Written November 28th, 2007... getting I am a jerk is Awesome!!

"It's amazing the things that come up when you let go of anger and resentment. I had a lot of that from my last marriage. I really hated my ex until about 2 weeks ago, but I let it go with a letter addressed to her. Something opened up for me yesterday while at work. I was about to nail a cabinet box together when the words "I can communicate the way you've wanted me to now" came into my head, during an imaginary conversation I had with her. I do that with people almost daily. Well, that thought just about paralyzed me for about 5 minutes. I could not work. I couldn't do anything. I had to stand back and let what happened sink in. I really did ruin my relationship with that story I was living in that was so real to me while married. The story of "we'll never be able to communicate and we just don't understand one another". That was pretty heavy. So many actions could have been prevented. I could possibly still be married and happy. I've requested to speak to that ex in person just last night. Not to get back together, but to free my ex of whatever I left her with."