Ah, first dates. Hate 'em or love 'em. I haven't really been on one in years. I met my boyfriend when I was in Kindergarten or something crazy like that. Don't worry, we haven't been dating since... I just wanted to clarify that so that when I said we reconnected on facebook.com, I could sound less stalkerish/crazy.

Seriously though, I went to school with this boy for most of my life. He transferred to an "American" school (we went to a French school) when he was in 9th grade. A popular pick for those of us who have American blood. How can the French system -which emphasizes academics and really nothing else compete with the American system with its proms and teams and rah rah school spirit?! At least in the eyes of an 8th grader, that stuff seems important. I was stuck there through my senior year (that's right, no prom for me) hated some of it, loved other bits... you know: like high school.

I digress, he left the year most American or French/American half breeds would leave. I say that lovingly, I quite enjoy dating a mutt. It gives you options, I think he represents the best qualities of either side. He speaks both languages and values etiquette and manners but can still hold his own in a bar fight. There I go again, off on a tangent. So I love his mixed breeding; he hates being half and half. More on that when he commits to a blog.

So let's see, where were we? 9th grade, he's gone. High school... happens. And then college. There! Stop. Facebook. In my freshman year at school, facebook.com had just started (back then it was known as "thefacebook.com" you couldn't get to it without the "the" in the search bar and it was home to very few students -yes students, not everyone under the sun- in fact, I believe only 7 other universities were a part of it. Okay, stay on target. People always said: "I liked facebook when it was just private universities." Then they let on high school students and we all said: "I liked facebook when it was just public and private universities." Then they let on adults with no school affiliation whatsoever. We changed our tune to: "Drat, now my future employers can see all those pictures my friends put up of me from Freshman year..." An era known as the "time of censorship" came to be, where we all deleted half of our pictures.

Anywho, all of this to say that had they not let my boss and her aunt on facebook, I would never have reconnected with my middle school crush (yes it's true, I had it bad) and thus never have had the experience of dating someone without ever having had a "first date."

Ah, the story comes full circle.

Personally, I'm glad to not have to deal with first dates... but they are exciting and you can learn a lot from a person on the first date. Let's say man, because I'm a woman and I'll leave it up to the men out there to compile a list of strange behavior women exhibit on first dates.

Here's my much ballyhooed list of telltale signs that you should RUN not walk away from a man after the first date:

[DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY LIST, IF YOU'VE READ ANY OF MY OTHER HUBS YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM RATHER FACETIOUS. I ALSO HAVE A PENCHANT FOR OVER-STATING MINOR FLAWS, AND I LOVE TO RUFFLE PEOPLES' FEATHERS. THAT SAID, I AM A TRADITIONALIST AND I VALUE ETIQUETTE AND MANNERS.]

I give you my list, my lovely male counterparts, so that you may study it, live it and perhaps not come off so Orc-like on your next date.

1) Come to my door if you pick me up: seriously, it wasn't cute in the 50s and 60s when greasy. leather coat wearing, car club wannabes would pull up in front of the house and honk, and it's not cute now. Especially on a first date. You probably won't even have to encounter her parents if you go all the way up to the door and present yourself in a civil manner.That is, unless she lives with her parents. In which case, avoid acting like a serial killer, shake hands with mom and dad and point out that your reservation time is drawing near.

2) Be somewhat chivalrous: It's not dead guys. I promise opening a door and helping a lady to her seat goes a long way. I'm not saying go all 19th century English gentleman on her, but start off strong see how she reacts to your chivalry. That said, if she does not take the time to thank you or at least smile knowingly when you hold open the door or pull out her seat without making it seem like a chore or something your mother beat into you... RUN AWAY and do not pass go for a second date. That's what we call a self involved, and WORSE a self entitled woman. She should appreciate your efforts to make her feel special, if she takes it for granted: reconsider.

3)Do not order for me: This is an example of the over the top English gentleman behavior that I can do without. It's controlling, and for goodness sake, what if the little lady would prefer the salmon over the steak! I for one would always take the steak over the salmon for those of you chaps stuck in the 19th century who care to challenge my boyfriend and take me out on a first date, but you don't know what your date likes. Let her order.

4) Table manners: This is a big one, and all encompassing too. Do not: chew with your mouth open, take phone calls at the table, pay more attention to the TV behind me than me, be rude to the waiters or say inappropriate sexual things to me (if this is indeed the first time I've ever met you). You'll come off as creepy.

Also, I'd like to remind you all that this is a FIRST date. If you've been dating forever and your girlfriend makes you go out to dinner on a night she knows you wanted to watch your favorite team in the playoffs, for heaven's sake ladies, let him check the score every once in a while. That's just me. If it is your first date with her and you were dumb enough to schedule it on a night you knew you were missing a great game, that's your freaking fault.

5) Pay: Now, I realize this might be a contested point. Here's my logic. It's the first date, you want to leave on a high note, we're trying to bring chivalry back from its dormant state... I don't know guys and gals, I just think it's the right move. In fact, worry about the working woman, salary comparing nonsense once that type of tasteless talk is appropriate (if ever when you're first falling for someone) and let him pay no questions asked on the first date. We know you're an independent woman, but intelligence and charm got you this far in life, why not let it buy you dinner too?

6) Be classy: This is another big umbrella point. Feel the evening out, no pun intended. Depending on the vibe, an invitation to go get coffee down the street may be the right move. Also, don't be a jackass, if she's sending off the right signals feel free to take the reigns. So here's the situation. You've had a great night, this woman seems into you. Ask her what she wants to do. (If I know my kind, chances are you'll get a flirty "I don't know, what do you think?!" type of answer. Don't be put off, it's just the way many women communicate in this type of situation. Don't be too forceful, but somehow make your own desires clear. (This is an art: I like "not wanting the night to end," myself). Propose a drink somewhere, a walk... coffee at your place. You get the gist.

7) Last but not least, can we all get over high school and stop worrying about WHEN is too soon to call. It's ludicrous. If you had a good time and want to do it again call whenever you please and tell her. Same goes for you, my independent women. It's the best way to seem confident and outgoing so the guy doesn't have to do all the work, and you'll know right away whether or not to waste time thinking about him. If he was just a sleazebag and wanted sex (which you may or may not have given him) you'll know if you call. Don't make snap judgements based on time taken to call back or stupid crap like that. Just look at the facts. It's not that hard. If he doesn't call back, he just doesn't like you that way. Move on.