Okay, I am back! I walked to the Vaticani to meet some students like we planned yesterday. Guess what? Bad planning! There were so many people there I could not find anyone from my program! I walked all around the circle to look for the students, but I could not recognize anyone. I looked so lost probably to the people around me. I mean, who walks alone to the Vatican???!!?? No one! Everyone there had a partner to talk to! I saw two blonde girls talking in English so I asked them if they were the students, they said no. We ended up talking about Roma for about a half of an hour. It was an interesting talk, however I never found the people I walked 25 minutes for! I just said goodbye to the two girls and walked home all by myself. I was upset because I am realizing I need an Italian cell phone A.S.A.P! I can not get around with out one!

Once I reached my living area, I passed it to find the supermarket. I could not find it, so I walked back home. On my way home, I ran into my Italian mother! I told her in Italian that I could not find my way to the store. She rambled off in Italian how to get there and I just stared at here with another blank face. She was with her two friends, they were an Italian couple. They were all shouting at me with their hands in the air pointing behind me. I turned around and did not see what they were shouting at. Ms. Rolando grabbed my arm and started to walk me to the store with her friends. I told her thank you and sorry in Italian. I ended up finding the store, it was behind me and around the corner! What do ya know?!

Shopping in their store was another experience. I was of course the only blonde girl trying to walk through an exit! I could not figure out how to get a cart and walk through the doors! I must have looked so ignorant!

As I walked through the isles, I saw no English words. How wonderful I thought, not! All I really wanted was some shampoo that I could read! Why was this so hard?! I found some eventually and put it inside my green rolling plastic cart that I dragged on the ground. Picture a plastic crate that we (In America) use to grab just a couple items in the store, but it is on wheels with a long handle to drag it around the store.

I walked around the small store about five times over and over again to familiarize myself with the items. I found fresh bread in crates. I went to pick some up and put it in a plastic bag when the Italian clerk started to help me while talking in fast Italian. I just smiled and said Grazie (thank you)! He smiled back and gave me the bread with a price tag on it.

After I was all done shopping I watched the Italians put their carts up on the cashier’s desk to pay for their food. I prepared my cart and copied them. When it was my turn, I emptied out my cart onto the spinning belt which drove my items to the cashier. I then put my cart with the other green carts, at the end of the line. My total was 10.45 Euro, and the cashier asked for the change. I told him I do not have change in Italian and he said fine then, and handed me all of my change by minus five cents. (I think he wanted change so that he did have to give me less back) I am not sure though…

After I paid, I kept quiet and looked at the old man bagging his items. I copied him, and bagged my own food into their red, green, and white plastic bags as well. When I was done, I just walked home and stayed in the house all day because I was exhausted. After calling home, I took a nap and woke up at 6:00p.m.

After waking, I went into the kitchen and got out my fresh bread that I bought. It was a roll the size of my hand wrapped in plastic. I opened it and went to my bedroom to eat it because no one was home. It was so good! So fresh! So yummy! I was eating the best bread I have ever had in my life! I didn’t need anything on it. It was delicious all by itself! I will dream about this bread forever!

Around 8:00 p.m. I talked with the Italian girl who speaks a little bit of English and then I talked to my Italian mother for a little while. I explained to her that I was going to look for a cell phone. She told me she was tired, and we both went our separate ways.

I took a bath with my new shampoo, dried my hair and then climbed into bed very quietly around 11:30p.m. (The coordinators told us to be very quiet because the houses in Roma make a lot of noise due to the tile and hard floors).

January 18, 2009

I took two Advil P.M. last night to go to sleep at midnight. I ended up waking at 1:45 in the morning because Patricia (The other Italian girl who rents a room) came into the house after partying. I though I would just go back to sleep, but every hour I was looking at the clock. Why can’t I sleep here? This feels so horrible because I am not feeling good. My chest hurts, my breathing is raspy, and I have lost my voice. All I want to do is to get better so that I can at least see Roma! It is not working out the way everyone planned. I live further than all of the students, except one student who lives even further than me. This causes frustration because I have no friends around me to go with me to school or on field trips. I have been walking on my own to and from school since day one. It takes me so long to walk, about 50 minutes if I walk fast. The back of my knees hurt, you know the part where it bends? They are very sore now and I feel like an old lady! Since the buses are going on strike over here, you never know when a bus will come, which makes things one hundred times harder!

Since I could not sleep last night I was up at 6:45A.M. getting ready to go on the field trip to the colosseo. We were told to meet there at 9:00 A.M. so I made sure I left my house extra early to make sure I arrive on time.

I arrived at the bus stop at 7:45, figuring that I had more than enough time to meet the other students. 8:00 came around, I was freezing outside. I could see my warm air flow out of my mouth. I looked around me and all I was maybe one person every 5 minutes. I did not see other buses often, but I did see about three. However, they were all going the opposite direction. There was an old lady that looked homeless that passed me and she stopped right in front of me and stared with a confused look on her face. This lady was seriously about one foot from me staring. I just turned my head and looked over here because she was about 5 inches shorter than me. She then walked 2 steps and then turned and looked at me again so confused. I did not say one word, I just kept my sunglasses on and looked the other way with my hand grasping tightly onto my purse.

When is the bus coming??? I am Soooo cold!!!! I thought to myself as I stared into the empty streets. 8:20…8:30 more cars start to fill the streets. One car honked three beeps at me. Everyone who drove past me would stare with the strangest look on their faces. I almost thought one man was going to crash that is how long he stared at me!

8: 40, still no bus so I start to panic. I knew I was not going to make it to meet up with everyone else, but I was going to wait it out until the bus arrived so that I could find them when I got there.

8:45 I look at my watch with my ice cold fingers. My eyes were burning full of panic and worry. One tear rolled down my check. Kim! Don’t cry! This is so stupid! Where is the bus! I am never going to make it! Even if the bus comes now, I will never make it on time to even find people. They will be too far along on their field trip! Oh my gosh! This is so horrible. Okay, just calm down. Wait 5 more minutes.

9:00 comes, still no bus so I just gave up, and knew this field trip was not going to happen for me today. I started to cry as I walked down the dirty road full of graffiti and trash. I wiped my tears and kept my sunglasses on so no one could see me. I held my gray scarf around my face and neck to keep warm. I was freezing cold as I started to walk faster and faster to get back to my home stay. I started to cough hard and uncontrollably because I was feeling sicker with the crying involved. Tears were coming down faster and faster, my breathing was getting shorter and it all felt like my lungs were compressing down on me. I felt horrible and sad because now I was on my way back to my house where I have no one to talk to. Just this stupid journal that I can write English in! Ugh it is so frustrating!

After I turned my key around five times, then used another key to open to door, my Italian mother was on the other side trying to help me get in. She saw me crying and started talking very fast in Italian. I said “non capisco non capisco” I don’t understand, I don’t understand. I just left her by the door and ran to my bedroom crying. This was the ultimate frustration feeling inside of me because I could not tell her what happened.

She knew that I was going to meet with the students on the field trip because we had café in the morning and I told her. So when I came back crying, she must have realized that I was unable to get on the bus.

I crabbed some toilet paper next to my bed and blew my nose. I was full of fluid in my nose and chest as I coughed and sneezed. After I calmed down, I called a student from the program (Estiban), and told him to tell the coordinator that I didn’t catch a bus after waiting so long. I also only had one minute left on my calling card so I had to hang up the phone fast. I only had his number who was in that group going to the colosseo today, so good thing he picked up his phone. He called me back and said that if I can find another bus, I can meet the second group of students at 1:00.

I went to freetranslation.com and wrote my home stay mother a letter telling her what had happened to me, and told her what I was going to do. She read it off of my computer screen and said a lot of words again in Italian. She knows I do not understand, but she kept rambling on about something. I just looked at her with a blank, sad face and said non capisco. She then turned around and walked out of the house. I do not know where she went.

After writing this, I feel a little better because I am speaking in English, but it does not compromise my situation. I feel like I am on another planet and I feel so lost and worried all of the time. I know that I am blonde haired, blue eyed and I look extremely different. This is why I feel so much pain inside. I do feel more confident to walk on my own now, but it is so hard to walk for so long with no companionship like how the other students have.

I am hoping this will get better. Well, I know it will get better with time, I just know it will. But, as of now, like I said, this is a nightmare. I wish I would have had an Italian class before I came here!