Are you friend or foe?

Do I trust you or attack you?

We will watch each other, warily, for signs of a threat... smiling but keeping a distance.

People have danced this way since we first had feet to dance with. As we gathered around primitive fires; as groups of nomads stumbled upon each other; as villages reached out to other villages in need of goods to trade. And at that bizarre party I went to last month.

We all have a drive to connect with each other. Humans are social animals after all. Right next to that drive, however, is a strong need to protect ourselves. It makes an interesting conflict. Sometimes our bravest act is simply to say, Hello!

The word communication brings mental clipart pictures of satellite networks and Blackberries. Or if you are a little older, mental Polaroids of telephone lines strung by the mile. Or maybe mental sepia-tone prints of telegraphs and ticker tape. Mental pencil drawings of the Pony Express?

All of this communication requires one thing: language. People can communicate without language, though. Mothers and babies do it all the time. You know exactly what your dog is thinking, despite the one-sided conversation. Through visual cues, facial expressions, and emotional response, we can speak without words.

In the age of the internet, our satellites and Blackberries have allowed us to connect and communicate with people from impossible distances. We meet new friends on different continents, and sometimes even in our own backyards. Hello! People are chatting and e-mailing, typing and reading. The number of people you can talk to seems to be unlimited. How you talk, however, is very limited. Words on a screen cannot convey your emotion. There is no way to show a sly smile when your message is tongue-in-cheek or to emphasize a single word in a sentence that would change the tone from teasing to taunting. Sprinkling smily emoticons around is the best we can do.

When I read the words “you are wrong”, do I assume you are snarling when you typed them? Maybe you were chuckling... Are you friend or foe?

Let’s get it on!

Let’s get... hey that’s not what I meant. All of these new connections have increased our odds of getting it on, but I’m talking about my second favorite activity: fighting. Arguing. Debating. Heatedly discussing. Aggressively schmoozing.

People who disagree are most often the best people to solve a problem. Two opposite viewpoints get mixed together to create a new, third viewpoint that can be a stronger solution. This is why I say it: people are not supposed to get along. A community of dissenting ideas is stronger than a community of one single opinion. Debate fosters advancement. If you are lucky enough to find a friend who disagrees with you constantly, treat that friend well.

It’s tricky to mix it up with somebody new when all you can do is type. A snarky comment meant to tease might be read as an attack and before you know it, you’re in a full-on flame war. You might not even be sure if it’s in good fun or if somebody is going ballistic on their keyboard... If we were all sitting around the BBQ and drinking a beer, you’d know easily who the bullies are and who is just looking to shoot the shit.

I run across people all the time who disagree with my opinions. Lots of people say that about me too. We put each other in mental categories because without seeing a smile or a frown as we talk, we can really only use words to determine somebody’s personality. It’s easy to analyze what somebody has typed (on page 7 of that forum, in the third sentence, she said she is a liberal!) but impossible to analyze the emotional intent.

The point of this Hub is that I’ve come to know not one but two people this week who have made an impact on me. Both are opposite-end spectrum from me, but we’ve managed to go past the mental categories. We understand that an attack on a personal belief is not the same thing as a personal attack.

I’m very happy to have found new frenemies.

Friend + Enemy = Frenemy.