You might be Bipolar if......

There is an abundance of information to write about concerning Depression, Bipolar, Manic Depressive Disorder, OCD and the like. For technically minded writers, there is a plethora of statistics to quote. For the researching writers, there are mountains of facts to hash over, digest, and then smear on paper. For the artistic writers, there are endless tear jerking, terribly sad stories, or horrendously funny, knee slapping tales. In fact, Bipolar is kinda like Kmart. There's something for everyone.

"Holy crap. What have I been missing out on?" ( I meant that as one of them flashy rhetorical type questions. Sometimes referred to as a "hook".) Just warning you!

Well, I can't really tell you what you are missing out on unless you can qualify to be the proud title holder of Bipolar, and all the rights and benefits the title bares. (Sorry, Union Rules and all.) Can you wear it proudly and without shame or embarrassment? Here is your chance to find out. Now pay attention.

You might be Bipolar, if you got up this morning, put all your clothes on backwards because you thought it was funny when you looked in the mirror, and went to work that way.

You might be Bipolar if you decided on your health insurance while watching a Ben Affleck movie.

You might be Bipolar if the white duck in the backyard, the next day, confirmed in any way, the health insurance decision from yesterday.

You might be Bipolar if you are at a funeral and begin laughing hysterically, because you just remembered that extremely funny joke the dead guy told you a while back.

You might be Bipolar if your idea of exercise since winter set in is reaching for the remote that fell under the bed, last week.

You might be Bipolar if the houseplant in the front room hasn't been watered in three months, but you are convinced it died because it hated you.

You might be Bipolar if the theme song from the Beverly Hillbillies continues to repeat itself in your head, for more than a week or so.

You might be Bipolar if you really believe that a long deep yawn followed immediately by a rip roaring fart is a source of cleansing for the soul.

You might be Bipolar if you click the light switch back on and off because you were afraid you broke it when you first turned it off, repeatedly.

You might be Bipolar if you haven't had a decent night sleep since Johny Carson hosted the Tonight Show.

You might be Bipolar if you are reading this Hub while watching a movie, talking on your cell phone, shaving, drinking coffee and driving to work, all at the same time.

You might be Bipolar if your entire wardrobe is piled, draped or stacked neatly on the rowing machine in the corner of your bedroom.

You might be Bipolar if you are delighted that the holidays are back and all the decorations are up, because you never took them down from last year.

You might be Bipolar if the entire year of travel plans need to be changed because your plane ticket fell from the desk to the floor while you were watching it, and you think the plane may do the same.

You might be Bipolar if you can't look up at the full moon because you fear the gravitational pull may peel your face off.

You might be Bipolar if you need to keep your drapes closed so no one can stare into your windows, even though your house sits smack in the middle of 30 acres of undeveloped land.

You might be Bipolar if you cry throughout the wonderful pork roast dinner you slaved over for six hours, because you watched Babe with the kids the evening before, and you swear you recognized his shape in the meat.

You might be Bipolar if the project you started the other day is piled up on top of the other projects you started last year.

You might be Bipolar if you can hear your hair growing.

You might be Bipolar if you watch reruns of Mr Ed because you like the advice he used to give to Wilbur.

You might be Bipolar if you have more than a 20 minute conversation with the telemarketer who called during dinner to sell you a widget, on purpose.

You might be Bipolar if the entire case of Oreo's you bought at Sam's is gone, in one sitting.

You might be Bipolar if you know the exact amount of steps it takes to get from your car to your desk at work, and feel the need to go home if you are one off in either direction when you get there.

You might be Bipolar if your drink spills all over the control board at work and shorts it out, and all you are worried about is the three letter word for a bird, ending with a U.

You might be Bipolar if you speak with a British accent, but you are from Hoboken, New Jersey.

You might be Bipolar if you rip the tags out of your underwear because you don't want the Fruit Of The Loom guys staring at your butt all day, and you swore you could hear them giggling.

You might be Bipolar if you enjoy watching the doctor's expression completely change when you tell him the chicken on his head says he's a turd.

You might be Bipolar if any of these made any sense to you.

So, how did you do? Do you qualify? No? Oh man. Gosh, I'm so sorry. Wow. Now that means I can't tell you what you're missing. Not even a tiny clue, and that's really a bummer. No, really, it is. I mean I was planning this spectacular Hub, with pictures and charts and testimonials from some very big names and all sorts of hoopla. Great. A big fat hairy thank you very much. Shot that all to hell.

No sense in going any farther then. One good thing though. At least I know some of you know the secret. Wink, wink. Till next time, happy Bipolaring, and if you tell anyone that I told you Edgar Allen Poe was was Bipolar, I will deny it. (But you, may have, heard it here first.)