Grief is a very traumatic event in your life. Understanding the stages of grief, the symptoms of grief may help you get through it easier. The Kübler-Ross model was introduced in 1969 by a woman called Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying". She introduced the concept of grief having five stages. Grief is a process by which people deal with grief and tragedy.

The stages are:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Grieving is an external physical and psychological expression of your loss. An external physical expression may be crying, while depression is psychological.

Grief can be brought on by any number of events. And these differ for every person. Grief can be any form of catastrophic personal loss. The one we all first think of is the death of a loved one. But there are many other losses we all have faced at one point in our lives. Such as: a loss of a job, a decrease of income, divorce, drug addiction, infertility, a terminal illness, breaking up with a partner/best friend, a devastating fight with a loved one, a loss of a limb, a car accident, a person under a threat or ultimatum and more. A significant change in your life can also elicit grief. And those changes do not have to be negative. Moving to a new town, having to start over in a new job, meeting new people and learning a new area can cause a grief response.

Kübler-Ross also explained in her book that every person doesn’t have to experience all of these stages, but they will experience at least two of them. She also indicated that they ay not necessarily be in the order stated.

These are some symptoms of Grief and Loss

• Denial
• Yearning
• Disbelief
• Anger
• Confusion
• Humiliation
• Shock
• Despair
• Sadness
• Guilt
• Feel physically drained or tired all the time
• Emotionally out of control
• No appetite
• Extreme appetite
• Susceptible to illnesses
• Mentally fatigued, cant think clearly or remember things
• Cry continuously
• Can't cry
• Stay extremely busy
• Drink or take drugs
• Insomnia
• Take naps frequently and are constantly tired
• Dwell on it every moment
• Lose of interest
• Neglect personal hygiene
• Fantasize about the past
• Feeling of extreme loneliness
• Engage in self-criticism
• Feeling a hole in your heart and soul
• Feeling you will never recover
• Depression
• Feeling no reason to exist

All of these symptoms are feelings and emotions that are normal reactions to loss. If you have not faced an experience before you may not be prepared for the intensity or duration of your emotions. But all of us in some point in our lives have experienced grief on some level. In the quiet hours when grief can be at its worse you may even question your mental health. It’s important to understand that these emotions are common and will help you come to terms with the event that brought on grief in the first place. Just know that in time these very strong feelings will subside and become easier to deal with. Psychological and physical symptoms are common when dealing with grief.

Coping With Grief

Coping with death is vital to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. There are many ways to cope effectively with your pain. During the first four stages of grief you may have a few symptoms, several symptoms, or a lot of symptoms. Each person copes differently at takes different amounts of time to process and deal with emotions. Again, its important to allow yourself to grief and understand that your reactions are normal.

Mourning is one of the most important steps in dealing with your grief. Mourning can range in many forms like performing traditions such as a funeral, having a family gathering and sharing in your grief, lighting a candle or praying can all help accept a major loss. Mourning is personal and can last months or years depending on your acceptance and your coping skills. Allowing yourself to express your feelings is important for your recovery.

Talk about how you feel with people that you can trust and will understand what you are going through. Build your support network including support groups. This will help you accept the reality of your loss and deal with the accepting your new future.

Try to adjust your life to the new environment. You must keep going, don’t withdraw.

Examples:

1. The new job, try to maintain a schedule you are familiar with, make a new friend.

2. A new house, place your items in a similar layout.

3. A loss of a loved one, listen to upbeat music, start attending church if your religious, watch comedy shows, stay with a friend or relative.

4. A terminal illness, make arrangements and reconnect with all your loved ones. Do everything you can that you love. Come to terms with it quickly and enjoy what you have. Acceptance and a determination to live your life fully will refocus your energy in a more positive manner.

Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest.

Postpone other life changes. Give yourself time to adjust to your loss.

Be patient. It can take months or even years to fully recuperate. The goal during that time is not to stop living.

Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help come to terms with your loss.

With the proper support, time and effort, you will survive grief. Each person grieves in their own way and in their own time. If you have two phases or all five, by dealing with each phase, for as long as you need to, in time the pain will lessen. Don’t let anyone tell you that its time to move on with your life. You will take exactly the right amount of time you need. If you feel though that it has taken to long, seek professional help.

Know that one day you will feel good again. You will always have memories, but if you have given yourself the freedom to grieve you will get through your traumatic event and feel happy again. See yourself as a whole person and that you deserve to be happy. Every day there are things in our lives that can lift our spirits. My dogs always make me smile. After I take my shower in the morning and I hope the bathroom door my Sophie will act like she has not seen me in a year and greet me excitingly. I let the dogs out in the back yard and I hear the birds outside chirping happily away. This gives me such a peaceful feeling. Try to find the little things that can give you a sense of peace or warmth that make up your day. And give yourself permission to feel good. You really do deserve it and no one will look down on you for it. You have everything to live for, to keep going. Look for all the good things in your life. Try to smile, even if it’s for a moment, don’t feel guilty. You can survive. You are a survivor!

Nicole suffered from grief after her father and I divorced. She went through many years of mourning over not having a father in her life. Her friends really helped fill that void in her life as I did as her mother. Support and reasurance that things will get better and the feelings will subside gave her hope that one day she would feel better. Today she does.