The Words I Wasn't Prepared For
67
You're What?
I'm one of those people that wants information on both ends of the spectrum. I want to know the best and the worst outcomes. I want to know the worst because, let's face it, if we're honest with ourselves, we'll admit that most of the time our worst fears are never realized. Anything, no matter what you tell me, will be better than the worst. I don't like to hide from things--I'm more of a face-it-full-front kinda gal.
That's the source of my sometimes frustration with my pediatrician. He doesn't get concerned. He has a laid-back, wait-and-see kind of personality. I've never heard him say, "I'm concerned." During my late night phone calls because I believe the child's stomach just came up with that last hurl, I've never heard anything but that reassuring voice instructing me to give sips of clear liquids and to keep them bundled. He's always been right. Waiting just a few more hours, sometimes just a couple more days, reveals that their stomach is still there, or that anti-biotic really did clear the infection, allowing them to breathe. Whatever...his calm demeanor has always been the row the hoe.
So Thursday, when I took my daughter in for some bloodwork, I had in mind the best and worst scenarios for her symptoms. I layed it all out there. Every headache, every nosebleed, every last symptom. Then I look at my daughter waiting for her to shudder when he says, "Sounds like she could be short on some vitamins. Let's give her a B-12 shot." When I don't hear him, I look for that smile that assures me I'm not wasting his time. Instead, I see a look of calm assurance and hear the words I don't want to hear.
"I'm concerned."
It's just two words. I say them all the time. "I'm concerned that you're not putting your best effort into your schoolwork." "I'm concerned because Fifi next door is due to have pups and Plato has recently been AWOL." "I'm concerned that the laundry is piling up." I frequently find myself concerned. But not the doc. He's never concerned. I sometimes wonder if he even has a dog to go AWOL.
Today, he's concerned. That's when the fog descended. I remember alot of spelling back and forth because he didn't want to concern my daughter. I remember he would frequently mis-spell words to throw her off because he knows she's been spelling since she was 3. Maybe I didn't un-mis-spell correctly. Surely I didn't hear him say he was wanting to rule out a tumor in her brain? I was prepared for shots. I was prepared for hormone deficiencies that might even require a lifetime of supplementation. I thought I was prepared for the worst. That's what I get for thinking.
When the fog lifted I found myself calling work to tell them I wouldn't be in. Calling family to meet me at the hospital. Calling the pharmacy to get all her pre-meds taken care of. Calling, calling, calling. Each person wants a little more information. I can't even think to recall my cell-phone number so they can contact me back, and they want social security numbers, family medical history, allergies, symptoms...... Can anyone just slow down and explain to me what the heck is going on? Can anyone stop for a minute and explain to me how I'm supposed to process all of this while holding myself together in front of her? Can anyone just give me a minute?!?!?!!!!
Hotel For Dogs--HIGHLY recommended
The Plan
I make it to the car. I give the kids paper and pens and the very important job of making an inventory (or drawing in the little one's case) of thier rooms. That should keep them busy while I sit here and think. I've got to make a plan. I've got to have some structure to this chaos.
An MRI. I've had several. They're no fun when you're an adult and understand the need. They're even worse for a kid who doesn't understand why their head is locked in a "cage", why they can't move a muscle, why they're heading into that long tunnel. So I need to explain the procedure to her. I've got to make it an adventure--something to look forward to. She loves the train at the zoo. She love the noise in the tunnel. She's not scared because there's light at both ends and mom is there. So it's a train. And she has to wear a helmet because the giraffes have been depressed and need something to laugh at when she comes out the other end. Great. That worked. Even got the 3 year old begging for one.
Now what to do next.
Make arrangements for the other kids without them suspecting something is up. The idea of skipping a couple of days of school is easy enough to convince them this time at grandma and grandpa's is an extra-special treat.
Check. Next?
Keep them occupied here in town while waiting for our appointment. The bookstore is the obvious place to go. The little one can play on the stage, while the other two find books they've been wanting, curl up in the comfortable chairs and read.
Check. Next?
Information. I need information. I need to know everything there is to know about this--myths, facts, symptoms, treatments, prognosis, what the MRI could reveal.... everything. The books at the bookstore will suffice for now, but I need a computer.
As my plan continues to form, I feel a little of the helplessness melt away, and my phone rings. The test is scheduled for 8am tomorrow. Because of the risk for breathing difficulties, they will not be able to prescribe the "conscious sedation" medication. Benadryl has the opposite effect on her than it does every other child on the planet, so we're left with sleep deprivation as the tactic for achieving a successful image.
Stay up all night. Okay, I'm a parent. I've done this for years. We'll meet daddy at Chuck E Cheese for dinner and alot of games. When they close, we'll head to the late movie. We've been wanting to see 'Hotel for Dogs'. Mountain Dew. We need Mountain Dew. She'll know this is a special treat because I never let her drink it.
That's When It Hits Me
Never. That was the word that did me in. I'd held it together so well. I'd asked God for strength, and He held me up. But 'never' did me in. 'Never' was when I quit leaning on Him and tried to stand on my own. It's such a negative word. So absolute. No wiggle room. Final. The doctor is never concerned. I never imagined the possibility of a brain tumor. I never let the kids skip school. They've never been to a late movie. I never let them have Mountain Dew. Our lives may never be the same after tomorrow. That's alot of 'never' to take at one time.
The bathroom at the movie theatre after everyone else in town has used it is not the place to have a breakdown. But sometimes, you just can't help it. This time I didn't notice the majority of the toilets that had gone unflushed, the paper all over the sticky from who-knows-what floor, or the puddles forming around the drain. I didn't even notice the nasty sinks, overflowing trash cans, or the smell. I did notice the lady God sent to lend me her shoulder. She didn't know me or what was wrong, but she held me up while I sobbed. She understood that each tear represented a "what-if" that I didn't want to face. She didn't say a word. Not even when I straightened up, grabbed a towel and dabbed at my eyes. She'd been where I was, no matter what had caused her to breakdown.
The Test
God rewarded my efforts of trying to ease her anxiety. She was so anxious to ride that train, she was a little disappointed that they gave her earplugs. She was tired from staying up all night, but looking forward to her 'adventure'. She was a trooper. She laid perfectly still, even when her nose itched. I sat at the end of the machine with my hand on her foot so she would know I was there. I giggled when I saw her trying not to twitch her nose. She was trying so hard to do just as she was told.
She scored ice cream when we found out they had to give her an injection for the dye contrast. The rule at our house is that anyone getting a shot gets to pick whatever ice cream they want. She picked a double scoop. Yes, a double. And I let her have it with a smile. We'd had enough 'nevers'.
The technicians said they would try their best to get the radiologist to read it that day and get the results back to the doctor. At 4:30 I got a call from the nurse saying the doctor was actually called out until Tuesday, but that she wanted to let me know that she looked at the pictures and didn't seeany big abnormalities. That was enough to get me through until Tuesday.
No matter whether the results are positive or negative for a tumor, we know we are in for more labwork and testing. But I think I've peeked through the "worst case scenario" door, and am truly prepared for whatever is in our path.
So Here I Sit
I finally turned on my computer and was surprised to see the emails. I cried again as I read them, but this time out of gratitude that you all cared. Some of you didn't know anything was wrong, you just noticed I hadn't been on in awhile. Some of you read posts from JamaGenee and CC Riter, and wrote with words of encouragement and stories of your difficult times to let me know you understand.
I'm overwhelmed. I expected the response from our friends and our church family, but you all don't even really know me. I was very touched by the fact that you are concerned and praying for our family. I am a firm believer that prayer is the most powerful tool available to us. And I know He listens to each and every one of them.
I am anxious to get back on and read what I've been missing. Your humor will most definitely soar my spirit, because, well, you know I love to laugh!!!!
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Comments
PM- I didn't know! But aaghghg, I feel your pain, I never knew how vulnerable I was until I became a parent, so I am really wishing your family the best. You're a wonderful mother and I know God will give you the strength you need.
I'm here too PM. Many blessings on you and your family. I'll be watching the hub for good news.
hugs and more hugs and more hugs -- I've never been a parent, but now that I'm a grandmother, I finally understand -- prayers and more hugs, and prayers. And a hug.
strength is a wonderful attribute. You rock, girl.
. . .and another hug, just for good measure.
Thank you so much for sharing this PM. You've been through such a horrible time, and I pray that the final results are negative. There's nothing in the world worse for a mom than to face something like this all the while trying to hold it together and muscle through each day like a pillar of strength which is what you are.
{{{{Proud Mom}}}}
Oh PM I have been on and off the air lately and had no idea of the pain that you and your husband are going through with your beloved child - hang in there - our prayers are with you - thank you for sharing ....& it's always good to blast the odd "never" - stay strong ....I will wait for updates ....cheers
Proud Mom,
A big cyber hug to you and the little one. Children are so precious and such a privelege to have and to love. I pray your girl comes through with flying colours.
Our prayers are with you both. God bless you.
Proud Mom, lots of hugs to you and your little girl, and your whole family! I'll be praying for you all. No matter what the outcome, God is there for you. Even when you come to "never", like you said, He is there. Remember the footprints poem. And we're all here for you as well.
Nothing is more scary than not knowing, except when it's not knowing what is wrong with your child when they are ill. My prayers are with you and your precious child.
Proud Mom, thank you for sharing your story. As a mother of four I feel your worry and just wanted to cry for you. I went through a health issue with my daughter also (she's fine) and I find your thought process is better then mine. At least you try to think of the worse, I refuse to imagine the worse. It wasn't till we started with all the MRI s and blood work and scope down her throat that I began to think OMG what is going on and the medical staff all act like it's nothing. My saving grace was when my 15 year old daughter had to have her "bottom" checked. She had no idea what the doctor meant and the doctor didn't even give me a chance to explain to her what was happening, she just stuck her finger in there! I thought for sure my daughter would freak, she would roll over after the doctor was done and cry from humiliation. She surprised me, the doctor left the room and as she rolled over I tried to hide my tears for her when she annoused "Well that was Rude" my tears of fear for my child turned to tears of laughter. I laughed so hard and had so many tears rolling down my face that when the doctor came back in she asked me if I was all right. Anyway PM hang in there you are in my thoughts and prayers! Been working so much I haven't been on the Crazy site much, hopefully things will slow down!
You poor love - hope you are all the children are OK tonight. And your husband as well!
here's another "thinking of you." Best wishes for your daughter, and I, too, will be watching for the update.
{{{{{{Proud Mom}}}}}} Why is it the bonecrunchers of life always come at us out of nowhere???? Hang in--my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Proud Mom, you have me bawling my eyes out! I'm so sorry I didn't know; I knew YOU were possibly having a problem, and when I hadn't heard from you I thought you were getting things taken care of. You poor girl! Well, it sounds like the preliminary news is good, anyway, and please know that you will get a "double scoop" of prayers at our house tonight and as long as you need them. Take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of her. You're a GREAT mom!
THANK YOU ALL for your concern and prayers.
CC and GT--You don't know how many times I wished I had access to my computer just to take a peek at what Tolden was up to and which creatures were tormenting LA this weekend. I longed to read your funny stuff.......
Yes, that is her picture. She is a precious joy, but I'm a bit biased. Thank you, CC for your emails. Tell the Wee One how very much I appreciate her prayers and hugs, as well.
Mimi--I hope to be publishing good news tomorrow. I'd love to see you back to check on her!
Theresa--I felt your hugs. Now I know who they were from!!! :-))
Pam--Your email was very touching. It's amazing the strength we can muster as moms, isn't it? Your thoughts and prayers are felt.
ajcor--My husband appreciates the support. I know I didn't mention him much, but he is such a tremendous support during things like this. His dad died after surgery to remove a brain tumor, so he was hit especially hard with this possibility for his own daughter! It's great to see you again!
hi Amanda! Kids are the best blessing in the world, aren't they? It's strange how they can fill your heart and break it, too. Thank you so much for the hug!
Diane--I appreciate the prayers. They are exactly what I need!
KT--thank you for reminding me of the Footprints poem. I should post that on the dashboard of my truck. Your prayers mean so much!
Jerilee--something tells me you've been there. the not knowing is the torture. Thank you for the prayers.
donagal--I am roaring!! Rude, indeed!! Thank you for the thoughts AND the laugh!! It's just what I needed. You'll have to email me and let me know the latest on the crazy case. Did the fingerprints come back?
LondonGirl--We are good tonight. We still have not told her why she had the test, and she hasn't asked. She quite likes the attention the "train ride" has commanded for her!! She is still suffering from headaches very badly and spends alot of her time asleep, as she is now. I'll wake her for dinner in just a minute. The other two are watching cartoons and doing homework. Normalcy is seems to be what we are all craving. My husband is holding up well. Working alot, which seems to give him an outlet. Thank you for the concern.
I was able to write the hub this afternoon, and hit the publish button on my out the door for work. I'm just now getting dinner on the table, so i'm sorry for the delay to your comments.
I understand CC has something funny for me. I must go investigate......
Dineane--THANK YOU for your thoughts and prayers!! I hope to have good news on here tomorrow evening.
robie2--I understand Jama had to do some explaining to you, as well. Made me feel so much better!! :-)) It does all seem to hit at once, but through it, I seem to learn a strength I didn't know God had given me. Maybe soon I'll be strong enough to wrestle all those Wild Things that keep bothering GT.... Please tell Jama that I will be sending her an email tonight.
Kate--i'm sorry I worried you. I'm still dealing with the heart business. I had to go have my heart monitor removed in the middle of all of this. I'm sure they have a very interesting reading. But mine is on the backburner. I have to get her back in the land of the living first. Thank you for the compliment, but I don't really deserve it. I just love my kids like the most of us do. Too bad crazy didn't know how to do that, huh? Keep the funny emails coming. They do make me laugh!!!!
Hey PM
I think I have guessed there's some medical issues you're dealing with from the comments exchanged between CC and TOf but I couldn't have guessed this. I'm at a loss for words and I can only offer you a shoulder and prayers.
Btw, just for laughs i hope i'm not scaring you now! *wink*
Nah, Chris. And I've got a puppy for you--a cross between a chihuahua and a Newfoundland. Should be interesting........ :-))
Add me to the list of folks praying. I am there!
Hey, PM, Which one was the pup's father? The mind boggles!
That's one brave little girl you have there, I reckon that she has you to thank for the gravel in her gut and the spit in her eye. (Johnny Cash).
I'm sorry for being late writing my support here but have just got to my computer today.I've been sitting here gazing at the screen trying to think how to convey the strength of my concern, and support for you. Whatever I write seems inadequate.
Welcome back.
TOF
Here's a Mom to Mom big hug for you. I stand in awe of your courage under fire. I hope you found it cathartic to share your experience with us here on HP. We will wait eagerly for good news about your beautiful daughter. Prayers and more hugs. MM
(((Proud Mom)))
Here's a big hug, PM, for you, the kiddo and your whole family. Best to you -- hang in there!
coffeesnob, The words "thank you" don't convey how grateful I am for your prayers. I know how very blessed she is to have you pleading on her behalf. Check back this evening for an update.
TOF, we are boggled, as well. But if the tiny things come out fuzzy furballs with foot-long slobbers, I'll be needing your shipping address. Thank you for the support. And Johnny Cash is a relative, so your quote was very fitting--so long as it's not "A Boy Named Sue". My daughter gets her strength from different struggles. :-) Inadequate? Never. The word fit in this instance.
Mighty Mom, i can feel the hugs, and THANK YOU! Writing gives me a way to physically handle my emotions. I appreciate that you are here to listen to my rants.
Elena, I am doing much better today. Each morning is a little brighter. She was sick again last night, but is up pestering her brother this morning, so all is well.
Thank you all again for your support, thoughts and prayers. There really isn't a way to express how much I appreciate it!
My address is c/- Obama, White House. Personal deliveries only. (Ask for the BT Evilpants covert 2012 election campaign committee.) It's just what we need to improve BT"s image. A big stupid splay-footed silly faced mutt which loves jumping into the sea to rescue drowning swimmers (even when they weren't drowning until it arrived,) tries to bury them in the back yard, and then leaps into your lap yapping madly in falsetto. Yummy!
I'll see what I can do. Sounds like it might get me on the White House enemy list. The no-fly list at least. But I'm always up for an adventure.
What a terrific hub! Can't imagine where you found the strength to write it, but glad you did! Woulda added to the hugfest sooner, but had a weird bug that put me MIA for the last couple of days. So consider yourself bear-hugged *many* times. (At least with cyber hugs, you can't catch whatever I had! lol!) Have you heard back from the doctor yet??
I'm asking the same question as JamaGenee, and adding good wishes as well. Our church has special prayer for tumors regularly and we will add this case in. May it be nothing.
Hey Jama! I'm sorry I didn't get that email fired off to you last night. I have so much to say, I'm just trying to get it right. Maybe tonight.
I'm sorry you've been sick. You're right--I don't want it. But I will take the hugs.
There's the phone!
Sorry. I didn't hit "post" before I grabbed the phone.
Thank you, Patty for adding her to your prayer list. We can't get enough of those. They truly do mean the world to me!
The update:
That was the nurse on the phone. I hit a wall of frustration when I heard the words, "We are unable to locate her file."
I'm taking that to mean God isn't done handling this without my assistance yet. I need to yield a little more, and quit thinking I have any sort of control. He's watching out for her better than I could ever dream of doing.
So we wait until tomorrow. I'm sure they are scurrying like nobody's business. I've chosen to picture papers flying down the hallway as they scour through every folder in the place.
PM, I-was-talking-about-the-dog!
I hope the file becomes unlost overnight. The doctor's due back in the morning I believe, he should sort it out.
Cheers, TOF.
Best wishes and prayers! Great hub.
TOF - So-was-I. :-))
Hey, Elegantwork! It's good to see you! Thank you for stopping by and for the prayers. I have enjoyed your stuff so far! I was wondering how you got that great effect on your picture?
I am sending good thoughts and wishes your way. This must be a hard thing to go through.
Hello darling one, I am up early looking for news. Trusting that you got a bit of rest last night. PM, I forgot to mention yesterday but your little girl is precious. Such sparkle in those eyes!
deep breaths Proud Mom - just in and out calmly until you have your news....prayers
Prayers thoughts and love to you and your husband. I pray that all will be well with your tough little 'un'.
Sweetie Pie- (I love that screen name!!!) Thank you so much. It seems to be getting easier as acceptance settles in--along with a little normal. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers.
Mimi24 - She does have a sparkle, doesn't she? She is such a caretaker. She is always thinking of others first. She wants everyone to be happy and joyful. God gave her an extra special love for animals. I know she will have a career with them someday. She is just drawn to them--and them to her. Except for our cat. He has it out for her for some reason....
Hey ajcor! Prayerfully it will be today. One breath at a time, right? Preferrably not into a paper sack!
Sixtyorso--THANK YOU. I'm banking on the fact that all will be well no matter the outcome. I just can't stand to watch her hurt.
Hopefully another update today!!!!!
Your thoughts, prayers and comments are one of the biggest reasons I'm holding up so well. THANK YOU!!!!!
Big Hugs and my thoughts are with you and yours , as I truly understand , God will take care of all , keep your faith.:)
Proud Mom, I wish I could think of the words that would make you enjoy a laugh; but I'll have to settle for words that may remind you that people go through these horrible scares all the time, and most turn out to be "nothing" (or at least "nothing much").
I, myself, have gone through two serious scares with my own children (not brain tumor scares, though); and a family went through the "brain-tumor" scare with her four-month old infant. All these scares turned out to be nothing (and in her case, nothing much).
Prayers with you and your little girl.
AEvans, I suspect you might have been in my shoes at one time. So you know how very much I appreciate you.
God can take better care of her than I can, I just have to let go.
"Nothing" is what I'm hoping for, Lisa! I just wasn't prepared for it. I'm doing much better now that I've had time to let it sink in. THANK YOU so much for your prayers!
It's comforting to know people who have been in my shoes.
The latest update:
As I was driving to work this afternoon, the doctor called. He can not get her into a pediatric nuerologist or endocrinologist as soon as he would like. He's doing his best to pull strings to get her in. Meanwhile, he's calling in a doctor who, as I understand it, is in semi-retirement, and only comes in when he asks her to. She apparantly has more experience with this type of thing, and will get more in depth. She will run some tests on Monday, although I'm not sure exactly which ones.
But the good news is--they found her chart!!!!!!! :-))
WOW! What an article, I cannot believe the art that I have just read. You sucked me into a real, true story--one that could not had been made up.
I hope that all goes well, God bless :)
Just let go and it is God's will , I have contacted my church to place a prayer out for her and your family as God works miracles and will take care of her. God Bless.:)
Even though I don't know you - as a mom I can empathize with the stress and worry you must have...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...
My whole family is praying for you, PM. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Stay strong!
Take care Proud Mom, Our prayers are with you.
I know a little what it is like to start with this. They found a spot on my son's liver, a year ago and they say 90-95% of the time it is just blood vessels that show up hotter on the MRI. and all we can do is keep taking MRI's every 3-6 months to see if it grows. If it doesn't grow, they feel it is a blood vessel. So, it isn't growing so we feel a lot better. But we are still going to have to do MRIs over the next few years.
Take Care,
Keep on Hubbing!
WOW!! I got home from church to meet some wonderful new peopla and see some old friends!
Direxmd--You're too kind. Unfortunately, it is all true. But I have already learned some things and am continuing to do so. I know that no matter how it turns out, all will be okay because she's in God's hands.
AEvans--Hi again! Have you ever been where you know what He is trying to teach you, but you struggle with really doing it? That's where I am. My mommy instincts just want to hold her and fix her and make her all better. I'm working on it. Very hard. Your prayers and your willingness to ask your church family for them help.
Susan--it's WONDERFUL to meet you! As part of that 'mom club', I know you understand. THANK YOU for your thoughts and prayers.
BT--I'm glad to see you here!! My prayers are with you, as well. I sent you an email last night. I hope you got it. Continuing in our normal routine of chaos seems to be the ticket. We aren't just focusing on it. We're getting on with our lives. We'll have to no matter what the tests show, so we might as well get started now. It doesn't keep me from sneaking in her room in the middle of the night and just watching her sleep. That's when I cry.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I can't tell you how much they mean to me! Hopefully, Monday afternoon I'll have more information--and maybe it'll be great news!!
Thank you again!
Eovery--we must have been typing at the same time!!
Oh my goodness! So you are LIVING in this holding pattern? You must have amazing strength! If you don't mind, could I ask how your son is dealing with it? Did you tell him everything? We have not told her the whole reason for these tests. We've tried to make them more of an adventure, and of course she is loving the attention. I just don't want her to have that in the back of her mind. But I wonder sometimes if we are doing what is best.
Thank you SO MUCH for your prayers. Your avatar makes me smile everytime I see it.
I'll keep you posted!
We are about 99.9% sure it is not a problem, but at first it was not fun. We will find out again next week when we visit for the results of this weeks MRI.
What is scary, we have a lady at church dying of cancer that started in her liver. She had a liver transplant, and thought everything was good, then see had it break out on the spine. She has lived 15 years with it, and had one son. So it was delayed for a while, but now it is spreading all over her body. But she is interesting to watch. She is enjoying life and has a smile on her face. So if there are any problems, she has the list of the best doctors in the world on this stuff.
When I saw that picture, i knew it had to be my avatar. Just a bad hair day.
Keep on Hubbing and stay strong.
Isn't it amazing to watch someone who has that outlook on life? It's inspiring I think.
A good friend of ours' son had a liver transplant last year. He's doing so well! He was isolated for a long time, but is now lost most of the puffiness and has very few restrictions. A whole new life for him.
I hope the MRI turns out well. Thank you for sharing that. It helps to be able to actually voice my questions and concerns.
Hey proud mom, just checking in with you. I have you in my daily thoughts and prayers.
Thanks, donagal. You don't know how much that means to me.
I cried reading this. I have felt this way a few times, and it is the worst thing to deal with, ever! You are a strong woman, and a great mother, from the sound of it! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!!! Big hugs for you and yours!!!!
Proud Mom, You and your family are in my prayers. Hang in there!
I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
Proud Mom so sorry to hear of your pain. Hoping everything turns out well x
i feel so sorry for you.that would be too pain....hope everything would be alrite...faith in god.
Hi Proud Mom, what a lot I missed the past weeks. But then God does it again...I was just led to open your profile today and clicked on this hub. And I'm glad I did.
I look at her photo and her bright eyes staring at me and I talk to her for awhile. May I have your permission to hold her close as I say a prayer and talk to God too? I hope you don't mind. I don't think I would be able to sleep tonight if I won't be able to do that. And then extend that hug to you and the rest of the family.
I'm so glad for all the hubbers who are supporting you with their prayers and for being here. And it makes me want to cry some more. Love does make a lot of difference; and one may not have all the answers right away but love will pull you through. Sending much love and light...
Michelle
Hey, darlin' -- just checking in and keeping you in my prayers. Hugs.
Hi, Anna Marie! Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. Besides my walk with God, my family is definitely the focus of my life, but there are better moms than me out there. I do try my best, though. I guess I keep forgetting that life goes on, whether I'm prepared for it or not. You are so sweet.
k@ri, Sweetie Pie, Carolina--You are doing EXACTLY what I need to help me the most--praying. I know it may sound trite, but I really do appreciate all the prayers going up on her behalf because I KNOW God is listening to them. It will be good news on Monday--I just know it!
Brittney--Thank you for the email. I hadn't thought of going directly to the printer. I always make things more complicated than they have to be. I'll let you know how it turns out. Maybe then, I can move on to another topic you've written about! Thank you for stopping by and for your thoughts and prayers.
Ripplemaker--She would love to know you talked with her, held her and prayed for her!! And I continue to be overwhelmed with the support from fellow hubbers. I can actually feel the thoughts and prayers and hugs. Thank you for yours, as well!!
Hi Theresa!! Thank you for checking up on me. I'm still trucking on. My brother had to put his 15 year old beagle down Tuesday, so I went online to send him some flowers. I found an arrangement with a ceramic old Ford pickup with flowers in the bed. I sent him a note telling him brighter days were ahead and he needed to keep truckin' toward them. It hit me when he called later that I needed the same message. I've kind of clung to it ever since!
THANK YOU to all of you!!!
Proud Mom, You will be in my prayers...and I will called my parents, to put you on their prayer list also. You must be one of the bravest and most loving Mom's I have had the pleasure to meet. I am praying for you and your daughter. You are AMAZING!!
Thank you for all the enjoyment and fun!!!!!!!
Oh thank you, k@ri!!!!!
Lots of love on this hub. I wish I could kick back here. I gotta hurry up and get rich, so I don't have to keep working. Hi PM.
Hey GT!! I was just wondering about you! When you hit it big, don't forget us little people!!
I do hope things are going better for you at work.
What an adorable daughter...and Please know my prayers will be said each day for you, your family and your daughter..."The Will of God will never take you, where the Grace of God will not protect you"! !
I know how youfeel to a point...we (my family) and I are are going through some things too right now...with 2 of my great granddaughters...the waiting is hard...God Bless ...G-Ma :O) Hugs & Prayers
..."The Will of God will never take you, where the Grace of God will not protect you"!
I LOVE this!! I am going to print it for my mirror, my calendar, my truck and my bus. What an amazing thought!
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through something similar. It is difficult, but I'm finding that He's giving me the strength to get through it, even if it's minute by minute.
Hugs and Prayers are headed back your way G-Ma!
Thank you Angel and I am glad you liked the saying cause I love it too...my one G-GD is just 3.5 months old...and the other was just born yesterday...5.5 weeks early...she seems to be ok but must remain hospitalized for awhile...and the other one has been in Children's for 2 weeks then sent home only to have to go on with more and more testing...they can't figure it out...
anyway sorry didn't mean to babble on about me...you have a big one to worry about...God Bless You my dear...G-Ma :O) Hugs & Prayers
Hi Proudmom, ummm...here goes...I asked her how she was and if she was scared having to go to the doctors and stuff. I envisioned laying my hands on her head and felt my head tingle all over esp. the topmost part. That normally happens when I pray for someone from the distance. And I just talked to God and asked him to take care of her and you and the family. How is she by the way? (would it be okay to ask what her name is?)
I love G-Ma's quote too...it's beautiful. Take care of you mommy as you take care of your little angel.
I got your email, PM, and I sent you one as well. Thanks.
Hey PM.....I'm finally back online and could finally read your hub. You did an excellent job conveying the rampant thoughts that rush through a mom's mind when one of her babies is in need. Isn't it amazing how we quickly go into 'organization mode'?
Your daughter is absolutely adorable. So much of her personality shows in that picture. You can tell she's a joy.
You sound like you're handling it well, at least on the outside, as we mom's usually do. Many hugs to you and my thoughts will continue to be with you and your family because I know inside it's tough.
Proud Mom, what a fitting title for one like you. You don't know me, but I know you now , thanks to your touching hub. No one can ever care too much, and moms can be close to perfect that way. Blessings to you and yours
G-Ma--Would you keep updated on the babies? What wonderful additions to the family! They - and you as well - are in my prayers. I'd love to hear an update!
Ripplemaker--her name is Ashley and she will love to hear about your "chat" with her. She definitely believes in the power of prayer. Just Wednesday she came home from church and asked if we could pray for a friend of hers who came to class sporting a new bruise! She's out on a Saturday morning date with her daddy right now, but I will share with her when she gets home. THANK YOU!
BT--I got it! You are in my prayers. Thank you for replying.
KCC--it's GREAT to see you again! Did you end up with a new modem? "Organization mode" seems to give me the illusion that I have some sort of control in the situation. In the last few days, God has continued to show me that life goes on. At work, there have been 9 people out since Thursday for various reasons. One had a heartattack and his son had a terrible wreck. One had a stroke and his wife injured her leg bad enough to prevent her from working. My partner found out yesterday morning that her elderly mother was trying to drag her trash to the curb, tripped over a garden hose, fell and died. There are only 27 of us, so it felt good to be able to go in and do something by helping to cover for them. Now, I'm working on organizing meals for the different families. Ashley is right in there anxious to help, as well.
Oliviashands--THANK YOU for your comment. You've touched my heart. Blessings to you, as well. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.
Hi, Ashley is a beautiful name and it suits her :-) That would be nice if you do share it with her. I like knowing that she believes in the power of prayer...I guess that was why I found myself teary eyed when I talked to her photo (the one you posted here.) She has a beautiful spirit proudmom. Suddenly I'm also dying to know what your name is too. LOL I was commenting on my Angels Among Us hub a few seconds ago and I remembered your daughter. She is an angel I know. :-)
Well, ripplemaker, it's nice to know someone agrees with me!! LOL! She is a precious little girl, that's for sure. When she was a baby, she would sing to everyone at deaf dinners. One night, an elderly man was unusually drawn to her, and gave her the sign name of music with an "A". I think about that night alot. I think he connected with her spirit.
aww hope all the best may god bless you and your family.am new to this dunno how this all work as yet.
(((((Proud Mom)))) You have given us a glimpse into a mothers heart. This is such a sad but also inspirational hub about your feelings, fears and love for your daughter. You are an inspiration and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I don't know you, or rather who you are; I'm fairly new to hub pages, but I'm going to keep you in my prayers. You may have meant this as a way of informing others and/or just getting it off your chest, but you did more than that. You gave a piece of yourself for others to latch onto. For me to latch onto. I don't feel so alone right now.
My littlest is struggling with something; something is just...wrong. Most likely autism. Our pediatrician wants to take it slowly since he really does hit most the milestones, just a little late, but he's falling more and more behind. My husband is in denial. My other kids, along with friends and family, are living in oblivion. I'm out here fighting for him alone. I, alone, want to know what is wrong NOW. I, alone, want to help him NOW. Every wait and see day is one more day he falls further back. And I can't even talk to anyone about it. If I try to write, I just cry.
But, for one minute, I wasn't alone. I wasn't crying for my son. I wasn't crying for me. I felt an invisible connection. I felt more for you and your daughter.
Leiah--I'm going to try to email you. If you don't see one from me in thest 30 minutes or so, please click on my picture and click "contact Proud Mom" to send me one that I can reply to.
I'm so glad I could be with you for just a moment. You aren't alone--but I understand how you feel that you are.
I'd really like to chat with you. Thank you for sharing what you're going through.
THANK YOU, Dorsi for the hugs. I'm sending you one, as well. {{{{{DORSI}}}} I'm praying that you and your son will get through this ordeal. I know the healing will go on for quite some time.
Your prayers are very much appreciated. I think you're right. I think my words were those of a mother's heart. Any mother's. It's amazing how much our hearts expand with each one!!
Thank you again, and please keep us updated on your son!
Sweetsimple16--thank you for your kind words. Welcome to hubpages. This place is full of love and support, even though most of us don't even know each other. I think you will enjoy it. We go back Monday for more tests. I'm anxious for more information.
Stop back by anytime!!
Good luck for Monday! Will be thinking of you and your family all the way from China! Hugs!
THANK YOU cindy!! Any information is going to be welcome. Her headaches have been very frequent this week. If we can name it, maybe we can find a way to make her not hurt as much.
I'd love to hear some stories from China!!!!
PM--You sweet, courageous woman. Thanks so much for sharing what you and your dear family are going through right now. Read 2 Corinthians 1:2-5, and receive the comfort that only CHRIST can give--and also an inkling of how He will use this awful experience for good! I also like Psalm 90:14-17, psalm 90, and Psalm 136. I'm a great-grandma and have seen The Lord work in amazing ways. I'm putting you on my prayer chain here in FL. The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you His peace.
Oh Thank you,mamakaren!! I write out Bible verses on notecards and post them on my mirrors and various places I will see them with frequency. I will add yours. They are great ones to remember!
THANK YOU for adding us to your prayer chain. I'm letting myself feel His peace more and more each day.
Your kids, grand kids and great grand babies are blessed to have you!
Hi Proud Mom - I've been wondering where you were but had no idea what was going on. Last I heard, YOU were the one having some tests. I really feel your pain and will be praying for you, your daughter & family. I don't know you other than from talking to you on these hub pages but I can tell you are a wonderful and caring Mother. I wish the best for you and your family and pray for some good news.
THANK YOU A.G.!!!!!!! Yes, I was having some tests run, but that's on the back burner now. Your prayers couldn't come at a better time. We have more tests tomorrow morning, which will hopefully give us some answers, so that we can get rid of the headaches. I hope to have an update tomorrow evening.
It looks like you guys are having fun on board!! Tell everyone hello for me, would you?
Proudmom....How fitting of a NAME. I am praying for you , your daughter and the rest of your family. What beautiful writings. You should be an author. That was amazing.
I love this place,you do not hae to know anyone, but when you need something , you have hundreds stepping up to the plate to help out however they can. There is still love and goodness and kindness in the world.
As you prayed so faithfully for me, I too now will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Remember though, along with taking care of your daughter, you are no good to her if you do not get taken care of yourself. I know some things can be put off. Boy do I now, but please do not forget yourself in the mix. You have to be able to be strong. Just try to do what Dr's suggest, even if it takes just a bit away from your daughter. She will thank you, when you are at your best to take care of her.
I will be parying for you both with eerything I have. When this is all said and done and everything is OK, I think you should look into becoming a writer. That was awesome, I must say again. For just off the top of your head, you would make a great writer. REALLY!!! Lots of hugs Proudmom and Ashley.
Also, In my experience, there are days when you just cannot bring yourself to post. No energy left. Or to return emails. Please do not feel bad. Take a break from it, if that is what you need. We will all be waiting, and understanding when you return. It is good to have you back.
P.s. Im doing OK.SIS too.
How are you Proud Mom? I hope that your beautiful daughter's headaches can be relieved pronto....thinking of you...cheers
What a beautiful and personal story! I am thinking of your family and praying for the best!
Proud Mom: As a mother of four, I am sooooo sorry to hear about your beautiful little girl. I'm sure God will make everything right with her. Our family is also praying for her. My father just sent me a book by the Pulitzer Prize winning author, Norman Vincent Peale called The Power of Positive Thinking. It might be something that helps you during this time too.
Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. You are truly amazing.
Hi Farmchick!! You are still in my prayers, but you have no idea how much I appreciate yours!! Well, you probably do. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm not really a writer, but sometimes I just have to get things out. Some of my most productive arguements with the hubby were when I just got away and wrote down what I felt.
I'm glad to hear you and your sister are doing well. I've been wondering how the treatment is going.
Thank you for everything--I really do appreciate it!!
Ajcor--HI!! It's good to see you again. I'm doing well and Ashley will be getting there. I've missed our banter back and forth--we should meet up one evening on somebody's hub and catch up!! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!
RVillenueve--Nice to meet you! Thank you for the thoughts and prayers! And for reading and commenting. I'm about to leave another update.
Hi Snoopy! I've been wondering if you got the autograph from Steve's brother? Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. The book sounds like something I would enjoy. I'll have to check it out. Thank you for the referral! I'll let you know what I think. I've been doing ALOT of reading lately. Thanks again!
The latest update: We went in to this other doctor today and spent almost an hour in her office. She wanted alot of background history--which I was prepared for. She is running alot of tests with bloodwork, but her main concern is sleep--or her lack thereof. We're going to see a neurologist, but meanwhile, we're going to do a sleep study to find out what's going on there. She may have some PTSD from the incident with the kids down the street, and we'll be dealing with that, as well. All-in-all it's looking much better. I've faced the worst, and they are pretty sure that has been ruled out, PRAISE GOD!! Now, I can deal with anything else.
Again, thank you for your prayers. I know what a big part they have played and will continue to play in her recovery!!!!
Praise God indeed Proudmom. By the way, what is PTSD?
here's hoping the good news continues
Is that post traumatic stress syndrome you're talking about? It must have been pretty bad then. I sure hope she recovers soon dear.
transmitting positive waves and beaming to PM
Thinking of you and your little lady, Proud Mom. Glad to see things look a little less frightening.
That goes for me too! Glad things aren't looking quite as bad as before, but woulda been nice if the doctor hadn't made you (and Ashley) wait sooooo long to find that out! YAYYYYY!
Hey Ripplemaker!! I was so happy to see your email. She is in the shower right now, but I'll let her read it and respond to you as soon as she is out.
PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A couple of years back my family and I organized a Neighborhood Watch Program--mainly to move a couple of convicted child molesters out of our neighborhood. However, the druggies down the street didn't take a liking to the fact that they were no longer able to do what they had been doing. They used intimidation tactics on everyone who participated to try to disband us. When that didn't work, they bumped it up a couple of notches. We became one of their biggest targets. We would find dead animals with their feet cut off on our front porch, they'd knock on my kids windows in the middle of the night and many other things. One night, when they knew my husband was out of town, they tried to break in. The kids were all sleeping in my bed, so I gave the oldest the phone to dial 911, sent them to hide in my closet, and went to investigate. It didn't end well for the delinquents. I thought I had protected them from the most of it, but she was apparantly more upset about it than she has ever let on. The stress, worry and anxiety has really taken a toll on her. So that's one of the things we are going to work on.
Hi, Londongirl!! We went out to dinner tonight to celebrate. We had to get ice cream, because the rule at our house is one scoop per needle stick. The nurses got it in one try this time, but we were so happy about the news that we let them all have double scoops. I'll be paying for it later.....
CC--you were right. But all will be well. We'll find a Christian counselor who can help her to deal with it and let go of all the worry and fear. We have been considering moving out to my parent's land for a year or so. That may be one thing we need to move to the front burner.
GT--your beams have arrived!! :-)) Thank you!
Lisa--it's very nice to meet you! Thank you for thinking of us!!
Hey Jama!!! I was hoping to get to send you an email before you read this, but I wasn't quick enough. I'll send it to you anyway.
I think to celebrate, we should get together on the pork chop thing. I need some inspiration. :-))
Sounds like good news, PM. Big sigh of relief! I'm really happy for you!
Thanks, BT!! I DO appreciate it!! Top 'o the evenin' to ya'!!
Back atcha, Proud Mom!
:-)
Proud Mom...you make me proud! You continued to function during all of this! Congrats!!!!!
My daughter and I had a dog...I remarried (for the third time) and move to a house where I could only have 2. He had a springer spaniel, full breed, nervous as hell! Even when the dog sat still it quivered...Really turned me off. :(
He had his "friend" watch my daughter's dog until we could find a home for the springer. His friend shot the dog in the head. My daughter found out about it in school, the next day...before I did. She began having nightmares and problems. I put her in counseling...she is fine now, we still mourn the dog! If this is what your daughter has, hopefully, like mine, she will come through it!
I am sure with a Mom like you she will!!!
What a horrible thing to do to a dog--more importantly for her to go through!!
If Ashley indeed does have PTSD, it is something that is aggravating the physical problems. The doc thinks there is something wrong sleepwise. And without sleep, her body tends to do strange things. It's kind of like a vicious cycle, I guess. Whatever is wrong that causes her not to sleep aggravates the anxiety brought on from the stress, which causes even more sleep problems. So we figure out what is wrong physically, along with treating the anxiety and we may have a cure--and a few hours of restful sleep!!
I still can't believe your husband's friend did that. How long after that did you stay married?
Hi Proudmom, just read her email. Okay thanks for explaining. I'll respond to her in awhile. :-)
Hi PM, just a note to confirm how glad I am that Ashley appears to be physically sound. Once the problem is isolated, and PTSD sounds extremely likely, something can be done to address it, and relief should be rapid. Young children mend well, mentally so, too.
Please say Hi to Ashley from me.
TOF
Hello Proud Mom. I sobbed reading about you and your family.
The tears came not because of your little one's battles alone. I recognised how clever and loving you are. A brave and downright gutsy mother! I felt a great joy for your loved ones. (more tears) You have such beauty in your love. I think I need another cry after reading what I believe will to be a very good outcome for Ashley the brave.
PM, it took me a bit to catch up, but I'm so relieved for you! Not that PTSD is any picnic, but gosh, considering...I'll just say that I hope you can take a breath now. Waiting is torture, it's like holding your breath underwater. You daughter is in my prayers. :)
I absolutley love this hub!!! I am sorry about your daughter.
GOD BLESS
PM...just checking in on you.....I see you have good news on Ashley. TOF said it well....kids are very adaptable and mend quickly. I'm sure recovery will follow quickly. Take care!
ernestshub--well, thank you. I'm just a mom. I love my kids and I hate to see them hurt. I do appreciate your thoughts and your kindness more than I will ever be able to convey.
Hey Pam!! Yes, I can deal with whatever they have to say now (not that I couldn't before, but anything else will be easier to swallow.) The PTSD, if she has it, is only an aggravator for whatever physically is causing the problems. We can treat the PTSD, but we've still got a battle ahead to figure out exactly what is wrong physiologically. Everything is feeding each other making it so much worse than if she just had one or the other. We still have a battle to fight, but I'm relieved (OH SO RELIEVED) it's not the one we originally thought we might have to fight. I'm SO GLAD you stopped by to read the update--I'm very excited to share the news with everyone!!! I don't have very long on the computer tonight, but I'm hoping to catch up with you somewhere.....
Shastinaray--I'm so very glad to meet you!! God has most definitely blessed us, and we are grateful for it!! THANK YOU so much for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you just doesn't seem adequate.
Hey KCC! I was thinking about you earlier today. I'm supposed to be putting this mystery dinner party together, but I've been so busy and so distracted I've done NOTHING!!! I decided I had better figure out what KCC would do in this situation and get on it!! :-)) Thank you for checking up on us. We went out AGAIN for dinner tonight--this time to celebrate a birthday. I'm loving dishes duty this week!
Oh my gosh, I almost forgot about the mystery dinner party! You'll have to let me know how it goes. We have talked about doing one several times, even got as far as getting the invitations together after finding a kit on the clearance rack at WallyWorld. I found an adult party kit too that involves everyone bringing a different bottle of alcohol. I never got around to that one either. Not really my kind of thing, but it seemed fun.
Glad you're getting out and celebrating some. You need those types of distractions as well.
I am so happy to hear the Good News I knew God would take care of her.:) I am relieved too!!!:)
I'll let you know, KCC!!
AEvans--thank you for rejoicing with us! Because we never told her the real reason behind all the testing, she's not sure why we're so excited, but she's right there with us!! Thank you again!!
That is so wonderful !!! I kept her in our prayers and my heart said she was going to be fine, and I am so happy , celebrate as you are so blessed!!!:) You are so welcome :)
Glad you're getting Ashley's ailments sorted out. More ice cream! I'm a firm believer that ice cream will fix anything in a body...for everything else, there's Duct Tape. (Take that any way you want!) ;)
Okay, the pork chop thing. I'm thinkin' Uncle Festus had something to do with it, right? And yes, Clydeen has an unmarried sister...a widow, actually...but she's not up to meeting anybody new just yet. Still in counseling tryin' to get over her BillyBob being knocked outta the tree by the creek by lightnin'. The lightnin' didn't do him in...the fool *drowned*, and she's mad 'cause he never learned to swim! But the rest of us are plum relieved that he's outta the gene pool for good - couldn't swim there either - and there's no little BillyBobs running around that'd be stooopid enough to climb a tree in a storm like he did.
I didn't know until today that you were facing such a hardship. I wish I knew what to say but somehow the words won't come. You can be assured that Ashley will be in my prayers as well as your entire family. I will take this to the One who has all the answers and has everything in His control.
I read your update after I posted. I was SO relieved. I should've read more thoroughly but I was trying to grasp the first part. God has been with you and your family and He will continue to bring your little girl complete healing.
I'm not sure what happened--I posted a reply, then got a message about something going wrong and to report to feedback link, then all the comments DISAPPEARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a few moments of frustration, I made my way back and here we are.
AEvans--you have been such a blessing!
Jama--I knew I could count on you!
Blessedmommy--THANK YOU for your prayers, because I know most of all, that is what has sustained me, and kept her under His protection. We are doing better this week. She's only had one headache so far, and the other symptoms are hit and miss. Since Monday, she's been better able to talk about her fears, and we are really working on the lesson about fear not being of the Lord, but of Satan. She has given her fears over to God, but is struggling with asking for them or grabbing them back. I can understand that. Fear can be a very powerful emotion. We have come up with a game when the fear does grip her, and she's actually having a bit of fun. Now to get her to sleep......
You have no idea how much your thoughts and prayers mean to me. Well, you probably do with your grandma going through her trials right now. But I just don't think I will ever be able to express my gratitude. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough.
PM--I've been trying to post a comment, but I just kept getting an error message. I know they asked, but I didn't email them about it. I just wanted to let you know how **thrilled** I am for that everything is all good in the long run! It'll be tuff dealing with it, but at least you now know what you are dealing with so you can fix it. You're still in my prayers.
THANK YOU Lelah!! I got a weird error message today on this hub, too. Who knows?? But you're here and I really do appreciate it!
I've been wondering about your struggles, and am sending you an email to find out how you are doing.
Hi Proud Mum - I've only just found this hub and was so moved by it - moved by your story and your strength in sharing and moved also by the support of these people on HubPages. Aren't they just fine ? I'm so new to HP and I an enjoying writing hubs that ihave hope I may earn some rent money her; But to have also found brave people and fine people is much more important to me. Much love and good vibes from Me here in France to your family.
THANK YOU lphigenia!! It's so great to meet you! I hope you enjoy HP as much as I do. I was blown away by the support here!!
Check back on Monday. I should have another update!!
You poor dear! If I had known...well, I don't know what. I would have been thinking of you for sure, sending energy through the ether. I think things will turn out fine...I just got a special feeling. How torturous though, to have to wait where your child is concerned.
My love to you.
I am so glad to hear that things are going better, and that it isn't the worst thing that it could have been. Ashley is still in my thoughts and prayers. I only wish that there was more that we could all do!
Hi Proud Mom glad to hear the prayer bank has kicked in and things are looking up! I know you still have hard yards ahead but with your strength and Ashley's attitude you will win - God Bless....cheers
Glad to hear that the little one is getting better. My best wishes to you all.
Chistoph--THANK YOU. Things are on the up, though. I've faced the worst and anything else is downhill from here!! But please enlighten me. What's "the ether"?
Anna Marie, I can't imagine anyone doing more than they've already done, including you! You've been so supportive and thoughtful. I really couldn't ask for anymore than that. I love your new avatar, by the way!!
Hi ajcor! Yes the prayers have reached His ears and He did indeed listen, as usual. We expect more on Monday. They wouldn't give me the test results over the phone on Friday. They said the doc had to go over them with us on Monday. Fortunately, we've had a busy weekend to distract our thoughts!
Hello again, Amanda! It's great to see you again. We are doing so much better, thank you. Life is back to normal. The laundry is piled up, the front yard is littered with bikes, scooters and skates. The little one's 4-wheeler tires need replacing from too much use. We're having a great time! Monday should tell us more!
PM--just wanted you to know I'm still here. Amazed at your strength and courage.
The feeling is mutual, Lelah!!!
Oh, my...if I had known you were going to ask me what was "ether," I never would have written it. It is difficult to explain, and is somewhat open to interpretation, but I'll give it a shot.
The straight meaning of ether is that it is a solvent and an anesthetic, but it is used also in a metaphysical sense as I did (and here's were it gets complicated.)
One meaning goes like this:
Four different metaphysical entities are recognized: soul, essence, ether and mana.
The bodies of spirit beings are composed of ether, which is what gives them innate magic abilities. Even in the case of spirits which have a high proportion of matter, the material body is only an "outfit".
It is also described thusly:
The ether that is what is the air. The air that is what is the ether. ...
Confused yet? Well this should complete the confusion. Cosmological Metaphysics explains it like this:
The Brahman which has been thus described is the same as the ether which is around us [akasha, manifest universe];And the ether which is around us, is the same as the ether which is within us [prana, life-force]. And the ether which is within us,That is the ether within the heart [Atman, soul, spirit]. That ether in the heart (as Brahman) is omnipresent and unchanging. He who knows this obtains omnipresent and unchangeable happiness.
I simply think of it as space everywhere that swirls with everything we experience in life, whether it be happiness or sadness, things we have learned or will learn, confusion or lucidity, just every bit of everything, a sort of fuzzy world teaming with all this stuff, so when I send you my best wishes, they travel through this ether to get to you.
Make any sense? And I'm not even metaphysical! Now I'm warn out. I think I'll trudge through the ether and go back to bed.
Well, Christoph, I'd say I'm sorry I asked, but I'd be lying. I AM sorry you are now worn out, though.
That's very interesting, and, yes, I understood. I sure was hoping you didn't mean the nasty stuff they used to use to knock people out with. WHEW!! I feel much better!!
And I have a mental image of you trudging through that thick ether. It's kinda funny.
Ooh! Confusing explanations are my favorite! Can I help? I once read that the ether is like a plane of existence that is separate from our own. It may be the plane upon which spirits exist, hence the word ethereal, in referring to ghosts and such. It is also thought to be the medium through which phenomena such as telepathy is made possible (if you believe in that kind of thing). It is, however, in no way related to the ether bunny!
I didn't even see that one coming, BT!! LOL!
You two are very.....informed. :-)
PM, I too have also heard that tapping into the ether is like tapping into a "group consciousness" a separate energy if you like - and, that is why suddenly you will hear a number of people all using the same expressions or if you have a new and brilliant idea you must move quickly on it because you have "put it out there" and sure as eggs are eggs, someone will beat you to fulfilling it! fascinating really -
I rarely have brilliant ideas, ajcor. But thank you for thinking that I do! :-)
How does everyone know about this but me?
The ether bunny! Ha! That is neither hare nor there.
*all the bunnies run as a jackalope emerges from the bushes with a bottle and a rag* Run, Bunny!! RUN!!
oops too late - no eggs this year!
Oh, we MUST have eggs!! WHERE'S THE ANTIDOTE?!?!?!??!!!!
find those cute basket-carrying yellow chickens - unless they too are running away from the jackalope with the ether and a rag....
Will the marshmallow kind work?
I think that will have to do because you know what the Kentucky Colonel called early and swiped the lot, chickens, eggs, baskets and all - of course you could always break into a museum and nab the be-jewelled ones - I don't believe a bit if faberge would ever go astray ........
:-)
I've been so scatty these past couple of weeks - and have missed this completely - I am soooo sorry Proud Mom. That was something hard you had to go through - the waiting is always the worst! I'm so glad tpo hear your little one is better - hugs to her and you. My prayers are with you - truly, I have never found anything more powerful than prayer - God Bless!
There's no reason to be sorry, Shalini. I certainly don't get the opportunity to read every hub. I can't imagine anyone else does either.
Thank you for your prayers. I've left a message for the nurse to call me back with the bloodwork results this morning. I hope to hear from her very soon. I've waited all weekend, so you'd think waiting until 5 would be no big deal, but nevertheless, I'm pretty antsy today. But we know it's not a brain tumor, so in that respect, we're VERY happy!!!
The experience has taught us some very valuable lessons. But sometimes I wish God would just write down what He wants me to learn and leave it on my pillow..... :-)
I am sorry I didn't see this sooner Proud Mom.
You have been there so for me--Our prayers are with you. Stay strong!
You've been brave enough to put up with such turmoil. May God help you overcome all your problems. I can understand what it means for a parent. Stay strong.
Thank you, anjalichugh!! That means so much!
Froggy, you're so sweet. But don't worry about not seeing it sooner. Your prayers are needed just as much now. And your comment just touches my heart!
Yes, sometimes I wish He would do that too - not for oneself perhaps but most definitely when it comes to our children :) Pray all the results are absolutely clear!
Thank you, Shalini!!! I FINALLY got to talk to the doctor. More tests and doc visits ahead.....
The latest update:
A couple of things showed up in her bloodwork. But nothing that we can't fix rather painlessly. We will have a couple of appointments with specialists scheduled. Meanwhile, her energy is up a bit, and only a couple of headaches in the last week.
She and her brother are taking turns sitting in the empty entertainment center pretending to be on television. I think all is well. :-))
My prayers are with you. I can't imagine going through what your family has gone through. Sending positive energy your way.
Thank you, srhgompf! That is very kind of you and most appreciated!!
good news -best wishes to you all
Thanks, LG!! I hope your precious little one is doing well!
Thanks for the update, PM! Glad the tasks to welldom are manageable. :)
That's so cute picturing them pretending to be on TV.
oh, he's always well. The devil looks after his own (-:
That's too funny!! :-))))
KCC--they DO manage to keep me entertained! :-) I'm pretty sure you understand!
Wooho! That sounds like some very good news! Thank you for the update PM.
Woo Hoo, indeed, BT!! I'm in a celebrating mood, but all I had time for was a trip to Walmart. Maybe this weekend!
I do understand PM. When mine were small they always wanted to put on shows. One time it might be a magic show, one time it was a play, one time their version of "Whose Line is it Anyway?", one time some dance routine to some song etc. You get the idea. Always wanting us to stop and come watch their well-rehearsed masterpieces. I do treasure those memories!
Beautiful hub. I'm so glad to have read your story. This all must have been going on when I first started up here at HubPages. I hope at this point all is okay. Keep me posted!
Love the never threading through your piece. Very effective and so true. I have to say, as well, that I love your tactics. I never would have thought of the train and the giggling giraffes. It sounds like your instinct really took over and you did fab. Those kids are truly lucky to have a mom like you. And what are the chances of that lady being there for you. Coincidence? I'm thinking not.
It's been going on for a couple of weeks now, although sometimes it seems like a year or so. Things are much brighter. I took some wonderful advice from my good friend JamaGenee. I went out in the middle of nowhere and screamed as loud and as long as I could. Then I cried. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Then I picked myself, came home and PLAYED.
We've been laughing ever since. No abnormalities showed up on the MRI. A couple of things showed up in the bloodwork, but nothing that isn't fairly easy to deal with. We're actually very excited. She has a derby car race tomorrow. She and her daddy have been working on her car for a couple of weeks now.
I actually think I'm the blessed one to have them. Can you imagine the looks I would get if I were a single woman talking about giggling giraffes? My kids make me normal!
You are right. There was no coincidence in the lady being in the bathroom.
You're very sweet to stop by and comment, Frieda!
Hey PM - have been away a few days - trust all is well - I'm so glad all of you are laughing together - somehow I always picture you with a smile on your face about to break into a giggle :)
Yes, Shalini. All is well. Thank you so much for your concern. But you don't know how much your comment about me with a smile lifts my spirits!
I'm so glad - keep smiling - you're a mom in a million :)
Maybe I'll have that printed up on a t-shirt!! :-)
You do that - it will suit you to a T :D
Hope you got my mail!
I didn't get any email from you. When did you send it?
Hi! I didn't know about your trials. I have been gone for a little while and only checking in here and there, but I am so thnakful to the Almighty that you and yours are still holding strong. Here is a little something that always makes me feel better when i feel that life is pulling me down.
I got to a quiet place and say these words:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me for He knows how much I can bear.
I am surrounded by His loving arms, and I know there is peace and comfort there."
You are precious in His sight. Just hold fast to the faith that you already have and He will continue to bless you.
Tootles!!!
Hi PM - a week ago - just a few natural remedies for internalised shock - let me try again today :)
That is so sweet, Nayberry! Thank you so much for the thoughts, prayers and advice.
I know it's wrong, but sometimes I just wish he didn't trust me so much. Nah. I don't mean it. He builds my character with things such as these. And where would I be without my character? :-)
You are such a sweet person, I'm very happy to have met you!
Oh! I'd appreciate that, Shalini! Thank you in advance!
We all through trials- some bigger than others, but what defines us is how we handle them. You are doing great. Just keep praying and He will answer. I am glad to have met you too. Your story is an inspiration to those of us who sometimes forget what a miralce our little ones really are.
Tootles!!
**sniff** :-)
Proud Mom, Just checking in on you. You should make that shirt "Mom in a Million", it fits! :)
Maybe it will replace the one I currently have that says, "Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?" :-))
Where've you been k@ri? You've been missed the last few days!
I agree with k@ri - that T-shirt would be so you! Hope the mail came in this time!
Let me go check....I'll send you a reply if it's here!
PM, I hope everything is going well. I didn't see this when it first came out. I didn't get to read all the comments either, I was trying to cook lunch for the kiddos and read this at the same time so I don't know how the results turned out. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
There are alot of comments to read through. I probably should go back and put the updates in the hub itself.
We are doing really well. No abnormality showed up in the MRI, THANK YOU, GOD!!! So a tumor is ruled out. Bloodwork showed some stuff that is fairly easy to deal with. She does have PTSD which is being dealt with in Christian Counseling. She's actually sleeping much better. I had no idea she was getting so little sleep, much less from torment going on in her head. The lack of sleep really projected the other problems she is having, including migraines. We are waiting to get into a pedi neurologist and pedi endocrinologist. But we have seen a huge difference, just in the little things we have already done.
You are so sweet to pray for us. I can't tell you how much that means.
I hope your lunch was delicious. I'm thinking Arby's today.
Have you ever taken her to the chiropractor? I used to get migraines often and then I started going to my chiropractor and I have not had one in over a year. It really did help alot. Lunch was ok, just grilled cheese, cheetos,andcgreen beans. I was feeling lazy today.
We all deserve lazy every once in awhile. :-)
I don't know much about chiropractic services. I've heard alot from one side: your body can become addicted to it, but I know this isn't the whole story. Maybe I should look into it. Do alot of children go to chiropractors?
Shalini is sending me some treatment ideas for the PTSD. I'm getting so much information through this hub and all the comments!
Mine do, but they are older. I started taking them when they were about 13. My kids played many sports and we just wanted to make sure that they were in good shape to participate, so they got an adjustment before every sports season. I have never heard that you can become addicted, but I know that I can definetly tell a difference when I need an adjustment. Make sure you find a good chiropractor though, I have been to a few that didn't do me any good. I wished you lived closer I could refer you to mine, he's awesome.
I will definitely look into it.
I just got off the phone with the nurse who informed me that one of our 3 pedi neurologists is leaving the area, which means all of his patients are being crowded onto the other 2. Not a good time to be a new patient.
I'd travel to Wasington if it meant making her feel better.
Hey proud mom it took me a while to find you, I was looking for you because I hadn't seen you on board in a while and I was worried about your heart. Imagine my surprise when I saw you here, I am beginning to thing that ship is cursed, I don't really believe in that because I am Catholic but still it makes you wonder, I have been trying to steer clear of it, even though curiosty draws me in some time. Let me start by saying I so glad that it appears that your dtr is ok physicaly although she has some healing to do emotionally but with you there with her I know she will be ok. I know a little of what you are feeling because when my dtr was 3 she had a seisure and they tested her for every bad thing you could imagine, the stress of what might be is almost worse then the knowing. For those who wonder she is fine, she is 6 now and not another seizure, I credit GOD answering our prayers for that. BUT...........and this is the nurse in me, don't forget to follow up on your heart, because think of how you felt when facing your dtr's health, your children will feel the same if they were to lose you, expecially with you being the great mom that you are. I am praying for you guys and all of you take care of one other..
Allyss,
I'm glad you found me. I didn't realize that you didn't know I was here. I'm sorry to hear about what's going on over on the ship. Rascal told me there was quite a blow up the other night between Futy and Wednesday. Steve will handle it, though. Although I can imagine that Wednesday can most definitely hold her own!! I got overwhelmed with all the Haleigh stuff, and quit reading as often. But then when I'd go back, there was so much to catch up on, I just didn't have time. Rascal and Kate email me often with updates, and I try to keep on top of the news sites and such, but it isn't the same as all the info I used to get over there.
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and her seizures. That had to be torture. I've had a couple of kids at school just recently start having seizures. They can be very scarey.
I understand what you are saying about my heart stuff, and you are right, but I haven't had any more problems. My doc changed practices while I was wearing the heart monitor, and no one seems to know where they sent the results. Her old office doesn't have them. Her new office doesn't have them. I missed my cardiologist appt, and have to reschedule. But like I said, I haven't had any more problems.
Ashley is doing great. We're still waiting to get into the neurologist. That's trying my patience for sure. But she is sleeping better, and having fewer headaches, so that's great news.
Thanks for the comment. I'm glad you found me. You can email anytime. I think you have my address, but if not, just click on the contact link at the top.
It was good to see you!
C. C. Riter says:
11 months ago
Oh PM, I am so glad to see you back even for a moment. I just awkened in time to see this and jumped on it and I cry with each paragraph as I read your hub. We do care for you and yours. Hang in there kid and thanks for letting us know something. God is good.
I have a big mouth and had to tell someone other than Wee One, I knew JG knew, so I told TOF and someone picked up on it and I'm glad they did. Keep the chin up and that sure is a precious child you have. I assume that is her pic. We will continue to pray. bye now