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The Trials And Tribulations Of Having A Penis

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By christine almaraz



The Men Behind The Penis

Men have always caused and created more questions than answers. There are certain things that men and women can agree on and most things are up for debate. One things for certain, men are amazing creatures. I wanted to address some of these qualities in a smart and educational way. There will always be the great debate about who is the better species. I won't touch that with a ten foot pole but I will say this; my grandmother would tell me, "women see a "caution" sign and go the other way. Men see the same sign and think it's for someone else." I repeat, I am not touching the who's better debate but I must state this fact and then I'll leave the subject alone. It has been documented in medical journals and such, that an average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. An average women's orgasm last 23. There, I'm leaving it alone.

Some facts are researched and documented and some are well... common sense. For instance, I think all us women will agree that men's restrooms, whether it be public or in their own homes, are almost always dirtier, stinkier and more urine sprinkled than womens. For some reason a clean restroom is one of those things that just don't concern them. Maybe it's because we sit and they stand.

Well this hub is dedicated to all the fine, fine men in the world. May you all keep us wondering.

Smoking can shorten a penis as much as a centimeter. I'm sure The Patch is being sold out all over the world.

Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to pleasure himself. Let's hope that's true. And let's hope you never meet that guy.

Women are going to love this one: a man does not need a brain to ejaculate (tell us something we don't know huh ladies?) The command comes from the spinal cord.

Men who die during sex are statistically not in the company of their wives. Serves them right.

The penis is shaped like a boomerang. the root of the penis is tucked up inside of the pelvis and attached to the pelvic bone.

One man's foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters of skin. Some hospitals are using foreskin for skin graffs for burn victims. Let's hope we don't burn our faces anytime soon.

There are two kinds of penises. The "Grower", the penis that expands and lengthens when erect and the "Shower", the penis that appears big most of the time and doesn't get much bigger after getting an erection. Let me guess, if your a guy reading this, your a "Shower".

Spanish research report that men who are better looking have stronger sperm. Photo's of men were shown to a number of women and they were asked to pick the handsomest. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

You can break a penis. Although it has no bones, vigorous sex or masturbation can cause a fracture. The main cause of fractures in the emergency room are from masturbation. Puts a whole meaning to the saying "choking your chicken." I guess the penis isn't mightier than the sword.

Does your penis have a mind of it's own? You have more control over your arms and legs than you do your penis. That's because your penis gets it's commands from a nervous system that you don't always have control over. Hence the woody during church.

Hope you all enjoyed this little article and hopefully we all learned a little more about the men in our lives. I know I did.

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Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom  says:
6 months ago

Wow now I understand completely!! Thanks for sharing lol.

Davinagirl3 profile image

Davinagirl3  says:
6 months ago

Can I quote you? I love this. The first line is truly quotable.

Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk  says:
6 months ago

(I swear, though: it was already broken when I sat down on it.) Great information for all.

Bon Kute  says:
6 months ago

Cool topic

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

triplet mom- ha ha! glad you liked it

davinagirl3-yes you can:) thanks for reading.

Teresa-ha ha ha! funny:) thanks for stopping by.

bon kute- thank you.

RVDaniels profile image

RVDaniels  says:
6 months ago

Ouch, ya got us!

Watch Tower profile image

Watch Tower  says:
6 months ago

christine

This defiantly was educational and entertaining, a real good laugh.

If I told you the foreskin from new born baby boys, circumcision is what is used to grow skin, as the reproduction cells of skin are still active, would you feel better about having a graft ? :-) cheeks as soft as baby skin literally :-D

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

RvDaniels-thanks:) I'm good, I know:)

Watch Tower-Ha Ha. That would be nice. Their gonna have to create a new catagory for the skin care industry. Oily, dry, combination or foreskin.

Reena Daruwalla profile image

Reena Daruwalla  says:
6 months ago

How um.. illuminating. Enjoyed reading about a very unique topic :)

kiran8 profile image

kiran8  says:
6 months ago

Thanks a lot, I enjoyed reading this :)

nms profile image

nms  says:
6 months ago

lol.....good pic

DesertSunMan profile image

DesertSunMan  says:
6 months ago

Very nicely written! So true! So true!

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

Thank you guys for reading and commenting.

Sandyspider profile image

Sandyspider  says:
6 months ago

Great picture. Very interesting topic.

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

Sandyspider-glad you liked it. Thanks.

ajm5050 profile image

ajm5050  says:
6 months ago

I love this hub and what a fantastic piece of writing Christine. You had all my attention while I was reading your hub, I am forwarding this hub to every human being with a penis.

TobyNation  says:
6 months ago

My girlfriend bought a wallet made of foreskin. When you rub it it turns into a suitcase.

Great writing, Christine.

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

ajm5050- I'm glad you liked it and thank you for such nice compliments. Honestly, thank you.

TobyNation- Ha Ha Ha! That is funny! Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad to know that their are other people out there with the same sick sense of humor. I now know I'm in good company:)

Svea profile image

Svea  says:
6 months ago

How many men can breathe a sigh of relief and say"honey, I had no control over it. Why I have more control over my arms and legs than I do my woody!" That is when he ends up in the emergency room with a fractured penis. By the way, do they put it in a cast?. Now that takes some 'splainin!"

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

Svea-I know! That would be funny, little tiny casts.

James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins  says:
6 months ago

This is certainly interesting. I read it out loud so big boy could hear it, too.

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

James- Ha Ha! Funny:) Hope he enjoyed it and learned something new about himself.

Myriad profile image

Myriad  says:
6 months ago

hmm..fantastic facts about penis eh ! there is more to penis than ejaculation and sperms .. I think men are about emotions ..than just an organ ..right ? :) anyway ..such a fantastic read ! :)

sandra rinck profile image

sandra rinck  says:
6 months ago

Great! 6 seconds huh? No wonder they always want more. Wait a minute.... then that means... he might be faking it! ZOMG!

Not Telling profile image

Not Telling  says:
6 months ago

I'm not telling about the grower/shower debate, but my orgasm lasts about 30 seconds. Just a fact, ma'am.

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz  says:
6 months ago

Myriad-Thank you. I agree.

Sandra- ha ha.

Not Telling- 30 seconds huh? Not bad.

number4 profile image

number4  says:
6 months ago

great hub, I got a good chuckle reading it. I recently told a group of men that I heard their penis was 3 times as long as their thumb.....no one much listened after that....they were all measuring each others thumbs!

mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003  says:
6 months ago

Brilliant, I found this hilarious and impossible to stop reading until I had finished the whole hub :)

muley84 profile image

muley84  says:
6 months ago

As someone who owns a penis, you did mot tell me anything I did not already know. What I want to know is how and why it does so much of my thinking for me.

ralwus profile image

ralwus  says:
6 months ago

Hmmm, I am enlightened. I have had a peek into your soul and it is riddled with peckers. Must be or you would not have done this marvelous hub.

BrianS profile image

BrianS  says:
6 months ago

Well I certainly learned a thing or two, and its a good job I gave up smoking.

wesleycox profile image

wesleycox  says:
5 months ago

The picture is funny, don't think that guy will be doin anything anytime soon. I couldn't help it number4, I measured my thumbs. Great hub.

Greg From NY profile image

Greg From NY  says:
5 months ago

LOL. funny and very witty. Loved every sentence of this one. Nice to know how a women really feels about this sort of thing. Thumbs up.

SamSurvivor profile image

SamSurvivor  says:
5 months ago

I love the picture AND the article. Kept me LOL'ing for a while!

ttagpine profile image

ttagpine  says:
5 months ago

Your name isn't Lorena Bobbit. Is it?;-)

maggs224 profile image

maggs224  says:
5 months ago

Your hubs are a real tonic, you write such easy to read interesting and funny hubs that always end too soon. I am off now to read another one.

Haute Coco profile image

Haute Coco  says:
4 months ago

"Smoking can shorten a penis as much as a centimeter. I'm sure The Patch is being sold out all over the world."

if i told my husband this he wouldn't believe it..

so i just keep telling him its genetics.. :)

stillnthatherace profile image

stillnthatherace  says:
4 weeks ago

Great read. It made my night.

JWB  says:
3 weeks ago

If I would have known then what I know now I would have kept it in my pants ... you sneaky babes!

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