Mmmm....I pulled the coffee from the fridge and popped the plastic lid from the top. I enjoy coffee but I love the aroma. Just the scent of fresh ground coffee makes me happy. I read somewhere that the smell of coffee beans or coffee brewing can release endorphins in the brain. Yeah, I get it. Totally believe that one because it happens every time I stick my nose next to the tin and breathe in deep.

Aaaahhh.

     Yeah, kinda like a little bit of Heaven. So anyway, I like coffee. Drinking it, not just smelling it. But I don't make it a lot at home. It's a laziness thing really. You know how we midwestern country girls love our iced tea. Well, I make my tea in the coffeepot. No boiling bags in a pot on the stove for me! I take the easy way and use an automatic brewer. Convenient, yet also a pain in the ass when you actually do want to make coffee. Or, rather when you want to make tea again afteryou've made coffee. Because then, at least when you're at my house, you have to wash all the pieces of the contraption before you can use it again. You know, the filter thingy and the glass pouring doohickey. Yes, those ARE the technical terms...ask anyone. But, back on point, I HATE when my tea tastes like coffee, so hence the washing out. All that so you understand why I don't often make coffee at home.

Unless I need it.

     You probably don't know this about me, but I am a woman of many vices. Caffeine being one. Yes, there are times I need coffee. Strong coffee. Or unhealthy amounts of a sickeningly sweet carbonated beverage that shall remain nameless. And this morning is one of those moments.

     I woke up this morning feeling a little less than perky. No, I don't have the swine flu. Two words...Apple Wine.

     Of course, I am assuming any ill feelings can be attributed to the glasses I was indulging in just, oh, five hours ago. The issue isn't how I feel this morning, or even how much I had last night. The issue I am struggling with is when does a drink become too much? When does social drinking become a problem? How do you know if you're on a path you need to get off of? Where's the line between "ok" and "uhoh" ?

     Long story short...(too late, I know)....I sort of try to monitor that field with myself. I know I could very easily fall into that hole where wine, beer or hard liquor becomes a staple. When I need it instead of want it. When I think I can say no, but know I can't. All this because as I was out on a much needed, long awaited date night with my husband last night, I was thinking about wine.

     The entire night, my mind kept reminding me of the brand new bottle I had at home, calling my name. Yeah, sad I know. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to be excited about the movie or feeling good about dinner. But I couldn't get my mind off that wine at home. The wine that was there for no good reason other than that my mom had gone on the wine trail with some friends earlier that day and bought her wine-o daughter a bottle.

     The best wine I think, wait I know, I have ever had. The kind that gets me in trouble because it goes down so smoothly. The kind that, before I know it, I've drank a whole bottle in one sitting. It tasted like apple juice. Like sweet apple juice.

     I know people drink all the time, around the world to varying degrees and no one ever wonders if they have a problem. I know people I see all the time that have indulged in a few bottles themselves on many occasions. But, still I wonder about myself.

     I'm laughing at myself rereading this because I get that picture in my head of Homer Simpson when he hears anything that sounds like a food. You know tongue lolling out and drooling. Kind of how I was feeling reliving the apple wine! Not a good sign!! Haha

     Those who know me well can tell you that I am not an open book. In fact fairly far from it in many respects. Which is why I'm not going into any further detail. Talking about stuff like this, my personal life stuff, isn't easy for me. But, I needed to get it out so there it is. I just needed to laugh about it a little.

     But, I feel a lot better now. And, after a too long, scalding hot shower and a pot of coffee, I'm off to church to pray for myself and hope someone absolves my sins.

     Not that wine drinking should be a sin. I mean, heck Jesus drank wine. And there's no way Heaven can not have wine.

And cake. There better be cake....