Babies should always have a safe place to sleep. This means no extra bedding, blankets, or pillows, and a firm, flat surface on which to sleep on his back. We’ve gotten used to the idea that this means sleeping in a crib, but safe sleep does not always have to mean sleeping alone.

Particularly for breastfeeding mothers, sleep sharing, or co-sleeping, can mean a good night’s sleep for you and your baby. So long as you have a safe place for your baby to sleep, and you are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol which could make you sleep more heavily than is safe, sleeping with your baby has many benefits.

Less Worry

I have four children, and I tried hard with the first to do the sleeping-in-a-dark-room-across-the-hall-alone thing. It didn’t work. I found myself waking all night long to go see if he was still breathing. I got no sleep, and moving him into the adult bed, safely tucked in the crook of my arm, meant I could finally rest knowing he was breathing.

Some researchers theorize that babies who sleep next to their mothers are “reminded” to breathe because of their mothers’ regular breathing next to them. I know that I felt so much better knowing baby was next to me, breathing along with me.

Easy Feeding

All of my children have been breastfed, so co-sleeping meant that I never had to get up, move to another room, get halfway undressed, nurse, rock, repeat. Simply rolling over and feeding a hungry baby means that both baby and Mom get more sleep. Breastfeeding is relaxing, and there is nothing better than feeling a small, warm, grateful baby tucked in next to you while you both doze.

Early Bonding

Babies really need a fourth trimester. Those first 3 months of life are a critical transition period. Having your baby close to you at all times will result in a securely attached baby who is then a more independent and self-reliant toddler. Knowing that he can come home to roost and be safe and close to his mother means he’ll be more independent later. Besides, what’s better for baby: waking up to an empty room, or to the face of his favorite person in the world?

Practical Matters

Laundry. Yep. Moms are already so overwhelmed. I haven’t even kidded myself about setting up a crib for babies 3 and 4. Why have to wash an entirely different set of sheets when you can wash your own sheets and a co-sleeper sheet? Having a co-sleeper attached to the adult bed is another practical way of sharing a sleeping space safely: attached to the adult bed, baby can be in arm’s reach, or if he’s in your bed, he’s got a safe place to roll into in the night.

Don’t Knock Evolution

The idea of a baby sleeping down the hall, in the dark, alone, in a bed with bars, is a new one, evolutionarily speaking. A very new one. Likely even our grandparents co-slept: not until families could afford a house with separate bedrooms did having a bona fide nursery come into fashion. Babies have survived for millennia sleeping in a shared space. Don’t underestimate the value of that.

But What Will my Friends and Family Say?

Where everyone sleeps is such a private matter. Nobody wants to admit to co-sleeping, since what you hear is “How do you and your husband get to be alone?” or “Aren’t you afraid the baby will never learn to sleep alone?” But I bet the next time you’re with a group of parents you will hear stories of the midnight musical beds parents endure. Toddlers and older children migrate in and out of mom and dad’s bed constantly, scared by a dream or feverish with an illness or needing water or just needing comfort. Parenting doesn’t end when the sun goes down: children need their parents 24/7. Soon enough these babies will be pretending they don’t even have parents, and I bet they will not be coming in from dates, dropping their car keys on the nightstand, and climbing in bed with you. Enjoy babyhood while it lasts, and remember that it is nobody’s business where the kids sleep so long as it works for your family.

You need to do what results in a good night’s sleep for you all. If that means co-sleeping, then don’t let anyone’s opinion sway you. So long as your baby sleeps safely on his back, with no pillows or blankets, and cannot roll off the bed, then co-sleeping may well provide the comfort, security, and peace of mind you both need for a restful night.