Why does turning 25 feel like a mid life crisis?!
80Or should I say, a quarter-life crisis...
(See also, Conquering the Quarter-Life Crisis - Part 2)
Twenty-five is a rough age. All your life, you look forward to being twenty-one so you're allowed to go to bars and legally drink. Then you spend the next few years being glad that you can go to bars and drink. Twenty-two is cool, Twenty-three is cool, Twenty-four is cool and then BAM. You turn twenty-five and suddenly, it's not so cool anymore. You're only five years away from being thirty. You start analyzing every aspect of your life. Where is it going? Why aren't I married? Why don't I have kids? Chances are by now, you know several couples who are getting married and several couples who have children. Then you start to think "well my parents were married by now" or "all my uncles and aunts were married by now" or "wait my parents already had TWO kids by the time they were twenty-five!"
Then you start thinking about all the things in life that you haven't done yet. I still haven't traveled to Brazil... I still haven't published a book...
Then you start analyzing the person you're in a relationship with. Are they the one? If not, why am I wasting my time? I'm almost thirty! What if I'm thirty and all my friends are married and I'm not?!"
Maybe this doesn't happen to everyone, but it certainly happened to me. I always said that I would never move out of state because I'd miss all my family and friends here. Then I turned twenty-five, and all of a sudden I became extremely jealous that my eighteen year old sister was traveling abroad to go to school for a year in Italy. I'd never been to Italy! Hell, I had only been to two countries and that was years ago! What if I get married in the next five years and then I have a family and never get a chance to go to Italy? I started reading blogs about people traveling to different countries and looking at pictures of their journeys. I started remembering when I was back in high school and we'd take school trips to Greece and do all sorts of activities and life was so fun. I didn't even appreciate it then. Now I felt like all I did was work and come home and watch TV. I felt like I was too old to do some of the things I did in high school, but too young to settle down and have a family yet. Or was I? Maybe I'd be ready if I met the right person. Hmmm...
So then I started analyzing my current relationship. Did I really want to marry my boyfriend? I loved him, but I knew deep down that the thought of marrying him didn't excite me. So why was I with him? Was I just afraid of being alone? What if my future husband was out there and I'm missing out because I'm wasting time with my current boyfriend? I knew I didn't want to end up thirty and the only one out of my friends that wasn't married!
Then I started analyzing my job. I work as an IT Recruiter, so basically I interview candidates in the field of information technology and try to find them new jobs. I didn't mind it, but was I passionate about it? Did I love my job? No, I didn't love it. I did it because it paid well and it's something I had years of experience in now. So what was I passionate about?
Well, there are two things I've always loved since I was a kid: writing and music. I think it may be a little late for me to become the next Mariah Carey or Stephen King, but that doesn't mean that I can't do both in my spare time. You can always make time for the things you love.
All in all, I think twenty-five is an age where you discover who you really are. What I mean by that is finding who we REALLY are; what we've always loved deep down that makes us different from everyone else. I think as young adults, we know what our passions are, but as we get older we get so caught up in life we forget about it. In high school, you don't care about things you feel passionately about. You care about whose parents are going away that weekend, who's going to buy you beers and if your current crush is going to attend the party. Then after high school, you care about where you're going to go to college and where you're going to work. You don't worry about if you're current boyfriend or girlfriend is "the one" or if your job is the job of your dreams. But then when you turn twenty-five, you realize you have to think about these things. After all, you're reaching adulthood! What a scary thing. I'm still twenty-five though, so I'm still in the process of analyzing every aspect of my life and envying the people who have chased their dreams more than I have. I've always wanted to move to LA... publish a book... but hey, writing part time is a start to my writing ambition. I'll let you know how it turns out. To be continued...
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I remember turning 25 and doing all of the things you are going through. The questions. It was at the age of 25 that I moved to LA and began working in the film biz, and that was the first happiest time in my life (my second happiest time was(is, are) my children, but that didn't start until my thirties.
Here's the thing about 25. Do not marry anyone for any reason other than the right ones. My first wife was a great friend, but we had zero chemistry, and while she was comfortable being normal, I wasn't. I compromised from striving for excellence to being just under the radar. Your spouse is the most important choice you can make in your life. Careers come and go, and passions wax and wane, but a spouse can be the number one determing factor in your happiness. Life is too short to be miserable, there's too much crap in the world for you to ever have to deal with it at home. Pick a spouse that (cliche alert!) completes you. Pick a spouse that supports you. Pick a spouse whose nose you can pick.
I think you wrote a great hub. Thanks!
oh..oh, oh...ahh!!
Great article!! I am currently going through the same thing, except I am in mid-life. I'm almost 49! When I look back at pictures of myself when I was 25, I wish I had the confidence, self-esteem and inner beauty that I have now at almost 49. I'll be turning 50 in one year and I have thoughts similar to yours but there is nothing like having life experience under your belt when making decisions about the future.
When I think back when I was 25, my focus in life was never about my passions, my future, my career and certainly my thoughts about the future weren't nearly as thought provoking as yours. I was looking fervently for Mr. Right, not knowing that the pains and hurts from childhood prevented me from chosing him!! I always sought out the Mr. Wrongs and had to learn the hard way that if you have deep rooted issues, they must be dealt with first before you can ever be "happy" in a relationship. We all bring "our stuff" into relationships with us.
I am glad you are "planning" and "thinking" about your life, because honestly, at your age, I was just living life as if I had no choices. I " let the chips fall where they may" so the saying goes. I didn't listen to the wise advice given to me from "older folks" like my Mom or Dad. I lived my life as if it would never end. I lived my life back then with the attitude that whatever mess I got myself into, somehow, God would bail me out. And now looking back, I have no regrets but I do wish that I "thought" more about my passions. I do wish that I had used the gifts God had given me. My fear of failure and my strong root of rejection prevented me from fulfilling any plans that He may have had for me.
Oh and by the way, children will be your greatest joy but make sure you have a strong, loving husband who will support you, love you and stand by you before you bring beautiful children into the world because raising children alone was never in God's plan!! God bless you 25!!
One cool thing about 25 - you get a discount on your insurance....and you don't have to pay that pesky "Under the age of 25" fee when you rent a car.
My wife recently turned 30 and she was like, "Oh my God! I'm almost 50."
Wait until your 30th birthday and then you will understand the real meaning of 'mid life crisis' :-) I am sttill recovering from the shock... lol
I loved this! I just turned 25 in January and felt the SAME EXACT WAY! Not to mention that I'm not married, no kids, and I haven't graduated school yet. Add that to the fact that my boyfriend and I (dating 3 1/2 years, friends for 8) broke up right before Christmas, and it seems that all of those things I had planned before or around 25 just flew out the window.
Thanks for the great read!!!
Wow...those are really the only words I can come up with at the moment. Just reading this blog is like all the thoughts in my head that I'm too afraid to say out lout. Unbelievably creapy and exactly how I feel. I turn 25 in a couple of months and just the thought of it makes me mad. Makes me upset, makes me have to think about all the things that I don't want to think about.
I hope that things ended up well for you. I hope they end up well for me too. I'm scared.
loved reading ur blog... you really are talented. im turning 25 in a couple days and am going through the exact same emotions you described. just like cnm619 im still in school and newly single (broke up with my boyfriend of 7 YEARS around thanksgiving).... but yet i have faith that ill be just fine and from now on im just not going to think about my age anymore lol! =]
best of luck to you!
So glad I'm not the only one! In anticipation of my 25 year crash, I quit my job and headed on a four-month trip. It was amazing...and now that I'm back, the actual quarter-life crisis has hit home, hard. The worst is sitting at work (my boss didn't let me quit--told me to take an extended leave and come back) thinking, "I have to do THIS for 40 more years??"
SO GLAD to hear that I'm not the only one! I had to laugh reading your post and the comments. :) I'm currently planning my escape from the 9 to 5...good luck with your transition!
wow, great article. i came across this page because i'm hitting the big 2-5 in about 3 days, and i am starting to analyze my life like crazy. like you i feel that all aspects of my life are questionable, and worst of all, i am still SINGLE. so i can't even ask myself if someone in my life is "THE ONE', rather if there is going to be ANYONE at all. and it just so happens that this summer i've attended 3 weddings already, and it's only early June!! i'm seriously contemplating about throwing away my chick flick dvd's and going on speed dating. this is definitely NOT how i picture myself turning 25. :P
good luck to all of us who experience the crisis.
I just found your article and wanted to say that you write really well. I am 24 and will be turning 25 April 2009. I am already starting to think of the things you mentioned because I think the moment I turn 25 I will have a nervour breakdown. I don't know why it is so scary. I guess it really is growing up and that is scary.
The whole marriage issue doesn't realaly matter. I am turning 25 in 3 days, am married, and have a 3 year old puppy. Trust me...I still have all of these questions in my head. The main question is "Have I done enough in life?" Am I on track (in comparison to other 25 yr. olds) as far as accomplishments go? Have I slacked in any way? I guess my fear is that when I leave this earth at any given moment... What will the obituary say? What legacy have I left behind if any? Again, it doesn't matter how far along in life we may or may not be. The questions will inevitably plague us as each year passes and we reflect.
you're ONLY 25?
I wish I were again.Wow! I would live my life a lot differently!
I turned 25 this year and I still feel the same way. When you're in highschool you want to become an adult so bad. Then I spent my years in college feeling so young and fresh with all of these plans and ideas. I got somewhat sidetracked on my way to graduate school and then all of a sudden I turned 25. Now I'm thinking there is no way that I will get a PhD - What about kids, buying a house, saving for retirement, etc. Then, like one of the comments made above, am I really going to be "working" for the next 35-40 years? I am finishing my graduate program and wonder, when did I become an adult???? It's tough, especially when you are in school for so long :( I talk to grandparents and they say "you're so young" but it seems like life is so short. Anywho, I hope I can get beyond feeling this way and start living with excitement again.... Is it still possible?
dear blogger,
i am turning 25 in two weeks and i feel exactly the same way as you described. i broke up with the man who i have never loved. i have started to pursue the man who i have always fancied. i don't know if things will work out for us, but he is the man who i truly want to be with.
as for my career, i am a little bit pessimistic. i am currently doing a juris-doctor degree and i still have 2.5 more years of studying. i am just a little pissed that i have no career at all.
I think the worst part is, you think "it will never happen to me". I will never reach a point where I start scrutinizing my age - I'm young and carefree. What do I care about age and appearance and all that goes with being a mid-twenty year old?
Fact is, I'm now 25 and I'm totally depressed about it. I can no longer get away with the things I used to as an "early twenty year old". People have these grandiose expectations now that I've reached my 25th year of mortal existence.
It's like suddenly I'm not the silly, fun and crazy girl I used to be - but a grown up, independent and responsible LADY and if I don't behave like one, then I'm immature and stupid.
I LIKED the fact that I could get away with being immature because I was young and didn't care. Now that I'm working at a full-time job, paying rent and bills I don't even have the time to be my "true" self as it is spent on keeping up appearances.
Yes, it is an age where you learn a lot more about the self and where you fit in the Universe, but quite frankly I was much happier in my ignorant, immature bliss!
Thank you for posting this blog! I'm turning 25 this April and have been day-dreaming about all the issues you raised since Christmas/ New Year! My professional training is on track, but I still haven't figured out my personal life yet.
Anyways thank you very much to putting your thoughts in writing and sharing it with us.
All the best x
Great Hub, I'm in the exact same boat as well. 25 is really discovering what you like. I actually just took a hip hop dance class today. I'm an avid clubber and use to brag that i never needed dance lessons, but really i've always wanted to try choreography and it was pretty fun.
Also it seems at 25 the only big events now are Weddings, babyshowers, and birthday's where it the birthday person doesn't say their age, just that "its their birthday" lol.
Great hub, again
U have scared me out of my wits now...im gonna be 26 in the next 2 months and its defn not a good feeling......
You described all of my concerns right now...I'm 27 and I feel such an emptyness in my life. Still single, do I'll know love one day. Everybody around me is in a relationship or have kids. Hope I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel soon!! Send me good luck...
ugh! i never thought i would dread a birthday party! but, i don't want to celebrate turning 25! like ya'll i feel like there is just soo much to deal with!
HEY GUYS I'M TURNING 25 IN APRIL 2009 AND I'M ACTUALLY EXCITED. I STILL FEEL YOUNG AT HEART SO I'M NOT GONNA LET AGE DEFINE AND RESTRICT MY CHARACTER BUT AT THE SAME TIME I'M NOBODY'S FOOL. I FIND MYSELF IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS OF BEING 24 RIDDING MYSELF OF HABITS THAT ONCE KEPT ME SHACKLED SUCH AS GOING OUTSIDE WITHNO MAKEUP, I DO IT PROUDLY NOW AND FIND MYSELF GETTIN "WOW YOU LOOK 19 YOUNG" COMPLIMENTS, I SPEAK MY MIND MORE OFTEN IN A NON-OFFENSIVE WAY BUT THE POINT IS STILL CLEAR. I HAVE MANY TALENTS BUT NO OFFICIAL CAREER SO I FEEL NOW'S THE TIME TO GET SERIOUS ABOUT A CAREER. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND DAUGHTER WHOM I LOVE DEARLY. 25 IS A CELEBRATION TO ME OF NEW LIFE BECAUSE I'M STILL MY OLD SELF MINUS THE STUPIDITY AND FOOLISHNESS. I LOOK AT IT AS BEING 25YEARS YOUNG. I HAVE 11 MORE DAY UNTIL THE BIG DAY SO I'M CONSTANTLY REMINDING MY SELF TO SLOW DOWN ON BEING NAIVE. OTHER THAN THAT 25 IS MONUMENTAL BECAUSE TUPAC DIED AT 25 AND HAD THE WISDOM OF A MAN 3 TIMES HIS AGE. KURT COBAIN DIED AT 24 AND IS THE GREATEST ROCK LEAD SINGER TO DATE. AALIYAH DIED AT 22 AND HAD SO MUCH PROMISE THEREFORE I'M VERY THANKFUL TO MOVE INTO THE NEXT PHASE OF MYLIFE. I NOT ONLY HAVE TO FOCUS ON MY FAMILY, CAREER AND GROWING SPIRITUALLY BUT NOW I HAVE TO BUILD A LEGACY, WHERE AS WHEN I DIE, I STILL LIVE IN THE HEARTS OF MANY FOR BING PHENOMENAL.
Kurt Cobain died at 27 actually
holy crap, high school .....bombed a couple years at college now im 25 at a dead end job!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Oh jee...just read this. I'm about to turn 23 and I'm freaking out. Still in college while my friends are all married with children. Some have two!! I have a dead end job I feel too timid to quit. Never even had a boyfriend and the wrinkles won't stop. I should have moved when I had the chance. : (
I'm turning 25 this July. I'm having the crisis of feeling void all the time. I feel I'm too old to start studying anything that might take me 4 years to finish. I had a plan to get married and have kids before I was 25. Well I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we aren't even engaged! I question our relationship often. Is he the one? I can't stand him today but the next day I love him to death! I don't want to talk to him but then I'm calling him every hour.... UGHHHHHH... This is making me go crazy. I am starting to question things I've never questioned before. I have a 9-5 job. But I really want to dance. I think I'm going to start to take dance classes at the local college. I hope this quarter crisis goes away soon!
I´m turning 25 tomorrow, and these last couple of months have been the most intense for me in terms of soul searching etc... For me it´s kinda bittersweet, because, I did get to accomplish some things I´ve always wanted to accomplish before turning 25, but at the same time, I really need to start boosting my carreer and start thinking about moving away to a different country (I´m not sure I wanna get married and have kids before 35 tho), but yeah, turning 25 is very intense ! I´ll tell u this much !
TODAY I TURN 25!! Out of curiosity to see what it means to turn 25, I found your article. I'm soooo glad I'm not alone! ^_^ Luckily, I just got back from a tour of Spain, Italy and Greece...so I can check that off the list. But I've been definitely feeling the crunch with the wedding and kids thing. All of my friends from high school are either married, expecting, or/and have growing babies. I'm like..."I'm the last one!" The only thing that holds off overmounting worries is the thought that I'm still pursuing my education...so, after that's done, then I'll freak out (that's if my boyfriend hasn't purposed already). LOL! I can't wait to hear how your coming along! Thanks for the great read and keep it up!
OMG! This is exactly how i feel i just turned 25, three months ago. everything went downhill. life sucks right now. thanks for the good read. im glad im not the only one going thru this.i just hope things get better. right now i just want to scream!! (AHHHHHHH)
I guess this is a common thing that goes on with people around your age. Check out this blog too. It is pretty funny. http://themid20scrisis.blogspot.com/
hey, that was a nice piece of blogging. i am turning 25 right now!! and i can definitely relate to the things you were writing about. i lost my job 8 months ago and have had a really tough time getting my life sorted out (legal/psychological stuff), so it's comforting to hear that other people out there are feeling apprehensive and maybe a little bit unfulfilled as well. i guess this is all just part of the inevitablilty of aging, but something tells me that our suffering economy has everyone questioning their futures a bit harder. here's to a new chapter and the courage to make it real!
I’m feeling the same way but my situation I’m sure is completely different than most. I have been having progressing chronic pain since I was almost 18. I went to countless doctors for 6 years trying to find out what was wrong with me. It wasn’t until may 2008 (1 month before my 23rd birthday) that I got my diagnosis. At first it was a relief that there was finally an explanation but that didn’t last long as I found I would have it for the rest of my life. I have a chronic neurological disease along with many other related disorders involving my spine and brain, it’s extremely painful, it only progresses and there is no cure. The only hope is surgery and even then it is not a cure, it just helps slow down the progression. I also need further surgeries for my other disorders in hopes of even just a little bit of relief. I wasn’t able to go to college because of the pain and I have missed out on normal growing experiences most people have from age 18. I’m now 24 and I started worrying about turning 25 about 3 months before my 24th birthday, when I returned home from the hospital after having brain surgery. It was then that I worried I may never be able to go to school, meet a good guy, get married and have kids. It has now been 7 months since my surgery and my life consists of nothing but agonizing pain. I haven’t been able to go out socially in over a year and I have felt like my youth has just passed me by and I never got to actually enjoy it. I’m sooo scared for my future, as of now I can’t live on my own because I can’t drive and I need help with a lot because I’m very sick. I just want to be normal and have independence, I feel stupid not being able to do things on my own especially because I will be 25 next year.
Oh my God I am going through this right now! 25 just seemed to jump out of a bush and surprise me. Worst thing is that I *still* don't know what I want to do "when I grow up" :)
i am also going to be 25 in may and i dont know what to do with myself i am single, no kids and no job i just got laid off i feel like dying sometimes
I am turning 25 tomorrow and it is scary. Just five years ago, I was thinking I would be well established (house, nice car...) but that has yet to be become fruition. I like to imagine myself in 10 years, reviewing all my success and failures, and realize that there is still plenty to do and see in life. 25? no big deal
Turning 25 in T-minus...20 minutes and thought I was cool with it until I was sitting at my night job, thinking about the fact that I needed a night job in addition to my day job to make ends meet, and needless to say the thoughts spiraled out of control from there.
I'm not freaked out about the kids and marriage thing. For me, I keep wondering when things are going to change, when will life start to have some semblance of order or a path? When will I finally move on from the life I outgrew years ago? And I tell myself there's still plenty of time, not to worry. And THEN I realize, I was saying the same thing 5 years ago.
For me, 25 is this giant sign saying LAST EXIT ON THE LEFT! No other exit for another 20 years!
Extreme? Yes. Overdramatic? Probably. But I genuinely wonder if I'll be in the same boat 10 years from now, wondering why I never got off.
Hey! I've just turned 25 and saw myself in your words. I hope you still come to Brazil one day, I'm sure u gonna love my country ;)
xxx
heyy...am turning 25 tomrw....n its a mixed feeling...like looking back...i feel iv done a few things but therez so much more to do....im currently pursuing my MBA in the u.s....have a great family...and amzing frnz back home...however am still single...hvnt found "the one" which is kinda scary...coz i feel its good to be choosy but i have too many criterias before i settle down wid sm1...n a long list of things to do b4 a get married...lovely article btw..
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helenathegreat says:
2 years ago
Great hub, I love it. Not that I'm 25 yet, but my boyfriend hit that landmark last year, and I remember all of these questions well. I like your exploration of the issues, and I'm interested to see where you'll go with them in the future.