Maybe you are attracted to someone, and maybe they are attracted to you, and maybe not. Maybe your obnoxious personality, lack of hygiene and general unattractiveness are not the problem. Maybe it's the venue. Maybe if you swept them away to a romantic milieu things would be different. Hah! But, heck, at this point anything is worth a shot, right? What's that? They don't want to go? Relax. Get yourself a giant duffel bag to stuff them in and let's go. Here's a top ten list of places to take your true-love-to-be!

Awaken primitive desires and urges in the object of your affections with an adventure in the great outdoors! What's that? They don't like camping? Bull! Everybody likes camping! And besides, if you're far enough out in the woods, it won't be so easy for them to get away. Pick a weekend when you know it's going to rain so they'll be stuck in the tent with you for hours upon hours. If you run out of things to do, I'm sure if you put your heads together, you'll think of something.

Another big plus about camping is that it is inexpensive, so you can win the heart of your desire without breaking the bank. What could be better?

What could be more romantic than sharing your obsession with your true love. You may have to use blackmail or other coercion to get them into their Captain Kirk or Nurse Chapel costume, but once they are firmly planted in a sea of Enterprise replicas and other Trekkie memorabilia, they will undoubtedly catch the Star Trek bug. In no time you will be talking for hours on your communicator style flip phones and comparing notes on that controversial episode 94. It will be a match made in Planetia Utopia!

If your sweetness simply can't stand you at all, you might whisk them off to an otherwise deserted island somewhere in the middle of the ocean. With no one else around at all, sooner or later they will have to talk to you. And as the months go by, eventually the spark of love will ignite in their tortured lonely soul and they will be yours! How's that for a plan, eh?

One thing, though. Make sure you hire someone reliable to drop you off and later pick you up. Just in case things don't work out like you plan, at least there should be an end to it at some point.

Maybe your love is a little on the flabby side, or maybe your butt is the one that needs to be downsized before they have to rezone your neighborhood. In either case, bring your dearest one to the gym! If it is they who are out of shape, it will show them how much you care for their health and well being, not to mention their looks. And if it is you, you can show them how you intend to make a new you just for them! Tip: wear lots and lots of deodorant.

When in Boston, be sure to take a walk up Newbury Street. Start at the famous Public Garden with its beautiful flowers. Maybe enjoy a ride on a swan boat. Feed the ducks. Then walk past the Taj Boston hotel at the beginning of Newbury Street. As you walk up the street, remark on the lovely bridal shops and darling boutiques. Stop in at Deluca's market for some wine and cheese. And if your pudding pie is a little dense and still does not get the idea, stop in at Condom World. That should give them a hint.

Visit the Space Needle, one of the worlds's most famous phallic symbols, or tour some of the 35 or so wineries in the Puget Sound area and get your boy- or girlfriend-to-be a little tipsy. That might work, and is certainly worth a try.

Seattle gets around 36 inches of rain annually. Yes, it's a wet place, and in the game of love, wet is good.

One of the keys to romance is stimulation: emotional, physical, sensory, and intellectual. This is the reason that so much romance happens at frat parties. Frat parties are chock full of stimulation of all kinds. Like so many frat party attendies, your darling may find themselves jammed deeply into romance before they even know it is happening.

Also, if virginity has been a sticking point thus far, a frat party is often a cure for that particular malady.

Too old for a frat party? Look up some alumni. They're probably still at it.

Taking your potential playful partner to your parents' house is a clear signal that you mean business. Parental approval is an ancient part of today's mating rituals, and is always taken as a possible step toward the edge of the marital abyss. Let him or her know that you are ready to take the leap. They may find this the most romantic idea ever.

Caution: your wanted one will look at your parents and see in them the future you. If your parents are something other than an example of marital bliss and happiness, or if they are obese and flatulent, for example, you might consider hiring actors and telling them to act as if they have great sex every single night.

On the other hand, you might be able to get your honey pumpkin to invite you over to their parents' house. If they like you, it could really raise your status in your sweetness's esteem. If they don't like you, you can show your superior nature by not taking offense, and your soon-to-be squeeze may very well offer you compensatory intimacy to make up for your unjust treatment. If they beat you up enough, you can definitely hint in that direction. It's a win-win scenario for sure!

Flowers are all about reproduction. They just let it all hang out: stamins, pistils, pheromones - it's all there. They exist to have sex, not unlike you. As you walk your sugar dumpling around the show, casually point out the details of each exhibit, the openness of the blossom, its tender invitation, its poignant and lovely display, its ready surrender, the mosture glistening on a lustrous petal, the extension of its reproductive gear in a plea for fulfillment and satisfaction. Sigh.

Number one on my top ten romantic places in the world: HubPages.com. Show your syrupy-glistening molasses cupcake what a talented writer you are. Show them the hub you wrote about Barack Obama, that illustrates how well-informed you are about current events. Show them the hub you wrote about having a successful relationship, although you personally have never had one. Show them the hub you wrote about men wearing panties. They'll be so hot after the third or fourth hub, you'll actually be frightened.