Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys
78James Dean- Image of an original bad boy
Opposites Attract
For opposites to attract it doesn't necessarily mean a yin to a yang or the "you complete me" cliche. Sometimes one opposite is attracted to the other for all the wrong reasons. Just like a bad boy is the one thing a good girl can do, but still be presumed innocent. Nobody would suspect she picked him, but they'll probably assume he fooled her and is taking advantage of her good nature.
The truth is, typically the good girl picks the bad boy because of how he makes her feel; fascinating, needed, pursued, and good. He is a rush and a high that she doesn't get from her daily good deeds. If she tames him, it will be the ultimate good deed.
Main Character/hero
If you take a close look at the main male character in almost any movie, he has a lot of typical bad boy characteristics. To be a hero, chase the bad guy, and save the girl, you have to have what it takes; manly characteristics and bad boys have them. Just like we can't blame men for preferring the typical female body portrayed in the media, we can't blame women having the hots for the male role in the media.
Jack Nicholson- Charming womanizer
Give and Take
Good girls are givers and bad boys are takers- another example of opposties attract. Good girls have a natural instinct to give and nurture and not think twice about expecting anything back. In fact, it makes them happy to give to a guy who is good at taking- they feel needed. The bad boy may also require a little extra nurturing due to a rough past and inability to love deeply or unselfishly.
Good girls find the good in everyone and even she sees the hurt little boy behind his bad boy facade. When she is with this guy, she is always thinking she will be the one to help him (or worse- change him). She won't give up on him as quickly as most people will. She gives him endless encouragement, hoping for him to take a walk on the good side.
Colin Farrell...Celebrity serial dater
Tommy Lee- Rocker bad boy
Bad Boys are Good...Looking
Bad boys tend to be better looking- they put more effort into their appearance because they need to compensate for the lack of inner beauty and they need to attract (bait) women. Even if a bad boy isn't totally gorgeous, his status will captivate any woman. A bad boy image has been glamourized for ages.
A good girl goes unrecognized in crowds and is an outcast at parties, but the bad boy gets her in the door to fun- he's like the VIP ticket for attention.
Bad boys are good at attracting an audience- they have all the right superficial characteristics (boyish, assertive, mysterious) that seem exciting and alluring for a quick pick-me-up, but there is no depth there. You will never get to know this guy beyond his pick-up line.
Signs of a Bad Boy
1. Appearance, appearance, appearance! Tattos, peircings, smirk, extra sharp or extra tattered clothing.
2. Attitude- vague answers, aloof demeanor, and confident/cocky.
3. Addictions- alcohol, smoking, women, speed/fast cars, etc
4. Stands out in a crowd- domineering, extreme, attracts a crowd too.
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Comments
Me too (good girl though)
As long as good girls have the sense to love bad boys and marry the good ones, that's OK :D
I almost mentioned that in the hub- so that good guys don't think they have the bad deal. Women may initially go for the bad boys, but eventually and hopefully marry the good guys.
Hi izetti - sorry I couldn't resist that - let's face it - bad boys are soooo exciting! But they make such lousy husbands :D
Your Hub is the best possible description of situation. Well, I am still deeply in love with the "bad boy of my life", but I am living with "the good one" instead. And love him as well. I am grateful to the "bad boy" for many, many great lessons learned, one of that is pure unconditional love. Everyone of us is wearing the mask, sometimes good one, sometimes bad one. My good boy was at the certain period worse then "bad boy". Everything is relative. "Bad boy" is just playing the role in which he feels more secure.
Thumbs up for the really great Hub!
Hi
It's OK, no mention about BAD girls
Shalini kagal- yes some valuable lessons and fun times can occur when dating bad boys. Have we all had our experience with them?
I understand tatjana-mihaela. I am a good girl who loved bad boys and ended up marrying a former bad boy.
Nisar I don't even know where to start with bad girls- they scare me.
Hi izettl,
Great hub well explained bad boys take advantage of girls because they are so innocent.
What happens, When a girl goes bad--men go right after her. Mae West
"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." Tallulah Bankhead
"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere." Mae West
I love "Jack Nicholson" movies & he is a great actor. I believe he is not what you wrote above his picture. Do you remember watching "Something's Gotta Give" it's very funny I can't stop laughing. Here are the links you can watch some clips to refresh your memory.
Something's Gotta Give
Judging by your name (MR nice guy) you can't be a bad boy. I love that quote about keeping diaries. Yes, Mae West was possibly the original bad girl, but so much more classy about than the bad girls of today.
I am what I am- I had a brief period in my life when I sorta turned bad, but it took too much effort, which told me that's not who I am. I'm more of a bad girl verbally and psychologically than acting out (as bad girls are known for). Tattoos, peircings, addictions get too expensive, but mouthing off and reverse psychology are free.
...and I am a BIG Jack Nicholson fan. He has been known to break some hearts off screen and women will say he can sweep any woman off her feet. His "sister" (who was actually his aunt- a strange family arrangement) say he is a lady's man.
As Jack said in the movie, "Mars Attacks!", 'Why can't we all just get along?"
I was always amazed at the losers that attractive girls picked out. If only they were like Jack, but instead these guys were just drug using, mean spirited pits of low self esteem. Thanks for answering some of the psychological questions about why a beautiful, otherwise intelligent woman, bound for success, seems to be attacted to the lowest common denominator!
Well put Tom- I couldn't have summed up a bad boy better.
Jack is classy, confident and unique. He is known to be the lady's man but a couple of these comments so far suggest he shouldn't necessarily be included in the bad boys club. I'm starting to agree.
Hey I had a bad boy once...and I think I married him, and I'm STILL with him! OMG- How does that happen??? I'm a good girl, (with some bad habits!)But I have the patience of a SAINT! (OBVIOUSLY!!!) I still love him the same. Honestly, I probobly wouldn't like him if he was any different. Lesson learned!
MamaDragonfly2677- more power to you. Sometimes those bad boys are too thrilling to let them go or sometimes you wear them down enough to marry. Go figure...but like you say I bet patience is a key factor.
Oh yes...especially when it comes to him!
I am guilty too lol.Great hub.
As long as good girls have the sense to love bad boys and marry the good ones, that's OK :D
It seems like dating a bad boy is a rite of passage- it can be fun!
Great hub. I'm a good boy & I know that not all the good girls have been corrupted by bad boys, so I'm hanging out for one of them! A real good girl! :)
marcofratelli- the true good girls are probably the ones who haven't had a bad boy. best of luck to you, they're out the there so don't settle for less!
This hub is on target.
Thanks Nickny79- you must be a bad boy!
This was an intelligent analysis of the bad boy phenomenon. one point though: what is the benefit for a good guy to marry a girl who has had her fun with bad boys and now wants him to pick up the tab? It will show in so many ways that he is not the woman's first choice. So what does the woman who has given free and easy sex and comfort to bad boys ( while ignoring, rejecting or torturing good guys) have to bring to the table when they decide to get with a real man? That type of duplicity is turning off more and more men and leading them to more emotionally stable and intelligent women. In this sense, women, through second generation feminism, have picked up a bad behavior that was once only found in males: the 'date a whore, marry a virgin' phenomenon. Similarly, 'have sex with the bad boys, marry the nice guy'.
Good Comment dasboot66~
A good guy should marry a woman based on love, their relationship (not his or her past), and their committment to each other and like minded goals. If the woman, whether or not she has been with bad boys, has nothing to "bring to the table", then she is not the right person for that particular "real man". And if you truly love someone, their past shouldn't matter.
You forgot men's "Date a blonde, marry a brunette". There are all sorts of phenomenas out there. What I tried to discuss in this hub was based more on "GOOD GIRLS who love bad boys", not bad and easy girls who love bad boys. If the girl gives out "free and easy sex" (as you say) then she is not a "good girl".
The reason why these phenomena ("date a whore, marry a virgin") exist is because some people are not ready for a committment, but want intimacy, so it's natural to pick someone who is "easy" or "bad" because consciously or not, you may not be ready for someone decent. I didn't sacrifice my morals by dating bad boys, but I dated them during a time in my life when I wasn't ready for a "good" or decent, level-headed guy.
I was considered a good girl when I was younger because: A)I didn't sleep around, B) Bad boys were my only bad habit, and C) I didn't get in trouble- or do anything to get me in trouble. "Goody two shoes" was my label, because I waited quite a while to have sex initially and continuously in each of my relationships, but I was still infatuated with bad boys and dated them. Bad boys were everything I wasn't and I could vicariously experience some of these things by dating one.
Bad boys have the courage to ask a girl out, so in this case many good guys go undated- not us women's fault.
Here's another thing about bad boys, they are usually co-dependent. Someone who is co-dependent will put up with a lot, including not getting sex, to be with the person they "love" or have to have. Some bad boys I dated would run away once they found out I wouldn't sleep with them immediately, but many others stayed and waited. Sometimes if other people just assumed we were having sex, that was enough to make the guy happy. I recognize it now as not a healthy relationship, but how many of us had healthy relationships when we first ventured into the dating world. Now I'm married to an ex-bad boy and I've had to "pick up the tab" for some of his past. So it goes both ways.
I guess my main point is that the guy who engages in socially appropriate behaviors while getting to where he needs to be in life (no drugs, obeys rules, doesnt hurt people , is nice, has goals, etc..) gets no comfort or attention from women who in turn reinforce "bad boys" with their attention, etc. So what does this say to guys? That they have to be bad to get attention from women? Apparently so.
In future relationships, this dynamic creates inequity. The women who had her fun, had it easier than the good guy who had no reinforcement from women. The women in this situation had it easy, dating badboys etc as she sees fit. During that time, the good guy goes without any significant female validation. Then the women saddles up to all his stability and competence latter in life. Doesn't work in my opinion.
And where is the good guy in your story? You still got with a bad boy, albeit ex-bad boy, even though you have to 'pick up the tab' at times. I suspect you call him an ex bad boy just because you tamed him enough for him to marry you. I respect that, because at least you are consistent. I find it disengenous for a women to get with a good guy only after mistakes have practically ruined her life. Thanks for your comments/discussion.
dasboot66~ Yes I understand your point- and you make a good one. Many girls, including myself, got validation from being with bad boys because they're usually a little more needy and jealous and protective- to many girls that's validation.
My husband/ex-bad boy got tamed, to be honest, because he went to jail for a year (about 6 years before I met him), and that scared him straight so he was on the right path for a while before I met him.
Men who have their head on straight/good guys, sometimes seem that they don't need anyone else. We women like to nurture people, including our men. Bad boys need the most "help" and nurturing.
The good guys in my story were all my friends- some of them I would have dated if they asked me, but I was too shy to ask them- being a "good girl" I thought women don't ask men out. I guess what I learned is you have to be "good" for yourself and not some reward at the end. like getting yourself a good and decent girl with not too many issues. Funny part of my story is I purposely did things good, including not sleeping with over a certain amount of guys so that one day I met my husband, he would value and appreciate me. So I end up marrying a guy who could care less how many guys I've slept with or if I was a good or bad girl. Sometimes that bugs me because I took pride in being good and I found out it is my own reward, nobody else really cares.
Thanks for the good read. Damsels in distress seem attracted to "Bad" Boys. :)
I am guilty (good girl) I wish I knew why I find the bad boys/jerks/assholes so attractive. I mean I have a lot of theories but...the important thing for me is how can I just get over this?
I know it's not healthy. At all. I know it. So why do I like to purposely throw myself at their feet? It's like I want to be stepped all over I think? I don't know. I just wish I knew what I can do to actually stomp out this bad habit for good :s
Thanks Dr Nancy
Linda~
The mental part: Most of the time, seeking bad boys has to do with not wanting a committment. I know you are probably thinking you do want a committment and a normal relationship, but the whole good girl bad boy scenario occurs because there is an attraction- not just physical. You are attracted to a guy who is not usually mentally mature, giving, committed, or considerate. So now you have to decide why you are attracted to those types. It takes a lot of soul searching and reflection- trust me I went through it.
The physical part: Bad boys are easily accessable and a little more outgoing- unfortunately most good guys are at home watching a movie all alone instead of drinking it up at the bar like a bad boy. Try going out with or dating guys you are not initially attracted to. You may even have to ask them out because some good guys are shy. Sometimes the habit aspect of bad boys is like a drug because you get used to feeling immediate attraction and you mistake it for love.
When we talk of dating those "bad boy", folks make it sound as if girls cant help themselves as though they have fallen "under the spell". These so called bad boys make sure they are available...and the girls make sure they are available. Do you seriously think they want to have a "relationship". You have got to be kidding me. This "attraction" is in a physical realm. Any "good guy" can be the "bad boy". Come closer...closer said the spider to the fly.
Many women do try to have a relationship with bad boys. Sometimes it's because they've chosen bad boys in the past when they weren't ready to settle down and then they keep on picking that type even when they are ready to settle down. Sometimes women try to fix them as if they will be the ones to make them settle- it's kind of a challenge ( I fell into this department). Good guys fall in love so easily (boring) and I always hated that whereas bad boys were a bit harder. Like I said in the hub, bad boys have typical characteristics of a lot of male roles on hollywood's big screen. Some bad boys are very deep and have many interesting layers to them, which make them interesting to many types of women. The aloof part helps because it attracts a woman and keeps them coming back. When you meet a good guy, they tell you their life story and you know them in one night.
...well done :}
goldentoad says:
9 months ago
I'm guilty.