About Guys Who Are Afraid of Commitment
80For the information on why guys are afraid to commit to a relationship, AskMen.com was visited to get views from the source. It seems that the word commitment has nothing at all to do with love and need except the latter where there is talk of girls with holding sex to get their way.
The basic reason that guys do not want to commit to a relationship is that the spice of life would be sized down to one source of supply. Guys do not want to have a relationship with just one girl because of all the uncharted territory that he would be leaving for others to explore and discover without him on the expedition. AskMen.com stated that sex would become boring because of the lack of variety and eventually any feelings of sexuality would disappear. The website did not mention anything about the emotional attachment that should be a part of relationship that will solidify and make the relationship one of lasting implications.
Guys just do not want to get caught up in all of the emotional trappings that they feel they have to put up with when in a relationship with a girl. They think that girls are caught up in the Cinderella syndrome and that he is placed with the full responsibility of providing her happiness forever after. They look at relationships as a trap that should be avoided at all costs if you want to have any space to yourself. Guys are saying that when girls moves, everything become flowery and they are no longer able to find anything because the whole apartment get rearranged in an aromatic fest.
There was no talk of what work the girl in the relationship has to go through to keep the place looking neat and clean. Girls do not think to decorate the apartment the way that a guy would because more often than not, every thing would be a maze of black and white leather. The website AskMen.com stated that guys are afraid of commitment because of these topical reasons and there was not one word mentioned of the love that the two people in the relationship shared. It was as though the whole relationship scenario was shrouded in practically from the guy not having his space to how the girl in the relationship would decorate his apartment. There was references to the guy not being able to hang out with his friends as often as he would like to and him basically not being able to have his own cave space to spend time alone.
Guys think that relationship means that all of a sudden they are no longer alone but have to become a "couple" and get permission to go places if it does not include his female partner. After reading the article in AskMen.com, you would also not want to be in a relationship even if you were suddenly lovestruck by the guy of your dreams. The word relationship commitment was placed in the same category as relationship restriction. Guys look at relationships as if their freedom has been taken away when it comes to doing the fun things that he is used to doing. The word "couple" does not excite guys because according to AskMen.com, the guy in the relationship loves his independence. Guys are independent and wants to be in control of their lives instead of having to share his time with a girl in a relationship.
Girls think that the guy wants to be with them when all the time he may be thinking of the good time he could be having with his "real" friends. The outlook that AskMen.com website painted from a male's perspective did not mention the all important word that would make the guy's so called sacrifices worthwhile and that word is love. If you are in love with a person, you should want to be with her and not at a club chasing girls with the rest of the guys. But to make the word relationship seem more restrictive, the all important word, "love" was not mentioned except when the word "couple" was mentioned as a girl's outlook on a relationship.
If guys think about relationships as a loss of freedom then they should be let free to roam and do what they please until they find the one. The person who wrote the article on the website obviously had never been in love or would not have written such a practical almost technical reason why guys are afraid of commitment. There is nothing technical about being in love and committed to a relationship.
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
This was a pretty good article, but I have noticed that you tend to lump all men into one negative group in most of your work. Not all men are afraid of relationships or commitment. In fact most men my age actually desire one. I have noticed both online and in the real world that it is women that are now becoming the ones avoiding commitment and relationships as they fear it will stifle their identity and independence. But I know that this is not all women despite what I may have read or seen.
Hmrjmr1, thank you for your comment.
Scott.Life, thank you for your comment. This is the guy's point of view from AskMen.com. Visit.
Great Hub.
Some of the excuses men use to deffer commitment are just that, excuses to justify their womanizing and selfish ways. It's all about them and what they want.
Love is about sharing and sacrificing, not just by men but by both partners. It's about taking the responsibility of caring for someone else other than oneself. That, is what scares most men. I've been married for 22 years and during that time we have had good times and very difficult times as well, but then again, Love is not for the faint of heart, or cowards. Love is for the bold and adventurous, for the gambler, willing to risk it all to win it all. When it comes to love, there're no half measures. That scares some timid men. Sorry not all of us can be brave.
noeir, thank you for your comment. As I was reading your response, I was hoping to read more because of your 22 years experience in a relationship. You write as though you and your partner just met inclusive of the the good and the bad times. Guys are afraid of commitment and the thought of being a couple sometimes scares them. Isn't love what makes the world go around? I appreciate your insight and your opinion.
Just what sort of men run askmen.com, anyway?! Divorced barflies??? I for one am afraid of serious relationships but that is mostly because of my fear of commiting to the wrong person. And if you're in a relationship and you feel you've lost your freedom or individuality, then you're with the wrong person . . . right???
Jonathan Janco, thank you for your comment. I do not take issue with your comment and is in agreement with your statement that a person who feels that he have lost his freedom or individuality is probably with the wrong person.
Jonathan Janco, thank you for your comment. I do not take issue with your comment and is in agreement with your statement that a person who feels that he have lost his freedom or individuality is probably with the wrong person.
Hmm well again relationships are extremely complicated there is another reason why alot of men are afraid of being a relationship and that is falling in love and then breaking up and the pain is awful. While its true alot of men give the vibe that they dont want to be in a relationship because they want to have the freedom i belive that most men really want to settle down with one fantastic woman. I know a friend who was a right player but he then found the one special girl and was fully commited to her.
Also have you noticed all these 6 month relationships that are going on with so much choice and temptations it seems most people cant be bothered these days to even try and make a relationship work. Something i learnt from my friend who recently lost the love of his live even if you find your soul mate you will argue fight and upset eachother theres no such thing as a perfect relationship
gemma, thank you for summing up this article with the statement: there's no such thing as a perfect relationship."
The goal, however, in a relationship is not one of perfection but one of endurance and long term implications.
I am not aware of six month relationships unless you are talking about dating for six months and then moving on. When I write about relationships, for the most part, I am talking about relationships that are not spur of the moment associations but that bloom into something that is strong and lasting.
I agree with you that there are exceptions to men not wanting to be in a relationship but those exceptions are in the minority. Your comment is much appreciated.
Hmrjmr1 says:
2 months ago
Linda - you're spot on here. When a guy is in love commitment hold no fear, and in fact when she is the right one she is the one you want to hang out with and enjoy time in the pleasure of her company. Great Hub!