Who Made Me a Relationship Expert?
66I’m agog! Someone on HubPages thinks I have answers to age-old and mystifying questions about the institution of marriage, among other relationship dilemmas. Really, the things this place teaches you! This time I was poking around in the ‘Questions’ section on HP and decided to check out which were ‘recommended’ for me. As I scrolled goggle-eyed through the first four pages I discovered, to my rising alarm, that most of the questions dealt with marriage and how to save it!
‘Signs your marriage in is trouble’; ‘How to bring the romance back into your marriage’; ‘Divorce and Remarriage’; ‘Why do women play with men’s feelings’; etc. Gulp. You get the picture. What, in all my ramblings on HP so far, has given some mysterious man, woman or software the idea that I have answers to such questions? Granted I occasionally mention my long suffering spouse, usually placing him in some ridiculous situation or attributing to him some silly quote, but that doesn’t make me the oracle on marriage. Far from it. Many of you probably cringe at my irreverence.
Have I inadvertently been giving the impression that I need answers to those questions? That these are dilemmas that I have been thinking long and hard about? That perhaps my marriage is on decidedly shaky grounds and I have dreamt up solutions to questions that are giving me many sleepless nights? While I don’t claim to have a marriage made in heaven, or subscribe to any of those clichés that bring to mind hearts and roses and happily ever after, I am happy to say that as marriages go, it’s in pretty good shape.
As far as I can tell, that is. I’m not such an old hand at this marriage thing that I would recognise signs that it was in trouble unless they came up and bit me. Which relationship doesn’t go through its ups and downs and illogical tantrums and bouts of silent treatment? It’s the making up with chocolate (yes, chocolate) and other thoughtful little gestures that even things out, and we get right on with the business of living.
As with everything the meaning of romance evolves with time, and what set your heart aflutter back when the relationship was new, may not hold true anymore. The fact that the flowers and candy routine has palled is not reason enough to get all flustered and ask for tips on how to re-introduce romance in your marriage. I’m guessing you’ve realised I’m not the best person to ask for advice on matters close to the heart. You can probably do without my kind of prosaic reasoning when you’re battling the decline of what you once thought was the ideal relationship. But HP seems to think I can help.
Which isn’t such a great testimonial when you stop to think about it. HP also thinks I know the answer to questions like ‘What is 2G technology?’ I’d like to know that myself! Apparently once I’m done doling out advice on how to find a soul mate and how to trap a man into marriage I can move on to waxing eloquent on social networking sites and blutooth technology! The thought of Twitter makes me sputter and if I can throw light on the many faces of Facebook I would be a genius, but perhaps I underestimate myself. The pundits at HubPages think I would be well employed debating the merits of one networking site against another, and they couldn’t be wrong. Or could they? Perhaps I’d better stick to talking about food. I’m becoming quite adept at slipping a reference to chocolate into all my hubs. Or haven’t you noticed yet?
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LOL, are you in league with HP or what, Ravin? :P
Anyone who has been married is an expert on marriage. Anyone who has been divorced, is an expert on when to call the marriage off.:PI have been reading the advice being doled out on the forums.
I think blogs and Twitter and being online gives everyone and Prince Harry the right to vent their views. I think some of it can be fun reads,even insightful, but one has to be careful to sift the chaff from the grain and decide what advice might work for one.
I like the Related questions that came up on this particular hub of yours...are you going to answer them? ;)
FP, thanks for bringing me my morning chuckle!
I couldn't resist taking a look at a few pages of questions recommended for me, and no surprise, not one of them contains the word "relationship" or "marriage". Lots of food and recipe requests, though. LOL! HP read me like a book.
You might be much more of an authority than you think. :)
Feline - I'm an expert on marriage. Unless you can bake bread and polish brass a marriage is doomed.
And I actually think you should write a whole lot more about the dark delights of chocolate.
And also perhaps think about keeping me supplied with it ...
Nicely hubbed BTW. Are you still confused?
Diana...you can try your hand at answering some of those questions...be my guest! :P
ST, I'm going to concentrate on food too I think! Just a cowardly cat after all! :P
Bake bread? That lets me out of expert status! Thanks for the reprieve FD! Let us break chocolate together instead! :)
LOL! It's true!! There has to be a software god somewhere with a sense of humor... All of my questions are on children and I'm lucky to have raised most of mine without causing premanent damage or death!!!
Amen for chocolate - nature's way of keeping women from becoming homicidal!
At my first wedding the priest said "Remember, kissin don't last, cookery do".
FP, can you explain to a HP-challenged person what this bit about questions is?
Promise I'll buy you some chocolate haha
Ah, FP.. I believe it's you wise Avatar. It gives us the warm fuzzies. Ah, marriage advice, everyone has one or two to share... Let's get to the 2G,3G,4G stuff.. and a margarita. Cheers!
and just as i thought i had found the right person to seek advice from!!!!!1 or was this hub written for me???????
FP!...that sure was brilliant!:-)
HP knows you are witty and wise and will at least make people shake with laughter, (never mind the shaky marriage!)...so keep up the advice about every/anything under the sun......look forward to each hub with utter eagerness!:-)
Did someone say chocolates? Ummm ... cho-co-lates.
I want to see how you fit chocolates into a hub about 2G technology ;)
Nanny, with a name like that is it any wonder they think you're an expert on handling children? :)
GW, your priest was a smart man! :P
sabu, if you go through the 'Answers' section of HP via the link on the top of the page you'll find another link to 'Questions' - these are requests made by other hubbers. Might be interesting to see which ones are recommended for you to answer. And I'm going to hold you to that chocolate! :)
Candie, my avatar should only indicate my predilection for long naps and lasagne! :P I do surface occasionally when there's mention of margaritas though! Bring 'em on!
neelesh, I can still dole out the advice...how much credence you give it is your call! :P
Ahh Rashmi, making fun of my prophet-ness, are you? :P
shibashake, I'm not even going to try to fit chocolates or anything else into a hub on 2G technology! (What is it anyway?) :P
Thanks for reading, all of you!
Lolol .... one thing is for sure FP: You always crack me up with your choice of words and how you string them all together. With the gumption and wit that shines through your writing, I would not blame men, women and computer software for believing that relationships and technology would be a breeze for you!
Is chocolate really the solution to all problems? There is one big dilemma that lesser mortals have with good things like chocolate and cake, but not with mundane stuff like a husband/wife: You can't have it and eat it too! How does one resolve that quandary? :p
I thought even one G was fascinating, but you can count me in for that class on 2G, 3G and 4G ....
Dear Feline Propet,
I'm writing to you in hopes you will ahve some useful advice on how to spice up my marriage. I have been married for 15 years and I notice that as we get older, we can't engage in the same "games" we used to. I am very concerned at the pile of Playboys piling up in the living room's end table.
What can I do?
Worriedly yours,
Your grateful admirer.
Jaspal, as far as I am concerned, you can have your chocolate and eat it too...that's the whole point! :P
Dear Elena,
Please do not despair..I am forwarding your query to Dear Abby. Tell me what she says! :P
Fraudulent Prophet
I Too, would like to know all those things I don't know about marriage FP. I have stored my chocolates for years, in anticipation that I would find someone who would appreciate the very first box that I had stored. But alas; it seems the ants may have sabotaged my dreams! Do you have ANY - even one suggestion on how to stop the little critters from taking the caramel ones? I ask this of you (as I'm sure so do ohers) becoz you are truely a great writer.
Haha, so now I've progressed to ants! Is there no end to my wisdom? :P
What can I say Pearldiver - eat the caramels before the ants get to them!!
Love the hub, love the humour, love the chocolate...what more is there? Ooooooo caramels........
Hehe, Enelle you're easily pleased! Thanks for dropping by...got a caramel going a-begging?
2G is yesterday, 3G is now, 4G is the future. I think its about cell phones? mine says 3G on it......I suppose I could google it, but then I would have to leave hub pages as I can only view one window at time. Sounds exciting tho...
btw....I dont have one single question recommended for me. Its upsetting because I was counting on that to give me an idea of what to write about...
Cell phones huh? I don't think mine is anywhere that up to date! :P
And don't rely on the questions...now that you've heard how far off tangent they can be! :) Thanks for dropping in dennise!
We're all experts in our own rite. We see things from our own perspective and create our reality from that. If you aren't an expert in relationships for yourself, then who is it we trust enough to make our decisions for us?? And if you are taking others advice about what you should do in your own situation (one that no one else 'truly' understands the complexities and intimacies) then what good is it for us to have free will and our own set of values and beliefs??
That's a fine point you make EM...generalised advice will never work because each of us has our unique situations to deal with.
Twitter me this and Facebook me that,who better to solve a riddle than a prophetic cat.You're rational and logical,rarely gulp or sputter and if you get stuck,blame the milk chocolatey peanut butter!
Hehe, thanks for the vote of confidence! :P
I enjoyed your Hub very much.
Thank you Dr. Kenyon! :)
Who should I marry I need your advice? :)
Hehe BP...and then you'll come back to me for advice on all the questions that follow marriage? :P
What? You don't have all the answers? I'm devastated!
Awww, sorry to let you down RG! :P
She does , she does, she just wants a break from giving the answers! :)
Et tu, cashmere?!!!
My girlfriend told me we could always go to Mexico for a quick divorce, so I married her. Then she said, let's have children, I have a sitter all lined up so we can both work. Getting married is easy. Kids? Holy crap! I regularly called my own parents and instead of saying hello, I opened with, I'm sorry. So, while I am impressed with your pseudo-credentials as a marriage counselor, can you answer all my questions about my two teenagers?
Hehe Jeff, I may be a fraud, but I'm not a total fraud! I will virtuously admit my inability to give you advice on your teenagers on the grounds that I have none! :P
Methinks the feline doth protest too much...or is it simply a case of "what's in a name"? ;) Whatever the reason, I'm sure your next "prophecy" will be as eloquent or cheeky as ever. Thanks for such an entertaining hub! As always...
Hehe RedElf, your faith in me is touching! Thanks! :)
HEHEhe..great work FP. I really liked your work. Keep it up. BTW i need an advice on how to..uhhmm..watever..forget it...LOL.
Thanks jay...and are you sure you don't need any advice? :P
What a WONDERFUL way to start the day FP! With such a well written, stimulating hub, it won't diminish the recommendations to be sure. Perhaps you could write another as proof of your expertise to show your husband - might be good for some added credibility with your next suggestion in a debate :)
Surely you have indeed given some profound wisdom on what it takes to enjoy a great life - in or out of marriage: be humble, maintain your sense of humor and remember, "It’s the making up with chocolate (yes, chocolate) and other thoughtful little gestures that even things out, and we get right on with the business of living." Prophetic indeed Darlin'!
LOL, you aren't having me on are you SEM Pro? Thanks for stopping by anyway! :)
Of course you are entitled to slip in chocolates. Don't you know they are the best mood enhancers. And yes those people in good moods tend to be happy in there relationships. And there you go. We have officially appointed you as the relationship "expert" on HP..LOL :-)
Hey countrywomen, long time no see! And can I have the chocolate without the expert status? :P
Rather "long see no time" ( I LONG to SEE you but NO TIME)....LOL. Unfortunately in comments I can't send pictures but you can have Toblerone (my favorite).
Hehe...thanks anyway! :)
How did I miss this one FP? Hilarious and funny as always. Hope you are feeling more inspired now to go out and crank more Hubs out.
Thanks sabu! :)
I'd say we ALL have to be relationship experts. At least, we have to expert at managing our own relationships. Things are much smoother that way.
How true Sean...but that doesn't mean what works for one will work for others. Thanks for stopping by. :)
Ravin says:
6 months ago
Probably got to do with the tags... and you are a expert really :-P