Is Sex Bad?

I grew up in a very Asian family so sex was a very taboo subject. Nobody ever came out and said that "sex is bad", but interestingly enough, the silence ... produced an even stronger effect.

S-x must be really bad if even talking about it is wrong.

When I was twelve I got a little book from my mother called The Birds and the Bees. There was no talking. Just the book, and then silence. I remember feeling really uncomfortable about even reading the book, so I skimmed it, and hid it in a drawer, never to see the light of day again.

** All virtual images in this page are generated using Poser and Daz models.

Most religions frown upon s-x. I used to think that that was because religious doctrine was written by sexually repressed people, but that is a very flippant, probably untrue, and unhelpful view to take.

I believe that most religions and systems of morality discourage s-x because it can lead to extreme behaviors that can ultimately weaken family units and communities. S-x is the doorway to extreme passions, and extreme passions can lead to extreme emotions including jealousy, hatred, and uncontrollable lust.

But the way to control extreme emotion is not to try and hide it in a secret drawer. The way to control it is to face it, wrestle it to the ground, and give it a kiss.

We must be honest with ourselves about our feelings and lusts. Once we face it, we can make peace with it. There is no need for embarrassment and shame. Through frank conversations with ourselves and with the people around us, we can more easily address any and all sexual issues.

S-x can very quickly become a weakness. Because of sexual desires, you may want a person so greatly that you are willing to do anything for him/her. When s-x becomes an addiction, you are no longer in control. Instead, others can use your desire to control you. Just like any addiction, this is not a good place to be.

There is a very compelling saying in Buddhism:

Embrace nothing: If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father. Only live your life as it is, Not bound to anything ~~[the Buddha]

You can have s-x and you can love, but only love so much. Be in control of your desire, not the other way around.

Because our religion and culture has made s-x into such a taboo subject, it has become the source of many health concerns.

According to a 2006 survey, the CDC estimates that there are 19 million new sexually transmitted disease (STD) cases each year. Half of these are among young people from 15 - 24 years of age. Unfortunately, rather than opening up our eyes to the need for s-x education, and discussion, this has only made s-x into an even more taboo subject.

If nobody talks about s-x, then absolutely nobody talks or listens to discussions on STDs. You are probably quickly trying to click out of this webpage as we speak.

The result of not talking is not less s-x, but less safe s-x. The result of not talking is not less STDs but more.

S-x is not bad.

In fact, the three dangers listed above can be greatly helped by talking about s-x, not by staying silent.

I enjoy s-x. I think it is a pleasurable activity that we should enjoy whenever we can just like a well-written book, a well-prepared dish, or a well-constructed computer game. But remember that it is only one of life's pleasures. There are many other pleasures to sample from.

Yes it is true that free-s-x may weaken family units and communities, but I think that speaks more to the condition of the players involved and the state of their relationships. Extra-marital s-x is simply the symptom, not the cause of a divorce.

If you are open about your sexual feelings, with yourself and with your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, you stand a better chance of saving and strengthening your relationship.

Many people view extra-marital s-x as some sort of great betrayal. I think it is no such thing. I would be a lot more worried about an emotional betrayal rather than a sexual one. Do not let small sexual indiscretions spoil a perfectly good relationship.

I believe in freedoms; the freedom to love and also the freedom to fall out of love. If things are really not working out, then it is better to separate and look for happiness elsewhere. Remember though, that new is not always better. There is great happiness to be found in shared history and shared experiences. There are many substitutes for s-x, but a compatible life-companion is a rare thing indeed.