Do you know anyone who's ever had an extramarital affair? I'd bet dollars to donuts that you do and don't even know it. It is estimated that 60% of men and 40% of women will have an extramarital affair at one point or another. Those numbers are staggering, considering most people believe it will never happen to them.

While the prevalence of affairs is quite high, the survival rate is surprisingly low. Consider this:

• Approximately 20% of affairs last less than two months
• Approximately 50% of affairs last more than one month, but less than a year.
• The remaining 30% last more than a year
• Very few last more than four years
• Around 3% result in marriage

Thought provoking, isn't it?

To illustrate the typical way in which affairs usually begin, let's look at the story of Mike, Julia and Karen.

Mike and Julia meet, fall in love, get married and have two children. All is well and good for a while, until the everyday challenges of real-life start to set in. It's not long before Mike and Julia put less focus on their marriage and put more focus on everything else. They begin to take each other for granted. The romance is gone and conversations are reduced to talking about the day, the kids or the weather. At this point, the marriage becomes susceptible to a breech. And this is where it all starts.

Mike meets Karen. It starts out as a friendship -- harmless dialogue. Then before long, Mike and Karen begin to reveal personal details about their lives and their struggles. They find solace in each other. As they continue to confide in each other, a bond forms.

When Mike comes home at night, he and Julia have little to say to one another. And what words are spoken are usually of a negative nature. Mike finds himself thinking obsessively about Karen. After all, she is the one who really gets him.

Before long, Mike and Karen take their friendship to the next level, and it becomes physical. Mike experiences exciting new feelings from within -- feelings, he realizes, he no longer has for his wife. This new-found relationship is euphoric, it's magical, it's love. Or so he thinks.

As mentioned earlier, statistically, affairs don't stand much of a chance. And there are some good reasons for that.

Infatuation does not equal love:

Affairs, just like many romantic relationships, begin with a period of infatuation. Wikipedia describes this feeling as "the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love". It is this infatuation that makes a person feel as though they are in love. But the fact is, infatuation is not sustainable. It is a stage in a relationship that eventually dies down -- a stage that will either lead to the beginning of the end or to a more mature love. It is what is beneath that infatuation that will determine the success of the relationship. And this brings me to my next point...

Affairs are based on secrecy:

Affairs thrive in the dark. It is often the sneaking around that feeds the excitement of the relationship. Once the relationship is exposed to the light of day, some of that "magic" disappears. No longer do the two share a secret that once bonded them together. Now, external influences come into play.

When the relationship goes public, it is no longer protected by the bubble of secrecy. The fact is, friends and family play an important role in a relationship. This may seem counter-intuitive. I mean, isn't a relationship about two people and nobody else? Yes and no. Yes, ultimately it's about how two people carry on a relationship with each other. But outside influences cannot be underestimated -- they help to shape the dynamics of that relationship.

Let's look once again at Mike and Karen. When Mike finally takes his relationship with Karen into the open, friends and family struggle to accept the the idea. They are disappointed in Mike and resentful of Karen. The children are angry at their dad and perceive Karen as the woman who replaced their mom. Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family is akward. And gone are the "couple" friends Mike once knew when he was with Julia.

Relationships that face the typical everyday burdens of life have a hard enough time staying strong. Now, add onto it these additional atypical issues, the relationship will be exposed to greater-than-average stress.

Affairs merely cover up pre-existing relationship issues:

Affairs typically begin when a marriage is failing. However, just as it takes two to make a marriage, it takes two to break a marriage. But when in the throws of a new relationship, the involved partner is too preoccupied to for any kind of self-reflection. In Mike's case, he only sees where Julia is at fault. For him, it is easier to blame Julia for his infidelity, rather than take any responsibility of his own. And by jumping into a new relationship without taking the time to look within, Mike is destined to repeat the same mistakes in the new relationship as he did in the marriage. A successful relationship requires an awareness about what each partner brings to the relationship -- good and bad.

It is important to remember that an affair is the symptom, not the cause, of a marriage in trouble. While it may seem as though the marriage is beyond repair, this can actually be an opportunity to build to a better and stronger marriage.

Additional resources:

• How to Heal The Marriage After an Affair
• Tips For a Happy Marriage
• Divorcebusting.com