Sex or Love Men Just Don't Get It
83Sex or Love - Men Just Don't Get It
Why don't Men Understand Women? many women think that men do not understand women because they confuse love with sex. Men do not do a lot of research like women before they get into a relationship. If the chemistry (physical) is there as well as the visuals (pleasing body shape and image) they strike up a conversation and thinks that the relationship is done once the two of them hit the sack. Women think more emotional about the relationship and most of them could care less like Shania Twain if he looks like Brad Pitt or not. Most women are looking for men who will care for them dearly and communicate with them once in a while.
Since men have this visual thing going on, it is surprising that the less than attractive women get attention from men at all. As they say, there is a man for every woman and more likely than not, the woman will be the one who accepts him regardless of his shortcomings, looks including. The woman will accept a man with his shortcomings as long as he is faithful and is not spreading his love all around town.
Most men will not agree to relationship counseling or relationship help because they think that a party outside of the two in the relationship is not qualified to correct a relationship problem. Most men are very independent concerning their relationships and wants to be in control of the relationship on their own term. So relationship therapy is out of the question as most men will rather leave the relationship than to (quote "talk and talk about the relationship" unquote) in relationship therapy or group support sessions.. Because men do not like to talk, it is difficult to figure men out and answer the question: "Why don't men understand women?" No one seems to be able to get willing participants for a scientific study or report together and relationship therapy seem to be totally out of the question.
One woman said that the reasons men do not understand women can go on and on. The reason that the answer to this uestion can go on and on is because more likely than not, the man is not going to reveal his soul or inner most feelings.. Women, after a sexual encounter feels a closeness and intimacy that make her think that she can discuss the most sensitive details of her life with her lover. The woman must be careful however, because the man having gotten his pleasure is more likely dozing off, already asleep or just not listening.
Women do not understand men because men are also independent in their thought patterns about their feelings and emotions in regards to a relationship. He feels that it is nobody business but his own when it comes to how he feels and that includes the woman in the relationship. How many women have asked a man if he loved her and to hear him say something like, "I pay the bills don't I?" Or a man may answer a woman with the swagger, "I had sex with you didn't I?" The latter statement is the clincher because he obviously got sex confused with love. But look ladies, as long as he is paying the bill and that the relationship exist, why try to understand something that can not be understood: How a man think in regards to a relationship?
Questionand Answer Section on Men Understanding Women
The Difference Between Love and Sex
The difference between love and sex have a tremendous bearing on why men do not understand women. Women are in the relationship for love and men are in the relationship for sex, plain and simple. Have a man ever explained to you what love was once he told you those three magic words or did he promptly lead you to the bedroom like he had just paid his ticket. The word committment must be mentioned too, because love brings committment to the relationship and few men are willing to give up their freedom for just one visitor to his bedroom.
Just look at the differences between the bachelor parties and the bridal showers. At the bachelor parties the bridegroom is supposedly attending his last and greatest party complete with half naked strange women as in strippers. Women are busy at the bridal shower trying to find something blue for reasons they do not know but to be insync with the old saying. Very seldom do you see half naked men at bridal showers. Bridal showers may as well be a tupperware party compared with the bridgegroom's last fling.
The bridegroom do not want to give up his freedom to play and have fun. The bride has already figured out how many children they are going to have and probably have picked out names. So you see, men and women are very different and this difference is why it is so difficult for the sexes to understand each other. Later on in the marriage once the status quo has set in and you think the forty days of sex is a joke, then cohabitation began as the man and woman live together harmoniously if not in great imagined bliss.
Men thinks that sex is the answer to their love jones and women thinks that love conquers all as the saying goes. If women reads publication after publication of Cosmopolitan and is set on getting her sexual IQ to that of a man, will that effort level the playing field? If men read novel after novel of romantic fancies, will that effort level the playing field? It is good that both men and women are on the same playing field but it is obvious that the two are playing too very different games. Men are playing for sex equal loves equation and women are playing for love equal a relationship forevever equation. There are no parallel in such a relationship and the only hope is to coexist respecting each other differences.
Men will rarely be so in love with a woman that he will tear up over losing her in a relationship. Men are just not built that way. They are still told not to show their emotions while women are allowed to weep and wail to their heart's content as a feminine way of showing joy and sadness. Men do not understand women because it was just not meant to be. Such an understanding would make life too easy for women but women still need a man to love so they try to keep the monologue going.
Men Don't Understand men
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Comments
James A Watkins, thank you for your comment. You gave me a new idea for another hub: "A Lot of Hooking Up Leads to Hurt Relationships." I agree that societal mores have lifted and women are more giving but still expect to grow a relationship from a few nights together while men may be off to a new conquest. You must have listened to the video as well with your latter comment about men not wanting someone who has "been around." Your comments are always welcome.
i'm totally disagree with your statements. not all men are like that, n my case it seems the opposite. my wife cheated on me with her boss. we came to the conclusion that we grew apart. it was wrong to have an affair. she knows that now but it's really hard for me to continue knowing that she won't leave her job and she'll continue seeing her boss everyday.. she also confessed that she's still in love. i'm torn apart and i was the one telling HER to seek counseling and SHE'S the one that refused to go.. and have you never heard of a bride's bachelor party with naked men?!!you're really naieve! well, my wife did have one..
hopeless case, thank you for your comment. I have compassion for your marital situation that your wife found it fit to seek love and romance at the beckoning of her boss. You have to wonder what exactly was missing at home to make her want to crave a party with naked men. My belief is that if she was satisfied at home that she would not have sought attraction from a workplace boss which jeopardizes her job. I hope that you are more hopeful about your relationship and seek counseling even though your wife refuses. It seems as though she has already come to the conclusion that the two of you just grew apart. It is difficult to grow back when one persons has outdistanced the other in a relationship. The relationship become similar to a race where one of the runners contine to run to win the race while the other lags behinds or gives up.
Since, you have not quite come to grips with your relationship or maybe does not understand what went wrong with your relationship, I suggest that you seek professional counseling without your wife. The counselor may suggest that you change you moniker to one of hopeful case that would shed a more positive light on yourself and your situations..
i already started seeing a counseler. i know what drove us apart, i'm willing to forgive and forget but it's hard livng like this. she only went once to the counselor. she promised to put the affair behind her, 3 tmes already. she continued sendng love texts and calling him for other thngs but work.one time she was with talking on the phone with her boss, she sounded really n love and just told me that s was somebody else! when i tracked her cellphone traffic i confronted her and she confessed. the thing is,she wants to be an ob/gyn doctor and there's only one place where she can do that in my country. so she HAS to work wth him everyday... in fact for the rest of her life, because when she's done with her education she has to settle n that hospital...
Hopeless case, thank you for your comment.
You must continue to request that your wife see a counselor. It is inconceivable that she will be trapped in a job forever because education was provided to her by her boss. Her decision to continue talking to the boss in a romantic tone does not make sense.
I think that she wants to keep you following behind her so that she feels special always having you while continuing to communicate with her boss. I believe that this is not a hopeless situation. If you are really in love with her, then by all means keep trying to convince her to see a counselor; hopefully with the two of you together.
You may have to be the one to let go of someone who is playing around not only with your feelings but with her life. Does she expect you to continue to track her calls and her texts when it is so clear that she may be in a relationship with her boss and it involves more than schooling.
Find some strength within youself, your friends, your family, your clergy or a counselor and see if you can make a life for yourself or at least to stop being so concerned about someone who is not concerned for your happiness.
It seemed that she wants to keep you in this clinging position forever and why? Because of her career. What about your career? What about your life? You may have to learn to let go and move on unless she has become in incurable habit.
Be mindful that this is only my opinion as I have not heard her side of the story. The counselor is the optimal go-to person as their job is to find a solution that will cause peace between the two of you. Make a move for the better but do something that is for your good.
I agree with the authors comments: if I guy is getting what HE wants, he's content. There rarely seems to be much in the way of consessions with guys. What a women wants from a man just doesn't seem to be important enough for the man to acquiese. But if a women doesn't give up what he wants, he'll just move on. I have been made to feel less of a women because I do not measure up with the half naked women that he can find at any time on the web. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not that scary to look at....I'm just not 38-26-34. I of course could lose a few pounds (10-15 would put me in my 'optimum range') I'm just the average woman. I'm 5' 6", about 160, long brown hair, still a bit curvy, and carry myself well, and know how what to do with a man when I have them. I also have a personality! Yet, because I haven't graced the cover of SI, our relationship suffers....wait, MY relationship suffers...he seems to be fine as long as he's content in the bedroom. Men don't realize that there needs to be interaction outside the bedroom, and that will only make things better for all involved!!!! Men just haven't evolved yet, and I'm not holding my breathe that they ever will.
just me says: Thank you for your comment. I am in complete agreement with you. Men will leave a relationship if they do not find what they need which is usually a woman of the physical make up that you mentioned that is not assertive in what she wants from the relationship. If she becomes too demanding then he will more often than not walk away from the relationship. The normal course of action is that he will start promising to meet with her and then make an excuse not to show up or will just stop calling. The latter is the common way out of the relationship if he finds himself in a relationship with someone who wants to voice her opinions. Men have not evolved yet to give women the benefit of the doubt that we are viable human beings with a whole lot of patience to put up with some of their behaviors.
Here's a shocker - men can actually do without sex if he is respected. Believe it or not if a man feels that his wife, girlfriend, etc respects him and trust him it is a substitute for sex. Most men focus on sex because it's the best way to overcome insecurities. But if he feels respected, trusted, and useful believe it or not he will adjust to his partners sexual needs. The challenge...he must feel this way at all times. Scary huh?!
No, it is not a shocker just a fictional comment that seems to have been written from a feminine point of view. This comment dripping with the lovable words of respect and trust if from a man seems have been lost in translation. This comment of overcoming insecurities seem to come from a man who have lost the thrill and have gotten use to going without intimacy. Respect and trust are all intangibles and are things that women would like most from a relationship. The sexual needs of a virile man would want to consummate his love in a way pleasing to his woman. Sex is no way to overcome insecurities. Most men overcome insecurities by either being the go to person in a relationship or by being able to provide for his family or his spouse so that he can man up to his responsibilities. This comment sounds like the lone woman that was in the movie Fight Club. What a relief it was to see the feminine touch amid all of the fighting men showing their "insecurities.
Thanks for this hub it was very helpful
but do you think that women understand men?
eugie17, thank you for your comment. I must say that I think some women do not get it either. I think that they understand their love, feelings and emotions so much for a man that they forget that they need some of the love reciprocated. When the love is not reciprocated or returned to them then they use displacement and put their love toward another interest.
I do believe that love is blind.and As long as you have love for a person, it is difficult for you to see when they may not be putting all into the relationship as they should. You do not see these shortcomings because most women are busy making themselves more attractive for their men, trying out a new recipe for him or making him a comfortable home.
These women who do not get it needs to step out of the kitchen and ask themselves what is their man putting in the relationship other than maybe his paycheck. These women are not asking for wine or roses and probably can't remember the last time they received a "just because gift."
These women who do not get it just wants maybe a thank you for keeping a clean house or a compliment on a few pounds of weight lost. Women do not ask much because they are too busy giving, nourishing and enriching the lives of their men. Women easily pay attention to details because they know that if they leave a detail out, then someone feelings may be hurt.
If a woman can put the right emphasis on what is important to her relationship then she will be happy to have done her part. Men need to learn that the kindest thing they can do for a woman is to not just pay a bill but to simply thank her for dropping their child off to daycare every morning before she goes to work. Men need to thank a woman for being able to save money at the supermarket by having the patience to use coupons. Men need to thank a woman for just being herself and keeping their home in a gala state of a well run household.
Women also need to thank their man for toiling everyday to pay the bills but should let him know that she would like for him to bring more to the table than the television remote.
It is difficult to women to get it because they are the go to person for so many things. The woman will probably know where that missing sock is and know where the extra keys to the car is hidden. Women just has the inate ability to attend to these details. These details may seem mundane but how much brazen the world would be without women.
Whenever the question of women and the purpose in a relationship, people should view the movie, The Fight Club with Brad Pitt. You will be amazed how the brash film is cooled when a woman just walks upon the set. You will be saying thank you silently as the film is what is called a "man's movie and if full of brutal one on one action.
That movie is way outdated but the principal of feminine softness and a woman's penchant to bring calmness to a situation is still applicable. Women who gets it will continue to used displacement is she can not get the love she needs from a man or she will woman-up to the situation.
The woman who gets it should request a thank you for her many chores that her man takes for granted. After awhile, a man who takes a woman for granted becomes invisible to him. She becomes the old ball and chain, the ole lady or just the wife. Women of every age would like to be appreciative for having that tissue and a talk available for a misunderstood teenager. If she is to be called a ball and chain, she would like to see some roses entwined to the chains like the popular Gucci designer handbag. Most women are thankful to be able to help in a dire situation and may not miss the occasional compliment. Most women will not hear the old ball and chain joke as that is normally shared with her man's friends when she is not present.
The women who gets it would continue to be true herself and to her conviction to be happy in her relationship. If she gets joy from the task will use the completion of the task for self satisfaction. A famous movie star once said that she just enjoys doing laundry and so she would not expect a thank you. The task is fulfilling for her and her mate gets to be augmented by having clean clothes. But I betcha that she would enjoy the task even more if upon putting on the nice clean shirt, her partner would kindly thank her with a compliment for a job well done.
Isn't that what it is all about, doing good for others to make this planet a better place for humanity even if no one gets it.Appreciation for clean shirts, thank you notes and compliments, however, guys can be summed up in those perennial three letter words, "I Love You."
You are an interesting individual. I've refrained from commenting as I have been known to speak my mind rather too freely. However, when reading through the responses to see a guy put out there that he DOESN'T Only Need Sex and you jump all over him by saying that he's twisting perspective to make it sound feminine.
To me the Hubs are a way fo commincating. Not one way roads where the author has absolute truth and meaning. Communication where both the reader and the author get a chance to EXPLORE different realities, even though they are not ones we have experienced in our natural lives (maybe).
Forgive me, I mean not to over step the bounds of criticism, I believe we have a right to feel how we feel based on our experience, and far be it for anyone to challege how you experienced you own life. But when receiving responses... isn't the more civil thing to say you disagree but thanks for the input? Someone else may have appreciated the sentiments conveyed by that responder.
My two cents:
Relationships aren't easy... and if they are they aren't the right relationship. How can we get better at something if we haven't been told that it isn't working, or asked How can we make it better? If communication falters, and one Believes their partner only to be interested in the naked parts of the relationship without ever asking the question... how does one expect change and evolution to take place?
I love you is often misrepresented, and dismissed by women if action does not equate that sentiment. That being said means that if hubby/beau isn't taking out the trash, bringing home the bacon, doing the renos when talked about, there is no I love you.. simply if you loved we you would do (Obviously I am stereo typing here). But a guy has feelings and thoughts and wishes and wants as well that DON'T ALWAYS have to do with what You look like.
Please be open minded. Putting things on the web to be subjected to criticism should be ok... as long as we agree we aren't the be all that ends all on the subject.
Good hubbing
Enigmatic Me, I disagree. Thanks for the comment.
Ah learning isn;t it great.
I don't whole heartedly disagree with what you have said, I know people in those situations and know guys who are not honest about there needs in a relationship. But if we can't communicate there is something missing, both men and Women are likely to find someone else who is doing whatever the missing item is... whether it be being a shoulder to cry on, someone that listens, encourages etc. Men aren't the only ones.
Keep writing...I like the challenge.
Enigmatic Me, thank you for your comment. I agree that communication is needed to keep any relationship together. I appreciate the encouragement to keep on writing and like you finding my writing a challenge. Keep in touch.
you are exper in knowing relationship.I dont understand what make you so understanding men!
The trouble... issue ... concern.... can't find the right word... in writing/responding to a hub like this is the matter of whether this is all conjecture... speculation...opinion based on experience... or is it simply someone saying something? And when responding... responders want to take the writer's feelings into consideration.... however, not knowing what pov the writer is writing from... its difficult to respond.
I think, when it comes to gender differences and stereotypes... we all have them. Not only do we all have them, they are generational. Meaning people in their 60s have different stereotypes than those in their 20s. So, as much as its not likely a 60 yr has the same beliefs of those in their 20s, a 20 year old could adopt/adapt to believing and accepting some 60 yr olds stereotypes based on relationships with older individuals (family members).
Alhough that all may be true.... we have the right to choose what we believe, listen to, understand, and the right to walk away from any of that if we wish to do so.
In terms of meeting guys that continually do the same things.... try and meet those who don't.
Generalizaions like these are never universally applicable.
Jess killmenow, thank you for your comment. Understanding men is like understanding human nature on the flip side of women. That is how I look at it but the men's view is another matter.
Enigmatic me, thank you for your comment. I think that gender differences are the result of one's experience and you do have to look at where the author is coming from.
However when you begin to talk about age differences, you are in a whole different ball game. Age differences are also the result of your experiences and how you have responded to the challenges of life.
There are mature 20 year olds as well as youthful 60 year olds, so there is a lot of gray area when discussing responses dependent upon age differences.
Jess Killmenow, thank you for your comment. Generalizations are more applicable to the whole than the individual. Responses has been made to individual comments and with the amount of traffic this hub is getting, the topic has reader relevance.
I am very sorry you have been so hurt in life. I can only say that not every man is the way you descibe. We can not all pay the price for the sins of the past. You obviously have alot built up in your heart about this. Will you write a book? You are very passionate and articulated in your article. i will be sure to read more from you.
Scott.Life, thank you for your comment. I am a strong woman and took what I had to take for the sake of the kids and managed to survive with a newfound wisdom of relationships. I write mostly to empower women who are told by the bible to be submissive and told by society to take it until one of you give up on the relationship. I do plan to write a book called "Constructive Abandonment" in the near future. I appreciate you concept of why I write but it is not so much as the hurt or suffering as to speak to women openly to better understand themselves.
I HAVE BEEN WITH MY WIFE 24 YEARS SEX WAS THE FRIST 2 YEARS UNTIL WE WANTED TO GET MARRY THAN WE HAD TO PLAN HOW WE WANT IT TOGETHER, THE RINGS HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAD,AND SAMETIME YOU AND HIM HAVE TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU WANT,NOT ALL THE TIME MA AND DAD DON,T HAVE THE MONEY, BUT IF YOU WANT IT ,HAVE SAME MORE SEX GO TO WORK , AND DO IT SEIF, NEXT ,LOOK AT HOUSES AND RENTS,PUT EVERYTHING ON LAYAWAY, AND MAYBE IN ONE TWO YEARS YOU CAN GET MARRY,REMEMBER YOU LOVE EACH OTHER, SO KEEP HAVING SEX UNTIL EVERYTHING IS PAY FOR,AND GET 200 DOLLAR FOR EACH OF YOU TO PARTEY, NEXT DAY GET MARRY.
daniewis48, thank you for your comment.
TRUE - 1. men are visual.(the same as all other male primates) 2. men have a stronger sex drive. 3.men guard their feelings( anger not included ). 4. women are more nurturing. 5. women are better at multitasking. These are generalized statements of course. However, 4 million years of evolution cannot be overcome by a few thousand years of civilization.I am thankful for all the differences between men and women. (except for the sex drive)
From the dismal divorces of the last thirty years, it seems that neither men or women are doing their homework.
With a society that spends billions and billions on drugs, it seems that love and sex have taken a back seat in relationships.
Sex doesn't sustain love, but love can sustain even without sex.
Sex with different partners is like sampling new foods, it is a lot of fun and it can be a great experience.
Love is more like having your favorite meal all the time.
BTW, women are not any better than men at picking relationships. The problem is that we are all human and we all have weaknesses that sometime allows us to make bad choices.
....my opinion
catnip09 Thank you for your comment. Generalizations and all are in agreement and normally hold true for the group. The sex drive does seem to get in the way most of the time. I would not envy that trait if I was you.
Opinion Duck, thank you for your comment. Nicely put and well written. Summing your comments to be just human took away a bit but overall great comment.
Ok,it's not hard to see that your topics about anything you write have been apt to capture the female viewers.I am sure that they relate to the feeling that your written words emply.You know,how the bad taste left in your mouth by some guy,who now,it is most evident your reasons for your book and all that you seem to be driven by.The truth is studies have been done and guys are still driven by phermones,where women who primitavily want to be with the alpha male or (succesful,strong,handsome,& ect by todays standards)can under a C.T. Show these stronger emotions(rapid neuroligical activity) you talk about women having after sex with a partner,because there able to concieve offspring.I hope you get a man who treats you with enough respect,you dont have to worry about writing anti male submissive related topics,good luck,he will find you to.
Thanks for writing this Hub. I had problems with it, but but still enjoyed it.
I think the main issues I have with both the Hub and the resulting comments are:
1. Lack of supporting research. It would be nice to be able to have at least one study, if not more, to illustrate the argument--even a poll done on this site would be helpful.
2. Premise. While you may be a young, vibrant, and talented woman, you don't really know what goes on in the heads of most men. I think that in a healthy relationship both partners must understand or at least try to understand the other. If either partner is unwilling or unable to try to meet, or at least respect, each others needs, the relationship is doomed.
3. Tone. I found the hub and many of the comments condescending and occasionally insulting. Saying that men are "not as evolved" as women is ridiculous. Throughout most of history and in most cultures men and women have had clear and separate societal roles. Men and women have each evolved to better fill those roles—and we are not the only species on the planet that has differing gender expectations. Such seems to be the natural order of things—despite what we have done to undue this trend during the last century. Perhaps when men and women have had a few thousand, rather than less than 100 years, to further evolve into their new expectations, we'll get along better.
I will cede to you that men as a whole do not understand women as a whole, but the reverse is certainly true. In order to have a successful relationship, however, which seems to be the desired outcome of your Hub and comments, you need to find someone who "gets" you.
Chance Wilson, interesting name. Thank you for your comment. If you were of the other persuasion, your comment would be written differently. I write articles to empower women to look to themselves for strength in difficult circumstances instead of tossing all of their cares on their man who the world may deem as Atlas.
You took the article the other way and wrote as if I was anti-male but that is not true. I am pro-female and write to empower women to be the best they can be in spite of the circumstances and, yes, in spite of the man they may have in their life.
If you noticed, I have written an article about Women who do not "get it" as well. I would like women empowerment to "get" them as I am now able to share my sentiments online.
I appreciate Hubpages for having a forum for writers like you who express their honest opinions and keep on reading and writing to understand each other better.
Ok you won me over. Well said,sorry I seem insulting, It;s just they way you exploit men by a character in general that seems insulting to your male viewers. I am glad you like to help empower women.It does however make me wonder why your up for the mission. you can tell that your pro-female,but reading your imput intended for the ones with circumstances,just has a lot of negitve influence towards men.Oh yeah, the name chance is western
name.Not to uncommon in southern states,wilson is a english name meaning the son of wil.But anyway,I,m sure though you had to be lashing out because of a history of abuse,sorry for that too.your realy smart and it shows,hope you the best.
Chance, I like your name and thank your for your comment and explaining the meaning to me.
Relationships are hard from either male or female perspectives, unless you understand the principle of four levels of love.
Also - to encourage either male or female readers without encouraging the other at the same time, is short sighted. By choosing to be either pro female or pro male in your encouragement, you unintentionally become anti to the other.
True and meaningful encouragement, "aims at the soul or the heart of humanity" and therefore gender does not become tangled up in an unintentional web....
WHY? -- Because when you encourage to the heart or the soul... there simple is no "gender web" to be tangled in.
I encourage you to take your writing to the next level.... you are a good writer and speak your objective clearly. Encourage humanity without any gender comments stated.
Higher and higher --- or deeper and deeper... touch all our souls with your encouragement. No gender required!
Write on girl!!!
Neil Sperling, thank you for your comment. I find it difficult to write to empower women on the soulful or spirtual level because that is not where most men and women meet in the consumation of a relationship. I appreciate your sentiments but men are the more visual species of the relationship and will toy with a woman's emotions that are in the soulful and spirtual realm.
Recently, men are being invited to visit their feminine side once in a while. When men visit their feminine side, they are at the soulful realm of a woman's nature and then they revert back to their visual selves. You see, there is not much power in the upper realm of one's personality where women have found a place to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is not a good place to be as most women realize when they come down from their soulful selves and see that their man have been operating in the "real world."
In the religious or spirtual realm is where men and women meet and their is no gender differences there. I think that is where your opinion is coming from when you speak of men and women relating on a soulful level. We can all relate to a higher power and in that moment of prayer there is no gender, only your request for peace or solace.
However, when you are relating to another person of the opposite sex outside of the spirtual realm and relationships are in that particular place, then you are not at a soulful place. You can be at a romantic, intimate, and relative place together in a relationship. But you are in fact, relating to each other in a way other than spiritual.
Therefore, it is important that women are empowered with coming down out of their spirtual place of placing their man as their sole communicator of their way of life. It is said that a woman should be submissive to a man and that she is with all of her heart and soul. But where does that leave the man. Who is he answering to if not relating back to the woman on the same spiritual level. More often than not for reasons that are not understandable, men do not relate to women the same spiritual and soulful way in the relationship. It is because of this inequity of the power in the relationship that leaves a women soulfully dependant on a man who does not always have her best interest at heart.
Therefore, it is important that women are empowered soulfully within themselves to rely on her higher power first and then to let a man enter into her life. If the man falters in the relationship, she will still remain a strong woman because she did not place all of her cares on her man.
My writings are not anti-male or pro-female. My writings are to empower women so that they do not waste their lives placing all of her cares on her man as the women magazines guides them to and even their hearts guide them to. I am encouranging women to be themselves and to not try to replace the man in their lives with jobs to prove that they are just as good as men. Society has
yet to comes to terms with the inequities. Men still makes more income than a woman even if they are performing the same job.
Inequities exist but the inequality of placing your soul in the hands of another is almost always the woman's choice. She is raised at an early age that she is the weaker sex and that the boys should do the tougher jobs. However, in matters of the heart, women are deemed to be queen of all emotions. That is why, most women put their spirituality on their man while the man may have his interest somewhere else.
Dr. Phil once said that there are difference in men and women and that is just the way it is.
However, women do have the right to get to know who they are entrusting their soulful emotions to. That is the purpose of my writings which is to make sure that each woman know that she has the propensity to love even the most wretched person. Why? No one knows but the woman who is emitting these feelings has got to be aware that love should be reciprocated because love dwells in the higher level of her emotions.
Your sentiments of encouraging a genderless forum when speaking of love is wellfounded but is not the optimal thing to do given the aforementioned facts and circumstances.
We may in fact meet the opposite sex because the differences in gender attract (same as the opposite poles on a magnet attract) - however it is the oneness within that will make any relationship last... because they become one together. (same as when two bar magnets are joined end to end - they create one magnet with one North and one South pole) Therefore it IS the optimal thing to do if your intent is to strengthen and empower either gender into a place safe for a relationship "with self" to foster growth, alone or with another.
Magnify differences will only create cause for distrust and war.... magnify our similarities and the differences are then easier to tolerate to the point of enjoying them.
If you insist on magnifying differences, then would it not be best to make them lighter...... even laughable? After all - it is just the way it is!
One does not have to magnify the differences to make the point that they are different. Acceptance of the differences with inner peace is the answer. Is it not?
Empowerment without inner peace is not empowerment at all!
One more thing - If as you say "men are the more visual species" is true - then why is it that women are the ones that go to such great length to make themselves visually appealing. Even the picture you selected for yourself here on hubs is selected with visual stimulation in mind.
If men were the most visual, then would it not hold true that men would take the most effort to make themselves visually appealing? Not too many men even here on hubs seem to select pictures that would make them visually appealing.
Something to think about!
Some men don't get it, but there are those who do. You are right, there are always 2 sides to a coin. Humans in general can get confused about love and sex. I left my first husband because he was in love with love. He kept looking for the 'feeling' of love, and sex gave him some of that. He is still the same, changing partners, and miserable. I'm blessed to be married to a man who has love figured out. Great hub for great conversation.
Neil Sperling, thank you for your comment. Men as visually stimulated is factually documented and that is just the way it is. Women have to buy into this and the notion of beauty as a visual stimulate dates back to the biblical days of Ester.
Island Voice, thank you for your comment. I am happy to know that you have a husband who got it right. I wish you both the best.
Island Voice, thank you for your comment. I am happy to know that you have a husband who got it right. I wish you both the best.
Wow, you have an amazingly simplistic view of men, don't you. As a man, and a counselor, I've seen men who get upset over a breakup. Is it because they lost out on sex? No, its because someone they care for is gone. They may express it differently than you do (I specify you because not all women reflect your beliefs), but the anguish is still there.
Your remarks about the visual stimulation: the research shows that women are also visually stimulated to a large degree. As a practical experiment though, tell me the last time you approached an ugly or out of shape man to start a relationship. Humans are visual, we base our standards and expectations on what we see. If we don't like it, we move on. that's human nature.
The ugly people get love too. Why? Because your basic premise is wrong. While visually we may decide whether to approach or not, there are any number of areas where we meet a person and decide for other reason's whether or not to engage them, for instance school or work. A person who may not be successful at meeting someone in a bar will probably meet someone outside those places.
Dark Knight rides, thank you for your response. I pride my writing on using simplicity to get the point across so that women will "get it." Women more often than not and in a majority to men do not always make decisions based on visual stimulus. Women look at the circumstances and make decisions based upon more than a glance to decide if she will say yes or say no. A woman is more concerned about the circumstances instead of what can be visually perceived. There is just no comparison between men and woman in the visual stimulus department and there is nothing that can change that.
Interesting hub. I am reminded of the old saying "women need a reason to have sex, men just need a bed":)
Karen Banes, thank you for your comment.
Linda,
I fear I will not be coming back to this particular hub.
You complicate things by affirming your reasoning (early in responses) as "I'm pro woman", "I am writing to empower women", then write a response where you identify yourself as neither "anti - male" nor "pro-female".
I fear that the objectivity you profess to have has left the building.
I believe you when you write about your personal situation, and how YOU felt hurt and disappointed in the males you have come into contact with. However, your dated thought process on why men are the way they are, and how there can be no changing. I just can't buy into that logic.
I know this topic has brought a lot out in the open, but for me, what truly has come out is woman's unwillingness to understand that they have full control over what she is, what she does, and how and with whom she does it with. We can paint religion, media, culture as the culprit to lessen a woman's feeling that she has a right to choose, however, those are all scape goats.
To truly empower oneself we need not look outside to the people and things to blame for out situations, we only need look inside to convince ourselves "We are worthy of love, affection, commitment,someone who treats us wel, a good paying job etc". DESPITE all of the wrongs we may have endured, despite other's dis-belief in us, despite all of the naysayers... we must believe.
One will never quite be self actualized if they continually seek others to blame for our mis-adventures, or bad relationships.
And as a male I've been offended by your mis-characterization of men. No, not all are able to convey their true baser feelings in a way that is understandable to women, there may be a loss for words, a loss of understanding themselves, but to say that men never attempt to be heard and understood, that they cannot communicate, that they are nothing more than their physiology and anatomy is the farthest thing from the truth,
If you look at literature and music, the lyrics and words that bring about the feelings being emoted (conveyed, shared) by men are succinct and well played. As much as poetry is veiled in this foggy understanding, the underlying meanings are there for all to grasp. So too is this fogginess in any relationship (employee/employer, colleague/friend, lover/partner). The issue isn't what the meaning is, it is how it is extracted and understood by the one we are trying to explain ourselves to.
I wish you luck in any and all endeavours you may have for yurself, but, be honest with yourself throughout... hurt, pain and anguish can linger in our lives because we allow it to.... not because all men are dirt.
I bid adieu, and appreciate all that has been said and written in this blog, and about this blog.
To thine own self be true!
Enigmatic me, thank you for your comment. You read into what I write so detailed that I was a bit surprised to find out that you are not a woman. I stand by everything I write and I do not only draw from my experiences but from reading about other people lives who may have been in the same predicaments.
I know that I will hear from you again. Why? Because you invested entirely too much time in your responses not to check back periodically to see what lindagoffigan has written now about empowering women. I look forward to hearing from you again and appreciate all that you have written in reference to this subject. I like the saying and it bears repeating: To Thine own self be true! Woman I hope that you have been following this article and agree with what Enigmatic me said and that is that to truly empower ourselves, we need only to look to ourselves for strength. Nicely said and I will be hearing from you, I am sure.
I understand women. There wants needs and desires regardless of physical appearence. She may have a PHD in Nuclear physics, but I always see the little girl that wants to play..to be noticed...to be valued...to be loved..to be needed. Who needs TV anyway...
Interesting.... I can agree with what you are saying. I think one of the main issues is the difference in thinking between men and women wheni comes to sex.... Women want passion when it comes to sex so they get more attached from the beginning usually. As far as men, for the most part we just want the feeling. It takes a while for a man to graduate from just the feeling of sex to the actual intamacy. I do believe there can be a balance though... I wrote a hub similar to this... It's based more on the lack of sex in a marriage.
Michael, thank you for your comment.
Michael, thank you for your comment.
Michael, thank you for your comment.
MrOricle1973, thank you for your comment. I read the article you wrote and enjoyed your sentiments.
MrOricle1973, thank you for your comment. I read the article you wrote and enjoyed your sentiments.
MrOricle1973, thank you for your comment. I read the article you wrote and enjoyed your sentiments.
MrOricle1973, thank you for your comment. I read the article you wrote and enjoyed your sentiments.
MrOricle1973, thank you for your comment. I read the article you wrote and enjoyed your sentiments.
Linda, again I find your article to be extremely general, so I feel I must respond with my own point of view. Although I do admit that most men are primal and sexual, I do not share these sentiments in any way. I will be the first to admit that I am not a typical man and I think it is because of this that I seem to constantly meet women who also do not meet your criteria. I have had far too many experiences where I have met women and attempted to sleep with them largely because of their insistence and persistence and then, in turn, cannot physically perform because of a lack of emotion towards that particular woman. I have personally had many experiences where I have had sex on the first date because of my date taking the initiative and then followed up with phone calls, e-mails and such only to be completely stonewalled or ignored. This is simply my own personal experience and I can't speak to my entire gender or yours, but my experience in sexual relationships has been so consistently the opposite of what you describe that I felt compelled to communicate this to you. I may have told you in a previous response to one of your hubs that I have been severely infatuated with a particular woman for three years and have not dated at all in the last two years as a result of it, at least in part. The other part would be my previous relationship experiences which I will touch on in a bit. But the word infatuation in this particular case is a word I use for lack of a better one, since I don't know her well enough to say truly that I love her, but I also recognize that infatuation simply doesn't last for that long, especially when the person in question is so relentlessly discouraging. She was the one who insisted I go home with her one night, but I refused because she was in a commited relationship. I may not have had I known how these feelings would evolve and also had I known it would make her feel so rejected. However, she made it very clear she did not consider my feelings when she made the assumption that, because I'm male, that I would sleep with her regardless of her relationship status. Needless to say, this has caused me a lot of sleepless nights, but most of it has to do with previous experiences. One which I feel compelled to site as an example is when I was working a particularly low-paying job and had a girlfriend whom I supported for two years while she was out of work. Instead of looking for a job, she spent most of her time playing video games in our apartment while I was at work. In the time we actually did spend together she was particularly non-communicative except when she would ask questions like, 'what's for dinner' or 'when are you getting a real job', or 'we haven't had sex in two days. What's up with that?'. Once she did get a job, she met a guy who was living off of a trust fund and left me for him. Now, mind you, I was glad to be rid of her in the long run, but it obviously did not do wonders for my trust issues, which were not particularly strong to be begin with. Now, I am willing to accept the possibility that I may be much more in touch with my feminine side than most men are and, perhaps because of this, I tend to be drawn to women who have a more masculine spirit. But I simply couldn't read your hub and not respond to it the way I did. And for the most part I will admit that far too many men and women fit the criteria you laid out all too often. Thank you for letting me share this with you and I look forward to reading about your views on relationships in the future. That is, of course, so long as you don't mind my responses.
Jonathan Janco, thank you for your comment. I do not mind your responses at all and in fact I welcome comments to my articles. You were reading my mind as I read your response, I said that this guy must be in these relationships using most of his feminine side. Your two experiences mentioned were not optimal and it is good that you learned from them. The relationship where the partner was obviously a freeloader was an easy assessment. However the relationship that caused you to not relate to women for a year is what is a bit disturbing. You seem to be able to make good assumptions about your relationships and I am responding as a favor. Surprising to hear that you were unable to perform when invited. But you seem more concerned with your emotions at the time so you put quite a lot of emphasis on how you feel about a person even for noncommittal situations.
I see this topic has a lot of views about love and sex. I have also written a hub called (Your Husband Needs You To?)
With a couple not married sex becomes just sex. Ladies have themselves to blame here for giving themselves over to a man regardless of any commitment.In doing this the lady is saying ( come lay with me and you can have sex any time you want) If a lady walks on the beach with less cloths on than she would wear around the house, what message is she sending to men. Hey, lookie here but no touchie? Ladys have to point a finger rate back at themselves when they are sending signals. Men are interpreting these signals as, your sex drive is the same as theirs. Men do not realize that women are wired differently. Lady's don't talk with their husbands. They think men should just know. You are only kidding yourselves if you think men think like women. Men for the most part have there hormones on 100 percent of the time. This is no excuse for their behavior. But the lady is partly to blame. The way most women dress all the time is to turn a man on. Or do ladys dress up in tight clothes just for the fun of it. For one:Ladys your are sending signals that say have sex with me. For two: Your giving your selves over to a man without any commitment (marriage). For three: Lack of communication. You don't need a shrink most of the time to sit and talk about issues. When your out at your favorite restaurant with just the two of you try talking then. If he is watching sports,news, a movie, you are only talking to the wind. Men are dogs(for lack of better english) but so aren't women. Alot of men are sex drive and alot of women are money driven in a relationship. If your man won't marry you what is he saying. And if you give him all the benefits of marriage without being married what are you saying. If you won't marry your man what are you saying to him? Men are mixed up because of you. Ladys are mixed up because of men. Because we are different we need to get together with our spouses and say honey,this is what I need, this is what is missing, this is what would make me happy, could you change and do this more often. I am a Born Again Christian man ( but this does not give me immunity from stupidity)but I did not know anything about my wifes needs until a friend bought us a book called His Needs Her Needs. This book opened up a whole new world of thinking because I thought women thought like men. Get this book and read it together. And practice what you learn. If your not married and giving your man all the benefits of marriage you only have yourself to blame. Love for the most part just doesn't happen. A seed is planted and with care and nurturing the love grows stronger and stronger. Love is also sacrifice to self and looking out for the other. Love is so so many things and expressed in so so many ways. Now go out and buy that book. But the advice given to you will only be as good as the advice practiced in good times and in bad.
Our Advice 2 You, thank you for the comment.
The advice is well received and suggested to read the book the book His Needs Her Needs. More information needs to be provided such as the author and if the book is currently on the bestseller's list.
Most of the information contained in the advice was easily read and understood. Confirmation was made after reading the comment that the fact is: Men just don't get it when it comes to sex and love.
As the comment said thoughts are construed differently about the emotional feeling of love and the physical feeling of sex between men and women.
Again, the burden of representation is placed upon the woman as if her actions such as the way she dresses has a bearing on what a man thinks. A woman can be sexy in a pantsuit and most teenage girls do not have a market for clothes that do not show their youthful figure.
Unless women are supposed to walk around like Indian women shroud from head to toe, the fashion is not going to change. So the inferences on topical wear such as the way a woman dresses is not a catalyst for men to distinguish sex from love.
The article basically was focused on a relationship where the woman would have already attracted the man. Now it was just a matter of seeing if the attraction was love or just sex.
Only the two people involved will have the answer to that question and men may have a problem because as written in the comment there is a communication problem.
The way women attracts men has little to do with the lasting relationship of love that most women want. Women should not be put on the spot and change the way they dress because of who they may attract. Clothes are very much a part of a woman's personality and that part of her should not change because she may be sending out the "wrong" signal.
Women should dress appropriately for occassions as always. When it comes to relationship matters the two people involved are the only ones who can prove if they are truly in love of if the main atraction between the two of them is just sex.
Because men do not get it, the latter sex will register higher to them than love on the importance quota than with women. That is just the way that it is. The decision is still basically up to the woman if she has a man who really loves her or only want her for the pleasure he can receive from her. Sex or love, men just don't get it. Some women do and they are the ones who are not seeking professional counseling to fix something that was broken a long time ago. Women who get it would have been the one who was fortunate or lucky enough however you want to phrase to find a man who wanted her more than her body but for her heart and soul that makes for an enduring relationship of longevity.
Ten Reasons Why Men Don't Understand Women
11 Thing Men Don't Understand About Women
- 11 Things Guys Don\'t Understand About Women: Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com
Men always say they don't
James A Watkins says:
6 months ago
Very nicely done. Could it be that men won't commit to women as they did in the old days because they can get the milk without buying the cow now? I think all this hooking up has hurt relationships. Most guys don't feel committed to a girl who has banged a bunch of his friends. Great subject, well presented.