People always say bartenders are good readers of people. They spend all day listening to conversations and watching people, so they learn to pick up on verbal and nonverbal clues the rest of us miss. And it’s true. Nothing can replace the knowledge you learn from serving drinks and relating to people day in, day out. I bartended my way through grad school, and wow was that a study in human social behaviors. Aside from the obvious clues, like style of dress and eye contact, the drink a person orders and the way they order offer a lot of insight into what kind of person they are. Now of course this isn’t a foolproof way of deciding who a person is, but it can provide insight.

The Martini

Martinis are the drinks of the women from Sex and the City and Bond, James Bond. The martini sipped from a triangle of glass sitting precariously on top of its long stem is, no surprise here, for the sophisticate … or those who’d like to be sophisticated. Martini drinkers tend to be a bit fussy and very particular. They know what they want and how they want it. They know if they want an olive and how many olives they want. They know how each olive will affect the saltiness of their cocktail and which brand of vodka they want.

Wine

Here we have to distinguish the neophyte from the connoisseur. The neophyte will not bear the markings of one who has been drinking wine for ages. Instead, they will be searching for their palette. And what a lovely search it is. New to wine, and still coming into themselves, the novice will not be as particular as the martini drink and perhaps a bit more easy going. The connoisseur puts a bit of their own soul into each wine selection. Their egos are wrapped up in their knowledge of wine. This tends to be an educated, traveled crowd with a bit of uppityness. Now, there is one noted exception, the type of wine drinker that puts either ice into their wine or orders white zinfandel. This wine drink is either old school or a bit rough around the edges.

Beer

Beer is the most ambiguous of drinks. It is the everyman drink. So it’s sometimes hard to decode exactly who the beer drinker is. They can be the kind of person that brings their own can cooler to the bar or the snob who only enjoys microbrews from the southern part of Amsterdam. The microbrew drinkers tend to have a more developed palate. They can tell the difference between a lager and an ale. Those that drink the standards – Bud, Miller, etc. – are less fussy. They are usually just out to hang out with their friends and aren’t out to impress anyone.

The Sours

If someone orders a Midori or Amaretto Sour, check their i.d. as soon as possible. These are the new and/or underage drinker’s drink. They barely taste like alcohol and in fact are barely alcohol. Overly sweet and almost no hint of alcohol are the hallmarks of a novice drinker selection. This doesn’t mean that they won’t develop a drinker’s palate over time, but for now, they don’t know exactly who they are. They are simply dipping a toe in the pool to get a feel for the water.