I walk through Bryant Park in NYC almost daily. I love to watch and listen discreetly to people talking about whatever is going on in their lives. The other day I ran into some really gorgeous young women sitting around having what I call a "bitch session". The topic this particular day was why when they live and attend college in the best city in the world (New York City) is it so hard, if not impossible to find love?

I listened as they talked about what they go through to prepare to go out to a club or event, from wearing high heels that kill their feet to getting their hair and nails just right, and the perfect outfit and on and on. They went thru all these preparation rituals because God forbid they were out and ran into the man of their dreams....oh my goodness I had to get in there and save them from their madness, because the ugly truth is that there is NO PERFECT MAN of their DREAMS, only pieces of what they hoped would be a decent man.

I had to put them out of their self induced misery and educate them; let them know I learned the hard way back in the 80's when I was in my twenties trying to make sense of it the hard way. I told them that years ago I created this image or idea of what my perfect man should look like, how he should dress, the type of job and income he should have to keep me happy and our family. These became fantasies as the reality of my life was that if I wanted anything I had to get it myself. I had to tell them the truth of the matter; you cannot go around looking for love. That will be like looking thru a needle in a hay stack. You simply can't find it, love has to find you.

Although NYC is a great city and there are loads of attractive men all around, many are not looking to fall in love, get married and start a family. Most are looking for the thrill of the chase; to hook up, have fun and then on to the next girl. I told the young ladies the first rule is never look for a serious relationship connection in a bar or club. Most people inside are drinking and say whatever sounds good for the moment and then the next day they forget your name, if you even told them you real name! Connecting and falling in love with the man of your dreams is rare if ever happens in a club setting.

I suggest that women never look for relationships when they go out in groups. Men run scared when they see a bunch of pretty women all out together and if they are interested in one, they can't get close enough to have a private conversation, and decide not to try.

The real truth ladies and gentlemen is when you go out, go out with the idea of having great fun with the people you are with, and not to over think about what you have on or who you may meet. Just have fun and enjoy the moment. Ladies especially, don't go out with the idea, "oh tonight I am going to meet the man of my dreams and he's going to take me home and we'll live happily ever after", because that is usually not the reality of life these days. Also be aware of people that say things and don't back them up with actions. If a guy asks for your number of email address and doesn't get in touch within 12-24 hours, then the non action should tell you it's not happening and forget about it.

Ladies be smart and think like men do and just do your thing. The right man for you will come to you and make you feel something you never have before. You'll know when it happens, but you must first be fulfilled on your own strength before you meet that man.

Love is not something to be found, but to be felt and you'll know when that day comes, so in the meantime, get yourself ready. Get in touch with yourself honestly from your head to your heart so you can be ready when that love does come and find you. I promise you it will not be what your preconceived notion of a perfect man is, but what a decent man for you will be.