmonk
One of my most favorite quotes is by the Dali Lama "This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness" This is how I would like to be remembered, as a being who listened to her heart and mind, and expressed kindness, even if I seemed less than kind when not feeding into co-dependency, or encouraging drama in others, or gave my most blunt perspective to a question that required honesty (came across that today).
Loved to read your hub, hey, can't believe I missed it! Must have been busy when you published it. :)
Great hub Ananata. as always carefully measured and well put.
I think it was Milton who said:
"I pass through this world but once,
If there is any kindness I can do
I must do it now for I pass through this world but once"
I like that philosophy too, VioletSun. I try to be kind and hope people recognize that, but if they don’t… Well, I guess they don’t. Feeding into co-dependency is not the same as being kind. Nor is encouraging drama in others. Nobody benefits from that. And kindness should be beneficial, in my opinion. Thank you for reading and don’t worry, you’re not the only one who misses hubs. I wish I had the time to read them all…
Those are wise words as well, Sixtyorso. And as far as I can tell, you live by them. Thank you too for reading and commenting.
well ananta you have shown us how deep you have gone in your meditation. meeting you through hubpages is a good thing and we have indeed learned much from your truth. thank you for being part of our lives:)
Ananta, that's nice but forget about remembered after you leave, Are you being remembered, or thought, now when you are still here?
Thank you, Dayzeebee, I feel honored and humbled by those words. I likewise learn from others here, including you. It's good to be part of this!
I don't understand your question, eswar. I am frequently reminded by people that they think of me, so yes. After I have left, I don't know if and how I will be remembered. But it's hard to imagine that nobody will ever remember me :)
Ananta, thank you. THis is an excellent hub. Great questions, which you answer subtly yet powerfully with the 8-fold Way, and your comments on it. I'm a Life Design coach, helping people live simple, yet flourishing lives of purpose and meaning. I'll point my clients toward this hub. Again, thanks!
Why thank you, Bruce. If my hub can help your clients that adds purpose and meaning to my simple life *smile* Thank you very much for reading and your comment. I appreciate it very much!
Ananta, I am sorry it has taken me so long to make it to this hub, I have deprived myself of some great thoughts by not being here sooner. I hope that I am living my life in a way that when I do die people will remember someone they liked to be around. I hope that I have been a good mother, wife and friend. I guess that is all I can ask for. I don't think I need fame or fortune, those things don't mean anything when it comes to memories people will be left with.
There's no need to apologize, Gwendymom *smile*
I think you strive for the right thing. Fame is irrelevant. Even the memories of others are less important than your own desire to do good. At least, that's what I think.
*in deep thought*
I don't know, my friend. This is the first time I've ever been confronted with a question like this.I'll really have to think about this and get back you.
*smiles*
P/S I admire your way of thinking and the flare for writing that accompanies it.
I think your hub can help my clients. It's good to have them read other's thoughts on these topics. I think they get sick of hearing me say the same things, but when it comes from a third party, they pay more attention. Cheers!
Bruce
It was the first time for me to really think about this question, terenceyap. *smile* I am curious to what you will come back with :) Thank you for commenting
I agree, Bruce. I think we all need a third person to tell us things every once in a while. Second opinions can be valuable
Edwin
Good way to live Ananta65, I think you've nailed all the important ways to "be." I, too, hope I achieve at least some of them, I'd like for them to say "She was a good person, who thought about others, and tried to help make the world a better place....loved to laugh and loved kids and animals."
I'm glad to know you.
great hub.
One of my favorite DJs in Hong Kong, Mr Joe Chan, just passed away last week. His death was reported widely in the newspaper in Hong Kong,so was his favorite remark: "I have no regrets." I do want to be remembered by that remark too.
I'm pretty sure that's just what people will say, Marisue. That and more. I'm equally glad to know you, you are a wonderful person and I truly admire what you have done for and with children. You did make a difference in their lives *hug*
That indeed is a noble objective, Benson. Like Edith Piaf sung: non, je ne regretted rien (no, I don’t regret anything). Thank you for reading and commenting.
I have a different view of this than most people. I prefer not to think about death and like to focus every moment on living. One day I will die, but I will not be here to know what people say about me. I cannot control what they say about me, so why worry. What I can control now is how I live my life and how I treat others.
That's exactly what I tried to point out, SweetiePie *smile* Not that I avoid thinking about death, but to live in the here and now. Thank you for commenting
I like your new avatar, byt the way
Thanks this was a fun avatar to make. I enjoyed reading your hub again.
Thank you for reading, SweetiePie *smile*
It's been a month and I still haven't the foggiest, my friend. People will interpret me in a way unique to themselves and their memory of me after I'm gone shall be based on that same perception.
Does it really matter what others choose to remember of me after I'm long gone? Would it make a difference in the way they choose to spend the remainder of their days on this Earth? Would it affect me beyond the mortal grave?
When my time has run out, I would wish that the ones whom I hold closest to my heart would be acquainted with the fact that we can know nothing outside our own individual thoughts; that all we think of others are nothing more than a reality that remains uniquely ours.
If at all I am to be remembered, it would be good if that memory of me inspired others to always be true to themselves by doing their best in all that they embark upon.
*smiles*
I think it shouldn’t matter much to YOU what others choose to remember of you, in a way. I agree that their memory will merely be the residue of their perception. On the other hand we can’t ignore our own influence on that perception, can we? Each perception is a transformation of reality. And in this case, that reality is us. With every act, every word we change the perception that people have. We don’t control that perception, but we can’t ignore that we’re the source of that perception either. And in return we shouldn’t allow that perception to control us.
The way people choose to remember you does make a difference for them; but it’s their choice, not yours. So – to come to a conclusion – I think we best remain true to ourselves. As far as I can see, you’re doing a good job in this respect, terenceyap *smile*
Very interesting blog. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Joyce
You're welcome, Joyce, I gladly share *smile*
Wonderful, heart felt and so true to your wisdom and how you can share things..everyone has said just all that can be said about you...
All I hope is that through the children I have cared for they carry on as the Angels they are and that simply, my love has helped them cope...I do what I do with no need for acceptance or well wishes...mostly I like to do things that no one really knows I have done for them...we will all play a part in each other, in many ways that aren't really nameable ( is that a word) and what we do , with what has been passed on, is like you say only up to you...God sees all..."WISE MEN, STILL SEEK HIM"
You are a dear, sweet, lovable ,caring , honest Man and I too am glad to have met you here...Love...G-Ma :o) Hugs
Why thank you, G-Ma. I am pretty sure that all the seeds we plant will grow into something, whether we mention planting them or not. And it seems you not only plant seeds, but also fertilize them with love and care. I bet you see plenty of those seeds blossom. Being who you are, your spirit will live on this earth long after you have left it (which I hope of course you won’t for quite some time).
I wish you happy holidays and good fortune and health in the year to come *warm hug*
Ananta- I had a small write up about this hub. Let me know if you like it: http://hubpages.com/hub/10-ways-to-become-extremel
I am honored, countrywomen. I appreciate this very much, thank you!
What a wonderful hub and that is how I would remember you too!! Maybe all of us should write a eulogy and reflect on how we would like to be remembered. I do hope however when I am gone, that people will remember me for being a kind-hearted and warm person. :)
Thank you, AEvans. I think I can assure you that that is exactly how you will be remembered. At least that's the way I look at you now *smile* And - in my opinion - now is what counts.
quicksand says:
14 months ago
Yes, the Right Track too, by ignoring both extremes, you are automatically placed on the middle path, which is the Right Track. Is that right?