Whose Holding Whom?

When I was in Junior High or High School, we had to do the components of the Presidential Fitness award. I wasn't thrilled as I'm not an athletic person. Some parts were kind of fun, such as the running long jump. Other facets were hard, like the long distance run we had to do. Another person told me to pace myself, but I thought I was smarter than they were. They were right and I was winded at the end. One part was impossible for me. We were to hang on a bar for as long as we could. Starting wasn't too terrible, but as I hung there, my biceps burned, I think I was soon gasping for air. I hung and hung as long as I could, determined not to let go. Finally, my grasp weakened and my sweaty fingers lost hold of the bar, and I fell to the ground. It seemed like I had been suspended over the ground for minutes. The gym teacher announced my time and my face flushed red with embarassment. It hadn't been minutes but mere seconds. I do not remember the exact time, but it was a miniscule amount compared to the minutes I needed to hang onto that bar. In the several years that I was required to do the program I never improved too much on the hanging part. I suppose that may contribute to my spiritual problems of hanging in there when things get rough. It's often important to hang tough, and wait until you see God's salvation.

You see, I'm naturally a born runner. No, I never participated in track or even jogged recreationally. I tend to run when things get tough. If I can't put physical distance between myself and the problem, I use emotional space to distance myself. Most of my life, I've ran out when the situation got bad. As a result, I end up going through the same type of problems over and over again. God lets me run away, but then He either puts or allows another obstacle of the same nature to be in my path, time after time. When I was in college, I lived off-campus for a while. I had some problems with my landlord. Looking back I now know that I was the one in the wrong. However, at the time I was sure that it was the landlord's fault. My solution was to run, yet again. It seemed to me to be the best way out, both for me and for the landlord. I had a wise roommate. She told me that "you can't keep running all your life." Many times over the years to follow, that I thought about her words.

Recently, I've finally began to understand God's ways more clearly. I do not claim to understand God, as I do not believe that any human alive can claim such a thing. However, I understand a few things a wee bit better than I did a few months ago. Why does it seem like the same types of problems keep cropping up over and over? I believe that God wants me to learn to deal with problems instead of pushing them aside. There is power in going "through" a situation. Going around a problem always brings me back to square one. I end up where I started, still facing the same set of circumstances. I would much rather have new problems rather than old ones. Obviously, I would rather have no problems, but that is unrealistic. Jesus said in John 16:33, "In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." Since we will have problems, it is good to know that there is an answer.

What to do with the problems becomes the question. "But I have overcome the world." God sent Jesus as a frontrunner for us. He was tempted in all ways as we are, went through every type of situation. He knows our weaknesses. (Hebrews 4) Jesus, being the only sinless man, could deprive the problems of the ability to harm us. Most often we still must go through, but we can come out the other side as victors. It is our own choice and the result of our choices where we end up. I want to end up on the other side of the problem, not at the beginning one more time. Many times I have looked at the Christian life as an endurance contest. I had a "just hang on" philosophy. But that isn't God's best, His best is for us to overcome. To overcome, there must be an obstacle. Some obstacles are small and it is possible to just hop over them. Some big ones you might run at and like a hurdle jump over. A really suave person might even do it gracefully and in mid-stride. Not being very physically graceful I can get over but I might tip the hurdle over doing it. The problem is the bigger obstacles. For those I have to use some type of force.

I remember as a child having to pick up stones in the garden. It was a ritual we did every spring. I think one time I asked where these stones come from. We'd pick them all up and then the next year, there would be more to pick up. It wasn't particularlly fun. My mother told me that over the winter, the ground freezes and shifts and more rocks appear. It certainly didn't seem fair to me, but out we'd go to the garden. Sometimes we'd put the stones in buckets and haul them to the outside of the garden and dump them. On occasion, I'd stoop over what appeared to be a medium sized stone, and pull. Nothing would happen. Then I would have to get the hoe or shovel and dig it out. Depending on how big the stone was, this could be time-consuming. It was amazing to me how often it the stone looked small, when in reality it was rather like an iceberg. You could see the tip, and there was a lot more underneath where you couldn't see. I do not recall ever having a stone that was so big that it needed expert help. In some places, that could have been the case.

Problems can be like those stones. Some I can pick up and just throw out of the way. A minor inconvenience, but not a big deal. Other stones are bigger and need application of faith, prayerand the word of God to get them out. Then there are the bigger ones that the more faith that is applied the bigger they appear, for a while at least. These may even need to be carted out. Sometimes a problem can be bigger and outside help is needed. You might even need to use some dynamite. Thank God, He has given us the tools that we need to get rid of obstacles. Patience isn't a popular word in Christian circles. However, often patience and lots of time, faith and the use of prayer and the word of God is needed to overcome our problems. It is tempting in these times to give up. I might think or tell God, "hey I've been praying about this for a year, or five or ten". It is so important to stay the course and not give up. With God all things are possible. I often wonder how many times I've given up, just before God was about to move on my behalf?

So in my problem that seems like it will never end, I'm hanging on for dear life. It seems like I've been dealing with this situation for years, and perhaps I have. My hands are getting sweaty. After all, it's been such a long time, and I'm still waiting for God to do something. My arms have no strength and even my fingers are tired, cramped and my body is sagging towards the ground. A well-meaning Christian may be cheering me on, telling me to hold on, and I strengthen my grip, but my muscles are screaming for oxygen, as the sweat breaks out on my forehead. Despair begins to well up inside as I have reached my own limits. Finally, as I cannot hold out one more second, my fingers slip from the bar and I head toward the ground. I am expecting to hear a thump as I hit the ground, but instead I am bouyed upwards. God's hand comes down and grips my wrist. Our hands clasped, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. His hand is cool and dry and peace surges through my hand to the rest of my body. He assures me that no matter how long it takes, He will never let me go, that He will be with me as I go through this thing called life. He doesn't always keep the problems away, but He promises to never leave me, and never forsake me.

Again, I realize, it isn't about me, it's all about Him. About His love, His care and concern, it's for His fame and glory. When I let go, He grabs hold of me and keeps my feet from failing.I could grasp His hand and think that I'm holding on to Him, but in reality, He is holding on to me. So often in my pride I may think that I did it, but He is so much stronger, and He will not allow me to fall. Even if I tried to let go, His hand is strong and His grip doesn't fail. If I allow His peace to flow through me, He will reassure me, and quiet me as a mother does a child. It is up to me, whether I allow His peace to rule my life. I can concentrate on the problem and feel like I'm flailing about in waters too deep for me to survive. But He is still holding onto me. If I can relax in His hands, I can enjoy my life. I can go through situations that seem impossible. His love for me is unfathomable. He will never let go, no matter what the situation is. Why He cares so strongly for me, I will never understand this side of heaven. But the fact remains that He is love, and He loves me. He is with me through good times and through bad times. There will be times when He walks with me through things that seem like they will overtake me. Shadows can be scary and appear larger than life. If I learn to look into His face and be reassured, His love will overtake me and peace can reign in my heart.