Dating for women seeking women over 40 comes with all kinds of challenges. Yes, the younger girls are busy too, but at 25 you can stay out late and not fall asleep on your computer keyboard at work the next morning. Lesbians over 40 many times have a house to tend to, may a couple of kids at home, pets, and just the general wonderful clutter of life that comes with age. We also come with baggage of all those relationships that did not work out. We tend to be haunted by the time we reach this age with the one long term relationship that did not work out.

I know a lot of lesbians over forty who have cast aside all notions of a soul mate to grow old with. Still, dating is more than looking for the one. Most of us menopausal or not still have a sex drive and a desire companionship. If we move beyond our past relationships, most of us will find that dating will keep us feeling younger and more engaged with the world in general. This rule also applies sometimes when you stop looking for something you will accidentally find it. If we date with the intention of meeting some nice women and having a good time maybe just maybe we will happen upon the one.

There are definitely positives to being a single lesbian at 40. First we know who we are and should know what we want. Most of us have definitely found out what we should avoid in regards to relationships. If we identify as butch or femme we are usally at peace with are identification. If we just identify as just ourselves we are comfortable with that as well. Older women can be honest with themselves and know if they are more dominant or submissive in a relationship and what their personal boundaries are. We should be comfortable in our own level of sexual energy at our age. Some of us still will to be adventuresome and some of us have a routine we are perfectly comfortable with. The best thing about being a lesbian over forty is we know that there are no rules by which we must conduct our love life and we are truly free to be ourselves and to let others be who they are as well.

Online dating presents the single lesbian of all ages with a huge number of places to find potential dates. Do your research and pick three sites. Get a recent photo of yourself to post on the sites and be honest if you have a less than perfect body. The boat of those of us with bulges and stretch marks fills us more and more each year and if you are dating if the over 40 world it just does not matter that much. I believe in being gut wrenchingly honest when you write a profile, but not negative. Focus on the positive aspects of a potential dating partner you are looking for. Don’t forget to tell what you can offer in a relationship.

If you have a fairly narrow range of interest like you want to date another Lesbian who is gender identified as butch or femme, there are a number of specialty sites that can cater to your search . The same is true if you are looking for a relationship based on fetish or religious belief. You will not have as many sites to post to. If you find your area of dating interest is too small try posting to the other more general sites and filter prospects till you find someone with similar lifestyle interests. Midlife is also a great time to change and try something new. If you’re an old fashioned femme who has only dated butch identified women try hooking up with someone who identifies as a tom boy or move the other direction and meet a few women who describe themselves a gender queer. You should know at your age that different is not always a bad thing. You may find that changing your taste a bit can open up a whole new world of dating.

Lastly, don’t forget the old fashioned ways of meeting other women. Join a book group at your local GLBT bookstore or volunteer for a gay rights organization. If you are spiritual try attending a gay church. Bars are not the only place women met women before the internet. Above all have fun. You are only as old as you let yourself feel. You really are just much wiser women about love than you were at 25. Still,the things that made you happy then are very much the same.