If there is any one thing Australia's famous Red Centre lacks, it's water. Which, for most people, would immediately rule out the idea of staging an annual international yachting classic. But not in the Northern Territory, where clouds of dust have taken the place of ocean waves since 1962 for the running (literally so!) of the famous Henley-on-Todd Regatta.

The Alice Springs' Henley-on-Todd is always a lighthearted affair. You won't see a more ridiculous sight than grown men and women carrying bottomless boats and running with knees splayed to avoid kicking the crew member in front of them. It's almost a waddle - and there are some spectacular falls.

The regatta has its peaks of absolute hilarity, usually at the expense of competitors making complete fools of themselves. To enter, all that is needed is a good sense of humour, some equally fun-loving friends, and a pair of strong legs -- because racing through heavy sand in a bottomless boat is far from easy.

The regatta, which is run in the dry river bed of the Todd River, is today an internationally recognized 'yachting' event with teams from around the world competing in the zany antics which the Henley-on-Todd produces.

The man behind this madcap event from the start is Reg Smith, a long-time Alice Springs resident, who had the 'brainwave' for a regatta similar to the famous Henley-on-Thames, a race between Cambridge and Oxford Universities, while pondering life in the dry Red Centre.

'A river is a river in my book, so why be concerned about details such as a lack of water,' Reg is reported to have said, no doubt with tongue firmly in cheek. 'The English have their pies cold and their beer hot, so I thought we could have a Henley regatta without water and do our bit to have things run the wrong way. Or, if you like, upside down.'

He also saw the event as an excellent fund-raising tool for the local Rotary clubs. The first regatta attracted about 1,700 people. 'It was a great day, smaller than we have today with only locals competing, but the spirit was very definitely there,' Reg recalled. 'The most furious racing was between Rotary blokes and the Apexians in their yachts. Naturally, Rotary won, because we set the course so that the Apex yacht had to go under a low branch -- and their mast was never going to make it without a struggle.'

Now firmly established as a highlight of Central Australia's tourist calender, thousands of visitors attend the regatta, which is held in the last week of August each year. Organizing the event is a mammoth task, with individual events being coordinated by a committee comprised of representatives of the town's three Rotary clubs.

There is all the atmosphere of a Mardi Gras as the day begins with a parade along Alice Springs' main street, Todd Street, to the course proper. The Henley-on-Todd Regatta is not just a day of racing bottomless boats; all manner of events with a nautical theme are held, including iron man and woman events and a surf rescue race using surf boards on wheels which are 'paddled' along specially laid railway tracks.

Since its inception, new events have been added continually, ensuring a full day's entertainment. One of the most notable is the Australia's Cup competition. This event came about following Gretel's historic 1963 challenge for the America's Cup, which resulted in the New York Yacht Club changing the 'interpretation' of the rules governing the construction of the challenging yachts.

In a reversal of the situation, American contenders in the Henley-on-Todd never had a chance of winning until 1984 when, in a twisted sense of fair play, all of Australia's protests were dismissed.

Another of the events which provides some gut-wrenching humor and shows great ingenuity is the 'bring your own boat' competition. In 1986 teams from Germany (the German Giants), England (the Perfect Poms) and Scotland (the Raging Scots) competed against some of Alice Springs' finest.

One of the most dastardly displays of design talent in that race came from a team of local prison guards. Their vessel, Screw United, was telescopic. Up dashed the four-man crew at the start of the race but suddenly, just 15 metres into the course, the two crew members in the stern stopped dead. To the amazement of opponents and spectators alike, the boat began to extend itself, being joined together with cardboard cylinders from rolls of toilet paper hidden in the vessel's superstructure -- all quite legal.

The idea was to allow only the boat's bow to round the half-way marker buoy, leaving a leisurely stroll to the finish line for the crew. Unfortunately, a simple miscalculation of the length of the course saw Screw United break up early, leaving it to sink with all hands on deck into the dry, dusty bed of the Todd River. The result? Immediate disqualification.

Such is the nature of the Henley-on-Todd Regatta, an event which proudly proclaims to the world the spirit of residents in Australia's harsh outback - where isolation stops no one from having a whale of a time.

Photo of Todd River by lynnlantz.

Photo of Henley-on-Todd parade by macbebekin.