The Absolute Worst Thing About a Wedding
68The Invitation Obligation
Okay, so maybe it isn't the absolute worst part about a wedding. It's not even really part of the wedding, but more a part of the pre-wedding. Nonetheless, it is an absolutely terrible tradition that should be abolished.
I understand the etiquette of gift giving at a wedding, and I beleve that if you do go to someone's wedding, you better bring a gift with you. What I don't agree with is the obligation that comes with the invitation to a wedding. For those of you who may not know, if you receive an invitation to a wedding, you are now thrust into purchasing a gift for the bride and groom to be, even if you are not attending!
The "not attending" part is what really drives me up a wall. Why should I, a long lost friend or relative that has had no contact with the inviting party for many years, have to send a gift with no intention whatsoever of attending the wedding?
You're Invited...Why The Hell Not?
I'm not married, but when I do decide to tie the knot, you're all invited! I will send out a mass Hub-vitation to all of you Hubbers to let you know the details of my wedding! I don't really want all of you to come, but boy do I love presents, and since I'm going to invite you, you HAVE to send me a gift!
I won't really do that, but do you see my point? What is stopping me, or anyone else, from inviting people to their wedding for the sole benefit of gifts? I have many friends that I used to be very close with. Some have moved away while others have simply lost touch. I have distant relatives that I see sparingly over the years. It is one thing to invite all of these people if you truly want and expect them to come see you share a most important time in your life (or if you have boat loads of cash). It is quite another thing to send an invitation knowing that most of these people will probably not make it to the event.
I Didn't Do That!
I know, I know...there are those of you who had no mal-intent when sending out the invites, but let's get serious...every wedding is void of some invitees, and you probably received a gift from them.
I think the invitation obligation should be reversed, meaning...
If you receive an invitation to a wedding and can't go, but you send a gift anyway...the bride and groom should send it back! This might be stretching it, but perhaps it would keep the outlandish invitations to a minimum. It would even save paper, and then the happy couple could brag about having a "green wedding"!
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Reversing the Trend
The next time you are invited to a wedding that you can't go to, I urge and encourage all of you to NOT SEND A GIFT.
Unless the wedding is for one of your closest friends or relative, and you truly want to be there but have a prior obligation, join me in my quest to reverse this trend:
Say it with me!
- No longer will I pretend to care about a wedding I have no true connection to.
- No longer will I be suckered into gift giving for someone I once knew.
- No longer will I send a gift because someone once started a terrible tradition.
- No longer will I fall prey to the Invitation Obligation.
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Comments
Good! Let's pave the way!
my rule of thumb is that if you don't invite me i'll send an extra gift. that way i won't lose a weekend...
hahaha...that is a perfect idea. You're right....losing a weekend is the absolute worst part about a wedding!
Everybody: Ahem: If C gets married, we should all send him a "SALAD SPINNER" But don't tell him, cuz then it won't be a surprise. Mine will be green, unless I find one in yellow. ok, now..
C.. I know, right, everybody has to send a gift. I say donate money to a worthy cause on their behalf. They might be offended, but the charity will love them/you/them. Well done my friend!
I do love salad! I also think the donating money on their behalf is a good idea. Perhaps we could even ask the bride and groom what their favorite charity is!
Invitation Obligation, I love it! haha
Well great hub here, although the notion certainly breaks lots of wedding etiquette rules. I agree, to an extent though- it gets costly to send someone a wedding gift simply because you got an invite. Unfortunately, that's the expected response.
Of course there are some exceptions to the rule. For example, if you don't really know the couple that well but they happen to send you an invite, a "best wishes on your marriage" card might be a good alternative. It mainly depends on your relationship with them.
Keep challenging wedding etiquette- someone needs to do it.
I definitely agree on it depending on your relationship with the couple. I don't mind sending a gift to some friends getting married across the country. I'd rather do that than have to fly out there!
Unfortunately there are many couples who get greedy with wedding gifts, hence the reason they break etiquette and ask outright for money or reveal their registration locations in a wedding invitation. Bad ideas.
Regardless of what Peggy Post says, I agree with you that you shouldn't be obligated to buy a gift when you receive a wedding invitation from someone you hardly know or haven't been in contact with for awhile. If you cannot attend a wedding and you're not that close with the bride or groom, a card should suffice. But in your rant you make it sound like the obligation to give a gift should be abolished completely, whether or not you're attending the wedding. In my research I find people split on the subject- some say you should send a gift even if you're not planning to attend, others say it's not necessary.
You make some good points but you just sound so negative, as if sharing a special day with family and friends is a complete waste of your time and money. If you think it is, that's sad. God forbid someone might actually want to include you in their celebration, instead of just looking to get loot from their guests.
J. Kumm says:
8 months ago
Wow, I've been unconsciously ignoring that unspoken rule for a while now. I didn't even know it existed, seriously.
So, I guess I've been helping you out for years and years already...