Why Wait?

That seems to be most Christians response to the question "Why wait for marriage?" Because God said so. Not that I don't think that is adequate reason for me to do or not do something, but you cannot give that answer to nonreligious or nonchristians and expect them to be satisfied with that answer.

It makes me wonder what it is that the Christians are hiding. Are they afraid to talk about it? Are they ashamed or embarrassed? Or do they really have no clue apart from knowing that "God said so"? And why is it that Christians seem to view this area as the most sinful. Some days I think they condemn sexual sins as worse than murder or bank-robbing. Really, why is it so hard for Christians to not condemn those with looser sexual standards than themselves?

I think there is something very powerful about this subject that scares the heck out of Christians. I say this because I have felt that way before. It is a topic I avoid thinking about at all costs, simply because it is so big that it can be scary. Not less because the church has made such a big deal out of it.

I mean, when you think about it, it makes sense that they would be afraid. It is easy to decide not to kill people, not to steal, or even not to lie, but sexual sins seem to have a more intense pull on us. Perhaps it's because we have dealt with temptation, or perhaps it's because we've seen so many others fall to temptation; the end result is that we have seen the power of desire and we are afraid.

And we have been taught to be afraid. Perhaps this is good, perhaps not, but I know that growing up I felt afraid to even think about such things. Fortunately, I was taught the good of sex inside of marriage, but there was still the terror of any sexual sin outside of the boundaries of marriage. Are we teaching too much fear? Some might say no, simply because so much sin still exists, but maybe we are. Maybe we teach so much sin of condemnation that once a person slips up they give up and wallow in their own sin, filth, and the condemnation of the very church that is supposed to help them get out of their sin.

An aside: condemnation is never, ever a healthy way to help a person. Never. Confrontation is good in the right way at the right time, but condemnation is never from God and should never be used or endorsed.

I think we should let people establish their own morals, one on one with God. I don't think the Bible says anything about pounding our morals into other people's heads, telling them what to do, or even confronting unbelievers when they are in sin. We are supposed to love unconditionally, letting God's unconditional love flow through us into everyone around us.

As far as my fear, and the fear of others like me, I guess the question is whether or not it is bad. I'm sure most parents would say "No!" but most parents are speaking out of their own fear for their children. The web of fear is so tangled and confusing that I just want to drop all of the fear and face the issues square on with God to show me the truth. What is it that is keeping us slaves to fear? And how can we still be kept captive by the one we've been freed from?

Do we believe we're freed? Because to some extent we create reality inside our minds, and if we don't believe it then it won't be real in our lives. God did everything that needs to be done to free us not only from sin, but also from fear, shame, condemnation, and slavery to the patterns of this world. All we have to do is believe. Or, in my case at least, confess to Jesus that "I do believe! Help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24)

God, please free us from fear and fill us with truth!