There are scammers, fake profiles, rude chatters, crude emails, rampant solicitation, messy site navigation and yet…. there are millions of people around the world joining adult oriented dating sites and the numbers are growing fast. In the US alone, one website has over 15,515,000 + members, worldwide that number is double at over 31 million.

So what is the number one reason so many people join? Freedom. Freedom of expression, freedom to share your most innermost fantasies without fear of judgment, in short, freedom to be yourself is the potential reward.

In a culture that is predominantly puritan in its’ societal rules - this freedom, to expose your innermost sexual preferences and needs, meets a need for many who are frustrated by the judgmental nature of our peers. We may be inundated with passion and sex on the screen but the free love of the 60’s has been replaced with fear of sexual diseases, right wing intolerance, exposure and subsequent loss of professional credibility, loss of acceptance by your community and loss of one’s reputation.

One of the most challenging aspects of dating is that one never really knows what the person that one is dating truly likes sexually until long into the relationship, if truly ever. There is a fear of exposure, judgment and shyness that is inherent with a face to face encounter. Everyone is on their best behavior and reluctant to expose the intimate preferences that each of us possess. Women in particular do not usually feel comfortable expressing their “kinky” side for fear of being labeled easy, a whore or worse. Men are somewhat more open in expressing their desires but less so with a woman he really likes. He will not want to scare her off by sharing his “naughty” side. The fact that there are 10 times as many single men looking for single women on these adult sites as vice-versa is evidence that men do have not only a strong desire for this kind of openness, but also are less afraid to express and seek it. Of course, their affinity for porn is also in large measure responsible for the lopsided numbers.

The sites offer a unique opportunity to peel back most of the layers that can take years of discovery to achieve from a partner. There is an instant perceived intimacy that can be enormously erotic in nature. You are allowed to express every part of your sexual self without inhibition and under the initial cover of anonymity. Obviously this anonymity can lead to enormous abuse by some users who create false profiles, but the core attraction remains the same.

The options for websites is quite varied from general interest like Adultfriendfinder.com,
Wildmatch.com, SexSearch.com, SexyAds.net, Hotmatchup.com, IwantU.com, Adultloveline.com, RedPersonals.com to very specific sites geared toward any specific predilection or preference you might have. There are even useful directories that review most of the sites and how they operate – directoryofdating.com and datingsitesreviews.com.

There is an enormous attraction due to the fact that you can type in your every naughty fantasy and preference and in seconds search for those who match your desires. It can save so much time and aggravation. Many of us have spent years with partners who didn’t really meet our sexual needs or who were to “vanilla” and unapproachable about being adventurous in bed. This is one outlet where one can explore those avenues and see if they are really what you want. If nothing else, there is a lot of visual stimulation available to feed your imagination.

Unfortunately for men out there it isn’t as easy to hook up as you might think. The odds are stacked against you. Men will be bombarded by solicitations from women wanting payment for a hookup or fake bot responses. However, there are many legitimate women available, although the young, hot babes are far and few between. You will find mostly 40’s plus women who have embraced their sexuality and are willing to take a risk. As there are 10 to 1 men to women, you had better have your best foot forward to make a first impression, and that does not equate to putting a pic of your privates on public display. Most women still want to see a man’s face first and then proceed to get to know you. But many men, being visual by nature, love the idea of being seen and exposed. The mere thought of women seeing their pic, is often enough to illicit their arousal, and that’s fine if that’s enough for them. For those looking to actually have a face to face with a woman a more tactful approach is more effective.

Women, on the other hand, have to weed through dozens of “hits” via email or winks or whatever method that website employs. As a result, they pay most attention to those who take a personal approach to contacting them. A reference to the fact that they actually read your profile is immensely helpful. I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve gotten that say “you’re hot, I love you pic” and I don’t have a pic posted.

The men who’ve made it through my scammer, player, married, and disgust filter are relatively few, even fewer are those that I agreed to meet. The results of the personal meet ups were surprisingly good. I’ve managed to establish some long term friendships, exciting adventures, and had a couple of discards due to chemistry. Of course, I also acquired one stalker, but that’s another story.

Use with caution, listen to your gut, be honest without premature personal exposure, and test the waters for yourself if adventure is something you seek.