Imagine if you will a world where men and women live peacefully in harmony.  Imagine a relationship where two people find some common ground, enjoy each other's company, and simply love each other without drama.  Are you imagining that?  Good.  That is the very last time that image will be in your mind because it will never happen.  Men and women - much like cats and dogs - cannot live like that.  Why?  Because women mess with men's minds and emotions too much.

Women are cats.  Men are dogs.  ( I just imagined 20,000 women screaming a big "Hell yeah")  Much like the feline/canine relationship, there is always fighting and trouble brewing at a moments notice.  But why is this?  Let's delve into this deeper shall we?

Cats and women:  If you ever notice, women tend to like the cat.  Cats and women go together like peanut butter and jelly.  Much like a woman, a cat thinks it is an independent creature.  Cats are smart.  They eat food when it wants to eat food, craps in a litter box when it wants to crap, drinks water when it wants to drink, and most importantly, comes to you when it damn well feels like it.  You can call the cat by it's idiotic name a thousand times, but that thing will not come to you.  Unless.....unless you have something it wants.  Cat nip, food, milk.....if you have one of things, the cat will get off its lazy ass and come running over to you.  You signal this as affection when in reality, you just bribed it.  Cats have cool looking eyes that drain the lifeforce from you, they have sandpaper like tongues when they lick you, and more often than not, men are allergic to cats.

Now, let's look at women.  Women think they are independent creatures too.  Women are also smart.  They eat, drink, sleep, and crap when they feel like it. (And much like a cat, you never really know when they crap.) They won't come to you if you call their name unless you have something they want, and this is the big one, the woman has cool looking eyes and a sandpaper tongue.  Women use all of these things to lure you into their trap.  What trap?  I will delve into this later, but for now let's explain man.

Men and dogs.  Dogs are eager to please their masters.  They learn well and are trainable.  Without their master, dogs will die.  They need food and water all the time, they need to be let out to go to the bathroom, they need to chase things and play, and they need affection.  Dogs drool, they are dirty, they snore, and they like to hump things.

Men are just like dogs in every way.  The similiarities are endless.  Men need food and water catered to them, they need to chase things and play and get dirty, they need affection or they will think they did something wrong, we drool, we snore, and we poop when everyone is watching.  We also hump things for no good reason.

So now that we have men and women successfully compared to their animal counterpart, let's look at the physics of the relationship.

Cats and dogs are bitter enemies.  Dogs chase cats and bark at them, cats swap their claws across dogs' noses.  Cats lay about in the house, dogs like to go outside.  Like these animals, men and women share many aspects of these traits when it comes to relationships.  Unbenownst to us, men and women are bitter enemies too.  We also need each other to survive.  We are in a conundrum.

Women, like cats use mind fucking to confuse the man/dog.  Cats climb really high to get away from dogs.  Women push men away with emotions.  Imagine a tree.  A big tree.  That is the woman's feelings.  The woman climbs to the top of the emotion tree, and men try to bark or talk our way up to no avail.  Only when we are sick of barking at the tree, that we lie down and fall asleep.  This is when the woman comes down and strikes.  We have fallen into their traps.

Women do and say things that make no sense to us dogs.   They use our emotions of going out for a walk or getting a treat (ie sex) to make us do their bidding.  They are too smart for us.  We as men need to become a super hybrid of dog.  One that listens to the cat and uses the cat's actions as ammunition to fight another day.  Until then, we men are destined to sleep outside in our dog houses while the cats sleep in the warm beds.