FOREST PARK, IL - A Chicago area woman revised her top-ten list of appearance-based insecurities after the discovery of the first dimples of cellulite on her thighs Thursday morning.

This recent revision is just one of many in the ever-growing list as the woman, 28-year-old Sally Jones, gets less attractive with age. The cellulite comes in last, following a myriad of other complaints that have kept their standing in the top ten for the last few years, with the occasional switch in the final round-up. As it stands, her top-ten insecurities rank in the following order:

1. Disproportional nipples

2. Excessive nose hair

3. Bony knee caps

4. Manly wrists

5. Large middle toes

6. Stubby fingernails

7. Muffintop

8. Extra large pores

9. Uneven eyebrows

10. Thigh cellulite

Jones, a sex worker by day and freelance college professor by night, sees the addition of cellulite to her list as the signaling of the end of her young and carefree days.

"I should have dated more, gone out more," she lamented. "Now that I have cellulite, plus all those other terrible things, nobody will ever love me."

Jones is just one of millions of American women who see models and actresses on TV and then decide that they're too ugly and flawed to live an interesting, fulfilling life. Lists like that of Jones's are becoming almost standard in the everyday lives of modern women.

"Well, I have to find something wrong with my life," stated Jones. "Otherwise, I'd just be...happy."