While in church last Sunday, I was reminded of a very simple truth -- that God gives us challenges so that we can learn from them and grow. Think about those times in your life when you’ve had to face adversity. As difficult as it may have been, did you find that you came out of it having learned something… or perhaps even as a new and improved you? Well, through my experiences, I have.

A few years back, I was dealt a devastating blow that, at the time, I felt I could not handle. But the fact was I had no choice. I had to handle it.

Once I accepted the reality that I simply could not change that particular circumstance, I woke up to the fact that there were other things that I could change – like me.

“Put the oxygen mask on yourself before placing it on your child”.

Ever hear these words from a flight attendant? It seems like a strange directive, but it actually makes so much sense. You won’t be any good to your children or anybody else if you don’t take care of yourself first.

During this difficult period, I had two very young children to care for. But I wasn’t caring for myself, so how could I care for them? I wasn’t eating or sleeping. I was losing weight by the day. And I wasn’t much use to my children. Until one day, my dad said those words to me. He then proceeded to put me in the car and drive me to the doctor.

That was when I realized that if I didn’t snap out of it and get myself back the land of the living, my children would ultimately be the ones to suffer. And that was my first step towards recovery.

“You cannot control things that happen to you, but you can control how you react to them”.

This was another good one, also uttered to me by my dad. Until then, I mistakenly thought I could control the universe. Somehow, I thought that if I obsessed enough, I could change my situation. Well, apparently that doesn’t work.

Once I came to terms with the fact that some things are outside of my control, I started focusing my energy on more productive thoughts, like what I could do to make my life enjoyable in the wake of what was going on around me. With that shift in mindset, I joined the gym, started going to church, discovered some new hobbies, strengthened my relationships with friends and family and started spending quality time with my children. This approach gave me a new sense of power – power over my own actions and attitudes.

“Let go and let God”.

This one came from my mother-in-law. I had never heard that expression before, but it stuck. And from that point on, whenever I would feel like my circumstances were getting the better of me, I would draw upon those words and start praying. And little by little, I the burden began lifting off my shoulders.

I have a magnet on my fridge that says, “I’m still learning”. And while I couldn’t recognize it when I was at my lowest, now looking back I can see all the lessons I learned.

While it was a difficult experience for me to live through, I wouldn’t have changed it for anything. I can honestly say my life has improved in several ways:

1. I am a better mom. By shifting my focus from the troubles in my life to the positives in my life – namely, my children – I was able to gain a different perspective. I began spending more time with them, I started new traditions with them, and I even changed how I was communicating with them. And today, I can see how that shift in focus has benefited my children. During that time, I formed a special bond with them – a bond that I’m not so sure would have been as strong had I not made those positive changes.
2. I put more stock in my friendships. I've always had a lot of friends. But it wasn't until I hit this rough patch that I truly appreciated them. They came to my rescue when I needed rescuing. They literally picked me up off the floor, dusted me off and propped me up. Well, okay… not literally, but close. I look back in amazement at the unconditional support they provided. And my love for them grew from there. This has given me a new perspective on what kind of friend I’d like to be to others – both on an everyday basis and during times of crisis. I have such a deep admiration and appreciation of the many wonderful friends in my life – something I didn’t really feel before.
3. I have a greater appreciation for my family. I am very close to my family. I always have been. But as I got older, moved away to college, got married and had kids, I acted like I didn't need them as much. I mean, why would I? I was all grown up. But what I learned was that you're never too old to need your family. Without them, I'm not sure where I'd be today. Today, my family is my first line of defense when something happens to me.
4. I found out how to be me… just me. Before, I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. And among all the other emotions I was going through at the time, I was also feeling very lost. But it wasn’t long before I found my way. I learned a lot about myself. I recognized those things I wanted to change about myself and started changing them, one by one. With that, I started enjoying spending time with me, myself and I.

My advice to anybody who has fallen onto hard times is to wait it out and have hope. Life is full of twists and turns that are out of our control. Nobody wants to experience painful events, yet everybody does at one point or another. But when you accept the fact that pain is yet another dimension of life and seek out opportunities to make change in a difficult situation, you will come out of it a stronger person.

The Alcoholics Anonymous Serenity Prayer captures this sentiment perfectly... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.