Where are all the good men? This is a question have been frequently asked by many of my single female friends. Often, this question is accompanied by a lot of poking and accusing looks. It's as if all the good men had been stashed away in some cave and I was the only one with the map.

Recently, I have developed some empathy for my friend’s situation. No longer do I think of the question as some random bout of bitching, but a genuine cry for help.

Here's why: I've come to notice that a large majority of my female friends are all attractive, successful and intelligent Single women. They are the kind that wouldn't be out of place in any "most eligible bachelorette" list.

On the other hand, an equally large majority of my male friends are all in long-term relationships or are already married. What makes it more confounding is that most of them are – how shall I put this delicately - borderline ugly (or borderline average, if you're the "glass half full" type of girl).

Take my friend, Sally. She's hot, smart, rich and funny. Yet, she's been moaning about how she can't find a decent man. Then there is my male friend Jerome, who, like me, isn't someone who would normally catch a girl's eye. But he's been happily married for five years to a real babe. The same thing has happened to several of my buddies, who are all stand-up men but a little iffy in the looks department.

One observation I've made is that being hot, my female friends naturally hold potential mates to a higher standard when it comes to looks.

Before you say that I'm accusing them of being shallow, here's a pop quiz - what do you look for in a man? If you are like many of the women I know, answers will include "romantic", "funny", "intelligent", "kind" and, on the odd occasion, "likes Celine Dion as much as I do".

Here's another. What's the first question you ask if a friend tries to set you up on a blind date? I'm willing to bet good money that it's not "sure ... so is he funny/intelligent/ kind/romantic?". More likely, it would be "is he cute?"

Add these up and in short, they want it all.

Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to date a cute guy. The problem I see is that because these women are attractive, they're probably used to men flocking to them, asking them out, and buying them drinks. Unfortunately,

The Guy Who Has It All isn't one of them - yet.

One reason why my unattractive guy friends may have found their (better) other halves is probably because they never had that luxury of being good-looking and were instead forced to actively hunt for their mate rather than be the bait and wait.

So that's what they did. They took great effort to go out and meet new people, ask friends to introduce them to their friends, and attended every social gathering they could get invited to.

When I ask my female friends where they've tried looking for Mr Right, the reply always involves a combination of "my office", "the pub I hang out at" and "the gym".

Which brings us back to the original question - where are all the good guys? The answer: If he's not in the next cubicle, or the next floor of your office, he might be in a foreign language class you haven't signed up for, or at a wine appreciation class you never thought to join.

Shi, a good friend of mine, recently told me about her ingenious plan to snag herself a man - by hunting for his hobbies first. Not for her the usual spots, where every other Single woman is also out looking. Instead, she says, if you like the athletic type, sign up for a rock-climbing class. If animal lovers make you all warm and fuzzy, volunteer with an animal welfare group. Shi has so far enrolled herself in a fencing class and is taking Japanese lessons, so I can only assume she's hoping to bag a modern-day samurai. I'm not saying it's going be easy. But if you're hunting for unicorns, you'll probably have to go through herds of asses to find it. The bottom line is, stop being the bait. Be the hunter, and you might just snare a kind, romantic and funny guy.

Who knows? He may even be cute.