So, your partner is wonderful. She/he is marvelous. You can’t stand to be away from them. You want to talk to them as soon as you hang up. So now you’re getting ready to go on the big trip to the Cayman Islands with the man/woman of your dreams. As you pack your sexiest gear and your SPF 30, keep in mind that it might not be perfect. The big dream is that the two of you will gaze into each other’s eyes the whole time while deepening and strengthening your relationship. While that might be the case part of the time, it may not all be sunshine and puppy dogs.

Unrealistic expectations will be your downfall. Yes, it will probably be great, but expecting perfection just sets you up for disappointment. One of you may get sick or get sunburn or decide to discuss that thing you said you’d never discuss. And these things happen. Look at it as an opportunity to get to know one another better. On my first vacation with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, we both got food poisoning. It wasn’t pretty and we got a huge dose of reality, but in the end, it made us stronger. We jettisoned the illusion of perfection we had for one another and starting dealing with the real person, warts and all.

Vacations removed you from your normal life and the strictures and habits that come with it. While that is a good thing, it may present other issues for the two of you. You may see new things in one another. Aside from the things that go wrong, you may discover that since you don’t have to get up and go to work every day that one of you is a dreaded morning person while the other likes to sleep until noon. The differences in personality and habit you discover while being out of the context of your everyday lives again will give you insight into the other person that you wouldn’t otherwise have.

Deciding what you’re going to do is another potential source of tension. Your idea was to kick back and relax, but then you realize there is a fantastic museum that you desperately want to see while your partner would rather lounge poolside. Insert argument here. Each of you wants to control the pace and activities of the vacation, and you both feel entitled to do it. After all, you both work hard and just want to relax. Here’s where the art of compromise comes in. And if you can’t successfully compromise, it may cause you to take stock of your relationships viability.

You also may be surprised to find yourself wanting to be alone. After the mini-argument over the museum and hearing the other person tell the same story for the tenth time, you may feel yourself longing for a little time by yourself. It’s healthy and okay to need a little you time. Don’t be afraid to say it. It doesn’t mean your relationship is going to fail, it means you’re human.

In the end, you will learn more about the other person than you knew when you got on the plane together. You are creating a history together, shared memories. But don’t look for perfection. Look for a chance to really get to know one another while getting a tan and sipping drinks while watching the sunset.