Which Artist Deserves the Musical Equivalent of the Death Penalty?
64Who should be put down? Who deserves to be...not locked up, but actually killed for their crimes against our eardrums and even humanity itself? Well that depends on who you talk to? Who's the executioner?
Country fans will ask us why we don't just put a "C" in front of Rap music and call it what it is. Crap. Meanwhile, we all know how selective these country fans are. They gave us Billy Ray Cyrus, Toby Keith and now they even like *gulp* Kid Rock? AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
For this reason I am excluding both groups from contention. Picking out a bad rapper or a bad country singer is like picking out a diet soda, why waste time choosing if they all suck. It doesn't matter how much sweetener is added either 'cause they all have that fake remorseful aftertaste.
So who is the executioner? I AM THE EXECUTIONER! (dramatically rips off hood) { cue: ta-dah! music} I am a ruthless killer of eardrum pollutants! But I'm from America and everyone will have their due process, blah blah blah so let's get on with it. Bring in the GUILTY PARTIES!
Hopefully you as the reader can feel my bloodlust coming through the keyboard. hehehe TEN. I declare TEN artists to be on death row from this point on for the good of all our sanity. ONE WILL BE EXECUTED LIVE!
# 10 is Gwen Stefani (from ska grrl to MTV's new fame-whore)
From ultra punk-ska riot grrl to total sell-out Hollaback Girl.
From duets with Bradley Nowell of Sublime to digi-doodoo with Moby.
She's just a girl in the world.
You can't execute someone for taking over as resident fame-whore at MTV besides Madonna's throne went cold years ago! If it wasn't her it'd be someone less stylin'. She's still lives...for now.
She is married to that pretty boy poser from BUSH, Gavin Rossdale.
Seems like a perfect match made in hell!
Still think she's cool after this nauseating song? Writing a song only a seven year old could love is the ultimate sell-out MTV thing to do!
#9 is egomaniac douchebag Gene Simmons of KISS
This guy is actually out there spreading propaganda that bands like Nine Inch Nails, Radiohead and the like are killing the record industry as a whole and that he personally is not gonna record another new KISS song until the industry gets his head on straight. Is he serious with this threat?
Dude, you were in a sucky band that got by on being innovative in your marketing the same crap over and over to the same few loser fans. Why, because they are trying to relive their youth and it involved black and white face make-up thanks to you.
Rock -n- Roll and Halloween can now be one. Thanks a lot.
Anyone see him on Celebrity Apprentice? What a donkey-tunnel.
Heaven's on Fire and the rest us are in hell!
# 8 is the anti-christ a/k/a
Do I Really Need to Explain this one?
I mean seriously. He's nature's greatest mistake!
Brian Griffin's Version!
UPDATE~~~~UPDATE~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~UPDATE
I have made a revision because someone pointed out the obvious to me. If you're gonna leave off Country and Hip-Hop, then why waste time on Boy Bands?
I couldn't agree more. I found this hub a little lazy to begin with and I am here to make amends.
#7 is the 80s band Journey
Ever since The Sopranos ran that lame-ass Journey ending to their otherwise cool show they have given the public a false sense of how lame Journey is. The show has a fantastic theme song and if you remember that Peter Gunn/Every Breath You Take mash-up that they did about the Feds bugging the place, you'll remember that these guys had a pretty good reputation for soundtrack work before THIS.
It's the equivalent of a Quentin Tarantino soundtrack having a song like "You Light Up My Life" in it but not having the smarts to have a call-girl lighting her abusive pimp on fire at the time!
They only chose it because it has the phrase Don't Stop in it. The irony being that they do the opposite of what the song implies to confuse the audience as to whether or not this is really the end or just where the inevitable movie begins. It will no doubt be made in the next 3 years.
Getting back to Journey however, would you just look at these guys. They weren't rockers. They were your girlfriend's band, man. That last line came directly from the spirit of George Carlin who is now in possession of my body.
JOURNEY SUCKs! They have ALWAYS SUCKED and the fu@&ing Sopranos doesn't change a damn thing about it. Rock N Roll was meant to piss off the establishment. WHO'S MORE ESTABLISHMENT THAN THESE GUYS?
If you love Journey and I'm upsetting you don't read anymore cause I'm just getting started!
Steve Perry who's voice, (which was the only reason we ever heard these guys in the first place) can wear on your nerves very very quickly, if you have taste that is.
If not, and you live in bliss thinking Journey is cool, fine. But don't confuse these poor kids! They're entertained by Soulja Boy remember. They are children of the W administration, cut them a break, will ya?
This is the most embarassing video of all-time. The girl is not flattered Steve. She's actually living out a TRUE public humiliation that will last the rest of
# 6 is Nickelback!
Oh Nickelback, you owe me so much more than a nickel!
Same Crime, different criminal!
This time instead of a TV show being to blame, it's Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top!
By agreeing to revisit his MTV glory days by assisting these Post-Grunge guys is sickening. Billy's a legend so I won't go any further on him, but ugh.
This is the definition of Post-Grunge ready? People who still do a genre that has died! Ya hear that Three Doors Down? Hear that Chris Daughtry?
Please stop now guys. You made your money now just go. You're a constant reminder that formulaic rock will always rule the airwaves.
Oh and that song about loving a girl on her knees. Mmm, classy. What a metaphor! You're not supposed to spell out and chant phrases like "Are we having yet?" unless you yourself are offering an alternative. They have no idea what subtlety is. They spell it all out for you.
HEY GUYS! You wanna know why LED ZEPPELIN, JIMI HENDRIX, THE DOORS and SGT. PEPPER'S are so wonderful????? huh? any idea?
Because they are allowing the listener to go on their own trip.
That song rock star is nothing but a commercial for all things bad about MTV.
Congratulations on selling a very amusing commercial to the idiotic public!
Does it come with a happy meal?
# 5 is Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson!
I don't know about you guys, but I'd take Amy Winehouse and her problems for a day WAY before I'd play Freaky-Friday with either of these two tools of the devil!
The ONLY reason I watch that stupid show is because after these two jack-asses rile me up with their buffonery / ignorance / drunkenness Simon comes along and calls them out along with the shaking contestant and he tells it like it is almost always.
That song by Randy & Paula is ultra-lame and to use the show to promote it because you have no credibilty elsewhere is equally shameless.
oh and one more thing...Randy wasn't even in Journey like he seems to think he was. He was a studio musician. End of story dawg.
# 4 ~~~ Grown Men who call themselves the Goo Goo Dolls??
They don't want the world to see them cause they don't think that we'd understand. Yet they keep saying "I just want you to know who I am."
Be careful what you wish for.
I know who you are and there's a red target mark pointed at your forehead.
Please stop playing istruments for mopey love songs immediately. What a bunch of crybaby wuss-tarts.
You should get a free skirt for buying their albums.
# 3 is the man, the myth, the legend...
I am actually here to defend Michael Bolton and not to throw stones.
He may suck, he may have destroyed countless love songs with his covers,
but he's alright in my book and I'll tell ya why.
BECAUSE this guy is willing to autograph copies of the movie OFFICE SPACE for anyone who asks.
Being called a NO-TALENT ASS-CLOWN is pretty harsh but ya know what?
He still signs copies of the film for non-fans and in my book you just saved your own ass with that move, Bolton. LIVE ON!
While I'm defend people that bug me I have to admit this point.
Since, American Idiot by Green Day the most punk thing that has happened in the music world is.........Britney shaving her head. Best thing she ever did IMO!
# 2 is Fred Durst of the horrible group LIMP BIZKIT
these guys are the lowest of the low. And this guy is their obnoxious leader and look at him. Tell me you don't wanna smack the snot out of him just by looking at him?
He destroyed what Rage Against The Machine built, which was the very idea that Hip-Hop and Rock could exist as one. I also blame LIMP BIZKIT for the existence of another horrible group called LINKIN PARK.
They practically copied the name of the group too. Yuck.
Fred Durst is still alive because he was so desparate for attention that he put out a sex tape. What a total tool. But he's still alive thanks to the #1 guy on this list.....
# 1 is Scott Stapp of the disgusting Christian rock group Creed
This guy is the worst of the worst.
He's willing to make songs like "My Sacrifice" then he should be willing to back it up. How much of a sacrifice was it Scott? Putting out a video on MTV and selling records to brainwashed bible beaters is your sacrifice? Oh hell no!
Then he used MY SACRIFICE for a series of promotional adds on the WWE wrestling commercials. Figures. Only an ignoramus who likes wrestling could fall for this garbage. It makes sense though.
Fake fighting + fake music = Fake band
You have offended God with your HUBRIS!
Your utter lack of intelligence coupled with your heavy handed morality tales are sickening to us all but the misguided few. Enjoy hell you bastid!.
Meanwhile you stole the one thing about Eddie Vedder's voice that no one liked in the first place and made it your signature stance. Bellowing out loud like that for the purpose of spreading your disease is unforgivable.
IN THE NAME OF GOD, I strike you down with furious anger!
Die, you pretentious loser Die! PLEASE???
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Comments
i didn't know such a thing existed. I also do hubs on movies.
you ever thought of minding your own? jerrico..lol.....jimmy
I agree on almost all counts except that Gwen is hawt in a trashy sort of way and therefore is excluded from consideration, and Durst was the sh!t in the initial moments of his music. LOL@ the diet soda comparison, btw. (and that video link doesn't work for me, u might wanna check it).
Whats wrong with Gwen Stefani? You didn't have much to say about her so did you just look around and see like a magazine with her on the cover and say "oh I'll put her in too".
Fred Durst is horrible. He should be executed and then killed...then buried right next to Gene Simmons.
Soulja Boy should be on this list... and seriously speaking... 50 cent should be too.
Yeah. I thought long and hard about BOTH 50 & Soulja Boy but I had to exclude Hip-Hop and country or the whole list would have been them.
I thought I gave gwen the treatment. Maybe I should have been harsher?
Very funny, and true hub. Thanks to you I have a new found respect for Michael Bolton. I wonder though, where is Kenny G?
Yes harsher would probably have convinced me that she belonged on this list. I mean, who could you have possibly said about Gwen.
Surely you could have included at least one rap artist on here...like the worst of them all. I think 50 should die for all the shit he's doing lately.
They're determined to drag rap in, DJ. If they do, I'll bust with the country and it's off to the races! lol
Forgot about Kenny G! I could lose one of the Teen Groups for him, surely!
Aint Kenny G already dead? (thats why you forgot him, right?) :D
Ok, suggestion for your next hub - Top 10 Rappers Who Should Just Lay Low 4 They Get Merked.
Yeah, plus..what did he have one song? Who cares.
So are you gonna do the hub?
I didn't see that the first time, you must have edited.
Nah, but why don't you write that one. I'm tired of writing other people's ideas for them. It happens a lot more than I would have imagined.
Make that Hub for me. I wanna be entertained too ya know!
Yeah I edited it...Hmmm. I'll think about it...
But...but...I like Gwen Stefani. I agree with the rest though.
She used to be cool. But have you ever heard that ghastly Hey Baby by No Doubt?
nice. all these people suck. scott stapp is such a loser. i hate the fact that i even know his name. i can't hate on NKOTB, cause they were the beatles of boy bands (or boy groups, bands play instruments). i do think their music sucks, however, but don't think they knew it would lead to the worst genre of anything in american history.
this list could easily be a top 1,000, but your top ten is pretty right on. gwen stefani does suck. she should pound 100 cheeseburgers, fulfill her oral fixation w/ out all the screeching noises.
Well done on the hub DJ you could also have added Barry Manilow Ha Ha
Wrestling fan here...not an idiot and I hate Creed. There are exceptions to the rule, sir.
Don't be jealous Jimmy.. You will make money online someday too.. I was not insulting the guy with my comment by the way, so realistically speaking Jimmy maybe you should mind your own "lol"
DJ I only meant that I like the way you tear things apart for videos and movies and I would be interrested in seeing you write a hub on something else to see how you would write it, like an explanation of something deep. You know what I mean? Like the difference between men and women or something (utilizing your skills for debating out the differences in artists etc..). I like your sarcastic humor in your hubs and think that your writing style would be interresting in a subject outside music and movies about something. If your not interrested in the challenge its cool, just thought I'd throw it out there, see your range.
btw did you ever apply for that writing job? You were asking me to let you know; I did and I never heard back from you what happened?
take care.. great hub here by the way..
Jerrico
"Hey Mr. DJ you can get me started" ~Zane
Could you keep it any more real than that? You put some serious "stank" on it and I support you in your movement ... although a few "artists" you listed I don't want to execute rather just mame a little bit.
OMG you are my new best friend. If you went on any longer I would have popped from pure excitement. Although your comments about Linkin Park are uncalled for(pointing index finger and waving briskly ;) ) and WAY outta line, but somehow I forgive you this time. Cuz if you spin tables like you tongue thrash, I bet you can keep the party goin' all night long!
Pen-n-Pad ~ http://hubpages.com/author/PEN-n-PAD/hot/
Thank you for striking down Scott Stapp, but please leave Fred Durst out of this ok? j/k great hub Funktual
Personally,
I agree with the list. I especially agree with Gwyn - partly because most of the stuff I've heard was the "b-a-n-a-n-a-n-a" song and "rich girl," (because I mean seriously if she was a rich girl? You mean you don't get rich after you sell out?), and Holla-back girl would be my top ten worst songs list.
Although, I think country and rap should get representation on the list, like the teen groups/ boy bands got representation. Especially some rap lyrics are vulgar, demeaning, and not lyrical, instrumental or ... talent.
Oh, and you should do a hub on good artists who have gone country. There are plenty of them...
You make a very good point about the boy bands and I've been thinking of editing it actually. It seems way more personal going after the ones people like. I'm gonna change it up a little.
Great hub! I could not agree more on most of them, especially Goo Goo Dolls, Michael Bolton, Creed and Journey. HOW did Journey have a resurgence about four or so years ago?A couple that should be included IMHO:
Crash Test Dummies - No explanation needed
Hootie and the Blowfish - Why, oh why, were we exposed to this?
Alanis Morissette - "You Oughta Know" and "Ironic" were, simply put, unbearable
UPDATES UPDATES
I dropped the boy bands!
Totally agree with the updates. Paula Abdul's song almost made my top ten worst songs list (not that i actually have one...) Doesn't quite look good for American Idol, shes the judge and her music sounds like that?
I saw Alanis Morissette on a BBC talk show, The Graham Morton Show, and (it was a hilarious episode) but she doesn't sing, she whines, I had to turn it off.
She doesn't bug me half as much as say... Shania Twain, Ashanti, Avril Lavigne...
I've got a secret to tell..... I have 4 albums by the underrated CRASH TEST DUMMIES! I'm not saying their great or eveb good, but like They Might Be Giants they are very clever in their songwriting. If you only heard MmmMmmmMMM then your comment is justified but I actually like those weirdos.
Hi DJ,
You are correct about my experience with Crash Test Dummies. I could not get past MmmMMmMMM so I never even considered buying an album of theirs, but I will take your word on it. (I have a couple of 'secret' CDs two, just not those!)
Seems like that MMMmmmmm (and on and on) song came out about the same time as Jagged Little Pill, and I could not get past the aforementioned two 'radio' songs by Alanis. I get that radio songs are often not representative of artists (e.g., WHY was one of the worst songs by Beautiful South -- that 36-D one --- the only one that got US airplay?). However, with CTD and Alanis, the first impression was just too dang negative, and too in-your-face by radios.
I do like They Might Be Giants, especially the track about a "Birdhouse in my Soul." Have at least two of their albums. ;-) Happy music...good times.
Good job, DJ. I agree with you on most of your candidates for execution. I am, by no means, a Journey fan, but there is one man whose voice I find MUCH more annoying than Steve Perry's. I think the last time I heard Axel Rose, my ears actually bled. I have always suspected that he had a small reptile gnawing on his private parts while he sang.
Fucking hilarious! Four cloven hooves up! Consider this wicked goddess a fan. Thank the wee little satyrs of the underworld that I wasn't drinking milk or soda (or worse, and alcoholic beverage) while reading this rant or it would have spewed out my nostrils. You have slayed me with your wicked wisdom and insight to the insipedness of popular music. If there were an executioner award, I would gladly grant you the golden axe.
Thanks for the shout out!
Dude, I could not agree with you more. Every one on this list sucks. I mean they suck really bad. Gwen is still a hottie and she once made some pretty fun music with her band. But as a solo artist, she is an absolute horror show. And why would a woman who really blessed with great beauty choose to dress up like a fucking drum majorette? What is that all about.
Oh, and Nickelback sucks. They suck really bad.
Heeey, what up JamesRay. i knew you'd appreciate this one being a Punk Afficionado. I'm sure I upset some people with soft taste but who cares?
I read this hub before but I didn't want to say anything because I thought you were sick of my comments.
This is a little harsh DJ! Sure some of them may suck but do not deserve to die. Obviously someone likes them... I do not know who, but somebody likes them.
No I am kidding I like two of them. I like Gwen Stefani and I love Nickelback. Gwen Stefani is a really talented singer and I like her fun up beat songs. And Nickelback is just great. I mean post-grudge? NO. They are one of the biggest bands so it is definitly not post.
Other bands like Creed and Journey, well... If they look stupid then they are probably not worth listening to, and they look stupid.
Now Michael Bolton is a sensitive dude. Kudos for him singing about him feelings... NAH jk I don't like him either.
:) "Interesting" hub. lol. jk. Everything you write is always great!
I lactually like your list very much and am right with you for most of them. I would love to bang Gwen and she does have some catchy songs, you being a DJ I am sure you have played some of them and caught yourself tapping your toes. However, Nickelback, as much I I dislike thier music should not be on your list. Not because they don't suck, which they do, but because Daughtry (that bald prick from American Idol) has completely ripped off thier shit sound. if I were Nickelback, I would file a suit against Daughtry for sound infringement. They are identical. So...Daughtry should be topping the list due to his asshole persona and his awful taste in music along with his plageristic sound.
You make some great points dude.
You are spot on with most of your picks. Scott Stapp was a tool from the very beginning, Fred Durst is awful in pretty much every way, and Michael Bolton...well...at least he was legitimately cool with the soccer mom set. So he had that going for him.
But I do have to disagree about Journey. I'm sorry, maybe it's the White Sox fan in me (the Sox used "Don't Stop Believing" as their team song when we won the World Series in 2005) but I've always had a soft spot for Journey. Were their music videos cheesier than a stuffed crust? Yes. Did they have some relatively formulaic music? Sure. But damnit if I don't start belting out "Don't Stop Believing" every time I hear it. And Wheel in the Sky isn't bad either. So while there were many annoying qualities about Journey, "Don't Stop Believing" along should at least get them a reprieve from the executioner's chair.
I've always had a soft spot for Send Her My Love. Ssssh.
I just think I enjoy telling people Journey is awful cause I know they like em so much. I'm sadistic but honest.
My friends and I always put Aerosmith on a "worst bands/musicians group" on the basis that the sheer level of their selling out warrants automatic disqualification from the words "Aerosmith" and "good" being used in the same sentence. Great list, though.
thanks for the laugh Jerry. I have come to forgive Aero as a dig further through the older stuff. I still get requests for Dude (Looks Like a Lady) and am always unsure if the person is joking until I start laughing.
OMG True on every count. I started a few of the vids but couldn't finish them due to their pure crapulence. Why people need it pointed out on an artist by artist basis is beyond me though. I couldn't write this hub because I feel like my brain is getting overwhelmed with crap, so it purges the names of "bands" like these automatically so I can't remember them.
Ha! great stuff dorkage!
Hey DJ, I agree with your list so much. What about the worst radio stations? If you live in the NYC area, I hope you hate z100 as much as I do. :P
What! Gwen is on this list?!!! YEAH! Off with her head!!!
Jerrico Usher says:
17 months ago
You ever thought of writing hubs on topics not having to do with music?