Will a Married Man Leave His Wife for the Other Woman
82Will a Married Man Leave His Wife for the Other Woman
Will a married man leave his wife for the other woman? Let's look at the answer to this question in a practical or pragmatic way. There is a woman at home for him and a woman out of the home for him, what is the logical choice? Should he leave the woman who he has spent most of his life with for a person who he have been out with for a few times. Does those few times equal to the sharing of the many anniversaries and birthdays of the children. Now, think very hard about this question. Would the married man leave one wife who he probably puts up with to another who may end up with the same hang ups after a few years?
The answer to all of these questions is no. No the married man will not leave his wife for the other woman because he has the best of both worlds. He has a woman at home for him and a woman available to him when his wife is out is unavailable. A man who has vested his time in anniversaries and birthdays just made his cave a home and it is doubtful that he will leave that place of comfort and memories to create new ones. Generallly speaking, a man do not have the patience to start a new a relationship that may end up the same as the first.
Generally speaking, men do not leave their wives for the other woman and this fact has been statistically proven. Most of these men have their own reasons for staying and more likely than not it is because of the comfort zone and the change factor that men are not too comfortable with.
Most women get into their own zone of thinking for the man when there is a wife and actually believe the man who says that the relationship is rocky will eventually leave his wife for her. Or the other woman thinks that she can somehow compete with someone who she does not even know to get the man's life long attention and devotion. More often than not, that life long devotion has already been given to his wife.
The wise other woman will accept the relationship with no strings attached and leave her feelings of love for someone who is available. Why do women think that they have to relate to a man who is already taken and bound by legal documents. When you see him at Starbucks, he may look available because he is without his wife and the other trappings that goes with being married. But that man although without his wife at Starbucks may as well be because she is the one that he will always comes home to.
Do not put yourself through grief of putting peddling your feelings out there for a married man when he is going to enjoy the desert while his main course is at home waiting with his life experiences that the other woman will never be able to share (Good or Bad).
The wise woman after finding out that the married man is in fact a;ready attached should just leave and close his chapter in her life. Men will use you and lead you on as long as you give them the sexual satisfaction that they need and desire. Do not prostitute yourself thinking that it is anything less without a ring on your finger. A married man should be left to the relationship that he is already in and the other woman should move on as quickly as possible onto a new chapter in her life. There are plenty of of legally available men ready for a lasting relationship. Patience is a virtue.
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Comments
Thanks for answering my hub, you give a lot of great advice.
The married women are stupid enough for staying with a man, who cheats on them. Never mind focusing on his 'exploits', as let's face it, these 'expoits' would never take a cheating man seriously.
The fact that women stay in these marriages, knowing that their "husband" cheats, and could care less about a "legal piece of paper", makes them real stupid. I would pack up and leave, and not let some man trample all over me, in the name of finances.
Trust me, these "married" men do not have "memories" of a warm, loving home. They have a one-track mind, and it's the next "exploit"
It's not the "other women" that have low self-esteem, its the women who stay married to these men
"The man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy...."
Married man are the most stupid person in the world of make believe. A lot of them will just pretend so much in-love for the other woman and readily available...at early stage yes but after having sex eventually will loose time and interest. So for women in love with married men...please, save a little respect for yourself! Believe me i've been in the situation but nothing happened, i even intend to kill myself. So please I am begging . . . learn to love your self.
Thank you all for commenting on Will a Married Man Leave His Wife. May you have a heartfelt story about heartbreak and a married man. Why don't you share your story on HubPages if not too personal. Also you may need to seek counseling as there may be stored up anger when the man did not leave his wife. Take care and continue to write. I share visit all of the commenters and read their work to get to know you all better. Again thank you all for commenting
depends on the man and what ties him to the wife ...I would say dont bother waiting on him as it could be years of waiting and nothing to show for it..ugh..it gets boring painful and really hurts your self esteem to be second choice..leave..find a single man NOW
kattusbib
Good advice. You wonder what ties the husband to the wife if he is out there messing around on her? Are there any ties except the marriage certificate. I agree with you kattusbib, the single woman should move on and find someone unattached and single.
why would a women stay with her husband after him cheating on her for years .. i could see the first 6 months thinking he was going through a faze. but he takes her out dosnt hide her. dosnt sleep in same room with wife. it's all about money. i think i'd take the money and run. i would never want anyone to stay with me just because of the money. and him if he's not happy leave!! dont let the money run your life. 1/2 is fine after all this you both deserve to split it and go on
Confused, you doesn't sound confused at all. Thank you for your comment. Women tend to live by the mores which means social values based upon what they conceive to be best depending on how they were brought up. I am going to get a little off topic here, but people are saying that Miss California lost the beauty pageant because she was honest and answered celebrity blogger Perez Hilton that she disapproved of same sex marriages. She stayed with her family values even though it cost her the Miss America Crown. I know that you are saying, well lindagoffigan, that is all superficial stuff on TV. But the scenario is a great example of a woman staying with her beliefs even though she found herself at loss for her unpopular answer. In the same line of thinking, women who have been married for years and may have been raised in a single mother home may wish for her kids to grow up in a two parent home. Even if there are disdain among the two parents, the kids are economically stable and develop emotional strength when they think of the alternative. The alternative may be a financially strapped family with shared living quarters in a trailer, bus, car or even just homeless. As the nurturing mother, the woman makes the mental sacrifice of unhappiness for the security of her kids. Others like yourself, Confused, may think that is is best to move on and try to get public assisantance because it is all about happiness right? But when it is storming outside and your kids have a home for protection instead of living underneath a bridge or a highway underpass, the mother puts her happiness on hold until she can do better on her own. Like the beauty queen who may have lost her crown for her honest remark about same sex marriage and kept her integrity; the mother who chooses to stay in a marriage for security and safety may lose out on happiness for a while but is content in knowing that her children are not wards of the state and have a place to call home.
I have been the other woman and too late I realise why his wife was so happy to let him go.
Cindy, that's what they say, once a cheater always a cheater.
I disagree with your answer "No" to this question. I know several cases, when married men left their wives for their mistresses and still together with them. I don't think it is right to generalize on this subject. Most of the men who has mistresses don't leave their wives just because they don't want any complications, mostly legal complications. That actually makes them cowards and their wives idiots!
Wanderlust, the article Will Men Leave Their Wives for the Other Woman is based on facts and there are no generalizations. No documentary can be iron clad, there are always exceptions. I am happy that you have informed hubbers of this exception. I hope the two of them are happily united and hopefully she is the one for him but who knows.
Ladies most of you don't know what you're talking about. My old lady went off with my next door neighbor and left me with four kids to care for. Want to come over and do my laundry? Please?
You must be in an exception. Take good care of the kids.
My Ex left me to be in a relationship with a married man. They've been seeing each other for 6 months now and he's still to leave his wife. They live over 400miles from each other and met over the internet. He said he's leaving his wife next week? Will let you know the outcome.
@Wife's a Ho, I wish my ex had left our daughter with me because I miss her ALL THE TIME!!
MeMyself&I, thank you for your comment. I am curious how are you able to keep up with your wife's relationship with that married man in the tune of weekly notifications. It is sad that you have not been able to see your daughter, I suppose your ex-wife got custody. I suggest that you move on or get counseling to find out why are you still including your ex-wife relationship in your everyday living experiences. Maybe you should see a lawyer and get custody of your daughter as your exwife should not be parading around with a married man. So my suggestion is to get counseling and then see a lawyer about getting custody of your daughter. In the meantime, I think there is work to be done to catch up with your own life.
Hi lindagoffigan, my ex still stays in the same city as me for just now. Although she is talking about moving WHEN he leaves his wife. Like I said, they stay over 400miles from each other(my ex and her new man) I ask my ex when I see her about how things are going between them, but this is due to the fact that I'm worried about her moving away to be with him because I'll see my daughter less. I do see my daughter just now but not as often as I would like, I get her for one night a week at weekends. I have got in touch with a lawyer and I am taking steps to get custody. As for moving on, yeah I know... but I have good days and bad days about this. Time heals all and it will happen, I just cant rush it, as much as I would like to.
I have a good life and lots of friends and family around me so I dont think I need counseling yet, but I will consider this idea, thanks.
Thanks for your reply and looking forward to hearing back from you.
MeMyself&I, If you are having a good life then I wish you the best. Surround yourself with your friends and family when past thoughts of your ex cause you to provide protective security that she left for another man. I wish you luck in your custody case and though your ex-wife may be 400 miles away, the internet closes that gap easily. However, I still think that you need one or two sessions with the counselor to put closure to the relationship that may seem to reopen whenever you have to see her with your daughter once a week.
Men, more often than not, do leave their wives. They don't think logically. Men will go to whom ever will stroke their ego. It's sad, but its true. They may regret it later...but men do leave their wives. I wish single women would have more respect for themselves and leave married men alone. But they do not, they are lonely and desperate and sadly they are trusting your husband...truth is...neither you or the other woman can trust him. He is not worthy of either of you.
uh-ha, thank you for your comment. Your comment should be addressed to someone in this situation and needs to be repeated: "He is not worthy of either of you."
Hello ladies, you may not know me, but I know you. I know more about you than you know about yourselves. I've seen many of you throw away the one thing you can't replace or get back: time. You don't seem to value it that much, according to what I've seen. I've met many a woman that has gotten involved with married men, in hopes him leaving his wife. Some even going to the extent of bearing his child. By the time she realizes that she's been played, she's got 2 of his kids, no husband, an extra 30 pounds, and no good prospects of finding a man of her own. Why? Because she's spent ALL of her good years chasing and waiting for what wasn't hers. All of the time she pissed away waiting on theirs, she could've used finding hers. Does that sound productive to you?It actually breaks my heart to see that, so I'm going to try to save you some time, and along with it, heartache, frustration, and your youth. You see, when your married boyfriend tells you that he'll leave his wife for you, you guys ALWAYS fall for it, even when you know he's lying! You're like Charlie Brown running to kick the football. You know that he's going to pull the ball away, but you run towards it anyway, hoping that maybe, just maybe, this time he'll do it. Stop it!!!Let me let you in on something, it ain't happening! You know it ain't happening, but you really don't understand why it ain't happening. If you had an inkling of why, maybe you'll be more resistant to falling for it. I'm going to tell you why. Here goes: Do you women know how hard it is for a man to decide to make a woman "The One"? Do you know the amount of BS and "tests" a woman has to put up with and pass, before she is deemed worthy of marriage material? I'm sure some of you do. Especially if a guy has a great single life, he's going to make damn sure that that woman is worth giving that all up for. By the time he decides that she is "The One", he has put her through all kinds of stuff, because we need to know that she has our back when times get hard.Which leads us to why a married man isn't leaving his wife for you. After we've found what we think is the perfect woman for us, do you honestly think that we'd leave her for a side piece? Do you really believe that we would leave our proven life partner for an unproven commodity? You, Ms. Other Woman, have not been put through any of the proving stages. Yeah, you may be good in bed. So good in fact, that you were worth lying to to keep it going. So good, it was worth telling you that he loves you, you're better than his wife (you actually may be), and that he might leave her for you. In reality, the sex is good, but it ain't "leave my wife" good. Sure, we'll tell you that it is, but it ain't. Sorry to sound so blunt, but it is what it is. I've been happily married for 18 years, and I have yet to meet a woman that I would even think about leaving my wife for, let alone doing it! And for the record, no, I don't cheat on her. Women are a pain to be with sometimes, why would I get 2 of them?! I'm more than happy with my one. The One.Ladies, think of it this way: Let's say that you have an authentic $800 Chloe' handbag. It may be old, but it's authentic, reliable, and yours. You've had that Chloe' handbag for years, and it still looks good. No way will you let it go. One day you happen to come across a beautiful $30 Marc Jacobs knockoff. It's flashy, looks good on your arm, and it's a crowd pleaser. It's worth taking to the club, or even buying a whole new outfit just to match it, but it's a short term thing. It is a $30 knockoff, afterall. You know that when it's time to represent, you're grabbing your go to bag, the $800 Chloe'. The Chloe' has never let you down. The $30 Marc Jacobs knockoff was cute to wear around for a minute, but it ain't got nothing on your authentic Chloe' that you paid $800 for, and it's going to win out everytime if you have to choose between the 2. It was, for lack of a better term, your "side piece".Do you still think he's gonna leave his wife for you now?
Woody, thank you for your comment. Factual data has proven that men rarely leave their wives for the other woman even with as you said two babies in tow and an unnecessary 30 pounds. Thank you for explaining how a man feels about finding the one. But men get divorced if they mess around on the one and the one finds out about it. So it is a good thing that you don't mess around.
However, most men are cunning enough to keep the $30 Marc Jacobs purse out of sight of the $800 Chloe handbag. Yet, some women do not give up hope that the wife at home is really in the process of leaving the husband as her wayward boyfriend tells her. And believe it or not, she probably does not consider herself a knockoff purse not when she can mother two of his kids that came from his DNA.
Some relationships are called open where the wife knows about the other woman but accepts her presence as long as the husband continues to pay the bills and take care of handiwork around the house. Each situation is different. Although the factual data has proven you correct with the knowledge that men rarely leaves their wives for the other women, I do not think that one can blanket the reason that you mentioned.
Of course it takes men a long time to find the one because they have quite a pool of women to choose from. Times have not changed and the woman still basically have to wait for the man to approach her. It is still up to her whether or not she chooses to waste her time with a married man. And time and time again because the other woman feels that she is in love with the married man, she will stay in the relationship in the hopes that one day he will leave his wife.
Like you said it is what it is. Look at the case of Mel Gibson, an acclaimed Movie Actor who was married for twenty eight years to "the one." Yet he chose to divorce her for a much younger woman which is another thing that married women have to be concerned about. The younger woman is always lurking around the corning waiting to snatch of men who have been indoctrinated in marriage. Men may as you said, take a sample of what she has to offer and then keep her around if she plays the bedroom game very good. But a good percentage of these men do leave for the younger woman as in the case of Mel Gibson, though the figures are not overwhelming. As most men probably think, why leave the wife when he can have his cake and eat it too.
Woody, you seem like you have been indoctrinated into marriage going on eighteen years and your knowledge of purses and handbags is exceptional. Though you say that you have not cheated on your wife and your knowledge of the difficultly you must have had finding the "one", I do not think that your wife has anything to worry about.
What are the statistics that married men rarely leave their wives. I see it tauted an awful lot on the internet, but I haven't seen any actual data? Is this just some sort of 'fact' that people like to pass around to discourage the other woman?
Jennifer, thank you for your comment.
You know they say that when you see fog in the morning it means that the sun will shine the rest of the day. No one has any written proof but for the most part the sun does shine after a morning fog. As far as the other woman getting the married man and the actual fact as to whether or not it is true, I read that most men do not leave their wives for the other woman.
Men are the most practical human beings on the planet. Why would he leave a wife, family and kids and then end up with another wife, family and kids with the same prospensity of cheating as he did in his first marriage. The best choice for the man is to stay where he is and see the other woman on weekends and non-family holidays without making any changes that are against most men's makeup.
There are always exceptions but for the most part you may think that you are in love with a married man but if you are not "the One" meaning the first woman that he took a chance at settling down with, it is very doubtful that he will leave his happy or unhappy home.
The fact is that I read a publication that I can't recall the name of that stated that facts and statistics prove that married men for the most part stay put with their family while the other woman wait in the wings for the promise that he made to her that he is "working" on leaving his wife because things are not going well at home.
A woman should not sacrifice her own happiness for her children. An unhappy woman is not a good mom. Financial security is a distant second from being in a loving environment, even if it's a homeless shelter. That's better than being in a 5 bd house where mom and dad barely speak to each other. And it sets a terrible example for the kids.
John says: Thank you for your comment. It depends on the woman in the relationship. There are a lot of unhappy wives in 5 bedroom homes that are persevering. A good mom will provide shelter for her kids and know that her happiness comes from their security regardless of her feelings for the husband. Again, each individual will have to make that choice. Uhhmm Bag lady with kids in a homeless shelter or your side of the five bedroom home and a safe place for the kids.
am with amarried man since 6 year he told me he love me and leave his wife for me and i phone herwife to tell her to leave him for me and actually he is out of mind with me sayiny that i have betrayed me and that he will never forgive meand that he will never do anything with me anymore .but when want to leave his life he told me he cant live wizout me.what shoul i do.he love me i know.i think he loves us both..plz help me.i dont know what to do.and we have a son together.should i leave or should i stay
nat, your heartfelt story sounds like you have been with this married man for a long time having now bore him a child. The fact that he does not want you to talk to his wife is an indication that he wants to keep the two relationships and he can't have two women. Since you are not legally married to him, you will have to accept the financial support that he may be willing to give you. You are going to have to break up with him and start a new life for your child and you.
He is using words to keep you instead of a true committment by actually leaving his wife and marrying you. Stop listening to him and move on with your life. You should leave him.
WONDERFUL! Thank you for an eye opening smack in the head that I think a lot of women including myself need. But I also think that women who have an affair with a married or other wise taken person know in they're hearts that they will never leave.
Joanne The Great, thank you for your comment. Maybe these other women do not really want these men as they may have experienced unpleasant relationship episodes. Society is so much different now.
It is great to read all these comments which helps me to forget about him. He is a married man and we worked in the same company. We knew each others for a long time but just 2 months ago we started to hit through an innocent flirt. We met three times and a lot secrets emails and messengers.. I thought I had a clear mind that he wouldn't leave his wife and we just have a flirt and nothing physical. Until a month ago, we secretly met in my house then we have been kissing, hugging and touching (no real sex but oral). After his holiday with his wife and back to work two weeks later, he emailed me that he wanted to stop the relationship because he met his friend that gone through a divoice because having an affair. I felt hurt and being used. Cry for few times and really miss him. But I can't say I in love with him as we are not at that stage yet. I really enjoy his company as I am a single dependent women. Since then, I read so many articles about this topics and understand now I was wasting time for him. I shouldn't let it started and feel lucky, he left me in such short time then I don't feel that hurt. So I can go back on my feets now. I wish all 'other women' need to be strong and life is short. Even it is hard and hurt to leave your MM, but it may be good to think about whether you should let go and find happiness in your life if he can give you that.
I am trying very hard to forget him but sometime still missing him, But I am sure time can heal.
Love for you all
Sorry, me again. I meant to say 'the other woman' may try to let go and find happiness in your life if he CANNOT give you that. Since my brief relationship with this married man, I learn more about man (I never have relationship with man before), I am now more concern about my appearance, I dress nicely to work and looks more 'sexy' and 'confidence'. In some way, I should thank him to make me more aware of myself and now I know what I should look for (Definitely not a married man)!
Love
Lily, thank you for your comments. Also thank you for sharing your heartfelt experience. Congrats are in store for abiding by his decision and though you may have been hurt, the duration of the relationship helped.
Lily, thank you for your comments. Also thank you for sharing your heartfelt experience. Congrats are in store for abiding by his decision and though you may have been hurt, the duration of the relationship helped.
Lily, thank you for your comments. Also thank you for sharing your heartfelt experience. Congrats are in store for abiding by his decision and though you may have been hurt, the duration of the relationship helped.
My husband and I are 6mo's along from healing from his affair. I always said I would leave if it ever happened, I am still here because he is remorseful and has become the loving man he once was. Here is a short story of its events.
We are 41yrs old, have been together for 21yrs, married 16yrs, and 4 children, what happens is the married couple become mom and dad, forget how to take time to be husband and wife. You stop commenting eachother because you just take for granted eachother knows how the other feels. An old high school flame from 22yrs ago contacted my husband knowing he was married, told him she has never gotten over him, even though she is married with children, told him she was not happy in her marriage, and the door opened. My husband works all over our state, so it was easy for him to see her during work hours (only). On their 3rd date, they had sex. He saw her 2 more times during a 1 1/2 month period, and then ended it. It was then that I know something has happened over the next 2 mo's he was so loving, roses, emails love notes, I confronted him, told him I knew and that he needed to come out with it, he did, he gave me her number, I let her know that if she ever contacted my husband again, I would put her out her misery. the healing began. countless nights of crying, feeling that my whole life for the past 21yrs was a lie, I even felt that my strech marks were mine not hers, (My children are worth every strech mark and more), all we had been through for 21yrs oh boy. Yes my husband was there for me, if he even saw a look that he thought was pain on my face, he would hug me. The sex happened only that one time because my husband told her he didn't feel good about it and wasn't ready for that. He handed over the cell phone that she gave him, on the text messages I saw where she kept begging him, when can we make love again, are you ready yet, and this continued until the very last use of the phone. My husband said he told her he loved her 2 times after she begged for him too, because he wanted her to get off of it, and was afraid she would get ahold of me, this too was on the text messeges, she pushed and pushed. Ladies here are some of the things my husband say's he told her: no, we are not having sex, she (meaning me) doesn't want too, this wasn't true, we were, next, no, I do not tell her (meaning me) I love her, yes he was, next, I can not leave my wife for about six months, I need time to prepare financially, truth, he say's he never had plans to leave me for her. He now say's an affair is based off a lie so there is no problem lieing in the affair and that he was only in love with how she made him feel, oh you are such a great guy etc... He say's an affair is an escape from reality, the time you spend with the other women does not have the stress of a normal day, the kids are not around to be loud etc... an affair is a fantasy one gets to live out, but everyone needs to come back to reality sometime or onother, and then all hell brakes loose. My husband and I now have a thing called date night 3 times a month, and have fallen in love all over again, its like a miricle, but it will always be an unlikeable memory that could never be forgotten. The mistress had plenty of opportunities to see that he was not comfortable with everything, believe me, after reading months of text messages I know. She should have pulled out, and left my husband to save his marriage, My husband was No, my husband was not innocent, but I read where she said if we cannot be together, I can not accept you with her she should know, it frighted my husband that she would tell, until he finaly said to himself no more she will just have to tell. thanks for listening, please stay away from ones spouses, the pain that you are sharing in causing is second to loosing ones child.
Yes, I really do know how to spell, stretch, lying ect... its laughable, I just wanted to let those out there who are involved in an affair, healing from one or whatever it may be, there is a website called beyondaffairs.com great reading for everyone even the other woman/man.
healing in progress, thank you for your comment and for sharing your husband's extra-marital affair. You proved the stats right that a man will not leave his wife of 21 years with children involved. It is amazing how you got posession of all of the email communications and text messages. It was like your husband giving up his toys that he should not have been playing with. You are a good wife to accept him back knowing that he told another woman that he loved her out of duress.
Your getting angry at the other woman is well founded and it is great that you are now getting taken out regularly. But where was all of the makeup gifts before his fantasy was fulfilled. Did you change anything about the relationship except to get access to the secret lives of infidelity. Sure sparks can go out of a marriage but I would not accept his words of forgiveness. Why? Because what else was he supposed to do when you questioned the barage of roses and other gifts. I would suggest marital counseling to bring closure to the affair. The three date nights may be like an obligation to him and who knows what other secrets you have not been exposed to. I wish you both the best of luck in your relationship healing progress. However without marriage counseling and getting to the roots of betrayal, you would wonder where his travels are taking him next and will you get the opportunity to participate.
healing in progress, thank you for your comment and for sharing your husband's extra-marital affair. You proved the stats right that a man will not leave his wife of 21 years with children involved. It is amazing how you got posession of all of the email communications and text messages. It was like your husband giving up his toys that he should not have been playing with. You are a good wife to accept him back knowing that he told another woman that he loved her out of duress.
Your getting angry at the other woman is well founded and it is great that you are now getting taken out three nights a week. But where was all of the makeup gifts before his fantasy fulfilled. Did you change anything about the relationship except to get access to the secret lives of infidelity. Sure sparks can go out of a marriage but I would not accept his words of forgiveness. Why? Because what else was he supposed to do when you questioned the barage of roses and other gifts. I would suggest marital counseling to bring closure to the affair. The three date nights may be like an obligation to him and who knows what other secrets you have not been exposed to. I wish you both the best of luck in your relationship healing progress. However without marriage counseling and getting to the roots of betrayal, you would wonder where his travels are taking him next and will you get the opportunity to participate.
yes, we are in counseling and he is opening up there. My husband has a fire temper, one of the major reasons for our marriage crumbling was his temper, which he has outside his home also. He is not good about talking about much of anything unless it is all good. He is confronting this in thereapy and wants to change it. He said he knows now that he never loved her, if he knew at the time what love really was, he wouldn't be in the affair in the first place, he loved the way she made him feel, which enabled him to escape his pain and troubles. We also will pass eachother and give a rub on the back to show simple affection. We complement eachother more, he helps me in the house, I could give a very long list on things we are working on. We used to think more about the negatives in eachother than the positives, we use to justify our behavior rather than confront it. He said some of the reasons he went forward with the affair was his own low self-esteem, he thought I didn't really care one way or another about him, he knows now, he did't love himself, and due to things he would do, he now say's no wonder you were not all over me. When you are married or in a reationship for a long period of time, You begin to take your love from oneanother for granted, you can't do this, love is something that you need to build on everyday, feed it. If both are wanting to do the taking, there leaves nobody to do the giving. It takes someone to take the first step, to see that the other may or may not follow. Believe me the first 3mo's were not pretty, we were both a wreck, it has been the last 3mo's that we are starting to build a solid foundation. (not pain free, but a lot less animosity), If the cheating spouse is remorseful, not just in his own guilt, you are on the right track, he may at first try to rush you to get over it, because he wants to forget it so he can miss out on confronting the pain head-on. you both need to feel the pain, live it and breath it. We also change things to ensure a cheat-proof marriage. LADIES, my husband said the mistress didn't really know him to accept him for his faults along with his goods. He controlled his temper, some of his true beliefs, ect... he was on his best behavior, and since he didn't have to see her a lot and for long periods when he did, he found it easy to do. He say's he always thought, would she like me if she knew this or this, and always come back to the thought that my wife has put up with me, and is still here. Just like in a new relationship, you do not show your true colors for some time. in an affair you never have too. Yes there is a lot of cheaters out there that are hiethens. Remember this if you are in an affair with a married person, if he/she leaves the spouse for you, you do know one true color, and that is how he/she confronts hard times in a relationship, cheats (if this doesn't get fixed, chances are great that it will happen to you). my husband said he found an easy way out, rather than fixing his marriage, but after seeing and living the aftermath of the affair, the affair was the hard way out. This I know, his action was not my fault, nobody deserves it, he knows he owns that one.
healinginprogress, thank you for your comment.
Your rendition on your husband is well received and it is great to hear that you both are in therapy.
You must realize that because a person continues to take anger and mischief from another does not make you a better person. When you take lots of misdeeds because of anger, you either have a low self esteem and need to not rationalize that in time he would have become angry with the other woman.
Self-control is a trait that most men have difficulty using because of the power struggle of letting women know who is in charge. Self-control needs to be addressed instead of the type of woman that would take infidelity and other strikes against their character.
Longevity in a marriage does not necessarily mean that the relationship is solid. Love, respect, honor, and most of all self-control when dealing with other people's feelings remain of much importance to a marriage. Twenty one years of marriage is a long time to be married and whatever has been working for you should continue. You had a blurp and now you are in the process of healing which is a good thing.
However, be careful in your analogy of "taking abuse in the form of misguided anger and adultery." It is when these events occur that changes the state of the marriage. It is only the resultant actions of the hurt and the believability and trustworthiness of the perpetrator that will heal the marriage or relationship.
We have no contact for nearly a month now (i posted my case earlier). We worked in the same place so I met him occasionally. I amaze that when we meet he can pretend nothing has happened and not show any feelings (whether all men can switch off like that after a relationship?). I sometime blame myself why I fell for him at the beginning? May be I have a boring life and need some excitments and he also has a boring family life with his wife after a 32 years of marrage (no children)! We hit up because we have our needs and wants. He never said he loved me but we had such exciting emails and fantacy that really turned both of us on.
He left just because he suddenly felt guilty which made me so sad as we did have such a good time and I miss him. He is a nice guy and I have never thought we would have such close relationship. I always treat him as colleague and friend in the last 13 years we know each other. He started to flirt and I responded that's the problem began. I knew we won't have a future with him and I am not really love him. But sometime I still thinking of him and miss the time we have been together cause he was the first man in my life. Now I have grown up and always dress nicely and well look after myself. I hope I can meet a Mr Right in the future. However, in my heart I am still can't forget the time we have been together.
How I can get over it and completely forget him? Think time will heal? Any advice?
Thanks
Lily
Lily, I am also amazed that some men can act as though a relationship never existed once they have been involved. My advice to you is to listen to your own wise advice and let time do the healing. You admitted that you were not in love with him, so you should not have a problem forgetting him and starting anew.
Great hub. But what about the woman leaving her husband?
Jykith Comal, thank you for your comment. Women just do not give up as easily on relationships.
well ..i think it's depend of what is happend with the both of them,(husband&wife) base on my experience.not all the married man can leave his wife just for another woman.and it's also depend for him(married man)i do believe that if the man is a real responsible.he cannot leave his wife just for the another woman even though he's not in love with his wife at all!he will still thinking for his children.if they have,honestly i got a man who's married.that's why i can say all of this.and i am not shy to say it.He's really a responsible person!no doubt!!!not all the man are same!
ms. mistress, thank you for your comment.
You sound like you are comfortable being the other woman. You are fortunate to find a responsible married man but what about his responsiblility to you? Sure he has a responsibility to the kids and does not love his wife and claim to love you but how deep is his love.
Love should transcend all. It seems to me that if he really loved you that he would either divorce and marry you in which his kids would still be taken care of.
The way it appears now is that he is able to have his cake and eat it too. You must realize that men know what women want to hear. They want to hear that they are loved and a lot of women are satisfied with that declaration of love, as it seems to be in your case. But where is the proof of his love to you.
Ducking and dodging repudiates the relationship to a game of dodge ball with him in the center while he dodges the two of you. Sooner or later he should have to choose between his mistress or his wife. You are not giving him the option to choose as you seem to be happy with the way things are at this point. Good luck in your relationship.
This Hub is evergreen! Excellent!!!
I think that if a man has to go outside of his marriage to get "whatever" - he should take into account that the new person he is lying with certainly can't be trusted.. I mean, they were willing to do-the-do knowing the person was married... maybe for a quickie - but some guys simply fall into some whacky dream of this new fling...
So the guy (or gal) cheats on their spouse.. how could you trust the one you are cheating with... at least I asked this of my ex brother in law as he sat on the ground cupping his hand over a swollen eye...
pavlovswriter, thank you for your comment. No one should result to violence because of cheated on as indicated in your last statement. Also one should not get involved in other people relationship unless to help in some manner. I agree with you that the cheater and the person who is being the cheater accomplice is just as guilty for being a part of deceiving a mate. Your comment is much appreciated.
pavlovswriter, thank you for your comment. No one should result to violence because of cheated on as indicated in your last statement. Also one should not get involved in other people relationship unless to help in some manner. I agree with you that the cheater and the person who is being the cheater accomplice is just as guilty for being a part of deceiving a mate. Your comment is much appreciated.
christine almaraz says:
8 months ago
Great advice in your hub. I think alot of women have extreme low self asteem. Being with a man who is attatched is a sign that that woman isn't in love with herself enough to demand more from a man. Like honest love and fidelity.