Weeks ago I stirred up some sh*t by writing a male-point-of-view response to a hub written by a lady here on hub pages. You can find my entire history of responsive hubs in the hub mentioned above. You should also read this hub and this hub and last but not least this hub which followed all the others. You don't have to BUT it makes more sense when you do!

Many of you enjoy male/female "back

-and-forth" so I thought it'd be fun to make male-female hubs a regular thing. I've 'fessed up to being often ignorant about women and have even written a hub admitting it, yet, somebody has to defend those owners of the dangling genitalia. Recently I came across a hub that was written by Ms Chievous. It seems she raised a question that caused her some confusion and trepidation.

Here is yet another lass lost in the "Land of the Long Ones". So it's into a nearby storage room closet to change

into my Captain Common-Sense costume. (I would much rather be Green Lantern, Hal Jordan however I am still about 15 pounds too heavy to look totally sexy with a green spandex-covered BUT, I digress . . . )

NOTE:The female comments appear in italicized font and "quotes" and my point of view appear in normal font.

(Also please note that I do not always correct the typos and spelling errors of others.)

Here we go again. MY response to "Why Men Flirt".

First, a quick recap to save some time. She invaded her man's privacy by going into HIS facebook account and found a couple things that disturbed her. Tell the folks what those things were.

"Number one, he listed his interests as women . . ."

So? If we were all into each OTHER instead of you ladies we all would be fighting to see who got to hump hot hiney with fellow hubber somelikeitscott. Luckily for you, "Ms"sy, we may all be happy but we're not all gay. Next disturbing discovery?

"Number two he has mostly women as his Facebook friends. is he trying to start a harem here?"

Okay for the first part of that question I

refer you to the previous response. (If I enjoyed repeating myself I would spend more time with my ex-wife or my "baby-momma".) As to the second part of the question I have a question for YOU. Does he NEED a harem or are you doing your job right? If you do everything we need you to do at all times then we don't need to go anywhere else. Next?

"Number three he was flirting with these women!"

So? They are not real! This is the internet. I could say I was doing all sorts of things right now like sucking your toes, kissing the nape of your neck, caressing your elbows or raiding your dirty laundry for some panties to sniff BUT it would not matter.

It's not real! I'm sure HE doesn't mind when you close your eyes and picture ME while he makes love to you. It's all just pretend. Anything else?

"He was leaving messages for women say that they looked really good."

Well, DID they? Did ya get their e-mail addresses by chance? I mean, um, maybe he was a scout. You know we are all supposed to be "trustworthy". Maybe he was simply telling the truth.

"Blah! I nearly choked on my drink."

Okay, so if that means they were NOT

that attractive maybe he is still being a scout and doing a good deed daily and being kind. It's all covered in the handbook. Any questions?

"This is my honey? My sweetie who was saying complimentary things to other women?"

I guess so; you were there. You tell me. Again, maybe he was helping these poor souls with their low self-esteem That's not a bad--hey wait!

"Gnawing at the bit I confronted him. Summoning all my powers of PMS I calmly and rationally explained to him why this is not good. and how it made me feel . . . "

Yeah, you need to tell him to stop that! But not because of all that other stuff that would not matter if you remember this is the internet but because men LOVE good-looking women with low self-esteem! Anyway, what happened next?

"OK . . . he left the room mumbling something like 'This is what you get for snooping around'."

That's right, Ms"Taken". You should not have been snooping.

"But (that) doesn't answer my question. What does he get out of it?"

What does he get out of it? Certainly not an e-mail, a phone number, a screen-name, an address, naked sexy pics of her in his e-mail or good input

on his facebook page. MY guess would be the warm feeling one gets deep inside every time one is nice to another.

"What is he after?"

He's "after" whatever guy the girl online is dating NOW . . . unless there is someone in line before him. No, seriously, He is after a phone number, an address, naked pics and a good time. No, no, seriously now, he is looking for the warm feeling one gets from helping someone else.

"Why do men flirt?"

I'm not sure I understand the question. What do YOU consider "flirting"? What YOU might think of as "flirting" we might just call being nice or sociable or

networking or working on a pinch-hitter. Sorry, you can pretend i didn't say the last one, okay?

"I realize I am not the first to ask this question."

You ARE as far as I know actually.

"Many women before me have asked and asked."

Not here on hubpages . . . leastways not in an interesting enough way to merit my attention, at any rate.

"My most educated guess in the reason that men flirts is because they have a need for attention from women."

"Bitch, please!" The phrase "attention whore" was created for a WOMAN not a man! There are women on dating sites who are not even available yet they post their pictures on places like

"Hot Or Not" just to see how guys will rate them! The kind of attention we need from women does NOT require any "educated" guessing, babe.

"Is his ego that big?"

Compared to WHAT? Before you worry about the size of OUR egos just think how big yours is every time you say "NO" to a man. Egos come in BOTH genders.

"I had not thought, but maybe I need to take a closer look."

Ya think? Okay, go do some homework and then come back and tell us what ya found. While you do that, I'll address these so-called "signs" of "flirting". I have the list from your desk right here:

• "He fiddles with a tie, play with buttons, collars or sleeves"
• I fiddle with my tie because I want to make sure it looks good and
  

• stays straight. I fiddle with buttons to see if they are lose!
  
• "He smoothes his hair"
• Again, maybe I just want to make sure I look okay after someone. . . uh . . . someTHING mussed it!
  
• "He sticks his fingers inside a belt."
• How do you stick your fingers inside a belt? My belts don't have holes big enough to put my fingers into . . .
  
• "He rubs or pulls on an earlobe."
• Maybe i am trying to impress you with my impersonation of Carol Burnett. Wanna hear my Tarzan
  

yell too? Take me back to your place and I'll have us BOTH doing it before you know it, Ms. Jane!

Okay, now tell us all what your research has revealed, Ms. "Tree".

"After reviewing his facebook profile it would seem he invited other women to be his friends."

I didn't mean you should keep sticking your nose where it doesn't belong! Oh well, go on . . .

"How do I ascertain this? 1) He put women down as an interest, and 2) he took off his shirt when he posed for the picture so every one could see his his tattoo."

I already set you straight about number one. Be happy most of us are

interested in women and not men or you'd be a lot lonelier on the weekends and your bed would be a lot chillier. As for number two, I don't know WHERE you were raised but not ALL women like tattoos. Maybe he was just hot when he was being photographed. Ya know, all those cameras can get pretty hot. I know because I have

worked in the adult industry.

"Well he said everyone but now I know that the Women can see his tattoo."

Again, not all women even LIKE tattooed men! If he was smart and did not want to turn away women who don't like tats he would NOT have taken off his shirt.

"He initiated a lot of the contacts too of course. Most of the contacts were light hearted just asking to play those silly time wasting games."

See? He was just trying to keep busy waiting for you to decide what to wear and shower and shampoos your hair and blow it and style it and shave your

hoo-hoo and shave off your eyebrows and then paint them back on and do that kissy-toilet paper thing with the toilet paper when you put on your lipstick, pick out a pair of panties that don't have period stains on 'em and spray your perfume in front of you so you can walk through the cloud and all that other vagina stuff that slows things down! Whaddaya want him to do? Read a book? Not everyone is as literary as I am, my dear Ms. "Took".

"But a couple were out and out flirtatious comments."

Again, define flirtatious. Maybe he was obeying another scout law and being friendly.

"They didn't really answer back. Maybe just a thank you."

Holy sh*t! Most of them did not even respond and you're still going on about it!?

"What was he hoping for?"

He was hoping you would pass the Good Girlfriend Test and NOT snoop and that If you did that at least you wouldn't make an F cup out of a training bra.

Shame on you!

Before I go slide into my lady-friend,uh, my lady-friend's BED, did you do any real research? Did you learn anything about this subject?

"Flirting to some can be a game and an acceptable social outlet."

See? He keeps himself occupied while you are taking way too long to get ready to go out, changing the bedsheets and getting ready to stay IN, cooking his meals, fixing him a drink or cleaning the house; that's all.

"Flirting also can open a door to maybes."

Maybes? ya mean like MAYBE you should keep yourself in good shape for him, MAYBE you should never tell

him "no", MAYBE you should let him do whatever he wants in the bedroom, MAYBE you should keep everything below the waist shaved nice and smooth, MAYBE you should stop just licking it around the edges and swallow . . MAYBE like that?

"Flirting can make suggestions and one thing then can lead to another."

See here is where you are a tiny bit confused. "One thing leading to another" is part of the secret slut code. it's a phrase you use to make it seem like you really had no intention of being a total whore when you went on that cruise with your girlfriends. "Well, I wasn't going to but we were dancing and then he kissed me and then we went for a walk back to his cabin and then he asked me in and kissed me again and well you know one thing led to another . . ."

"Does a man know when to not cross the line?"

Which line? You confuse us with lines. You change the lines according to what suits you. If you WANT a guy he has a different set of lines (if any) to NOT cross whereas if you don't like the guy you will give him some handy-dandy feminist bullshit line about how he should look in your EYES and NOT at your chest or some such nonsense. You're gonna have to be more specific.

"Does my man know?"

Ask him.

"Has he crossed the line?"

What you don't know won't hurt you . . . unless he didn't use a condom . . .

"Would he act on his flirtation?"

Will you do everything he NEEDS you to do for him WHEN he needs you to do it and as OFTEN? If so, why would he act on it? "He'll be too worn out if you do your job right.

"Maybe he likes the idea of someone else being attracted to him."

Maybe. I sure as shit know WOMEN like the idea of someone--no everyone--being attracted to them! Guys are people, too.

"Maybe he just keeps it friendly so he can still feed his "manly" self esteem."

Well, we have to feed our self-esteem. Unscrupulous women might take advantage of us if we have self-esteem that is too low or nonexistent.

"Is flirting a part of him that he would be miserable with if he were asked to suppress the urge?"

Sweetheart, there is only ONE urge ya can't ask us to suppress and it goes way beyond flirting.

"Can I live with him flirting with other women in cyberspace or in life?"

You CAN. I'm not sure you WILL but you ARE capable.

"Is he flirting because he is unhappy in his relationship with me?"

I dunno. Do you shave your "down there"? Do you wear sexy lingerie? Do you cook for him? Do you keep the place clean? Do you fetch him a beer or his favorite mixed drink?

"Am I not fulfilling some obvious need?"

Do you swallow? Do you use toys?

"Does he feel the need to get one over on his lady?"

I don't know about that. That sounds paranoid.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her?"

That's true. I just told you that.

"Until he's caught at least."

I got a feeling if you caught him cheating--(as if you were married)--on you that HE would end up in more pain than YOU.

"I can relate to the 'get one over theory' as I write this hub about his actions unbeknown-st to him. Most likely he will never know because he is too involved in his facebook life."

See? YOU are the one truly being underhanded and sneaky!

"My final theory on why men flirt is that they want what they can't have."

That is not always true. Sometimes there are things we CAN'T have and we STILL don't want them!

"Men just put it all out there with little regard to how it looks to others."

Ya mean like women who dress like prostitutes and then are surprised when men bother them and treat them like sluts? Maybe you are actually seeing MEN being honest.

"They make an obvious attempt to gain the attention of an attractive lady."

If we don't make it obvious you might not get it, right? That's the the way I

am with women, at any rate. They HAVE to be obvious or I don't get it. (I wrote a hub about the 2x4 phenomenon.)

"Sometimes it works, Sometimes it doesn't."

Yeah. That's life for all of us. Learn anything else?

"There are studies that support flirting is healthy for you. Studies have found people who flirt have a higher white blood count that boost immunity and your health."

Okay. There ya go! What's the problem? It's good for ya? Anything else I might find interesting?

"Technology has advanced our methods of flirting."

I wouldn't know. I am not a big flirt. Ask Bredavies or Mighty Mom or Lyricsingray or . . . uh . . . never mind . . . go on . . .

"40 % of people who say they are looking for love on line flirt with people via email or IM."

So that means that more than half of us don't flirt . . . or at least get caught or admit it . . .

"Interestingly enough this is most successful for the man as it gives him time to think before he acts."

Well, that's because even miles away from me I am momentarily stunned by your beauty! Yeah, either that or there are too many of you online at ONE time and I cannot type quickly enough for all of you!

"He has to actively think about what he is writing."

Yup, especially if i have 7 of you online at one time! Damn!

"Many people send suggestive text messages or picture mail via their cell phone."

Yes, we do. It beats actually getting stuck on the phone talking to y'all for way too damn long about stuff we don't really care about.

"Despite our advances, Flirting is illegal in Little Rock Arkansas One can

be locked up for thirty days."

So move there and yor boyfriend will have one MORE deterrent.

"In New York a man can be fined 25.00 for looking suggestively at a female."

They never enforced that law when i wasliving there i can tell you that much!

"Flirting while intentional or unintentional does not have to be the end of a relationship."

No kidding! I tried to tell you that earlier. If we had swapped cell numbers a long time ago we could have saved all this time talking here.

E-mail me your cell tomorrow so this kind of thing doesn't happen again, okay?

"It is somewhat human nature to flirt with someone you are attracted to and who you have interaction with."

See? A little research avoids a lot of nonsense, huh?

"Men will flirt that is a fact."

Exactly. So, now what about your boyfriend?

"What about my boyfriend? Well, time will truley tell. Only the good ones will know where to draw the line."

Speaking of lines, we've reached the end of this one. You keep those cards and letters coming. Don't worry. I won't complain if you just have to flirt with me.

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.