Why Can't I Find My Soulmate?

The disappointment I hear in the voices of the women who are lonely and looking for romance in their lives is haunting.

“Why do I keep attracting the jerks and losers?”

“All of the men in my age group are married or satisfied with being single.”

“What if I never meet the love of my life?”

Ouch.

There is a hidden key to finding the man of your dreams and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with your past lovers or the emotionally distant relationship you might have with your dad.

The key to finding a man who gets you and loves you is to fully recover from the hurts from the women in your past.

What you say?

How can my friendships with women have anything to do with finding my soul mate?

Let me tell you a story.

When Janna went to college, she felt really lucky. She hadn’t fit in with the cool kids in high school and was a loner. College was different though. She met people she could relate to and began to find friends.

Naïve and open, she began to trust these girls and let herself be known more and more deeply. It was fun to come home to the dorm and always find someone up, no matter what time it was, to share about dates, guys and guys.

These were really great friendship times and Janna flourished.

Then, out of the blue, Janna met a guy of her own. It was an instant crush. Every cell in her body vibrated when she thought about him. Body, mind and soul all completely captured by this wonderful man.

She fell hard and, lucky for her, so did he. Janna and Dan began hanging out together as often as they could. They didn’t really date, they just hung out. It was comfortable and fun and felt very right.

What happened next with her girlfriends blindsided her completely. Janna’s roommate, Kate, was going through a messy breakup with her longterm boyfriend at the time. Somehow, they saw Janna’s time spent with Dan as an abandonment of Kate.

As they made their stance more and more clear, Janna was faced with a difficult choice. Her girlfriends or…..her soulmate.

Of course she chose Dan. He was her whole world.

What a time it was. The chemistry was strong and steady. They got each other. It was so easy to be together and they couldn’t get enough of each other.

It was completely natural for them to spend more and more time together. And so they did.

Kate was going through a devastating time, there is no quarrel with that. But try as she might, Janna could not read the situation. Her love for Dan was all she wanted. She only knew one thing for sure and that was that she did not ever intend to hurt anyone.

The price was high though. In the not fully informed decision making of a teenage crowd, Janna was excised from the group.

At the time, it didn’t seem to matter. The hurt and disappointment was completely hidden by the overwhelming chemistry between Janna and Dan.

The loss of the friendships, the support, the smiles, the involvement the fun of girlfriendness was never addressed at the time.

When Janna and Dan broke up after a passionate, complicated and significant length of time, Janna was left not only without her soulmate and her girlfriends, she also had taken a huge hit in the area of trust. After all, she had picked those girls and her soulmate and those choices were filled with drama and trauma.

Unaware of the unexpressed disappointment still deep in her memory, Janna never trusted women again. Holding her heart closed from other girls, she could comfort herself knowing she couldn’t get hurt like that again.

Fast forward ten, twenty years or so. Janna now has had many women friends over the years but few that have sustained themselves.

She is lonely and, truth be told, desperate to meet a man to be with. She wants what she had with Dan. She wants to feel that excitement again. The wanting of it is steady and intense. "Where is he?" She cries into her pillow at night. "Why can’t I meet him?"

Freeze Frame:

The betrayal of women, by women, is the single most injurious of emotional wounding. Self protective postures and behaviors keep women at arms length from each other.

Ask yourself, how many women do I trust completely?

Unless you are very different than most, you come up with a very low number.

What in the world does all this have to do with your invisible soulmate?

Everything.

When you are drawn into a relationship with an unconscious (which by its nature is naïve and open, bless its heart) desire to fulfill both a girlfriend's and a boyfriend's roles, the result is always devastating. Whether it ends sooner or later, the results are the same. The relationship is lopsided and, without help, pretty doomed.

Not many men are going to be attracted (in the invisible but oh so real world of energetic signals.)to you with this signal. Men run from neediness every time. They can’t be everything to you and you wouldn’t want a man who thought that he could. Trust me.

They read it with their Man Radar.

Yuck, you say, I don’t want to radiate that!

Are you ready to start doing things differently?

How serious are you about finding your soulmate?

Take an inventory and see how many of your past female friendships ended badly. Check in with your heart to see if past betrayal still hurts. You are holding yourself back in your search for your soulmate because the pain of a broken heart seems worse than being alone.

Learning to open your heart again toward women will put you on the fast track to receiving the man the Universe has been trying to bring to you.

Before you say that you don’t have any issues with those mean girls, ask yourself this question:

Why am I still single?

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Catherine Behan, Mom, Grandma, Author, Teacher, Intuitive Guide, Spiritual Mentor and Mind Tuner is enjoying a dream come true renaissance life. Are you out of tune with your man? Did he used to be in to you but now you are not so sure? Were you sure he was your soul mate and now you are thinking, "What was I thinking?"

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