How would people react to you if youwere an attractive, wealthy woman with friends in high places? We may not be like that ourselves, but we can let our imaginations wander and use empathy to get inside such a person. We can figure out how Marilyn Monroe felt inside in her life, and maybe solve the puzzle of why she committed suicide.

First let's think about the men in Marilyn's life. Marilyn's overtly sexual allure would have drawn many men to her. The men who came into her life in this way were in effect taking from her - they wanted to gain from her beauty - it pleased them. Some men might have used Marilyn to gain kudos. To be seen with Marilyn would be a proud boast to their mates, to say that they had had sex with her might have been even more to boast of. From her perspective, this pattern would have repeated itself over and over; being treated as an item, being used, with little consideration for her feelings. But she was just an ordinary person inside, like us all; being used would have hurt, but her never ending smile only served to portray the illusion that she felt ok. She wasn't allowed to look sad as it wasn't part of her job; she made a living from pretending to be the happy sexy woman. Going against the truth of what her feelings were inside was bound to come crashing down eventually.

So men took from her.

What about the other half of the world's population? Women weren't going to take from Marilyn; maybe they'd be more considerate towards her feelings - other women should have understood the risks of being used by men perhaps. But that is probably not how it worked. If you were a woman, would you want Marilyn Monroe to be introduced to your man? Not likely. Too great a risk of having your man stolen away; it would have been more likely that women would have shunned Marilyn, as she too easily made other women feel insecure. So, Marilyn probably had few genuine female friends either. She would have had difficulties with men, and women, and that pretty much makes up everyone. So who was actually looking behind the illusion she created to ask her how she felt inside? Possibly nobody. In all likelihood she wasn't receiving enough love. She needed someone in her life to know and understand the normal vulnerable person inside. She did consult a psychiatrist who would have filled this requirement to some extent, but like the rest of us she would have needed loving understanding from other people in her life.

It may sound corny, but love is the answer. Compassionate listening and understanding is an important way to give love. Eventually, her lack of receiving this kind of love overwhelmed her, and her depression and isolation drove her to suicide. We can feel for her from our armchairs and maybe learn something which could be of use in the rest of our relationships.

Marilyn's life follows a pattern which is common to people driven to depression. It takes so little effort to rescue someone like her. A little watchful eye on a lonely person, asking how somebody's doing, or maybe dropping by. And so often it is the people who appear to be outgoing and confident who are actually trying to survive through their sadnesses. Just a small "how are you?" to save a person's life. Life is cheap, when you look at it like that. No massive expense forked out to find a medical cure for depression. It's a cure and it's free. It means getting off the sofa for a few minutes, or lifting a phone. Why not do it now?

Of all the people I know who have experienced depression, it is so often those who give the most who end up suffering. Love is like an energy inside us. Most people have an innate ability to give love - to extend themselves, and do the work which leads to happiness and spiritual growth for someone else. But often a loving individual will give and give, and eventually the loving energy inside them runs lower - they often receive insufficient love in return. Eventually their giving natures drain their energy, and they collapse into a depression. The love must flow back as well as out. But we have little control over how much love we receive. We can only be aware of how much love we are giving to others, and to exercise self-discipline to make ourselves as loving as we can possibly be. If we were all to take this attitude of becoming totally giving, then the receiving of love would follow automatically.

We all have the capacity to give love. And we are all of us every day making choices throughout the day whether to exert ourselves for others, or to act in self-interest. Guilt arises when we look back knowing that we didn't give love, when the spirit inside us tells us that we should have done. Now we know there is a risk of looking back in guilt, we are empowered to seize the day and do the loving in the here-and-now. When we look back knowing we gave love, we receive a reward: when our conscience is clear we have the bonus of liking ourselves and we can sleep sounder.

(More writing by Alex Caldon can be found in the book The Quest For Truth: On Finding The Grail, available from www.thequestfortruth.co.uk. Some people are eligible for a FREE copy. Happy Questing! )