Why I Hate Housework
81A rant that will surely push a few buttons.
Like many women, I don't have a domestic bone in my body. No Martha Stewart DNA here. I grew up in a family of 7 and our homes were never clean. Which means I never learned to clean house. I make no apologies for it. I think housework causes the biggest rift in relationships there could possibly be.
I was married 16 years and I've lived with a man for nearly 10 years after that. In any relationship, I am fine as long as the housework is balanced. That means he does his laundry and I do mine. It means I wash dishes on odd numbered days and he washes them on even numbered days. This balance usually crashes and burns within 2 weeks of any relationship. Men seem to have housework amnesia. They can't remember if they vaccuumed 2 weeks ago or 2 months ago. It just doesn't cross their mind.
So if you are a mom who does every single thing for your loving son including iron his underwear, stay away from me least I strangle you within an inch of your life. Do me a favor and teach your son to use a washing machine, a dishwasher, a sewing machine and a mop. And while you are at it, teach your daughter to use a hammer, a screwdriver and a wrench. They may well be the ones fixing the toilet when their husband is too busy advancing his career to get around to it.
I seriously had to bite my tongue when my newly married daughter told me her husband expects her to work 40 hours a week in her home since he works at his job 40 hours a week. I said, "What happens when you have babies and find yourself working 60 hours a week while he reads the paper and watches the game after dinner?" She said, "Oh then he said I'd be doing way more than him, so he'll spend the rest of his life trying to catch up."
Men, if you want to have sex more, do half the housework. An exhausted wife and mother of your children does not a spry temptress make. Cook her a nice dinner. Toss a TV dinner at her and she may toss her coffee cup at you. Yes, we all notice when you let her do all the housework or foist it off on your daughters while you and your sons go out and play hockey.
I hate the automatic blame factor. It works like this. When I had 2 babies in diapers I told my husband he would be ironing his own shirts. He said he was cool with that. So a few days later he wears a long sleeved yellow button down shirt with more wrinkles than a Sherlock Holmes novel. All day long at work all he heard was, "Gee, your wife doesn't love you. She is too stinking lazy to iron your shirt." Not one person said, "You're a grown man. Don't you know how to use an iron?"
This weekend someone from where my boyfriend works is coming over to fix my computer. I'm mortified over what he'll think of my house. I know I'll get blamed for the mess, even though both of us live here. My boyfriend used to do half the vaccuuming. I can't even remember the last time he vaccuumed anything.
I'm an artist and a writer and work out of my home. Which means people expect my home to be spotless, because after all, all I do is sit around all day and have so much free time, I could hand polish the silver every day. When a man is a writer, he shuts himself into his den and the children are told not to interrupt daddy, as he's doing something important. Never is daddy nagged to quit writing that paper and get out there and throw in a load of laundry.
I used to iron my boyfriend's shirts. One day he flew into a rage over me not doing the collars right. That was the last time I ironed anything for him. I've seen him go to work in shirts 10 times worse than that.
I read about an asian woman who cooked a complicated meal for her new American husband. He whined and complained about the whole dinner. Finally she said, "You no like. me no cook." Can I have that on a sign please?
I guess I'm done. Someone has to go do yesterday's dishes. And it won't be my boyfriend. He can't seem to empty the sink without giving me the stink eye like somehow he's mortally wounded that he might have to wash a dish. When he told me he left his wife because she never cooked or cleaned, I should have asked him, "Why didn't you." And then I should have run the other way.
Witch Parking Only
A word about commercials
Cleaning products are almost always marketed to women. I am sick to death of seeing some ditsy housewife dancing around with her mop in euphoria. (Probably inhaled too much bleach and ammonia). And that commercial with the automatic shower cleaner that shows the shower full of maids really ticks me off. Note: all the maids are women. Obviously that's what women are for...scrubbing showers. Or how about the guy watching a show with the winning lotto numbers while his wife scrubs the kitchen with lemon scented cleaner. Why isn't she resting while he's cleaning the kitchen? They never end.
Gotta watch this.
- I Ain't Your Mama
Loving this video by Amber.
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Comments
I agree kids should be taught at an early age to look after themselves. My wife does the laundry, cleans the bathrooms, vacuums, and buys the groceries. I cook, she washes the dishes. Funny thing about it is, I've never asked or told her to do any of it, she just does it. We have this agreement that inside is her work place and outside is mine. If I try to help inside she shoos me away. That little lady is worth her weight in gold.
I can't stand the tv adverts where the ladies get so excited about cleaning the toilet!!!! The sharing of housework is a pain. All kids should be taught how to do it. Either way, it's usually always the woman of the house who lands doing the most. Or the person that is most houseproud.
Um, the cooking is the fun part.
I agree so completely and absolutely. I work at home and am so tired of people placing all of the blame on me if they show up at our house and it's not spotless. (Oh heck, I'll admit it, my house has lots of spots.) Nothing about my husband's or kids' roles in keeping up the house.
Everyone, teach your kids to help with household chores when they are young enough to enjoy it and want to help. Otherwise, it's hell when they are old enough to truly contribute.
Thumbs up, by the way.
Sorry, I was impatient and didn't wait long enough for my comment to post.
Great, great, great Hub! I'm so sick of the chores landing, not only on women, but on girls! My grandma is always telling me how "lucky" I am that my husband helps around the house so much...well, duh! He lives here and makes it messy too! However, I don't fail to remind everyone he has never cleaned the bathroom since we've moved in together. He does a lot of other stuff, but never that. If he oversteps his boundaries (assuming I'll do something rather than asking) I let him know, I've even gone on strike until he gets the point. He married a woman, not a maid. I also know what you mean about how other people blame you for the messy house when you aren't the only one living there! During my spare time, I read and write--writing is something I want to do professionally at some point. My husband's spare time is spent playing with the car or playing his computer games. We are both responsible for keeping the house up. Your daughter needs to get her husband to see the light. When he works those 40 hours, does he never play around on the computer, chat with co-workers, take long coffee breaks, go out to lunch?
Can so relate, Ms. Moonmaiden. Few are the moments when one derives a zen sort of pleasure from housekeeping. Usually on retreat :-) When busy, it makes for perfect procratination if one is born a Gemini... i'm Virgo, a sign famous for domestic bliss, yet I must say, I find my own housekeeping a travesty of celestial nature. So totally with you!!! Thank you so much for the kindred thoughts!!!!! Namaste, c.
Yes, housework really sucks and probably because it's never ending. I also have a husband who doesn't do a bit of housework and just complains about the big load of laundry. Sometimes I feel the need to drink just to get through lots of housework. It's just one of the most depressing things there is. Especially when you never go on vacation or get taken out to dinner or get a meal cooked for you. Old fashion men suck! Or just old men for that matter. Mine is 51 and next time around I'm going for someone my age who can make a meal once in a while.
i hate house work too.....
Hey...we got similar in here
The terrible thing about housework is it still has to be done:0(
Good article-- and I can identify. NY hub on the big bang theory of housecleaning may give you some solice. Picasso actually thought that dust protected things.
i hate ironing he wakes me up after working all night at a nursing home and says pleeeeeese iron my shirt,or can u find me some socks.this is so annoying i get mean and i want to say do it yourself but if i piss him off hes been known to quit his job and just go to bed for 3 days.of i iron he will leave for 8 hours so i can sleep
sure...i hate it too....
I hate housework too and living with cats who don't care about it I admit it isn't one of my priorities. I have had women complaining about my 'mess' all my life from my mum to my ex-landlady and recently a friend who this year stayed here two days but said she could never live like this and pointed to dishes for the cats and a water bowl on the floor as something she didn't like in the apartment. In my experience my best efforts at keeping a house or flat tidy and clean are never good enough! I often think why are people so-obsessed with everything being just so and yet outside their homes they see no problem with throwing litter and rubbish all over the place?
I also hate housework. Having small children doesn't help at all. A while back I chose between being the "perfect mom-housewife" or just being myself and enjoying life.... You can guess who won :)
This kind of article makes my blood boil. But then I was completely brought up by feminists, the only man in our family is my well-trained dad. I've just moved in with my boyfriend and I feel like I've been given a grown-up son! He's willing enough (when I remind him), but the house can be literally rotting before he'll even notice, and I've had to teach him how to do nearly every chore! I'm so hating his mother right now.
One of my top irritations is being called to from the other end of the house. I put down whatever I was doing (I know--the fact that I comply is my fault)... I walk upstairs to Hubby--only to find out he merely has a question or statement about something non-urgent. I could have been standing on a ladder, cleaning up a spill, or helping a child with homework; he has no idea. Yet he calls for me so he doesn't have to get up. When I want someone, I go to them. @*#.
BitchyMom, been there done that, wrote the book. Do they have any idea how absolutely irritating and sometimes dangerous that is?
I hate housework as well, I hate it even more that i feel like a failure for hating it so much!! I am a single mom who gets so damn crabby when its housecleaning time I dont know whats worse to have a messy house or a bitchy mom... urg.. good to know I am not alone in the world...
I am a man...since when I was young, I helped my mother in housework. You may not belive but to be honest, I like to do household chores and keep house clean and tidy. I think men should do all labour oriented housework. After my marriage, I would do all labour oriented like cleaning bathroom/toilets, mopping, sweeping floors, dusting...as long as my wife is happy I don't have any problem to do as much housework as possible...
Enjoyed reading your article.
I gave up a exciting and challenging career to stay at home with my kids, but have ended up spending more time cleaning than enjoying my kids. My hubby loads the dishwasher about 4 times a week,takes out bins (After they stink and overflow and I give him a good 'roasting') and does laundry on the quick cycle ( Never packs it away!) and is proud of his efforts to help - he always mentions them when I ask him to help with other things. Also walks out the house and just leaves me, no matter what I was busy with and with no warning, to watch the kids. He is always tinkering on his many many projects in the shed. We can afford a maid, but he is too tight to pay for one - even for one day a week. I ask for days off , or to watch the kids so I can get a break, but somehow he always wriggles out of it.
I don't mind housework, I am now retired and have plenty of time to do it now, I find there is always sometime to do in this area, I do agree with many of the previous comments some men do not share enough of the cleaning they just do s few chores and that is it. Which is very unfair especially if the woman works as well, I used to work full time although my husband did help it was hard work trying to juggle the two things work and home. I find housework harder now I am older due to not getting enough sleep because of menopausal problems which is sometimes hard to cope with. Yes there are men who do help out, if they lived alone they would have to do it themselves, I think regarding housework a happy medium should be found if you can, to houseproud can make a person ill worrying about it, and letting the home get flithy is not good the health aspect and mental wellbeing is also important in my view.
I firmly believe that every child regardless of gender should be taught how to clean house, cook a meal, take care of a baby, do laundry, cut the grass, change the oil, change a flat tire and balance a check book. In fact I think there should be a course on it in high school and no child allowed to graduate until they can do each and everyone of these things. There are to many helpless adults running around.
Carol: 10 out of 10. You nailed it. The curriculum in high school way too useless for students, example: Language Arts, Geometry, and Trigonometry. I bought my own house at 21 and bought and paid for my car in cash at 19. There was just soooooo much I encountered that I wasn't ready for and numerous times I just wanted to scream. The only way for me to learn most of the time was to make mistakes and learn from them instead of learning from someone who's been where I was before. I am 22 and still learning. Stepping out to the real world blind folded sucks. I would have been WAY more successful had I been informed and educated about adult life.
My MIL taught my husband to do his share and how to do it. It didn't stick. He doesn't lift one finger, even to pick up his own clothes, much less help do any housework. Granted, he works about 55 or 60 hours a week. I don't expect him to do the housework, just take care of things for himself, like getting his own drink as we both sit and watch TV (this is usually late at night and only happens if I have said "To heck with housework for the night!") We have 3 kids and I'm pregnant with a fourth and VERY tired. He is getting better as time goes by, but for the longest time, be went balistic if the house wasn't perfect.
Totally agree. Moreover, my first husband used to go into school with wrinkled shirts after not taking a shower in the morning, and I was blamed for that "too" (what? not giving him a shower? ROFL). Messy women have some sort of moral problem or are abnormal. Messy men are just "cute and helpless". It sucks. Do they think we LIKE to do menial cr*p around the house? I have worked all my life outside the home and I expect to share the work INSIDE the home. Not have a double shift.
I cannot take it another day it never stops, yesterday my daughter told me I only work two days a week I wish that was true. I told her not to ask me for anything after 5.00pm as I had finished work!
ChristineRitter says:
2 years ago
I hate housework, also...it's a drag !