Why Super Powers Suck in the Real World

Anyone who has ever read a comic book has dreamed of how cool it would be to have super powers. But have you ever imagined the pitfalls of being "amazing" or "uncanny"? Maybe I'm too much of a linear thinking person or maybe too much of a Garth Ennis fan to see the bright side of being more than human. I've created a list of common powers and some of their super problems.

Super Strength - What if you had a muscle spasm? You could take out an entire building. And forget sex. The first time you ripped a partner in half during the throes of passion you would be branded for life (although that could launch a new genre of fetish porn).

Super Speed - The ability to be bored at the speed of sound. You can save a family of four from impending doom, wash your car, pay bills, paint the house and read the phonebook in 45 minutes. What the hell are you going to do with the rest of the day? On top of that, can you imagine the shoe cost? How well do you think a pair of Nikes are going to hold up going Mach 1?

Super Intelligence - You ever marvel at how stupid the person standing in line in front of you is? Multiply that a few million times and see if your head doesn't explode.

Flight - OK, admittedly this one took a minute to come up with a drawback. Two words - hunting season. Look, up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a.......BANG!

Telepathy - Seriously, do you really want to know how crazy the people around you are?

Telekinesis or Pyrokinesis - No good can come from having either of these powers. One bad day in traffic and flaming Chevys are raining from the sky.

Makes you think twice about playing with radioactive spiders, doesn't it?