Young Men Beware - Advice for Young Men From an Older Woman
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There are lots of articles for young women that warn them away from potentially dangerous suitors. Women, so often seen as victims in relationships, have tons of advice at their fingertips from online articles, from mothers and friends and protective fathers. But you don't see much advice for young men. All too often, young men are seen as predatory sociopaths out to destroy the self-esteem of every gentle lady they bump into.
Young men have to be careful as well. As the mother of several young m en, I have been thrown into friendship and acquaintance with young men of every ilk. Sure, a couple may be stinkers and even the nicest guy can be a bit selfish when it comes to relationships. But, for the most part, young men are people too, capable of real altruism, true love, and loyalty. A young man's life can be destroyed by falling into a relationship with the wrong kind of young woman.
I have written and seen several lists for young women to use as warning signals that a guy might be a sociopath, potential abuser or just the wrong kind of guy to get mixed up with.
While women seem to enjoy long, complicated lists of suggestions, hints, and anecdotes, men are generally simpler creatures. So, I present a list of 3 warning signals.
Sure she's cute but stalkers aren't real healthy people
Never Screw a Crazy Girl
That's what I've told all my boys. It's the prime directive around here. You only need to have sexual intercourse once to produce a baby. Once. And if a decent young man fathers a child, he will be involved with the mother for the rest of his life. You might say, well the kid will grow up! But, then you have college, weddings, parties, grandchildren, etc. all which will throw you in her path repeatedly.
If you father a baby with a crazy girl then your dear little child will be saddled forever with a crazy mother. You might think that you will do the right thing and raise the child yourself. Not so fast, bub. The bond between mother and child is not easily broken emotionally or legally.
If you father a child with a crazy girl, the child will inherit 1/2 of his or her genetic makeup from the mother - a crazy person.
You may think this sounds cruel. sure, she has problems, she needs you, you can help her. Well, you can't change somebody's genetic make-up.
Crazy people can be good, sweet, decent folks well deserving of love, support, and respect. But mental illness is a hard row to hoe. the difficulties can be insurmountable. You can't change another person's behavior. And sometimes they can't either. So, while I am not unsympathetic, let's be realistic.
Crazy people are trouble-makers. They often lie. So, when the hot crazy girl tell you that she's on The Pill, she may be lying. She may not know what the hell she's talking about. she may have The Pill in her medicine cabinet but forgot to take them. Condoms break and are unreliable.
Avoid the Drama Queen
Drama Queens can be quite attractive especially to quiet guys, guys who aren't real good with girls, innocent guys, and guys with low self esteem or social adjustment problems.
You don't have a girlfriend. Or you do and she's kind of boring...a great friend, but...
Here comes the Drama Queen. She may dress in an interesting fashion. Maybe she's hot. Shows some flesh. She probably has interesting hair. And interesting problems. She comes on strong. She makes you feel special just by hanging on your arm, on your every word.
Life's been tough for the Drama Queen. Everybody's out to get her. Somebody's always being mean to her. You can protect her from the fiendish world!
She flatters you. She's never met anybody like you. She may convince you that other people don't understand you either.
With a Drama Queen, everything is a big deal. She's enthusiastic. She's upset. She cries. She instigates fights than makes you look like a creep even though she started it and you don't really even know what it is about. Then she fawns all over you when you make up.
There is something special between you. Kizmet!
But, the drama will never stop and sooner or later, you'll get sick of it, believe you me.
Because, a Drama Queen is a crazy girl and remember - never, ever screw a crazy girl, not even once.
Take a good long look at her family
Do you like to hang out with her family? Is her mother warm and nice? Is her father a decent guy, a fatherly type? Do her brothers slap you on the back and yuck it up over the grill on a Sunday afternoon? Are her sisters friendly and pleasant, amusing, yet normal. Do they like you? That's all good.
But if her mother is a drunken slut, a disheveled drug addled bitch, or a big, fat slob - you had better think twice. The old saw goes - if you want to know what your girlfriend will look like in 25 years, look at her mother.
How about Dad? Is he a bully, a drunkard, a criminal, a child or wife abuser, a bore, or one of those guys who never has once nice word for anybody, even his own little precious daughter? Nasty sociopathic father produces a nut case daughter.
Are her brothers a bunch of thugs and her sisters a pack of whores?
Do they all glower at you and tell you about how great the other boyfriend was and how it's too bad she let him get away.?
Don't judge them on first meeting, however. There may be a little hazing in the beginning to see if you are worthy of their little princess. Stand up to the hazing with honor, humor, and humility. But if it keeps on and they all seem like a bunch of dangerous nuts - think it over. (Of course, one nut does not the family make)
Remember: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Anecdotal Families
Remember the Addams family? Or the Munsters? Okay, both of them were weird and way into the Gothic scene. But the family dynamic was positive. they were all loving, good hearted people who just happened to be a little interesting.
And how about the Bronte Bunch. Sure, dad was a widowed preacher with a gaggle of intelligent, literary girls (and the drunken asshole of a brother). The lovely girls in that close knit, good family may have seemed like good catches. But that Emily was crazy as hell and they were all sickly- they dropped like flies. Avoid a girl if her family is sick all the time.
The Corleone family looked good, dressed well, had some real nice family get-togethers and were real tight family people. But if you don't want to wake up with a horse head in your bed, think again.
She told you she was trouble!
- My mother is crazy and terrifying | Salon Life
I've done well in spite of her -- but how can I protect my younger sister?
- Female Criminals - Female Criminals Profiled - A - Z
An alphabetical listing of female criminals, murderers, rapists, kidnappers and thieves profiled on Crime and Punishment.
- Female Stalkers tend to Pursue Therapists and Physicians
A study in the December 2001 issue of The American Journal of Psychiatry by Rosemary Purcell and her colleagues looked at the characteristics of male and female stalkers. The authors found that female stalkers were different from male stalkers in sev
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Comments
Thank you for commenting, C, and the story as well. I'm sorry you had to go through that and sorry for the young lady as well. Mental illness is a difficult challenge and can be a lifelong struggle.
We used condoms for a while. We called that one James.
LOL -- Good advice yet a stroke of humor.
Only one advise missing - stay away from older married women.
Thank you Neil. And your suggestion is a good one too. Actually, there could be a lot of tips, but you don't want to lay too much advise out for a young feller, he'll just stop listening.
Hi Dolores, I had to read this hub ! Very entertaining, yet has a serious point too.
I just watched a program recently that was about wifes who beat their husbands and its never a one way street.
Hey Dolores Enjoyed this one. Solid advice with a dollop of humor. Loved the pix. I have a grown son, and i remember a nut he dumped. Whoosh!
Thanks, Olive. You worry when your kid runs with a nut, worse if he's in love with her. They don't want to listen to mama. Sometimes they have the sense to back off.
Compusmart - Sure, but we always think of the men beating on women, but trouble makers come in both genders. A girl can have problems getting mixed up with a troubled girl friend too.
This is an outstanding Hub. You offer keen insights about things men often overlook if a gal is good-looking enough. Thumbs up! I'm a fan!
Gee thanks a lot, James! I'm glad that you enjoyed the hub, wanted to offer sincere advise while keeping humorous.
BTW— I forgot to add earlier that I loved your choice of photographs. Dynamite!
Thanks, James. I certainly enjoyed the art that you posted!
I wish I would have read this a couple of years ago the crazy girl,the drama queen,and the slut,sounds like my last three relationships!!!
Poor Bill. Sorry you had troubles, but hopefully learned a lesson before you wound up having children. Those drama queens just come right at you. Maybe you ought to try and meet a quieter girl. Allow friends to introduce you to someone with a good reputation.
Interesting hub, Dolores. I read it all the way to the end. I love your frankness. You go, girl!
Thank you, christianesk, I'm glad that you enjoyed my hub.
Gentlemen, don't brush this off. If she's already in your life, I know you will (I was once like you), but if you haven't met your crazy girl yet, print this out and keep it as your pocket Bible for dating.
I'm a veteran of two separate, three year long crazy chick relationships because I had some hangup where I wanted to help, fix them. I nearly entered a third but I'm glad to say I learned enough to realize what I was doing and stopped myself. I have a child with one (Said she was on the pill. Lied. Ha.) and, while I wouldn't trade him for the world, I'd trade his mother for almost anything.
Listen to Dolores. Never screw a crazy girl.
Thank you, Stormbringer. I've known several really nice guys who think they can 'help' a girl with her problems only to become so embroiled, there is no return. I hope you are a good father to your son, he needs one.
This is a great hub. It's nice to see that since guys don't always see what's happening. I do have to add, as one of your readers said, that condoms aren't unreliable. I have proof that comes in the form of two babies that condoms are unreliable, even if your using them correctly. I would also warn guys against the quiet type of girl. I've known a lot of them that turn out to be a crazy girl.
pageantgirl - I've had the condom arguement several times myself. Well, quiet girls can come in all types. Quiet nice, and mentally ill quiet. The guys just need to be sensible. Thanks for the comment.
I m crazy, I know that, and I want someone who can share my rough ride with me. So I see no problem with a crazy woman.. I am not thinking of a child..
With my utmost respect, crazy people actually know what they are doing, and what it will cost them, at the least. The point is, their enthusiasm is NOT devoured by social or popular dogmas.
One last thing, the way you are marking "do not date a crazy woman" is quite the same as the crazy people mark the "no-crazy" one back ..
Nothing personal, if I hurt you in any way, I am sorry.
This is an interesting hub and, you're right, there doesn't seem to be a lot of info (or warnings) out there for boys. I have two sons and I think the best thing you can do is be a good example of a balanced female for them at home. I still think, from what I have seen, that men look for a long-term woman who is a lot "like mom". If mom is a controlling drama-queen, most likely their wife will be one, too. Same with women and their fathers. What's comfortable isn't always what's best.
The section on the crazy girl reads like a page written from my life story. As a young man I threw caution to the wind. I screwed a crazy girl, and she became pregnant, after lying about birth control. I had no intentions of staying with this psycho. It was a very brief affair, but it haunts me until this day. I helped raise the child, but I had to walk away after the child became a grown-up. I finally feel free from the hellish grip of a mentally disturbed jerk. I won't be going to any weddings, etc. My own mental stability is at stake, at this point.
BTW most young men won't take this advice, because they have a sense of invincibility.
universe, hon, of course I am not insulted and have even been accused of being a bit 'off' my own self. I am talking about sociopathic women really, manipulative troublemakers who will intentionally hurt. I sure wouldn't advice against someone who is fun or a bit eccentric. You don't want to bore yourself to death!
Greta - women often marry abusive men because their father was one. That doesn't make it a good idea. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate your ideas!
getitrite - of course they won't listen. I have 4 kids and yo think any of them listen to me? I must say that 2 of my sons have wonderful girlfriends, stable, kind, generous-hearted gals with great humor.
I love this, but sadly...
All of the "Women To Beware Of," are descriptions of my ex-girlfriends. Good article, maybe I should have read this at age 14 instead of 26 :D.
Allen Resha
"TheWildJoker"
Skype: ceo.thewildjoker
ha, Wildjoker, maybe your name says it all. Just because you don't get along with a girl, or you two are not a match doesn't mean she is a troublemaker. We have to meet and get to know many people in order to find the right one. Be careful! Thank you for commenting and good luck in the future.
"Never Screw a Crazy Girl" - That is so true. She is the same as the 'psycho jock' you warn your daughters against. As for the Drama Queen, guys, forget to call her, and she'll be posting voodoo dolls of you online whilst claiming she is the biggest victim on Facebook. Nice girls work in libraries, not strip clubs.
Francine, thank you for your comment and sage advice. But will they listen?
great article. god how i wish i had this advice growing up, it would have saved me a lot of trouble.
lol, excellent hub, but aren't all girls crazy? I've certainly had trouble avoiding them anyway. =)
supertramp - I bet your mom gave you similar advise. I guess we should all listen to our mothers. I wish I did.
Mrvoodoo - hmmm, I wonder why.
Great hub, should have read it thirty years ago. I loved the "who killed baby Jane" pic as well.
knell - It's Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.I just had to use this picture. Sure, Jane was crazy, and you wanted want to be related to her, but she had her reasons. Thank you for commenting.
i love this...lol, i have a son whom i had to warn about an older woman when he was in high school. i put a stop to it by pulling her up and gave her some momma drama. all humor aside this is definitely a good read with sound advice.
loveofnight - good for you. Your son was just a 'baby.' Sometimes, we have to kick butt.
Dolores Monet,
I'm so glad a woman has finally spoke up for the men! We're always made out to be the 'bad guy', we're all 'dogs', we could never be cabaple of being sincere, loving & faithful to the woman we love. Thank you again for looking at things from our point of view & dispelling many of these bias, hypocritical & stereotypical views & myths about men in relationships
F. Kenneth - yep, stinkers come in all packages and as a mother of 3 sons, it all kinda made me think. Thanks for the comment!
Just to clarify - by "crazy" I think you mean emotionally unstable as opposed to having a mental condition. Many women are battling conditions like depression (just like many men are), but would still make excellent life companions.
WR - I have nothing against people with emotional problems, not trying to be mean but slangy - just trying to warn the guys away from manipulative sociopathic types.
C.Ferreira says:
7 months ago
Good Hub....I have a couple comments, well one comment and then mostly a story.
Condoms are not unreliable. They are just as reliable as the pill!
So I once dated a crazy girl. I never had sex with her, but I did enough to have it cause me issues! I was warned ahead of time about this girl, but I was blinded by the cuteness.
She was fun for a bit, but soon turned extremely jealous and just plain old psychotic. I tried to slowly let things pitter out, but it didn't work. Then I tried talking to her about her craziness, and that helped...for about a day.
I was afraid to break up with this girl because I thought she would cry rape! It was a legitimate fear, but that never happened. Phew!
I got out of it the night she decided to throw a 90 mile an hour fastball at my face while I was trying to sleep. It wasn't a ball however...it was her cell phone.
Well, it didn't take long for me to grab the phone, open the door and kick her out. She tried and tried to apologize and tell me she wasn't really like that, but it was my escape route and I took it!
Stay away from the crazies!!! Especially when you are warned ahead of time.