Your Side of the Bed
64
Before you were a part of me, the pillows were all the same. The bedding was meant not to provide warmth and comfort, but to compliment the design of the room. The bed was merely a place to sleep between hours of work and play. Everything was on display, as if in a cold, uninviting museum.
Then there was you. The pile of soft, fluffy pillows was moved to one side to accomodate your one firm one. Your side of the bed became a place of dreams of long walks in the moonlight, full of conversations about everything and nothing; a place of plans for the future - plans for vacations and holidays and birthday surprises; a place to share every thought, smile and tear; a place where our dream for children would come true. A warmth came with you. The thick designer comforter was tossed aside, replaced with a quilt made of pieces of you and me. Our room, no longer a designer showpiece, became a reflection of love and family and forever. Years of priceless treasure encompassed in just a few hundred square feet.
And then....You are gone.
I can't go back to that cold museum that once was. Not after experiencing the heat of life and love. So I stand here looking up the long staircase. Each step leading me closer to isolation and lonliness. The door to our room is closed as is my heart to the ouside world. No one can make me feel good about facing your empty side of the bed. It's something I must face on my own. But when? Will time make opening the door bearable? Will I ever be prepared to feel the cold awaiting me inside?
I have to face it to move on. As I reach for the handle, the ice I expect to touch isn't there. My eyes closed, my breath held, I ease it open. The expected breeze of frigid air doesn't reach my face. I open my eyes to see the years still before me, hanging in our pictures looking back at me. I take a breath and reach for our quilt and feel that the warmth has remained. The you that became such a part of me is still here; Still breathing life into your side of the bed. I lay down and close my eyes to dream about long walks in the moonlight, full of conversations about everything and nothing; vacations and holidays and birthday surprises; and the beautiful creation of our children.
Your side of the bed isn't empty. I've discovered It will always be occupied by you.
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I'll get right on that. :-) What are you doin' up this time of morning?
This time of morning? It's 12:30 pm!! The question is rather, what are YOU doing up this time of night! Laugh!
OI, that was quick with the tissues, THANKS!!! :-*
I forget about the time difference!! I haven't been to bed yet. Long night. Thanks for reading it. High praise coming from you!!
Oh friend what a lovely hub, almost poetic. I just love how YOU came out in it, the real you such beautiful knitting of our alphabet in a way that will indeed bring forth a torrent of tears as Elena has done.
I won't ask the obvious since you never volunteered it, so I go away wondering and knowing you will tell me anyway. LOL *pickle juice* haha I'm still laughing
PM, what a lovely hub! I won't ask the obvious either - hopefully, you're only imagining how it *could* be. Cheers and pass the Kleenex!
Beautifu. Thanks for sharing.
Wow! What a beautiful hub, PM! My favorite part..."I open my eyes to see the years, hanging in our pictures looking back at me".
Good Morning!
CC, Jama--No worries, I'm still very happily married. This came from the imagination.
I guess it's a good thing Elena requested the tissue, huh? I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
rmr--Hello! And Thank You!
KCC--from one fellow scrapbooker to another!! Thanks for reading it and your very kind emails.
Beautiful writing and amazing that I should read this 10 minutes after speaking to my mother. She is 76 years old and today is the 16 anniversary of my father's death at age 64. We had a lovely long chat (she's in the UK and I'm in France - and couldn't get together). Anyway - as I say, a lovely chat about dad - nothing sad or overly nostalgic. But the last but one thing she said to me today was "I still feel him in bed next to me - and I get hints of the small of him" . He would have been approaching his 81st birthday now - but mum sees him as 64 still, and the last thing she said - 'He's my toyboy now!' I shall have to show her your beautiful piece of prose poetry.
Wow! I bet this helps all of us! My Hubby turned 81 yesterday!
Pax! Keep em coming! JO
Wow PM what a moving piece. Brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much for sharing.
lphigenia--now you've got ME needing the tissues! What a beautiful story. I love that he is forever 64 to her. That's still young love!
joarline--please give your husband a happy birthday wish from me! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Triplet Mom--It means alot to me that you liked it!
this is powerful PM, wow. I'm left kind of speechless.
You, GT?
I'm glad you liked it....
Very good...can't say much more...
Thanks, Pest.
great hub, PM! I was thinking of grabbing the tissues too, then you say the pictures...
Beautiful imagery, PM...I should think we would all want to be remembered as such...Thank you..
Don't worry, Amy. I refilled. :-)
I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
It would be heartwarming to know that we were loved that much, wouldn't it, Maven?
Thank you for reading!!
Words left me. All I can muster this *sigh*
Thanks for sharing :D
Well, *sigh* right back at ya', Cris! :-)
Maybe I'll go climb a tree and contemplate it all.
damn, lovely. Made me cry, yes. and *sigh*
Don't cry on such a special day, Teresa!
It's a love story after all. I'm sure this will be a reality for me one day.
well my side of the bed is still very empty..but I am beginning to like it...more room to stretch out in...
very nicely written my dear...sniff sniff...thanks for the box of tissue's...G-Ma :O) Hugs & Peace
Aww... Thanks, G-Ma! A hug to you!! {{{{G-ma}}}}}
Beautiful...sniff sniff....just beautiful. Love it!
Thanks, Netters. :-))
See. I told ya 'twas damn good. And look at the tears you wrought with that poetry. my my I knew you'd let out the truth. haha
It wasn't a secret, CC... :-))
The hubby asked when he read it this morning, "Am I dead and no one's told me yet?". He's got a sense of humor alright! He'd HAVE to have being married to me!
Hey Proud Mom, you brought on the tears I've needed to cry. Like you can read my mind, you sure we've never met? My husband has been away for 2 weeks (which I am not used to at all) and this hub expressed how I have been feeling. I don't sleep at night and when I do it's half way on his side of the bed. Thanks for sharing another wonderful piece.
Hey donagal!! It's been so long!! I'm sorry to hear about your husband being gone. It's hard, isn't it? You get so used to having someone there, that you don't even realize you hear their breathing until it's not there. The silence keeps you awake. I let the kids sleep with me when he's gone just so someone's there. It's still not the same, though.
Be sure to email if you need anything. I hope that all is well!
Proud Mom, Another wonderful hub from a wonderful lady! Pass those tissues!
They've been refilled a couple of times. I'm ready with more when needed.
I don't deserve such compliments, k@ri, but I'll take them!! :-) I've missed you the last couple of days. I hope everything is okay!
How beautiful, they say that everyone has a story in them , but did you have to make me cry?
Sorry about that, Hawkesdream. I'll try to be more careful next time. :-))
Excellent hub Proud Mom. This is one chock full hub of emotions. I loved it. Every word so true,. I'm so glad for the tissues. Beautiful Proud Mom. I want more. But wait a while. I need some time to get over this one.
Okay, I'll wait. Tell me when you're ready......
Okay, Now I have been here 2 weeks and I have read a lot of hubs but this by Far is THE BEST.I am not that bad with words but all I can say is Wonderful :). Bookmarking right now.
Wow!! I don't know that I deserve that, but...Thank you! It kind of wrote itself.
And Welcome to Hubpages!
Wow, PM. This was so lovely and beautiful. Precious. Such a gift to be able to write like this, to wring such emotion from your readers. I am touched, and suddenly profoundly sad...and I don't know why. Damn. Shees. I'm not reacting well. I wanted to ask you something - not about this...it'll have to wait.
I''ll see you.
But you're reacting, Christoph. And isn't that better than feeling nothing?
I'll be around if you want to talk. You can always email.
That was lovely, thank you for writing it.
Mmmm, PM it was sad and sweet at the same time. Now I have to go off and contimplate how an empty bed would make ME feel.
Hi Jewels, Thank you!
Randy--in all honesty my husband is wondering the same thing at this exact moment....:-)
Beautiful...simply beautiful. <sniff> Can I get one of those tissues?
Tootles!! <sniff>
Very beautiful, Proud Mom. I felt so many different emotions as I read it.
Yes, Nayberry. They're freshly refilled below!! :-)
Hi Tom. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!
Proud Mom, this is touchingly beautiful. I think it resonates with me, and probably everyone else, because we have all contemplated loss. To take your bedroom, and bed and explore the idea of loss. It must have been hard to go there. I am glad you did. Thank you.
Thanks, R Burow. That's very sweet. It's nice to meet you.
At Elena's Request.....
Elena. says:
10 months ago
Oh boy. That was... simply.... wonderful, and so touching! Where are the tissues? I'd advice you to make a box available, before this hub his flooded with tears.