I am motivated to provide an answer to this hub request because this is what happens in my community.

I come from Abia State of Nigeria, the eastern part of the country. I grew up to notice that most of our young men do not get married on time and I was moved to investigate what's behind this phenomenon.

Incidentally, I have lived in the northern, southern and eastern parts of the country because of work movement and studies. I took time to study the culture of these people especially with respect to marriage.

I discovered that their marriage culture does not demand so much from the suitors both on what goes to the family of the girl and the clan where she comes from.

Moreover, in my community, there are several steps that the suitor would take before he the girl is handed over to him. The list of things to buy is usually comprehensive and financially demanding. Most times, which is the case, the man with his people would visit the clan people severally to agree to what to do on the list. This often ends in arguments and they would repeat again.

During the marriage ceremony the suitor has to "settle" the maidens, young men, and the women respectively. He cannot run away from that.

I have seen a man who was asked to buy a motor bike for the father of the lady before they could give their consent. Another young man was asked to pay the equivalent of $2,600 to the mother of the girl before the women would give consent to the marriage.

These developments "push" the men to borrow money to effect this demand while they go bankrupt after the traditional marriage.

Another aspect of the issue is the quest to belong-Ego problem.

I learnt that wedding or what they call in my place "white wedding" is an imported concept. White wedding is the English man's equivalence of "traditional marriage" within the African setting.

But it has become a compulsive decision and activity that a man after the traditional rites should also do "white wedding" which is usually done in the city. This second ceremony involves going to the church to be joined by the Priest or Pastor and going for reception (item seven) after the church solemnization.

This is where you see the display of wealth with much debt incurred in the process-branded cars with the tag "About To Wed" or "Just Wedded", expensive wedding gown, hired and interior decorated hall for reception of guests, cost of feeding the guests, transportation of family members to the city or the venue of the wedding and many more.

Most men are financially buoyant to do this without financial stress but many are not and these are the people who run into trouble after the wedding ceremony. I have come to understand that it is the ladies and the mother who insist that the man must do as other men have done.

The lady sees herself as the odd person. The friends would feel that the husband is not financially buoyant to do what he is expected to do.

I know a very close friend who is yet to pay off all the debts he incurred during his wedding ceremony a year after the wedding.

Another factor is societal influence. Most people don't have the mind of their own. They live other peoples' life-eat what they eat, drink what they drink; wear what they wear and all that. While it is appropriate to have a mentor or some people to look up to for certain character traits, it is foolishness when you place a burden on yourself simply because the society or a person wants you do so.

Another factor is the desire to please everyone. My interaction with those who have tread this path before now reveals that the family of the fiancée may have a strong influence on the fiancé on how much to spend and what to spend such money on.

My boss recently got married and I listened very attentively when he was counselling out IT Manager with the AGM Operations on their planned wedding ceremony coming up soon.

The man must be firm and fair. He knows his financial limits and has to stick to it. He is the one to "feed" the woman after the wedding.

Getting married is sweet to the heart and lovely thing to behold but caution must be taken that regrets don’t come afterwards on issues which could have been wisely avoided.

Read more of this Writer's articles here