Is Sex Bad?
84I grew up in a very Asian family so sex was a very taboo subject. Nobody ever came out and said that "sex is bad", but interestingly enough, the silence ... produced an even stronger effect. Sex must be really bad if even talking about it is wrong.
When I was twelve I got a little book from my mother called The Birds and the Bees. There was no talking. Just the book, and then silence. I remember feeling really uncomfortable about even reading the book, so I skimmed it, and hid it in a drawer, never to see the light of day again.
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Is Sex Bad Reason 1
Sex and Religion
Most religions frown upon sex. I used to think that that was because religious doctrine was written by sexually repressed people, but that is a very flippant, probably untrue, and unhelpful view to take. I believe that most religions and systems of morality discourage sex because sex can lead to extreme behaviors that can ultimately weaken family units and communities. Sex is the doorway to extreme passions, and extreme passions can lead to extreme emotions including jealousy, hatred, and uncontrollable lust.
But the way to control extreme emotion is not to try and hide it in a secret drawer. The way to control it is to face it, wrestle it to the ground, and give it a kiss.
We must be honest with ourselves about our feelings and lusts. Once we face it, we can make peace with it. There is no need for embarassment and shame. Through frank conversations with ourselves and with the people around us, we can more easily address any and all sexual issues.
Sex and Addiction
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The Sex Addiction Workbook: Proven Strategies to Help You Regain Control of Your Life (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
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Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction
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I Am A Sex Addict
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Hope After Betrayal: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage
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Is Sex Bad Reason 2
Sex and Addiction
Sex can very quickly become a weakness. Because of sexual desires, you may want a person so greatly that you are willing to do anything for him/her. When sex becomes an addiction, you are no longer in control. Instead, others can use your desire to control you. Just like any addiction, this is not a good place to be.
There is a very compelling saying in Buddhism:
Embrace nothing: If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father. Only live your life as it is, Not bound to anything ~~[the Buddha]
You can have sex and you can love, but only love so much. Be in control of your desire, not the other way around.
Sex and Health
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The Tao of Health, Sex, and Longevity: A Modern Practical Guide to the Ancient Way (Fireside Books (Fireside))
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The Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity
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Sex, Health, and Long Life: Manuals of Taoist Practice
Price: $6.39
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It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library)
Price: $13.98
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Is Sex Bad Reason 3
Sex and Health
Because our religion and culture has made sex into such a taboo subject, it has become the source of many health concerns.
According to a 2006 survey, the CDC estimates that there are 19 million new sexually transmitted disease (STD) cases each year. Half of these are among young people from 15 - 24 years of age. Unfortunately, rather than opening up our eyes to the need for sex education, and discussion, this has only made sex into an even more taboo subject.
If nobody talks about sex, then absolutely nobody talks or listens to discussions on STDs. You are probably quickly trying to click out of this webpage as we speak.
The result of not talking is not less sex, but less safe sex. The result of not talking is not less STDs but more.
Let's Talk About Sex
Sex is not bad.
In fact, the three dangers listed above can be greatly helped by talking about sex, not by staying silent.
I enjoy sex. I think it is a pleasurable activity that we should enjoy whenever we can just like a well-written book, a well-prepared dish, or a well-constructed computer game. But remember that it is only one of life's pleasures. There are many other pleasures to sample from.
Yes it is true that free-sex may weaken family units and communities, but I think that speaks more to the condition of the players involved and the state of their relationships. Extra-marital sex is simply the symptom, not the cause of a divorce.
If you are open about your sexual feelings, with yourself and with your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, you stand a better chance of saving and strengthening your relationship.
Many people view extra-marital sex as some sort of great betrayal. I think it is no such thing. I would be a lot more worried about an emotional betrayal rather than a sexual one. Do not let small sexual indiscretions spoil a perfectly good relationship.
I believe in freedoms; the freedom to love and also the freedom to fall out of love. If things are really not working out, then it is better to separate and look for happiness elsewhere. Remember though, that new is not always better. There is great happiness to be found in shared history and shared experiences. There are many substitutes for sex, but a compatible life-companion is a rare thing indeed.
Are you comfortable talking about sex?
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Comments
I guess to a certain extent you are right. But I feel in certain cultures it's ok for the girl to be pregnant before marriage but in other cultures it's not. Hence some education is important but still being on the safe side is more important. Btw your quote about "kill budha.. kill father" I didn't get it.
[profiler] Thank you. Relationships are fascinating so I will definitely keep writing about it.
[countrywomen] I grew up in a culture where it is definitely not ok for a girl to be pregnant before marriage. But then nobody wants to talk about it. If a girl should accidentally get pregnant, then she is automatically looked down upon, like she did something really really wrong. But since nobody talked to her about it, it was an easy mistake to make.
I think the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancies is to talk about it with your parents and close friends. In this way you can discuss safe sex, or even be explicit about the rule of no sex. Anything would be better than the ... silence.
Thank you for asking about the quote. It is one of my favorites. It is about listening to yourself and not being overly restricted by society norms and expectations. No matter what anyone tells you, whether it be the Buddha or your father, filter it through your own system and decide for yourself what is the right course of action. It also means don't let anyone dictate to you what you should do, or feel, even if it is someone you really love. Love deeply, but always be capable of walking away. That is the only way to achieve true freedom and live life as you see fit.
Wow Aya!
The more I read by you, the more I'm glad I became your fan. :)
Wise thoughts and great delivery, good job!
In many cultures parents are not comfortable talking about sex with their children. My experience in this regard was similar to yours--When I was around 13 or 14, my parents gave me a book called "A Boy Grows Up." It covered mostly things I'd learned on my own long before. Later, I had the good fortune in my junior year in high school to be in a pilot comprehensive sex education class. And it was truly comprehensive. It covered the mechanics of sex, the amazingly wide varieties of deviant sexual behavior, veneral disease (it was before the term STD came into vogue), prostitution, homosexuality, and what might be termed sexual values and morality. The word abstinence was never mentioned. Rather, the message was along the following as I recall: Sex is not something to be taken lightly; it can result in serious consequences including an unwanted pregnancy, VD, psychological issues. Sex is more than a physical act. Ideally it should be an expression of love for another person. There were no pregnancies in my school (and little or no sex!) The course was one of the most useful of my high school education.
The ironic thing about it from my perspective is that sex is such a taboo topic, and yet there are more than six billion examples of what happens when two people engage in sex at this very moment. It's a basic human function, and what the heck! It feels great, emotionally and physically!
Great hub and welcome to the hubpages!
Jim Henry, aka crashcromwell
[Misha] My handsome first fan. I am glad you enjoyed this article. When you have some time, I hope you will share some of your views with me. ;)
[Ralph] Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I think you are very lucky to attend such a good class. I am stumbling along and learning as I go :) It would have been really interesting to discuss all those things in a class setting. Each of those topics would make several interesting articles. Maybe I will write about some of them here and have discussions that way. For me personally, I don't take sex too seriously. I have had sex with people along varying degrees of emotional attachment, and it was all very enjoyable :) As long as proper precautions are taken, I think that it can just be a fun thing to do even without strong emotional ties.
[Jim] Hah, you are absolutely right. It can be difficult not to feel embarrassment though. Since I grew up in a very strict culture, I sometimes still can't help feeling embarassed when talking about sex. I have to catch myself and try and work through it :) Strangely it is easier for me to talk about sex with men.
You'll have to provide sushi and tea then :)
Hah, you are such a tease. One day I will turn up at your doorstep with sushi and tea, and get you in a lot of trouble ;)
Oh, this would be lovely, my kids are always happy to met a new and interesting person. In fact, my wife and me, too. Sake is on me. :)
very nice and informative.
[Misha] Let the grandparents take care of the kids for the night and the three of us can have "sake" ;)
Great hub, Aya Hajime. Buddhism (in my opinion) teaches us to practice moderation and consciousness. It doesn't teach us to restrain ourselves. Only monks live in celibacy.
Interesting outlook, I guess for parent's it's something that's hard to see as in the figures of "i don't want to see my little baby grow up".
So in that case they pumped more money into our local school systems where they teach us about contraceptives, pregnancy, and STDs. I think sex-education is the best way to reach out to it. Only because it's one thing to know about something, and it's always another thing to teach someone. (and not every parent is a teacher) It's pretty much the result of giving up on trying to stop sex at a young age to stopping the rates of teenage pregnancies and unwanted STDs.
[Ananta] Yes! I really like that Buddha quote because usually, we think of passion as being a really good thing but too much passion can actually lead to less and not greater freedom.
[marvdiggity] I think you are right that sex education is a good way to reach out to teens, but I really think that parents have a strong role to play here as well. I think it is important that parents create a comfortable atmosphere with their children around all topics so that a child will always have someone to go to whenever he/she needs to talk about relationships and sexual issues. I didn't have anybody to turn to, which could have turned out badly for me. I guess the verdict is still out :)
sex enjoy only for wife & husband
[irfansonu] I believe that every adult should have the right to make this important decision on his/her own.
I love the erotic photos! Where'd you get them? Talking about sex is certainly a good idea. Perhaps kindergarten kids should be discussing it as well.
Kosmo, thank you for your very relevant and thought provoking comment.
Throughout history, education has had its share of attacks. More recently, there has been another such attack. Education is suddenly something elitist. Visiting other countries is elitist. Questioning our leaders or government is unpatriotic. Intellectual curiosity is somehow a sign of weakness. Knowledge is, has been, and will always be a good thing.
We must, of course, educate appropriately, based on age. We don't try to teach kindergarten kids advanced physics, so we should not teach them advanced sex either. However, kids, even kindergarten kids should always know that there are people that they can turn to, to discuss all topics, including sex. Sadly, there are people who prey on young children, so I think it makes sense to teach kids what is *not* appropriate adult conduct. Having open lines of communication is important so that kids always have people to talk to when they find themselves in bad/confusing situations.
Education, discussion, and keeping an open mind, are all good things. By considering all alternatives, we make better decisions, become stronger, and learn not to repeat past mistakes.
I LOVE SEX..
sex is part of life...
well I do not agree with all u say here...originally sex was like any other education inearly civilations..be it greek or egyptian or Indian they all have enough testimony in which SEX was taken as an art and a field where each men and women should try to execl to live a fulfilled life. It is only because of few hypocrites with narrow minds and beliefs who cannot see the bigger picture have twisted SEX as A SIN with the power and in name of religion.
Well as for addiction...all I can say is that anything in excess is harmful, even drinking excess water can kill you for instance.
Your Point of of view is right but the perspective of the write up is some how..I am sorry if I offended you with my personal views but I felt you might like to know what I felt about it.
cheers and peace.
Adrainsean, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am not offended at all. I am always happy to listen to all points of view. In fact, I agree with you. I personally do not think that sex is a bad thing at all. Not talking about it is even more silly.
If I understand you correctly, you think that the focus should be more on why sex should NOT be thought of as a bad thing rather than focussing on why it is a taboo subject. I think that that would be an interesting perspective as well. However, I don't feel I have enough personal experience and knowledge at this point to write about the advantages and disadvantages of the different belief systems. Since I have experienced both sides of the "taboo" nature of sex talk, I felt more comfortable writing about it from that perspective.
Thanks for bringing up another interesting perspective on this subject. It already made me start thinking about what I would put in such an article. Maybe once I have done more research I could tackle this more difficult article.
very precise..informative
Hello
It's very true that in Asian culture Sex is TABOO to discuss, but I come across certain extent by talking about my fantasies to my wife and we enjoy it quite well. I have asked her to open her mind and found her deep emotions for sexual pleasure with other men. Every human being has desires , some hide it, some express it wrongly and some overdo it.
So, my view is to create an ambience and circle of friends to discuss sexual objectives or needs of individuals and debate. So people will feel that they are not the one with the WEIRDEST ideas in this unbiverse.
Cheers..like to hear more from you.
Thank you for visiting dubainisar. Yes, I think it is very healthy to have good friends that you can talk to about important and personal issues. I think that many people have many weird ideas about many things, so we should never feel embarrassed in that regard :) I just do a search on Google - there are so many weird ideas on the internet. Its a wonderful world.
You should join us at HubPages. I bet you have many interesting stories to tell.
How old should children be before this topic is openely discussed?
Hi Andy. I think that would depend on the culture and social environment surrounding the child. It is usually best to bring it up before the child gets exposed to it in school and from friends. In this way, children will feel more comfortable going to their parents when they are curious or confused about the subject.
I personally believe that it is very important to let your child know right from the start that they can come to you and talk to you about anything. There should be no punishment for curiosity and confusion.
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profiler says:
9 months ago
good hub!
keep on doing it! :DD