My story may sound a bit familiar to some people out there, it may well be a bit of education for others.

Last year I went to visit a guy I was seeing, in Kelowna for a few days to get a bit of a break and say my farewells as he was moving up in the company we had been working in ( that I had since left) to further his career. Great time, for it was the first time I have had a break in 7 years like that. Just before going, I'd say about a week prior, I had been battling a cold and had been put on antibiotics to help me re-cooperate. Everything went great and I was back to normal by the time I left Edmonton to fly over there. When I got back home from Kelowna, however, I seemed to be a bit sick again. No worries, probably just a bit of heatstroke or something I ate on the flight back, right? I chose to ignore the issue and just carry on with life. The symptoms kept coming and going, but I figured since I had just started a new job that my body was adjusting from the cold I had, the the stress of a new environment. No problem. Other than that, life seemed dandy. New job, new settings, and then came the new boyfriend...

October rolled around and I noticed between everything going on, I had missed that time of the month in September and was late for October. In my mind there was no frickin way I could be pregnant, as I was always on birth control. Then I remembered the antibiotics. I went out and got a pregnancy test, came out negative. I told my roommate and he suggested going to the doctor, which I did and had a hCg blood test done.... few days later I got my results back >> positive for pregnancy.

I have had one previous miscarriage 4 years prior to this and emotionally it destroyed me. Confirmation from the doctors put me at just under 10 weeks, but the hCg levels where not climbing steadily so I knew there was another chance of miscarriage. I didn't know who to tell first ( the father of the child, or my new boyfriend who I had only been dating just over a month, active with for 2 weeks). I didn't know HOW to tell them. I decided to message the would-be-father over facebook and give him a hint of the news a few days later. I then called my boyfriend over the next day and told him. I never got a reply from the former, but my boyfriend was pretty shocked, trying to tell me he had a low sperm count until I reassured him it wasn't his ( to his relief). By this point, I had also started to bleed and I had a miscarriage at home.

Doctors didn't see a need for a DnC ( scraping of the womb) and I chose for my body to clean itself naturally. The doctor at the hospital reassured me I would be okay, and it would take 3 months before my body would adjust and become fertile so to take it easy. I went back to my GP to get a refill on b.c ( to prevent any more mishaps) and my GP informed me, the b.c I was on ( Diana 35) was no longer available as b.c, it was discontinued and put me on a lower dose b.c to try out. She told me no sex for 2 weeks so it has time to become effective and prevent infection from the miscarriage...

That was in November. December started getting sick again. Went for a test, they said I still had hCg levels in my blood ( more than >5 means pregnant) but it was probably still from the miscarriage, body still cleaning itself. I had to go for 4 tests within a week to monitor the levels as they where not lowering. First week on January, I delivered the news to my boyfriend who was lying in bed half asleep " um, I think I may be pregnant" . He didn't take it too well. I was scheduled for an ultrasound, and it confirmed I was 6 weeks pregnant. It wasn't happy news. I was pregnant, AGAIN, and fell pregnant on birth control. Needless to say, my boyfriend thought it was a planned out thing to trap him, and after him trying to force me into an abortion, I ended our relationship. We still live together, but he wants nothing to do with the baby. I understand where he comes from but it hurts to see he can't take responsibility for it in any way. He tried to use our relationship as a weapon, but I still chose the baby as I know after having the emotions of 2 miscarriages that I haven't got the heart to purposely end a life. As I told him, if I miscarry then it wasn't meant to live but nobody has a right to play god. I was told in my early teens I would never be able to have kids because of health issues with my reproductive system and hormones, and this has happened now 3 times. What if this where the only child I was ever able to successfully carry? To give life is a gift, not everyone can be so lucky.

There was no trap, he had nothing to offer me financially or otherwise ( he sat at home without a job for 6 months addicted to World of Warcraft while I'm out working). All I wanted was some sort of support, and on a deeper level I knew it was a big responsibility being a parent and I'd have to do it on my own. We came to the decision to put it up for adoption eventually. Unfortunately, after feeling it kick, and finally seeing it on the ultrasound move around and look like a human being I decided I didn't have a heart to give her up. So here I am, pregnant, single and wondering what the future holds. There are no guarantees how low if going to turn out. In my mind, I do feel that although in my mid 20's I am young to be having a child, especially on my own but although I didn't plan for it, it happened. Now I need to make an adult decision and take responsibility. It's going to affect me huge financially and emotionally because I have to move out as soon as the baby is born, it won't have a dad, I can only afford a month of maternity leave because it doesn't pay enough to cover bills, moving, and debt and I'm going to have to probably find a new job with more stable, normal hours so I can have a healthy relationship and balance work and family.

I don't care - After seeing her on screen, I have no regrets. Birth Control is not 100%. Being careful is not 100%. Accidents happen, and I like to believe that it all happens for a reason. I know I'm not the only woman out there going through this. If your reading this and are in a similar situation, or know someone >> Don't fret. Things get hard before they get better. You've made it this far, you can do it. Just because the dad is gone, doesn't mean he won't come to his senses eventually. It doesn't mean your life is over and you won't find someone else one day. Be content in knowing your a strong person who doesn't need the world to hold your hand, and your child will love you for that. Single parents made just as good parents as a 2 parent household. There will always be someone there to support you, whether it is friends, the encouragement of other single moms out there doing it everyday, family, and of course your government on the financial side. Your life has not ended, it's just the begginning :)